A/N: Long time no see, yall! I'm crawling - crawling - out of winter hibernation to bring you this chapter, woot woot!

It's not beta'd, and I may or may not come back to edit any time soon, so deal with mistakes for now.

Other notes at the end.

Happy reading!

The crew was scattered around the lawn deck and making a whole lotta noise, but he didn't have even half of a fuck to spare for them.

A fuckin' mermaid. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck.

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. His pained heart pounded against his chest, but he could only stare wide-eyed and frozen at the mirrored waves she'd just disappeared underneath. 'Course he hadn't thought much of it when she'd said she was merfolk. Girl said absurd shit all the damn time, so it wasn't like he'd bothered to listen that time!

Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. But… Wow. Yeah. It did explain a lot of… things about her.

Like, yanno, her taste for blood.

—Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump! Oohgoodfuck, those claws, they were fuckin' real! And those pointy-ass fangs! He was a dead man walking! Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump! She was terrifying—he was terrified!

With a faint twinge and sudden release, blood poured from his nose, over his lips and down his chin in thick streams.

Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump!Ba-dump!

"Moss-heheheheh-moss ball? Are you, like, okay?" Nami's voice from behind ripped him straight from his horny, awestruck terror.

He shuffled an about-face to look at her, and his jaw dropped but no words came out, so he just gaped at her, probably like a fuckin' fish, goddammit what the fuck whatthefuck!

"Hahahahaohmygod!" Nami covered her mouth with one hand as she reached out with the other, motioning him to her. "Come here hahahahah and sit down here for a minute heheheheh—ah-hem, you need breathe, Zoro!"

He heard her, heard all of 'em, laughing at him as he finally thought to pinch his bloodied nose shut. And he wanted to Tatsumaki every last one of their dumb asses back to Skypiea, he really did. But he couldn't. His body was seized, heart pounding, blood rushing down to where it abso-fuckin'-loutely should not be rushing!

"Oh no! I knewsomething like this would happen! It'll be like Sanji on Fishman island all over again!" Chopper fret from nearby. "We need a doctor! Wait, that's me!"

"AAHHHAHAHHAHAHAAAA!" The shit-cook lost control and doubled over, cackling and wheezing. "You look so st-hahahahahaha so stup—ahahahaaha—stupid hahahahaha!

"Shut up, Sanji! Robin, go prep a bag of XF and double-check how many we have left!" The doctor transformed to Heavy Point and squared up to Zoro. "You need to calm down right now! Breathe in! Aahhh… Breathe out! Hhaaa… Breathe in! Aahhh… Breathe out! Hhaaa… Do it with me, idiot! Calm down dammit!"

Zoro's brain and body finally synced up again as he gulped down a breath, whipping back towards the sea. "MERMAID?!" Drawing his swords, his vision tunneled on the glassy water. He'd dice her up! Into chum! "MORE LIKE FUCKIN' DEVILTOAD!"

He was mid-leap over the railing when the full might of Chopper's hoof in Heavy Point caught him square in the gut, lifting him up and then spiking him back down into the solid deck. "I SAID CALM DOWN!"

"Hhuuuuuuuuuuu…." Zoro rolled to his side but couldn't get to his feet before Chopper sat on him and stabbed his bicep with a needle, pushing drugs under his skin.

The world faded away, leaving behind only that purple and metal, wild and mean.

Damn anvil.

A frustrated growl left her in a stream of bubbles. Even in the water, there was nothing buoyant about the devil-fruit hunk.

Sanji had been right—Smoker was well on his way to the seafloor when she'd finally reached him. But with her speed, she had gotten his ass to the surface and back to the waters of Fort Satané relatively quickly.

Dragging him above water the whole way, with how he so inconveniently needed air and all, had been a total pain. But fortunately for the Marine, she only had to dunk him under the waves and out of sight a few times while infiltrating the still-bustling marina.

The masses were still putting out literal fires around the demolished base.

Those pirates… The sheer amount of destruction they'd left in their wake was astounding.

Finding the G-5 ship was easy-peasy, but even with no one on board the vessel to interfere, hauling the dead weight the White Hunter up a damn rope ladder fucking wasn't. Why in all hell were these shitty Marine ships always so poorly equipped?!

Even with chakra, her lungs burned by the time she chucked the bulk of his frame over the railing. With a hop, she followed, swinging her legs over the crossbar as she pivoted on one palm. Fisting the back of his jacket, she dragged him deeper onto the deserted deck and flipped him to his back, assessing.

Giant lump on his forehead from Luffy's headbutt, check. Impressive scowl though. Heh. Reminded her of another handsome ~hunter.

...But no rise and fall of his chest. Heartbeat too weak for even her keen senses to pick up.

Ah, hell. Luffy, the little shit, wanted her to save—save—his sworn enemy, and probably she shouldn't half-ass it.

But she'd be doing the idiot a favor if she ignored him. Not as if he was her captain, anyway.

Her upper lip pulled back in muted disgust. Tch. Their foolishness was corrupting her.

Crouching, she pressed her palm over the Vice Admiral's chest and jolted his faltering heart with some irritated chakra, trying to liven it up again. "Listen up, big guy." She gave his scruffy cheek a few hard smacks. "I'll give you an entire minute before I declare you dead, so get your shit together."

She pushed to her feet again, lined a heel up with his breastbone, and then stomped up and down.

At least he crunched, unlike Luffy.

It made her feel a little better.

Just shy of sixty seconds, he spewed saltwater like a fountain. Ew. She pulled her foot from his cracked chest before anything vile splashed her, and when he started to gurgle, she cautiously toed him onto his side so that the hurling and hacking could continue away from her.

