Another fic, hurray! Hopefully you will get a notification. It's so frustrating that FFNet is having issues with that ;A;
The title of this fic comes from the song "Dreaming Alone" from Against the Current, but you don't have to know the song to read it (although it's a really good song in my opinion ;) )

That's a fairly long fic so I did my best to cut the different parts (can be seen as a Slice-of-Life) with lines so it's easier to read! Oh and by the way, it's an Earth AU :D

She was lying in the bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Terra stirred in his sleep. Careful not to wake him up, she got up and moved to the living room.

She made herself a cup of coffee - four sugar cubes, like he always drank it, wrapped herself in a blanket and curled on the couch.

It was a clear night, from the window she could see the stars. She sighed and looked away. If only pain could stop, just for one night. But it never did.

"That's too sweet! How can you drink that?"

"Four sugar cubes is the perfect number. You'll learn to like that, I'm sure."

"Thanks, but I'll stick to my sugar-free tea."

"And you dare insult my drink."

"Aqua? Is everything alright?" Terra's soft voice woke her up. It was morning and the room was full of light. She groaned as an answer.

"When I woke up you weren't there, and I find you sleeping here. Did something happen?"

She could see he was really concerned. He always was. He cared so much about her, he loved her so much that it hurt, because she loved him too and that was painful.

"Yes, I'm fine. I couldn't sleep, I came here so that I wouldn't wake you up. Guess I fell asleep anyway."

"You didn't even drink your coffee." He chuckled and picked her cup, taking a sip of it. He frowned for a second, and she could see on his face he wasn't fooled. But he just smiled and landed a kiss on her forehead.

"Would you like some pancakes?"

"I would love some pancakes."

"Pancakes it is, then."

She watched as he moved to the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. It was Saturday and the skies were clear. She would go running today. It would help her change her mind.

"Ven wanted to go watch a movie this afternoon. Want to come?"

"That sounds good. Do we meet him at the theatre?"

"He asked if we could pick him up. Is that okay with you?"

She smiled. She was so used to that fake smile she couldn't even control when she was doing it. She couldn't even tell the difference with her true smiles.

"Sure! Can we speak about the details once I'm back?"

"Of course. Aqua?"

"Yes?"

He took her arm and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I love you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and tiptoed to kiss him.

"I love you too, Terra." She smiled again, and that smile wasn't fake. At least, she hoped it wasn't. He finally let go of her, and she put her earphones on as she started running. As if the music could cover the voices in her head.

They were in the car, waiting for Ventus. He was late, because why wouldn't he be? He was never on time. Terra was drumming on the wheel with his hands, on rhythm with the music. Aqua did her best not to look at the house, but her eyes wandered every time she'd lose her focus. A curtain moved from a window on the second floor, and she quickly looked away. Ven was coming, anyway. Always smiling. Always cheerful. Perhaps a bit too much for it to be really natural.

The movie was great. Aqua enjoyed it a lot, holding in her tears at the beautiful ending. Ven was also holding his tears in, but for another reason: his spilled his popcorn right when the movie started. But as all good things end, it was time to drop Ventus back home. His mother was outside, in the garden. It would have been rude not to come out to say hi, so Terra pulled over so that they would greet her. She was a lovely woman, always so kind and really pretty. The spitting image of Ven.

"Well, isn't that Terra and Aqua! Hello, you two. I haven't seen you in a while. How are you?"

"Good evening. It really has been a while. We are doing good, thank you." Terra's warm answer was enough for the two of them. Aqua simply smiled, grateful he would do the talking.

"Ventus said you moved in together?"

"Yes, around a month ago."

"Mom, do you know where the… Oh."

Suddenly, time froze. Aqua felt Terra take her hand instinctively, and the gesture made her as happy as annoyed. All she could see was him. Vanitas, wearing a loose shirt and some loose sweatpants, with his messy hair, with his golden eyes. Vanitas, who came out to speak with his mother and had frozen just as much as Aqua did.

"Good evening, Vanitas."

"Hey Aqua. Terra."

Terra squeezed Aqua's hand, and that brought her back. She politely smiled to Ventus's (and Vanitas's) mother.

