WINGMEN-A VALENTINE'S STORY

Modern Valentine's Day AU. Roped in to help her friend juggle three simultaneous dates on Valentine's Day, Astrid Hofferson finds herself opposite the cute guy from downstairs trying to have a civilised meal while chaos breaks out. Hiccstrid.

Disclaimer: I don't own How to train Your Dragon. Rights remain with Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks.

A/N: Valentine's Day-not my favourite holiday-and I suddenly had a vision of chaos. With Thorstons, 'ex's and two-timing all around…so enjoy.

oOo

The Guy Downstairs.

"Hello, Mulch's Pet Depot-how can I help you?"

Astrid Hofferson leaned her elbow on her desk and suppressed a sigh as old Mrs Bergstrom began a long rambling story about her Pekingese, Cecil, and his 'problem'. Idly, the blonde girl began to doodle on her pad, knowing exactly what would happen. The old lady would tell some long convoluted story about Cecil (who was actually female and amazingly horny and incontinent) and then order one medium bag of 'Bucket's Patented Complete Nutrition for Dogs-small breeds under 10kg' as she did every time.

"…so Cecil started peeing all over Mrs Forfang's leg and she was on her way to tea with the Mayor…not that Mayor Stoick would ever comment about it…he's such a nice man…"

"That sounds terrible," Astrid said brightly, her blue eyes sweeping over the clock. Another three hours and then she could go home, eat her ready meal and stare at the TV all evening. Hardly the life she had planned when she left High School two years earlier as the Homecoming Queen, Captain of the Track Team and girlfriend of the Football Captain. But the slime had dumped her when he got famous on the College Football Team and girls had been flinging themselves at him. Once he had dumped her, she had left her course because she had only taken it to be with him and quite frankly, she had hated it and she had returned home to find some mindless job while she was planning her next move. And here she still was, facing her second Valentine's Day with no boyfriend, almost no money and no prospects.

"He was very nice about it…" the old lady droned on and Astrid rolled her eyes, her beautiful face exasperated.

"Mrs Bergstrom, I'm afraid the switchboard is jammed today so Cecil's antics will have to wait for another day," she said professionally, cutting the old woman off. "You can tell me what she gets up to next time. Shall I put you down for a medium bag of 'Bucket's Special' again?"

The old woman's voice was disappointed but she was polite enough to acknowledge that her ten minute ramble was probably a little excessive for the purchase of a simple bag of dog food. "Of course, dear," she sighed. "You're always so patient with me."

"I'll drop it in myself on the way home," Astrid offered, feeling guilty and the old woman gave a grateful thanks before hanging up, allowing the blonde to pull off her headphones and stretch, her neck cracking at the motion. There was a thud as her co-worker slammed her head on the desk.

"You know you'll never get a guy like that," Raquel 'Ruffnut' Thorston groaned, her long face planted firmly on the desk. Her long hair was done in three fat braids, her grey eyes closed in disgust at Astrid's boyfriendlessness. Ruff was one half of the Thorston twins-pranksters extraordinaire and inseparable as it was possible to be. She still lived with her twin brother Terence 'Tuffnut', though she also had three boyfriends on the go and was planning a very complex Valentine's Day split between the three. And she was banking on Astrid to act as wingman and ensure she got to have her three Valentines Meals.

"Well, it's lucky I'm not looking for one," Astrid shot back. "Mrs Bergstrom and Cecil…" Ruff sighed and grabbed her can of soda, slowly straightening up.

"You should," she advised her sagely. "I mean, I am showered with gifts and never have a boring Friday night…or Saturday night…or Sunday night…or basically any holiday…"

"And you're cheating on three guys all at once!" Astrid reminded her. "Have you ever considered what Fishlegs, Eret and Snotlout will do when they find out you're cheating on them?"

"Fall on their knees and be grateful for a third of me?" Ruff suggested with a wicked smile.

"That would depend on which third," Astrid commented, stealing a sip from her soda and pulling a revolted face. She urgently wiped her tongue on her sleeve.. "Ugh. Yaknog flavour! Why do you drink that stuff?" There was a smug laugh from Ruff.

"Sorry? You were the person who managed to melt three pans and a fridge while trying to make a sherry trifle in Home Ed!" she teased the blonde smugly. "And you were the person who created Yaknog! It's not my fault that Snotlout sent the idea into 'Viking Sodas' and they thought it was a great cultural flavour! Or that it's strangely addictive…"

"Probably all the sugar to prevent it dissolving the can," Astrid pointed out dryly. "Even I realised it was horrible…" Ruff swigged another huge gulp.