Humans. So gross.

As she stood there, a sensation pricked at the back of her neck, nagging. It was an indistinct thing, but once she focused on it, her hairs stood on end.

Someone was watching her.

She didn't react, didn't look up from the barfing White Hunter as she focused her Chi awareness and expanded it. But with all the soldiers scurrying around the base like panicked ants, she couldn't pinpoint the chakra signature that matched the sharp gaze picking her apart.

Perhaps an observant Marine had caught sight of her standing over Smoker, unsure if she was friend or foe. That wasn't unlikely.

But…

Her attention snapped back to the big guy at her feet as he flopped to his back once more, having a coughing fit but coming-to.

She took several steps back towards the railing. Couldn't let the White Hunter see her. She'd hate to ruin her reputation with him after having just established such a good, ruthless one.

In a smooth motion, she leapt overboard and dove deep into the dark waves, disappearing out of sight before transforming and swimming for open ocean once more.

Damn shame there hadn't at least been the stupidest of stupid Tashigi around to murder as compensation for sparing the Vice Admiral. Oh well. She shouldn't kill the eel anyway, not since she and Nami were into each other.

Would one-hundred percent give her a good maiming though, if she ever caught her flirting with Zoro like that again.

A good distance from the base, confident no one could still be watching, she surfaced just long enough to take one last look at the destroyed island. Wisps of smoke curled upward. A collapsing structure sent plumps of debris and dust mushrooming skyward, echoing into the air along with the distant shouts of distress.

Those stinking fools, so flagrantly just... Fucking around. Practically playing as they took down thousands of soldiers at a notorious Marine stronghold. Causally wiped out a few mid-tier ninja squads like it wasn't shit.

And all for the sake of, what, navigator's whim for a crown?

Luffy's stupid, rubber mug flashed through her mind, new facets in his radiant grin.

…Ah, hell.

Weightlessness and hazy ropes of purple, waving like feathery seaweed and tickling his face… The sea suffocating him and sapping him of all strength and consciousness…

And then, the pain.

An unbearable burning as his body tried to rid itself of its lungs and guts… A sickening snapping in his chest, radiating like knives through his whole torso…

Another blur of violet here and there.

The memories were still fuzzy, and he honestly wished they would stay that way. Because even if he didn't know how he was alive, he knew.

Couldn't possibly just leave him to drown with his own rage-fueled stupidity, could they?

He was sick to fucking death of being indebted to the worst criminal crew in all the seas. It was a fate that felt worse than drowning. Those assholes. The lot of 'em. Have they no shame? Was there any line they wouldn't cross? Of fucking course not. They were fucking pirates.

He finally managed to wretch his eyes open against the bright day, trying to be grateful to see bright azure overhead instead of the frigid, lightless depths. Trying to translate the pain in his chest to evidence of life. Trying to do what Tash was always preaching about—gratitude or some zen shit.

Instead, he saw flashes of that terrible violet color, mocking him.

"Ugh!" He slammed his fist down onto the wet deck where he had yet to move, deeply regretting it with the way more stabbing and agony ricocheted through his body. He hardly noticed his subordinates as they flitted around, at least until the repetitive shouts for a medic finally snapped him out of it.

"Shut up already! I'm fine!" Roaring as best he could, too hoarse, he glared at the nearest crew and dared them to defy him. His insides turned to a jelly of fire every time he moved even an inch, but he sat up anyway. "Get back to work!"

They scrambled to follow his orders, and he was left to sulk in his soggy ass clothes once more albeit more lucidly this time, most unfortunately. Felt like he'd been backed over by a steamroller. "Fucking hell…"

What a shitty day.

That vicious purple-haired chick—who the fuck was that?! What in the world was her beef with Tash? How the hell could someone so small be such a maniac?!

…And why the fuck were she and the dumbass Pirate Hunter sniffing at his primary murder suspect?

Purple girl owed him some goddamn answers next time he caught up with those idiots! He ought to—

"Sir!" His Captain's demanding tone cut through his machinations, her dark gaze scanning over him, distinctly displeased with his state. "You look terrible. But I guess you're alright, well, sort of…"

His expression soured even more, if possible. "Of course I'm al—"

"Smoker." She disarmed him with the quiet force behind her tone. "There's something you need to know. About Blackeye Billybob's suspected murderer… About who he really was—or wasn't, more accurately, and who ordered all of his recent promotions through the ranks."

Glancing around, he saw only G-5 crew but lowered his voice all the same since they were still in the Fort's harbor. "Well? Out with it."

"He wasn't a Marine—he was impersonating one, Private Jimmy Dean, a soldier who had been stationed in the East Blue." Fire flashed in her brown eyes. "His company just confirmed for me over Den-Den that the real Jimmy was found slain many months ago. They said they reported it right away."

"The report was intercepted?"

"No. The report made it to headquarters." Her anger still burned, just under the surface of her smoother façade. "His name was never removed from active duty but instead transferred to a different roster. Here in Fort Satané. His comrades in the East Blue didn't know about this until his name came up in the papers after 'Jimmy' was promoted. Again, they reported it. And again—silence from the higher-ups."

While Tashigi was rightly furious, he was eerily calm. Angry, sure. Dread in his gut. But accepting. This was a long time coming. "A cover-up, then."

She nodded, grim. "What's more is that the real Private Jimmy Deas was murdered the same way Blackeye was… The way they all were, all the recent homicides."