"I'm really sorry, we have to go. Have a good evening."

"You must come back soon, kids. Drop by anytime for a coffee. You spent so much time here before the house almost feels empty without the two of you."

Terra laughed. "I'm sure Ventus is noisy enough to make the house pretty lively."

"Hey, I heard that!"

Terra ruffled his hair with a laugh, and the couple finally got back into the car.

Losing his smile, Terra looked at Aqua.

"You okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I want you to put the music very loud and to drive us home."

He did without complaining.

"You look stupid with that. Put it back where you found it."

"Do I? That's a shame, because I actually bought it."

"Well, that's some money wasted."

"But don't you worry, because… Tadaaaah! I bought you a matching one!"

"I'm not wearing that. No way. Get lost."

"Oh, come on! Please?"

"... Ugh, fine. Can't believe we are actually going to wear Mickey Mouse headbands. Why did I agree to come to that date?"

"Well, that's obviously because you lo…"

"Are you even listening to me?" Terra snapped his fingers in front of her.

"Oh, yes, sorry. You are taking the car to the garage tomorrow."

"Right. It's probably nothing, but that sound in the back when we drive bugs me, and I can't find where it's from. Anyway, you'll have to use the bus tomorrow. Are you sure you really are okay? You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine. I think… Maybe it's something I ate at lunch, I'm just a bit queasy. Don't you worry. I think I'm just going to go to sleep early tonight. See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

She kissed him goodnight and moved to the bedroom. He was watching a TV show and wouldn't go to bed before another hour. It left her plenty of time to stare blankly at the wall and let the pain take possession of her body. Again. Like every night. She had the strength to fight it in the daytime, but she wasn't strong enough to fight it at night too. Perhaps she even secretly didn't mind the pain. Because letting the pain go meant letting go of memories she was still holding on to.

"I'm not a decent guy for you. I won't make you happy. You should find someone who will make you laugh, not cry."

"I didn't choose who I'd fall for. And I don't regret it either. Are you telling me you don't want me?"

"I'm telling you I want you so hard that I'm afraid I would hurt you."

"We won't know until we try. So let's try."

She absorbed herself in her lectures. She always had been a good student, but she was now the best student of her class. Working meant no thinking, and that was good.

"Oh, no Terra picking you up tonight?" noticed one of her friends. "Could it be that you fought?" Another girl shoved him, telling him to be more delicate. Aqua laughed it off.

"Oh dear, no! The car is at the garage, so I'm taking the bus tonight. We are doing just fine."

"Of course you are! You guys are just so perfect together. I wish I'd find my soulmate too…" sighed another friend.

Aqua laughed and waved them goodbye, as the bus was coming. She put her music on, got on the bus. There was no seats left, so she stood, holding the bar above her head. The bus was soon crowded, and she was almost pressed against the boy standing next to her.

His shirt was familiar. His smell, too. She lifted her eyes to meet mesmerizing topaz ones.

They didn't speak. She couldn't walk away. She was stuck with him for the thirty minutes it would take for the bus to go to his stop. And she couldn't get her eyes off him.

On the bar she was holding, his fingers brushed hers. While her head was always full of thoughts, restless, it was empty right now. Pure silence. She didn't even hear her music anymore. The chatter on the bus. Nothing.

The driver braked violently and he caught her before she'd fall.

"Why are you doing this?" She finally asked.

"You were going to fall." He blankly stated.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then I don't know what you mean."

Why are you haunting my thoughts? Why can't I get you out of my head? Why is it your face I see in my dreams, when the man I love sleeps right next to me? Why do I have to pretend I'm fine when I'm not?

"That's my stop. See you around, Aqua."

"I hope not."

He smirked and got off the bus. Aqua closed her eyes. The noise was back in her head.

"Do you think I could name a star?"

"A star? I think they've all got names already. If you found one, you could name it, though."

"Who cares if it's got a name already? It's not like the guy who named it is going to pop out of nowhere and yell at me."

"I guess you're right, but…"

"This big one. I will name it. Let's give it a cool name, okay?"

"You're aware you are talking about the Moon, right?"