"Of course it's horrible-that's the point!" she told Astrid as if it was obvious. "Right, now I'm full of sugar and chemicals-let's boost our sales…" Astrid slumped back in her seat.

"Ruff-you can't phone Silent Sven again!" she protested. "The poor man is mute-he can't object! You phone him every week and sell him an enormous order of dog food, toys, accessories and birdseed. All we know is he's a sheep farmer! I mean…why the birdseed?"

"Mulch over-ordered so we have a huge stockpile that we have to get rid of!" Ruff told her briskly, pulling on her headset and dialling the familiar number. After three rings, the phone was picked up. "Good afternoon, Mr Mulch-it's Raquel Thorston from Mulch's Pet Depot here with another fantastic offer that I'm certain you can't possibly afford to turn down…"

"Ah-Astrid…thank Thor you're free!" Mulch said, coming into the back and smiling at her. He was a short, round and exceptionally hairy man with an unfailing smile and kind eyes. "Could you hold the front desk? Bucket phoned me that he's getting a terrible headache and the weather says there's a storm heading our way so I need to go home and give him his medicine. Poor fellow…" Mulch's older brother Bucket was a veteran with a metal plate in his head and a kind but simple personality and Mulch was his main carer. "You know I hate leaving Tuffnut in charge because he'll sell half the stock off for a prank and…is she phoning Sven again?" Astrid nodded, rising to her feet.

"I'll keep an eye on the twins," she assured him. "You head home and don't worry about things, Mulch." He smiled.

"I knew I could count on you," Mulch said, heading out the back. "Could you lock up as well?" She nodded and smiled, heading through to the main part of the shop and finding Ruffnut's twin, Tuffnut lying on the counter with a chicken sitting on his head. Tuff was very similar to his sister-tall, lanky and blond-though his hair was in long dreadlocks and his eyes a pale brown rather than grey but in terms of craziness they were an exact match. Planting her fists on her hips, Astrid glared at him.

"What are you doing on the counter?" she demanded as Tuff inclined his head slightly to inspect her.

"The chicken wanted to check the view,' he told her as if it was obvious. "And she's pretty picky…" Shaking her head, she lifted the chicken off his head-then shoved him off the counter. He hit the floor with a thud and a loud 'OW!' There was a pause and he appeared, rubbing his back. "And the chicken is NOT amused," he told her in a dignified voice.

"The chicken should be in the coop," Astrid told him sternly. "Put her back-I don't want to find chicken poop in the rest room…" Tuff's eyes widened and he grabbed the chicken.

"Too late!" he said and sped off. Glaring after him, Astrid wiped down the counter and looked up-to meet the greenest pair of eyes she had ever seen. The owner of the eyes-a skinny tall young man with casually messy auburn hair that framed his sharp jawed and cute face- backed up a step at her intense glare and then swallowed nervously.

"Is this a bad time? Should I come back?" he asked, his light, slightly nasal voice wary but she shook her head, forcing herself to smile. She had seen him before, not just because he was a regular, purchasing medium price range but good quality cat food and occasional catnip impregnated mice for his pet, but also because he had moved into her apartment block in the summer. She hadn't realised exactly how cute he was-and then she mentally kicked herself. Damn Ruff and her incessant testing about not having a boyfriend! She had been wound up to the point that she would jump anything…not that this young man wasn't cute enough to earn being jumped in his own right.

"Not at all," she told him briskly, eyes sliding over his pale skin, occasionally marked by fading freckles and darkened by a little scruffy stubble at the jaw. To her eyes, he looked a little sad. "Henry, is it?"

"Hiccup," he corrected her. "Um…my Mom chose Henry after her Grandfather but my father instantly labelled me a 'Hiccup' and well…it kind of stuck." She smiled.

"Ah…yeah…sorry…so…Hiccup…" she gabbled and mentally cringed. Oh Thor! Astrid Hofferson was never speechless in the presence of a boy! "I'm Astrid!" He managed a slightly melancholy smile.

"It says that on your badge," he pointed out gently. "And your mail…" She blushed and sighed.