"Head hacked off. Ripped open and gutted. Hung up and dressed like a carcass." His voice felt far away, like he wasn't the one saying it. "Who ordered his promotions?"

Her jaw flexed, haki upset and volatile.

"Who? Spit it out!" He growled, pulse rising.

"M-Mimir." She nearly choked on the name.

"Wha—but—" Balking, he sputtered before dropping his voice to a harsh whisper. "Mimir?!"

She nodded curly, looking like she might cut someone in half. But she kept her cool. Too much at stake to fly off the handle with such extreme accusations here at a Marine base.

But this shook her. Hell, he was shook, too.

The World Government wasn't functional. He'd known that, and for some time, too, but it was still difficult to have his nose shoved in it. The institutions to which they had sworn life and loyalty… The code by which they lived… It had all been turned into nothing but a gimmick. A ploy. They were pawns.

Pawns for the Gorosei.

He twisted to look around, as much as his cracked chest allowed, with a critical eye on their crew. They were working hard to shove off from the docks of Fort Satané in pursuit of the Straw Hats and some damn answers, as his best Captain had directed them in his stead.

Tashigi—their whole crew—these were good people.

Blackeye Billybob had been a great Marine and an exceptional human.

Jimmy Dean had probably been a good man, too, just like all the others who'd recently met untimely, violent ends.

How dare they, how dare the Marines let it get this bad for their own people, let alone subject the rest of the world to this shit. It was worse than the Warlord system had been.

Sengoku hadn't been stupid. He knew the Celestials were scum. And he made mistakes, but he did what he could to maintain the fragile peace. At the heart of all his decisions, Sengoku had only done what he thought would keep the people safest under a barbaric system.

But Sakazuki…

Tension returned to Smoker ten-fold, seething and boiling under his skin. But he matched Tashigi's demeanor instead of losing his shit. He'd long since learned to take his cues from her in these situations. Woman was a far better leader than he ever would be.

Forget him and the rest of their misfit crew—she was the one giving up far too much for the Marines. And for what?

Her brown eyes were still on his when he finally looked at her again. Serious and hardened with her fury, but familiar and so damn trustworthy. For a moment, in her gaze, he saw that damn redhead. If there was ever a pirate on the seas that scared him, it was Straw Hat's navigator, and it had nothing to do with her lightning.

He flopped to his back again, wincing when it felt like his chest might tear open from the inside out. "I miss the days when pirates were our shittiest problem."

She exhaled a harsh breath before flopping down next to him on the deck, staring up at the sky alongside him. "Me too, Smoke. Me, too."

This has been a long time coming.

"I'd say that's the straw that broke the camel's back."

Minutes ticked by before she her head rolled towards him to respond. "Once we're out to sea, we will talk to the crew."

"They'd follow you off a cliff and into a volcano."

There was a hint of amusement behind her seriousness. "Still, they need to have a say, too."

Silence took them for a short minute before he sat up with a grunt of pain, eyes on the blue sky and storm clouds on the horizon. "It's decided, then. If the crew is all in, if we confirm Mirmir of the Gorosei was in on all this…"

She sat up in kind, resting a hand on his shoulder and finishing when he couldn't.

"Then we call Dragon."

His lotus.

God, how Ennio had loved to watch her.

So far and few between, but that had been their game, and always a revelation. To bear witness to the razor's edge of each one of her skillful strikes; another corpse to be a tender declaration from his blood queen, their private love language.

But this time… His jaw tightened, teeth clenching.

He lowered the mirror he'd angled to peer out the window over his left shoulder. Took hiding his chakra signature and watching her indirectly to be sure she wouldn't sense him. But she'd already disappeared in the water, and he knew the show, or lack thereof, was over.

Instead of painting the planks with that Marine's blood, she… It was almost unthinkable, but she… She had saved him. But… Why? Why would his blood queen do something like that? How dare she deprive him of her private, masterful performance? How could she disappoint him so?

Rage and confusion filled him.

His wayward kunoichi. She'd betrayed him.

From the moment she'd met those filthy pirates, they'd ruined everything.

Stepping away from the wall and making for the exit, he expanded his Chi awareness now that she wasn't within range. A few slow soldiers stood between him and his vessel, but their chakra signatures were weak, wounded, demoralized.

Eheheh. Good.

He could use a warm-up.

Breaking the water gently, she surfaced just enough so that her eyes were above the waterline.

Her hair swayed in the waves around her shoulders and face as she paused to listen to the noisy chaos around the Sunny. Out of sight in the galley but loudest, Luffy chattered at the ever-patient Robin. The glowing, floating specter of the worst musician in the world swirled around Sanji who smoked on the galley balcony, bothering him for a glass of milk, presumably because most of his bones were scattered about the lawn deck. And in the middle of the disarticulated skeleton, Franky gave Zoro one hell of an earful.

"Oww! I don't care how much control you have, bro, I ain't doubtin' ya there—it's the principle! Ya can't just go around horking slices everywhere all willy-nilly! Slashes are suuuuper forbidden on the ship unless we're under attack!"

"Yeah, yeah." The scowling swordsman's dark eye cut to the ghost of Brook's current form, knuckles straining white on the hilt of his katana. "Che. Worth it." He muttered.

As she'd predicted, Brook was fortunate the marimo had gotten to him before her, but that shitty musician's luck was almost out.

All her frustrations about these damnable pirates came streaming back—Nami's frivolous spectacle, Brook's awful concert, all the worry she had internalized about being too brutal for soft Straw Hats.

But despite all that, the warmth of Sunny's radius still reached out into the water, pulling her in, warming her.