"You always have to show me how clever you are, don't you?"

"Fifty dollars ninety-five, please."

"Excuse-me?"

"That will be fifty dollars ninety-five."

Aqua searched through her purse and paid the cashier. She left the store, struggling with the too many groceries bag. The flat wasn't too far away so she was on foot, but she started to miss the car. Especially when a bag fell, spilling its content on the ground.

"Here. Let me help."

These topaz eyes, again.

"No, thank you. I can do that on my own."

"Don't be stupid."

"It appears that's my specialty."

He looked away for a minute. But he finally shook his head.

"You need some help. I won't even talk to you. I will carry these bags to your door and disappear. Deal?"

"Deal."

He took half of the bags, and she should admit it helped a lot. He dropped them carefully in front of the door.

"Guess I'll be going, then."

He started to turn away, but she grabbed his wrist. She regretted instantly - her body had moved on its own.

"Stay." A silence followed her plea. "Let me get you a coffee. As a thank you."

He did not argue. He helped her taking the bags inside, and sat on a chair while she was making some coffee.

"That's a nice flat. You must like it here."

"Yes. I like the flat, and I'm glad I live with Terra. Everything is perfect."

She wasn't even sure of who she was trying to convince.

"Great. That's great."

"Your coffee."

"Thanks."

He sipped it and looked at her with a bitter smile. "Four sugar cubes. So you remembered."

She shrugged. "The fact that some things changed doesn't mean that everything did."

She heard a door open then close. "Aqua? I'm home!" Terra, of course. He came in the kitchen and froze as he saw Vanitas. Aqua sadly smiled, and he kissed her forehead, putting an arm around her waist.

"Vanitas. What brings you here?"

"Nothing. I just helped her with her bags. I have to go."

"But you didn't even drink your coffee."

"He's right, Terra. I think it's time for him to go."

Having the two in the same room was insufferable. It doubled the pain. And they both saw it, as Terra didn't argue and Vanitas left without a word.

"I think we need to talk, Aqua."

"I think I need some rest." She ignored Terra and went to the bedroom. As she laid on the bed, she realised she had not put the groceries away. She would do that later. Or perhaps Terra would do it for her.

He did not. He joined her in the bed, lying next to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"You can skip this conversation today, but I won't let go forever."

"I know. Thank you."

Why was he so kind, so comprehensive when she acted so terribly? The more he protected her, the more she was in pain.

"What's with these cuts? Did you fight again?"

"Oh, please, I've got enough of my parents for that. Cut that out."

"I won't! Why do you always believe violence can solve anything? Violence is never the answer."

"Then you're not asking the right question."

"I'm serious. I'm worried for you. You need to stop before it's too late for you."

"I'm serious too. Cut it out. Before it's too late for us."

Days went by, all looking dull. Terra took her to the restaurant to celebrate their 3 years / 3 months anniversary. It was a lovely evening and she had a lot of fun. For the first time in forever, all her smiles and laughs were natural. Her happiness wasn't fake. The pain was gone. Of course, it came back the next day, but she had learnt to live with it. Pain was now a friend she was taking her breakfast with, running with, sleeping with. Pain was just the third member of her couple. Terra never brought back the conversation. She knew it would happen, one day. She dreaded it, she dreamt of it. She wanted it to happen and she wanted it never to be spoken of again.

Her path met his path some days. Of course it would. It wasn't even that big of a city, and he was her best friend's brother. Some days she would flee from him, looking away. Some days she would politely smile. Some days she would try to speak to him, but end up running away. These were the days when pain was the strongest, when the voices were the loudest. You're lame. You're weak. You can't even face him. You're a freak. You're hurting Terra. You heartless. She wished she could tell the voices to shut up, but she knew they were saying the truth.

"What was that fight for, this time, uh?"

"That bastard insulted you."

"So he did? That's no reason to punch him, you know."

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"And why is that?"

"Because… Urgh. I won't say it twice, okay? Because I love you. Hear me? I love you, okay. That's why I couldn't let him insult you."

"You actually said it twice. And I wouldn't mind hearing it a third time, honestly."

"I love you. Happy?"

"Happier than ever."

