Heyo. Remember me? The GREATEST author on FanFiction? Yes? 'Cuz you better, because I have a terrible trollfic- I mean, the best thing ever right here!

Nah, seriously. Welcome to a short fic full of stupidity. This is a rewrite of a thing I started a while back, and here it is now. Every chapter is written, so don't expect this one to be cancelled anymore. I've improved the prose a little (but not much as to retain its trolliness XD). Yeah, not much to say here, but... have fun, maybe? It's probably really bad, but I guess that's kind of the point. XD

Totally Typical Beginnings

Normal. Conforming to a standard. Something usual, typical, or expected. The word was largely subjective – it all depended on what a singular person thought was normal. And that definition totally didn't come off of everyone's favourite, normal search engine.

Xiranth definitely wasn't said word. A dragoness covered in golden scales, glistening in the sun's dying light. They made her look like a goddess, and that wasn't far from the truth.

For Xiranth, being said word, normal, was blasting around at supersonic speeds, trying to catch a figure that'd thieved her precious apple. Despite its unlikelihood, this seemed to happen to her every single day of the week.

"Look, buddy," she said. She careened through a solid rock building her target was trying to evade. "What is with you and my apples? Can't you let me eat?"

Why Xiranth desired to feast on apples was beyond even her. Really, the predicament didn't make much sense, anyway. How did one outrun the fastest thing alive?

"And why would I do that, Xanaphy?" the figure in the midst of being pursued called back. "What makes you think I will give you my apple?"

"I'll blast you to smithereens, that's what." Xiranth quickly felled a tower she was soaring toward. The streets of Warfang were turning to ruin rather quickly; although, nobody seemed to notice. Perhaps it was the sheer speed she was flying at. Perhaps she was shooting through the marketplace so swiftly she was slowing the course of time itself. "And it's Xiranth, not Xanaphy."

"Aww, wittle Xirvantes can't take a practical joke..." Her adversary cackled maniacally. "It's only an apple. Why's it so important to you?"

Xiranth couldn't stop herself from getting just a little mad. A searing beam of light cut a gaping hole into every last thing in front of her, slicing the city ahead in two. How her dull-witted target managed to slink away from the destruction unharmed was remarkable. They were definitely quick on their feet.

For our golden dragoness, however, this annoyed her. She didn't give a damn about the city she'd turned to dust with her weaponised maw, the innocent lives she'd ended. All that mattered was her apple. This thing and its greedy mitts wasn't getting away with her meal. Never again.

She put on a sudden burst of speed, one that allowed her to catch up with her target. They didn't seem to notice her being there. With one large swipe of her paws, she grasped onto them, stopping them dead in their tracks.

"Ah, crud... Why do you do this to me, Xirthanth?" they asked.

"Why do you do this to me?" she said back, grasping the pudgy figure's neck, the most bland expression on her face . It turned out said figure was a mole, and they happened to be male. A stout nose jutted out of his tiny face; a filthy grey beard hung loosely underneath it. For a mole, generally creatures who were proud of their looks, his features were almost depressing to Xiranth, a pristine dragoness.

"Because you're easy to pick on. Duh." The mole rolled his eyes. "Nobody likes you."

Despite the rather impolite statement, it was one that didn't affect Xiranth. She loved solitude, and as melancholic as it sounded, she wasn't one for friends. "But it's just an apple. Surely you could steal one from... I dunno, the markets?"

"But the reaction is so worth it. Every single time." A toothy grin cracked his features. "I don't care about the apple."

"...What reaction?"

"Um..."

"I'm guessing you don't care about the civilians I just wiped out, either?" She tapped her foot, changing the subject.

"Nope. Not a single damn given."

"Huh. Okay... But seriously, next time you steal my apple, I'll cut that ugly head of yours clean off. Now scram."

With all said and done, she sent the mole flying through the sky, giving him a lift to the outside of town. One satisfied grunt later – and surprisingly no screams from the other end, confusing her – she retrieved her apple, nibbling on it gently, savouring its flavour. She could sit there all day, fruit in paw, peace and quiet. But her life was a rather hectic one. Things just wouldn't calm down for her.

Like, for instance, on this special occasion.

"Xiranth!" a voice called.

She slowly turned her head, narrowing her eyes. "What is it, Gerald?"

Gerald, a cheetah, ground to a halt, gasping for air. Dark spots covered his messy blue coat, and two eyes of the very same colour, wide and frightened, locked themselves on the dragoness, who stared back irritated with her own. A rusted blade rested at his side. If one was to gaze upon him, they'd think he was battle hardened. "You must come quickly! The fire golem is attacking the far wall again!"

As much as she'd rather everyone be swallowed whole, she needed to take care of her favourite spot: a little bench not even tourists would come across. "Ugh, fine. But only if you actually pay me this time. Seriously, it's been weeks since my last pay check."

"Yes, yes, I will! Now, come on! We have a city to save!"