…These damn pirates.

Under the wave, she pressed a palm to her chest, chakra stirred all warm and restless behind her breastbone. Only these idiots could make her feel so dangerously at ease even when she was furious with the lot of them. It was so fucking irritating. She didn't know if she wanted to congratulate them or stab them in their fucking faces.

"Well, well, well." Zoro's gruffness instantly helped her make up her mind. "The deviltoad has slithered home."

Ugh. He'd not bothered to turn and look at her in the water, but she narrowed her eyes at the back of his green head all the same. That was a nickname she could live without. Shark bait was bad enough, and he'd been blissfully ignorant back then.

"FIIIII!" Luffy appeared on top of the railing with a triumphant shout, lassoing one arm over his head. "Welcome baaaaaaaaack!"

She shifted to human form and took her first breath of air since leaving the big Marine doofus behind. Luffy's arm shot out and wrapped around her shoulders, but as he reeled her in a breakneck speed, she made the necessary hand-signs and traded places with Zoro an instant before the collision.

Her feet touched down on the grass next to Franky just as Zoro smacked face-first into the guffawing rubber fool. They bounced off each other, wobbling, stars in their eyes.

Two pirates down. At least for now.

"Yowww!" The cyborg turned and sauntered away with a wave. "Kakakakaka, be careful of the ship, but you kids have fun!"

"Hey, robot."

Her voice stopped him, and as he turned back to her, she moved with all her ninja speed to cram a finger into each of his nostrils. In a blink, she popped his most precious module right off his damn face and dropped his nose before him, watching with satisfaction as the wires protruding from his nasal cavity sparked and his hair short-circuited through style after style.

He fell to his knees in front of her and scooped up the metal nub, cradling it in front of his face. "NNOOOOOOO!" Big, fat tears streamed down his cheeks as he looked up to her, face full of shock. "WWHHHYYYYYY?!"

"Two words." She gritted her teeth and leaned in. "Nipple lights."

Turning her back on the hapless tin can, she set her sights on her primary target and stalked across the lawn to where his ugly, ivory skull laid.

Giddy anticipation stretched her lips up into a cruel smile as she wretched his head off the ground by the afro. It got the attention of its green-glowing owner who now hovered halfway through the wall to the galley where Sanji had gone to pour Robin-swan more wine. The ghastly apparition swung around to face the lawn deck. "Uuuh, oh, hello Fi. What are you…" Her expression must have tipped him off. "Yo-ho… L-Let's talk this throu—"

"So long, Soul King." Fist already a deep onyx, she cranked her arm back to skip his stupid face across the sea like a stone.

"Fang Fiore!" Gnashing her molars together, her gaze slid to the ungulate charging out horns-first from his office. "Put him down this instant!"

"Come here and make me, you lousy little deer!" She grouched, squaring up to the kid and bringing both fists to the guard, still gripping the skull in one hand.

Chopper skidded to a halt before her readied stance, vexation morphing to confusion. "Wha… What the hell did I do to you?!"

"Don't play dumb!" She snapped, loud to even her own ears. Not even the world's most vile ninja could get her to raise her voice like these idiots could! "I saw that Kung-Fu!"

"Miss ninja if you could just relinquish my skull, I think—"

"Oi oi ooi! What's all the ruckus about now?!" Usopp started down the stairs from the garden deck where he'd probably been tending to his monstrous 'babies,' slowing when he met her gaze. "Oh, it's you, Fi. And, uh… You don't look so happy, huh?" His eyes widened, darting between Brook's skull in her hand and Franky still sobbing on his knees.

Hah! She didn't buy the helpless scaredy-cat act—she knew exactly what he was capable of now! Fi pointed an accusing finger at the sharpshooter. "Keep your hands out of your pockets, or I swear you'll be next!"

Usopp inched his arms up in surrender, taking slow steps backwards up the stairs again. Good.

Nearby, Luffy and Zoro were still scattered and bumbling but shaking it off. She needed to make quick work of the others before they came-to.

"Fiore, my dear! Can you truly fault this frail old man for his passion—a passion for passiiiii~ooooon!" Brook's plea turned into a melody, and her blood boiled.

It was then that the crown-wearing navigator shoved through the door of the women's quarters.

"What the hell is all the—" Her expression narrowed as her gaze ran up and down her length. "Oh, what's your damage this time? You can't possibly still be mad at me."

Nami. She'd stuck her stupid button nose where it didn't belong and then acted like that? Indignation flooded Fi head-to-toe, coiling her muscles so tight she saw red and heard the woosh of blood in her ears.

With a burst of chakra and afro skull still in hand, she launched herself at the redhead.

An iron grip clamped her arms to her sides and then yanked her back against his hard body, lifting her awkwardly off the ground with their height difference. A growl tore from her as she struggled to donkey kick his knees into the wrong angle or at least smash his face into his skull with the back of her head, but it was no use. She hardly even managed to flail properly within the obnoxious lock of his arms, couldn't even bring her hands together for a jutsu. Zoro knew her methods all too well by now, and in that moment, she categorically resented it. "Let me down!"

"Chill the fuck out!"

"No!"

"Yes, Fi!"

"Shut up! Ugh!" She huffed and gave one more push from within his arms before she stopped struggling as hard. "Gah! Fine! I'm cool, I'm cool!"

"You sure 'bout that?"

"Put me down already, shit pirate." She crabbed, trying to sink her weight down to stand on her own.

"Behave." He grumbled, starting to lower her as he complained. "Ouch—fuck—my fuckin' head, you horrible ninja, hell.