"Aqua?"

She was sitting on a bench in the park, reading. Just like running, reading was a good distraction. As long as it wasn't a love story, Pain left her alone.

"Hey, Aqua." She jumped at the hand touching her shoulder. Even though she had heard him, he caught her off guard.

"Ventus! You scared me."

"I know, sorry. Can we talk a bit?"

"Why, of course."

She considered pretending she had little time. Fleeing away. But she couldn't do that to him. He sat next to her, uneasy.

"That's about Vanitas."

That was getting ridiculous. Why would she tense just by hearing his name?

"Is there anything wrong?"

Ventus chuckled. "Is there anything right, you mean."

She didn't answer. He looked at the sky.

"I'd like to know… I'd like to know what happened. It's been more than three months, and I thought time would help, but nothing changed. I don't recognize my brother and I don't recognize my best friend. I think… Maybe talking about it could help you. Let me help, Aqua."

She closed her eyes. These words, she said them before. They didn't bring anything good.

"I really think talking about it could help you. Talk to me. Let me help."

"So you're just like them, aren't you? You think there is something wrong with me. You think I'm a freak. Come on, say it!"

"Of course I don't. You know that. But I think you are in pain and all I want is for that pain to go away. Please."

"Don't touch me!"

"..."

"What did I… I didn't mean to… I told you I was no good for you. I told you I would hurt you."

"You are just lost, and you need a guide."

"Shut up. Shut up! I'm sick of you. I don't want your pity. Get lost. Go home. Go back to Terra. He's a good guy and he still loves you. Go back to your perfect couple and your perfect life. I was never meant to be a part of it."

"You don't mean that."

"I've never more honest in my life."

"There isn't much to talk about, Ventus, I'm afraid. It was complicated between Terra and I and we decided to get a break. Vanitas and I got closer while I was emotionally lost, we started dating, but we realised that it wouldn't work and we broke up. Of course I was still feeling really down and I now couldn't tell at all where I was with my own feelings, and Terra asked me if I believed I could give him another chance… And there we are."

"Vanitas and you are literally avoiding talking about each other. All the time. You look like a zombie, and he looks… Even worse. Stop thinking I'm stupid."

"I wouldn't ever think that you are."

"So tell me the truth."

"You didn't answer my phone calls last night."

"And why is that, you think?"

"You… You were serious?"

"Deadly serious. It will never work between us. We had fun and that was great, but it's time to face it. That was stupid of us of believing that illusion. You were born to be with Terra. That's a fact. Everybody says it. Even I can see it. Let's stop acting as if we didn't know. He should be the face you see everytime you wake up. Not me."

"But what if you are the one I want to see?"

"It's not going to happen. You said I was lost, but so are you. Go back where you belong. Go back to Terra, marry him, have some kids. Have the life you deserve."

"But what about you?"

"I'm not cut to be with someone. I'm cut to get drunk and fight and perhaps one day receive one too many punch and never wake up."

"I will miss you."

"Well, that's a shame, because I won't. It was fun in the beginning, but lately it was just a pain. It's better that way. If you don't leave for yourself, do it for me."

"The truth is…" She clenched her fists, forcing the words to come out of her mouth. The words she never told anyone before. The words Terra guessed but never heard.

"The truth is, he hit me. Once. And he couldn't forgive himself for that. The next day, we broke up. That's what happened."

Ventus stayed silent for a moment. The voices in her head were too. Oh, they would soon be back. Of course they would.

"I think you need to talk to Terra, Aqua. He knows you are not feeling alright and he told me he was terrified because he couldn't do anything for you."

"I will. I have to. I think you should come too, Ventus. I think it isn't fair we'd keep that from you."

The truth was she was scared of facing Terra alone. She wouldn't have the courage to. But if Ven was there, she couldn't just go back on her promise. She couldn't run away.

"I'd love to." He smiled, and she smiled back.

"Uh-oh. Someone looks like she needs a drink."

"Leave me alone, Vanitas. I don't need the company of someone who believes alcohol is always the solution."

"Nah, there's violence too."

"..."