"Sorry-you're in One and I'm in 11 so they keep mixing us up," she apologised. "Um…you usually come in for cat products, right…?" His face fell and she suddenly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach.

"Not any more," he sighed. "Sharpshot my Cat got out yesterday and was run down." She almost opened her mouth but the tone of voice told her that he would no longer be buying cat toys. Instantly guilt assailed her as she recalled leaving in a hurry and late the previous morning, juggling coffee, toast and keys and not pulling the front door of the apartment block closed as she usually did…

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she said genuinely and saw his shoulders slump a little.

"Well, I suppose we all have to go some time," he murmured despondently. "I mean, he was seventeen and I'd had him since I was three but he was doing fine and suddenly…bang. Gone!" He looked so down she took his hand without thinking and gave a friendly squeeze.

"That must be really hard for you," she admitted.

"I mean, I've always had him as long as I could remember and it's going to be weird without him," he admitted softly, his hand squeezing back. "I buried him this afternoon in Dad's garden and then I just couldn't face coming back to my empty apartment so I came here…" Her eyes widened.

"Here? I mean, don't your family…?" she mumbled and he sighed.

"Well, Mom died a few years back and Dad has other things in his life and frankly, my girlfriend bailed when I came home because Dad isn't in great health and transferred my degree to Berk U," he said quickly, his voice embarrassed. "So…not really…"

"Thor, you sounds as if you really need a new cat," she told him and he flinched.

"Wow," he managed with mild sarcasm. "I haven't even washed the soil off my boots from burying Sharpshot and you're already saying I need a fresh cat. Not even slightly insensitive…much." She felt a small flare of irritation at the reply and took a deep breath.

"Well-you're missing your cat and you clearly have no one so a new cat would fill the gap…" she pointed out. He sighed and nodded.

"I guess," he admitted. "I mean, it could be worse. At least a cat's a proper pet. Not like a hamster or a bird or…"

"A Macaw," Astrid finished shortly. "Like the one I've had for ten years. What have you got against birds?"

"Hardly cuddly," he shot back as she scowled at him. "Unlike Sharpshot…"

"I cuddle Stormfly," she retorted defensively. He shook his head.

"Look, you're right," he conceded. "I probably will get another cat…so if someone leaves an advertisement, would you give me a call please?"

"Sure you don't want a bird?" she teased him and he shook his head, grabbing a scrap of paper off the counter and scrawling his cell number left-handed.

"I'll always answer," he said and turned away. "Thanks…I think. And I'll see you around…maybe…"

As she watched him walk away, she felt another curl of shame as she walked his tall shape vanish through the door. The poor guy had lost his pet, opened up to her and she had just been insensitive because she was direct and could see what he needed…and all because her mind was scrambled by the fact he was also hot…and didn't seem to know it.

"You'll never get a boyfriend like that," Ruff commented, appearing from the back office. "I mean he is extra cute…about 14 out of ten. I wonder if he fancies talking to me…" She snatched at the scrap of paper but Astrid was faster, closing her fists around it and holding it to her chest.

"No. MINE!" she growled, holding the paper to her chest. "You already have three boyfriends and you're not snapping this guy up as well…" Ruff suddenly looked upset and made a pouty face.

"Aww…." she whined. "Come on. He is so cute…"

"Who's cute, babe?" a familiar voice asked and Ruff started as a stocky shape slightly shorter than Astrid arrived at the counter. He had rugged, regular features on his broad face, styled black hair and piercing blue eyes. Ruff gave a start and fashioned a broad smile.

"You, Snotlout baby," she purred and leaned over the counter towards him. Snotlout pecked a kiss on her cheek and then looked over to the glowering other girl.

"Hi, Astrid-looking good," he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Can't say the same for you, Snot," she growled. "Are you going to buy something?" He grinned cheerily.

"Anything my Princess wants," he leered as Ruff gave a smile.

"Can you go get some Yaknog Sodas please?" she asked. "Ooh-and a quadruple Yak Burger. And fries. And a strawberry-mango-cloudberry sundae for Tuff?" Snotlout's eyes widened in shock as he calculated the cost of the order…and then he forced himself to nod.

"On my way, babe," he said in a shaky voice and faked a grin, then left. Tuff poked his head over the edge of the top shelf in the 'Dogs and Puppies' section.

"Wow-you really stung him, sis," he noted and she grinned.