"You're really worked up, huh?" Nami preened despite keeping her distance, patting the head of the frightened reindeer that clung to one of her legs and watched with watery eyes. "We must have really im~pressed you!"

Fi's feet had scarcely touched the deck before she powered back up, only to be restrained once more.

"Good one, idiot!" Zoro barked at Nami from behind Fi. "I'll let her kill you if you get me clawed up over here!"

"I'm not going to kill her," Fi bargained, straining toward the insufferable witch. "Just maim her a little!"

"Che, a little?"

"A lot!" She flexed against his immovable arms and tried to elbow him in the sternum but to no avail, only prompting him to squeeze tighter, making her wheeze."Huuuu—gonna twist her head off!"

"YOOOOOO! Calm down, Fi, captain's orders!" Luffy bounced between her and his navigator, rubbing at the lump on his head and wits finally gathered, at least as much as usual. "I won't allow dinnertime to be delayed on accounts of injury!"

"Dinner?!" The fight returned to her limbs, not that it made even a modicum of difference to the swordsman, or apparently, any of them. She finally stopped struggling after a pitiful few moments, unwilling to further stoop to their level. "Fine! Fine." Rolling her eyes, she muttered. "No one will die. Now put me down, jackass."

Zoro scoffed like he wasn't convinced but relaxed his grip anyway, and she sent him her meanest glare over her shoulder as he her feet touched the deck once more. The humor glinting in his dark eye thoroughly vexed her, and though he fought that crooked, cheeky ass grin, those dammit-all little dimples at the corners of his lips still mocked her quite clearly.

Luffy was all squinty and grinning. "So, ol' Smokey still breathin' n' all shouty?"

Her gaze cut back to the cheerful captain. "Against my better judgement, for the record."

"Shishishishi, s'fiiiine!" He snickered and started to turn away, surely onto the next disaster. "Sanji, fooooooood! Imma—"

"Hey, Lu." She cut him off, and his big eyes rounded on her once more. She crooked one finger at him. "Come here."

"Uuuhh…" He glanced around himself before taking a tentative step closer once more, sensing a trap but still an idiot. "Yeah, Fi?"

"Closer—just—come here." She ushered him forward. "I have a… secret to tell you or… something like that."

A few more steps, and he leaned in close to her face. Hell. Her eyes threatened to water—all that running around had really made him sweat, apparently. "Whatcha—"

"You. Stink." Quick as lightning, she grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and headed for the observation deck, just as she'd seen some of the others do on occasion. "You're taking a bath, no argument."

The rest of the crew resumed regular activities, complaining or chuckling, but no one interfered on Luffy's behalf.

The kid stumbled along in her chakra-charged grip, whining and then sinking into a sulk when she warned that it was either the desalinated bathhouse or the very briny sea.

"Fine, but I ain't gonna be late for dinner," he muttered, glum but somehow using all the weight of his impending title.

Even in the face of such an infuriating, insane day, she had to bite back a grin. "Be thorough, and I'll give you half of my dessert tonight."

His whole body seemed to lift as his face lit up, a full one-eighty in attitude. "Aw, really?!"

The future Pirate King. Utterly bribe-able. With snacks.

"Promise, kid."

Zoro cracked his eye open, lips pulling down as his temper ticked higher.

Up near the helm, the perverted cook swooned circles around Robin and Nami per goddamn usual, but that bullshit was almost too much for him tonight. Chopper had scarcely cleared Zoro of a concussion before the croaks of mellorines and swans started and hadn't fucking relented.

Inhaling deeply, he forced himself to ignore that shithead as best he could. He scrunched his eye shut again, leaning back against the railing and keeping his ass firmly planted on the planks of the lawn deck. It wouldn't do anyone any damn good right then if he got in a fight. All his better restraint was, in fact, already accounted for.

Fang fuckin' Fiore.

That awful ninja. What the fuck. A mermaid. A hot, scary mermaid.

He couldn't get over it—sleek and weaponized and sharp, probably built for the sole purpose of catching and stabbing and shredding. Girl managed to look more dangerous than she ever had with a kunai in hand, and it was next fuckin' level.

But bloody hell, he liked that.

And all those pearly marks that dotted her skin… He liked those, too. Wanted to see where else on her body they might be. Really wanted to touch 'em. But it was her midnight gaze that still fucked him up the most, lured him in with their strange hypnotic glow, no visible whites… Hadn't lost the doe-eyed nightmare look at all though, had she?

Ba-dump.

With another forced deep breath, he shifted to adjust his tight pants. There really was something wrong with him.

But he couldn't undo his reaction even if he wanted to! It took his full fucking discipline not to march up to the bathhouse where she'd dragged Luffy, throw her over his shoulder, and toss her into the aquarium where he could gawk from behind the safety of Franky's special glass.

…O-oh damn—like hell it could contain her! Franky would have to update it to something even stronger, something to withstand the power of a haki-infused tailfin.

A shiver ran down his spine.

-dump.

Calm down, jackass. If she felt his excitement from across the ship, she'd come tear him up before he could properly formulate his plan to get her in the aquarium so he could see those dumb little glowing marks again.

Shit. He couldn't do that. Couldn't just leer at her.

...Could he? Well, maybe if he asked…?

No, no. That was stupid. Very stupid. Do not bring that up, Zoro.

But at least that shitty ninja was just as bad as him on some level, he consoled. She'd been blinded by rage over Tashigi of all people. Yeah, that had been… Amazing. He'd reveled in her jealousy. Basked.