"Seriously, though. Let me just buy you a drink. It doesn't even have to be alcohol, you know. But you look like you're about to jump off a bridge, so allow me to stay and make sure you don't."

"I don't know… I just want some peace."

"Good, peace is my second name! Oh, was that the beginning of a smile?"

"No matter what I say, you won't leave, will you?"

"It's not that easy to get rid of me. Just see me as the Queen's jester for the day. I won't leave until I hear a laugh from you."

"Good luck with that, considering Terra and I just broke up."

"Have no worries, Try Hard is my second name!"

"Wasn't it Peace?"

"I have plenty. Mom has always been pretty indecise."

"You're stupid."

"Perhaps, but you laughed."

"Does that mean your job is already over?"

"Not if you want me to stay."

"Then stay."

"Terra, I think it is time."

He turned the TV off and looked at Aqua. Her serious expression was enough of an explanation. He sighed. "Come over here, then. Let's talk."

She sat on the edge of the couch. Her heart was racing in her chest, throbbing so much it hurt.

"Aqua, do you love me?"

She wanted to be surprised by the question, but she was not. She expected it.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"I'm glad you do. I love you too. But that's not enough, I'm afraid."

She kept silent. They both knew it wasn't as much of a discussion as it would be Terra doing the talking. So she waited.

"I know we've been through a lot. I've said horrible things to you, you've said horrible things to me, and we broke up. I regretted every single one of my words. I think you did too. But life went on and you started dating Vanitas. I won't say I wasn't jealous, at first. Before that, he and I didn't really get along, but since then… I had the feeling he stole you from me. I was wondering if you were dating him just to make me jealous."

He took a sip of coffee before continuing.

"But after a while, I had to admit you really looked happy. When we were together, you always smiled, but you were also really quiet. I'm a nice guy, but not a fun one. When you were with him, you laughed a lot. Your cheeks were always red, your eyes always sparkling. You still treated me like a close friend. Things were a bit awkward sometimes, but even Vanitas behaved, and I was truly happy for you. He allowed me to see another aspect of your personality."

"May I add something?" carefully asked Ventus, looking sorry to interrupt. Terra and Aqua both smiled as a permission.

"Aqua isn't the only one who changed. I think the last time I had heard my brother actually laugh was when we were twelve or something. I think he has friends at school, but they are like, good classmates. He never brings any of them home, never spends some time with them out of school… I think we all know that he can be… quite violent sometimes. He never speaks with my dad because they end up yelling at each other every time.

"Well, when you and him were dating… He actually spent some time with us. He helped mom cooking. He didn't complain when Dad asked him to mow the lawn. He sometimes came to my room just to chat. He was a lot more open, a lot more smiling. He was happy, and coming from him, that's a lot. I remember that day you two went to the fair, and he was asking me whether he should be wearing his red shirt so that you'd spot him easily if you got lost, or his black one because that was his favourite, and should he be on time, should he arrive earlier than you… He was so panicked. And when he got home, with a Mickey headband on his head, he refused to take it off for the whole evening.

"I think that even now, even though he's once again secluded and asocial, even though he doesn't leave his room much anymore, he's still changed. He helps a lot more at home. He comes to my room to play videogames, even though he doesn't speak much. And the biggest change is… I think he's been sober since you broke up. It's no secret he drank too much - well, at least he doesn't reek of alcohol anymore. So thanks, Aqua. At least he doesn't make Mom cry anymore."

Aqua did her best not to cry either. Not now. She couldn't break down right now.

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Terra, I love you. We are meant to be together. We've always been."

"That's what everybody says. But what do you say?"

She didn't answer.

"We've been together for three years, and when we broke up, you treated me much better than what I deserved. You kept on talking to me. We'd still hang out, the three of us, like before. I know you looked sad sometimes, and you occasionally would miss us, but you were coping fairly well, because you were with someone who made you happy. You guys have dated for four months before you broke up. If you really want to know, the day he broke up with you, he texted me 'Return to sender. Caution, fragile'. I caught you into pieces. You gave me the second chance I begged for, but I soon realised that things were different. You were crushed, and I thought that time would help you heal. It didn't. So tell me, Aqua. I know it's my face you see when you wake up, but whose face do you see when you fall asleep?"