He really hated to think that she'd eventually realize Nami and Captain Glasses had a thing going on, well, if you could even call it that. More like some flailing, slow-motion train wreck of a quasi-confession across every goddamn encounter since that shitty-ass Punk Hazard. Heh.

Now that was a thought that cheered him up a fraction—the weather witch always was the truly hopeless one outta the lot of 'em, no matter how much shit she talked. It was the only logical explanation as to why she let Luffy live day in and day out, really.

Wham!

As if summoned by thought, a door banged open from above, and Luffy appeared in the doorway of the observation deck. He rocketed himself toward the galley, whizzing past like a howling bullet. "FffooOOOOOood!"

Fi stepped out next, shaking her head after his captain. Ba-dump. That quiet smile of hers held such an easy affection these days, subtle and unfortunately bewitching. Che. That idiot was looking so damn good it was downright dumb. Ba-dump. Even her stupid purple hair shined in the lowering sun. Gave her that shitty glow that made him weak as hell as she stretched her arms over her head this way and that, somehow hinting at that damn near unbelievable grace and power by doing next to fuckin' nothing.

Ba-dump.

Not fair. Why'd she gotta be so irresistible all the damn time?

Ba-dump. Ba-dump.

Her gem eyes snapped to him, and shit. She had to know just how goddamn bad he wanted her. No use hiding it; probably couldn't at this point even if he wanted to.

But at least she let him see him what excesses lurked behind her pretty violets, too.

An intensity that matched his own. A willfulness that rivaled this whole ship full of stubborn fools. And something so much worse—something that would have been unfathomable to him except that he'd been wading through that terrible, terribly exciting shit for a while now.

But… The way she knew fuckin' everything else with all that chakra bullshit—she knew, didn't she? Just how thoroughly fucked, how far gone, how in deep he was?

…Maybe he should say some of that shit out loud.

In a much less horrifying way, obviously. And absolutely not because those nosy idiots keep prodding him about it, dammit.

With the way her stare burned into his, it was a feat that even a remote part of him noticed the shit cook call out that dinner was ready. He idly found his feet as others made to join Luffy in the galley, but he didn't follow as the rest shuffled off and disappeared into the ship's interior.

As soon as the last of 'em was gone, Fi vanished in a poof of smoke only to appear before him in another, and all the nonsense clouding his head just… poof.

His shoulders relaxed and a sense of relief filled him as he blocked the first kunai, wrapping his haki-coated fingers around her small wrist and gripping with necessary strength. He still didn't understand why shit just made so much more sense when he was with her, even when she was trying to take his good eye. But as he blocked her next kunai with his other hand in the same manner and lifted his right knee to block hers as she tried ram it into his nuts, he decided he wasn't gonna tie himself in knots all over again trying to work it out.

This felt natural, and that was enough for him. He'd save the knots for her.

Grinning, he pressed her resistant fists down to her sides to keep the pointy end of her kunai well away from his soft organs, endlessly amused with her obstinate, heartfelt invitations.

Cheeks pink already, her lips parted in anticipation as he stooped to catch her in a kiss.

A quiet noise of contentment escaped her, and the resistance in her arms evaporated. The haki faded from his hands, and he released her wrists in favor of her hips. She spun her blades so that a finger was through each ringed pommel, blades effectively holstered for now, and reached her arms around his neck.

Yeah. More than natural—this was right.

Eye closed, he lost himself to her demanding lips, the soft skin over the hard jut of her hip, and the sturdy muscles under his fingertips. Wrapping an arm around her, he tangled his fingers in her damp hair, fist tightening in the silky strands when their tongues met and sent a fierce throb through his abdomen.

He'd made them wait so damn long that it hurt so damn good.

Her hand curled into his hair in kind, and she pressed herself closer, the friction pulling even more blood to his cock and a low growl from his throat. Heat rolled off her, amplifying his own. Or maybe it was the other way around. Hard to tell anymore. Perfect. They were both there, one to one-hundred stupid fast, no in-between.

His grip slid to her glorious ass, pulling her hard against him and bowing her back. Her chest rose and fell faster as he swallowed all her breathy sighs and little noises like he'd fuckin' die otherwise. He just might. Sure as hell felt like it.

Dammit, Zoro… A sweltering flush crept across his entire body, heavy and serious. Easy, idiot.

Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers, just panting and breathing her in for a few beats, eye still closed. He had needed that. Needed her haki soaking into him.

Goddamn.

His voice was rough despite his hush."Pushing your luck as always, little ninja."

"Mmmh…" She hummed, throaty and so fucking hot, hands slipping from his hair to his face. Her calloused thumbs soothed back and forth across either cheek, gentle despite the threat returning to her haki now that they'd stopped kissing. "Testing yours, as it were."

"Aye." He acknowledged with an admittedly cathartic chuckle and one last chaste kiss.

Opening his eye and trying to tame his heart rate, he stood tall and took a half step back again. It swiftly earned him the usual pouty glare, another powerful goddamn arrow through the chest, but he couldn't get hung up just yet. Instead, he rearranged his grip, one stern hand clenching her jaw and the other on her waist to hold her still in place.

Gaze on hers, he took stock. Angled each reddened cheek to him in turn.

She was taking today better than expected—a lot less of the crew's blood than anyone had bet. "Much better than the last time you came back to me, all exhausted like a dumbass. I like my ninja livelier than that, ya know."

The answering look in her gem eyes whispered down his spine, hot and cold, promise and challenge. "We'll see about that."

So damn tempting. But even if she was better off than the last time, there was still a helluva lot going on for one paranoid little ninja to process.

Not only had the crew really thrown her for a loop—heh, which he was proud of, honestly—this mission, as she'd called it, had been especially important to her. He knew that. Just didn't know why. And while the two of them had both kept their, ah, spirits up for a quick but wonderful few moments just now… There was another kind of tension simmering beneath the surface. Something that lurked in the shadows.

No matter how well she could ignore it in her stoic ninja way, he damn well knew how to soothe his sensitive little murder machine. They spoke the same language, after all.

He bit back a smirk as he murmured a firm command, knowing it'd pique both her irritation and curiosity. A most winning combination. "Turn around."

Her expression narrowed and she hesitated, but soon enough tore her chin out of his grip and put her back to him with a warning. "I'm in no mood to have my time wasted, pirate."

So mouthy. So good.

Out of her sight, he pulled the blue ribbon from behind his haramaki and ran the delicate material through his fingers. Earlier, he'd sworn up and down the lawn deck that he'd cut it into a million pieces right in front of her the second she'd returned from her Marine rescue errand.

No one had believed him. He definitely hadn't believed him.

He swept her soft, stupid hair behind her shoulders, running his fingers through the tangles to gather the pretty mess in one hand, entranced by the lines and planes of creamy skin revealed by her small tank top. He'd never appreciated Nami's tastes until she got Fi a wardrobe full of skimpy shit, and he would have thanked her if she hadn't put the bill on his tab with three-hundred percent interest.

"Ya know, I really expected cloven hooves, not a fish tail."

Didn't matter that she faced away, he could feel her eye-roll. But there was a smile there, too, a calmer energy that made him feel accomplished as she stood still for him, even if for just a moment. "That's on you, seaweed."

Really was, wasn't it? Girl had even told him so.

Ignoring that fact, he slid her dumb blue ribbon underneath her hair, and with a quick overhand knot, bundled it at her shoulder blades. Making two loops with the loose ends and flipping them over each other once and then twice, he tightened it into her usual bow. One hand resting on her built shoulder, the other tugging playfully at the end of her ponytail, he let his mocking words atone for the fact that he knew inane details like how she tied her hair. Eesh, no one could ever know. "Hey, spikes, scales—fish, hellspawn. Same thing."

She turned on her heel with a light scoff, calm fading into a glare and moment of cooperation over. "It's definitely not."

Heh. "Is too."

No kunai this time, just quick, sincere finger-jabs aimed between his ribs.

"Oi, heheh," he slid his hands between hers and his sides, deflecting the pokes. "Keep your claws to yourself, devil-toad."

"Shut it, cyclops." She glared up at him, a fiery look that made his heart squeeze until it felt like it'd burst. "You like it."

His grin simpered. Fuck it. "More than like, idiot. You know that, right?" He focused on his certainty instead of the sudden nerves quickening in his chest. "And uh, yeah, 'member what I said before? Doesn't matter what kinda shit you got goin' on." He grabbed one of her hands and flattened it over his chest, manning up. "You should stay. With me." The way her eyes widened would have been funny if it was any other subject. Why the hell was she so surprised?! A fresh wave of panic washed through him. "On the Sunny. If you want. We even got the aquarium n'all, so, ya know. Just in case."

Fuck. He clamped his jaw shut with a sharp snap. Anything else exceedingly brilliant would have to at least burrow through his goddamn teeth if it wanted out that bad. And stop obsessing about the mermaid thing!

Anywhere from thirty seconds to ten years passed, their eyes locked while she seemed frozen in a state of shock. He liked throwing her off balance, but hot shit did he feel like he might pass out.

When she finally found her voice, it was a squeaky octave higher than usual and more confused than he thought was warranted. "I… The aquar… in-in case what?"

Oh shit. Just had to focus on that part, didn't she?

She was just staring up at him with those big, pretty, baffled eyes, and his face got hotter and hotter. His hand tightened over hers, where she was still digging her fingertips into his chest. "I dunno, you're the glowin' purple idiot, so you tell me. S'a full-ass mystery what sorta reasons you got, hell, I still don't even know how mermaids—"

"ZORO!" Nami's piercing shout from the galley was like ice-water to the face, making them jump out of their skins and pull apart like they'd been caught doing something wrong. "Fi! Get in here, lovebirds!"

Double triple one-thousand shits, Zoro you ass! That would have gone from bad to worse if not for Nami, but it was Luffy's fault for putting that kinda thought 'bout mermaids in his head in the first place!

"Look, 'bout the other thing, s'just something I wanted to say again, since you obviously gotta be told everything at least twice like a total fish-brained ninja." With a one-eighty on his heel, he stalked across the deck as fast as he could without breaking into a dead sprint, waving dismissively over his shoulder. "Don't make it weird, Fi."

He smacked his hand over his burning face, scrunching his eyes shut as his skin prickled with something scary-close to near-death.

Booze. BOOZE.

He veered towards the bar.

It would take at least three full bottles of cheap-ass whiskey before he could sit across from her at the dinner table and another ten before he could meet her eye to eye.

And why the hell wasn't his heart slowing down?!

Frenzied laughter and disturbingly loud chewing covered their sly movements.

The navigator crept to the door and oh-so-barely pushed it open, peeping down the hallway and out to the deck. One disembodied ear twitched to life from a length of rigging hanging far above the lawn deck; a set of pink lips formed in the door-frame near Nami's ear. Their coy grins were quickly erased as Robin repeated what she heard. The women were, in fact, hoping for a quite different kind of show. More nudity at the very least. Neither of them had meant to eavesdrop on that.