She closed her eyes painfully. She didn't want to answer. Not because she didn't want Terra to know - he knew already, he probably knew all along - but because she refused to face it. She didn't want herself to know the answer.

"In the time we were apart, never you looked at me the way you are looking at him now that you broke up."

She took a deep breathe in. It was finally time for her to ask the question she'd been asking herself forever.

"Terra, what should I do? I don't know. I really don't. I love you, I swear I do, but I'm so lost…"

He smiled. "I think you already know what you should do. So just do it."

He leaned and kissed her. "Thank you for giving me that second chance. But I think I'm not the one who should get it."

Tears had finally broken through her mask. They were running freely on her cheeks and she did nothing to stop them. She hugged Terra, then Ventus.

"I love you. Both of you. I love you so much."

"I know, I know, now go!" Laughed Ventus, shoving her towards the door.

"Terra, I'm borrowing your car!"

"As long as you bring it back… And bring him back too. I'd like to speak with him."

She grabbed the key and started running.

"What kind of monster am I?"

"Is it a game? Okay, first question. Do you have tentacles?"

"Just look at me. I broke up with my boyfriend of three years, and barely a week later, I'm ice skating at the rink with someone else."

"Well, you can't spend all day weeping in your room, can you?"

"It doesn't seem fair for Terra. What if he thinks that I really don't care at all that we are over?"

"If you were to meet him today, would you like to see him devastated, or trying to remember how to enjoy life?"

"I want to see him happy, of course!"

"Then why wouldn't it be the same for you? Just be happy. Live on."

"You know, I've been pretty wrong about you. I thought you hated us, and I didn't think we'd ever get along. But it appears I really like your company. Thanks for being here."

"Yeah… I like you too."

"What was that? The music is too loud, I didn't hear!"

"If you want me to say it again… You'd better beat me to that race!"

She had spent the whole ride thinking of how she would do it. She would ring at the door. His mother would probably open. She would ask to see him, she would be told to come in and to go upstairs to knock on his door. And then…

And then her plans were already ruined, because he was outside. Taking the trash out. For the first time, she didn't want to run away. She wasn't scared. She pulled over, got out of the car. It was raining, but she didn't care.

"Vanitas."

She got lost in the gold of his eyes, once again.

"Aqua?"

"I know people think that Terra and I look perfect together. I thought that too, once. I know people think I'm a good girl and you're a bad guy and we are nothing alike. I believed it too, once. But then we've been together for four months, and these were the best four months of my life. You made me feel alive. Terra made me happy, but I don't think I was happier when I started going out with him than when we were just best friends. It's true that he is my soulmate, but he's not the one I want to spend my life with.

"I know you broke up with me because you thought that would be the best for me. I know you suffered just as much as I did. But you had no right to chose for me. You are what's best for me. You, and no one else."

He gaped, staring at her. "What… No. No way. I told you…"

"I don't care what you said. Let me be selfish. I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?"

"Of course I do. But what if I…"

"I trust you. We will make it. We can do it. Together. What would be a Queen without her jester?"

He finally scoffed. "Look at you. Aren't you over dramatic, with all that rain pouring down on you? But hey, I guess you're in your element, with that much water around, Aqua."

She shook her head. "I'm in my element only if I'm by your side."

He opened his arms. "Then you are in your element."

She ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her head into his hair. Oh, she had missed that smell.

"Just so that you know, Aqua… I've been seeing someone for the past month."

She froze, and he felt it.

"Wait, no, no, that's not what I mean! Don't freak out! A therapist, I meant a therapist! We are trying to deal with my… issues. I don't ever want to hurt you again. I'm getting fixed. I'm trying to be a decent person. I promise."

Aqua laughed and looked at him. "I'm so glad. I'm proud of you."

He caressed her cheek, his gaze into hers.

"I missed you."

She smiled and locked her lips on his, catching up four months of pain and solitude.

"I missed you too."

The end.

I've started writing a kind of prequel, but right now I'm not fully convinced, so I'm going to mark this as Complete. The prequel might come out one day though.

Thanks for reading, and remember to leave a review ;D