Though in hindsight, it was probably for the best that they'd been listening in at that particular moment.

"—still don't even know how mermaids—"

"ZORO!" Nami shouted, somewhere between startled and scolding. The navigator whipped around to meet Robin's gaze, and both women were quite a bit wider-eyed that usual."Fi! Get in here, lovebirds!"

There was no explanation for Nami's damage control except that, deep down, she adored Zoro enough to trade her life for his.

In the bathhouse, Zoro scrubbed suds through his hair and rinsed in a rush, anxious to get up to the crow's nest.

Dinner had been what dinner always was, at least after several bottles of strong alcohol, and once Nami and Sanji switched places at the table for the witch's well-being. There was the usual chaos—food to be guarded from quick rubber hands, reindeer and sharpshooters to be disapproved of, goblin cooks to be insulted. Nami, who was honestly living on borrowed time at this point, gloated under her new crown from down the table while Fi occasionally penned unknowns into her little black notebook that appeared out of thin air with a snap of haki. Something told him he owed Nami nothing short of his firstborn child for bearing the brunt of ninja wrath.

Though Fi had been fine though it all, no more violent than expected considering the circumstances, she hadn't looked his way a single time. Not once.

Considering what he'd vomited up before dinner, he didn't particularly blame her. But it was Fi. The fact that she hadn't just simply tried to tear guts out or stick her kunai into his eyeball… Very worrisome.

At the same rate, he also knew it was bigger than what was happening between them. Whatever stress he'd sensed earlier had ebbed in like a thin, chilly fog, clung to her and pulled her down even as she hid it.

He flipped the shower off and grabbed his towel, stomach twisting.

Was it whatever she and Robin had learned? He hadn't even gotten a chance to ask her about that yet. Not like they'd had much time to themselves, though.

...And then he had to go and thoughtlessly dumped his shitty emotions onto her shoulders, too. Nice one, dumbass. Could have timed that a little better.

He was still admonishing himself by the time he'd made his way back to the men's quarters. The shit cook and rubber-boy lounged in their bunks, the latter chattering nonsense, but Zoro paid them no mind as he fished for a pair of shorts—at least until the idiot duo turned their attention to him.

"Oi, algae." Cigarette smoke swirled up from the bunk where the shit cook laid back. "What's up your ass tonight?"

Damn observation haki. Of course that shithead couldn't possibly just butt out. "None of your business, blondie."

"A certain violet flower giving your gorilla brain trouble again?"

He finally found a pair of gym shorts that didn't smell like they'd offend the world's pickiest ninja, pulling them on as he glared at the shit cook. "Still none of your fuckin' busi—"

"You irredeemable lout." The cook sat up, temper flaring as he jabbed a finger in Zoro's direction. "Need I remind you of how you felt last time you let her leave without saying shit?"

Something painful along with shame crept up his neck. "Fuck off, or—"

"Sanji. Zoro." Luffy chimed in, cutting off the bickering as he sat up in his bunk, tone light and carefree as usual "You guys should try not to worry so much, kay? I'll take care of everything."

Their attention turned to Luffy, and Zoro stood there for a minute, brows scrunching with suspicion. "What uh, whadya mean by that?"

"Fi, dummy." A light smile tugged at his expression. "All the ninja stuff. What else?"

"I, uh, I don't think…" Trepidation set in as he trailed off, trying to find the right words without opening a can of worms he didn't have the time or patience to deal with right then.

"Well, that's probably for the best." The idiot waved him off, deadpanning. "Sure ain't your strong suit."

"You shit-ass." He growled, scowling. "I meant do not interfere."

"Or what," he teased, but his round eyes focused. "You gonna fight me if I do?"

His own gaze narrowed. "Definitely considering it."

With a shrug, Luffy chuckled and grinned wider once more. "Shishishi, that can't be helped, I 'spose!"

"Che." Zoro didn't want to hear any more from either of them tonight. Shit was confusing enough without their bullshit in the mix, so he'd just have to deal with it later. One problematic idiot at a time, and it was the chakra witch's turn.

Stomping towards the door, he felt Luffy's gaze on his back for a moment before his voice stopped him. "Hey, I'm only doin' what I gotta." He turned over his shoulder to see that intense, blank stare look straight through him. "I'm your captain, Zoro."

He blinked at the kid like a dumbass for a moment as that sank in. Didn't matter how much they'd already been through together. Didn't matter how goofy he was, or how many emperors he'd taken down, or what their bounties were, or how desperate or ecstatic or drunk or poor or rich they got… After all this time, how was it possible he still needed to hear that shit on occasion? Hear that he wasn't the only one who gave a shit about what happened to him, that he wasn't alone.

He swallowed the emotion and gave a curt nod. Every damn idiot on this godforsaken ship really knew how to make him feel a real stupid sorta way. Jerks.

Luffy's demeanor shifted in an instant. "Shishishi, she's just like you back in the day, ya know." He stretched out in his bunk once more, back to his normal fuckery. "Strong and good, honest. Reaaal dense though, and way too stubborn!"

"Whatever." Zoro muttered, finally pushing out of the room. "I ain't savin' you if she decides to skin ya."

Despite the mocking chortles behind him and the obnoxiousness of it all, his step felt a little surer once more as he took off for the crow's nest—for his ninja.

A/N: Sooooo hotdamn the second half of 2019 was STUPID busy for me! And while I was writing in general, nothing was in shape to post.

Regardless, thanks for sticking around through an impromptu hiatus, and I'll see yall in March for another chapter!

Thanks so much for reading, and happy new year (yes, yes I'm late)!