"He likes to tell me how much he wants to show me a good time so it would be rude to deny him the chance," she grinned. "We're booked into the Great Hall tomorrow night…and so are Eret and Fishlegs, but he's brought a wingman so I need my sister-in-arms and wing woman at my side…" Astrid's eyes widened.

"Oh no-you are not getting me involved in your thee-timing underhand deceptive lying scheme…" she growled, folding her arms as her friend grabbed her arm and pouted again.

"Awwwwww…Astrid…I stood by you when wotsisname dumped you…"

"No you didn't-you tried to call him and then you laughed at me for three months," Astrid pointed out, her foot tapping in annoyance.

"But you love me anyway…and we've been best friends for ever!" Ruff whined. "Pleeeeease…"

"No," Astrid replied.

"I'll pay for your meal," Ruff promised desperately.

"No you won't. You'll get Fishlegs to foot the bill," Astrid pointed out.

"Wow-she's got you taped!" Tuff commented from the shelf, idly toying with a squeaky bone.

"Shut up, muttonhead," Ruff growled. "You're coming to keep an eye on Snotface!" Tuff chuckled.

"Oh yes-everyone is roped into the Lokifest you call your love life," he commented. "And we'll be there to watch when it all implodes…" Astrid shook her head as she watched the twins bicker. She knew she would be roped in, no matter how much she protested, because watching Ruff dating held a weird fascination. She was loud, inappropriate, leered unsettlingly and invaded your personal space far too much yet for some reason, three very eligible guys were competing over her-and being Ruffnut, she had decided not to choose but go out with all of them. So far, she had managed to balance the three with surprising deftness but the looming Valentine's Day celebration, when all three had booked to go out with their girlfriend, was going to tax her skills. Her only option was to go out with all of them…with staggered starts.

Astrid shook herself. No-her only real option was to tell the truth and break up with two of them…but Ruff wasn't going to do that…meaning her brother and best friend were going to be accomplices in probably the most catastrophic dates in the history of Berk.

And Astrid really had nothing to wear.

oOo

But when she got home that evening-after a three mile diversion to deliver Mrs Bergstrom's medium bag of dog food-she paused after entering the wood-panelled lobby with the old-fashioned quarry tiles on the floor and started at the door to the right with the polished brass '1' screwed into the green painted wood. She paused, unwinding her scarf and pulling off her mittens and then she sighed and walked to the door, knocking on it before her common sense metaphorically grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and hauled her away. There was a pause and Hiccup opened the door, his emerald eyes widening before his expression fell.

"Um…yes?" he asked warily and she smiled.

"I came to apologise," she said with a sigh. "Look-I was insensitive. I knew you were sad and I-I thought I was helping but I was just being…"

"Insensitive," he conceded. "And I'm sorry. A pet is a pet, no matter what it is. If you love it, it's a pet…"

"But you're a cat man…" she teased him gently and he managed a small smile.

"My secret's out," he admitted. "I'm Junior Year Engineering at Berk U and I have long hours so a cat can cope…they're more independent than a dog but they are still great companions. And now I'm sounding like a weird sad cat guy with no family or girlfriend or…" She shook her head.

"No sadder than I am," she interrupted. "My parents moved away to Florida the moment I left home for College and when my asshole boyfriend dumped me, I found the crappy course I had taken just to be with him wasn't worth it. So I quit and came home…to work a minimum wage job with no prospects and no boyfriend and a tiny apartment…and no family either…"

"Wow-we're both doing well for Valentine's Day," he commented with mild sarcasm. "Be sure to lock away all sharp objects!" He paused and stared at the floor. "Look-would you like to come round for the evening tomorrow? I can't promise gourmet but I can work the phone to order pizza and we can watch some suicide how-to video on Youtube…or possibly a film if we can emerge from the overwhelming misery…" The dryness of his tone had her smiling and then she groaned.

"I would love to…but can I rain check?" she asked. "I…I have to be wingman for my friend tomorrow and I really shouldn't let her down…" She hoped it wasn't the light just making his eyes look disappointed but he gave a sigh.

"No-I'm supposed to be accompanying a friend on his date-probably to distract her awful wingman-so I guess I should go…but I was willing to give it all up to eat pizza with you," he conceded and she kicked herself mentally. "Still…rain check?" There was such a note of hope in his gentle voice and in his stunning eyes that she immediately nodded.

"Day after Valentines?" she suggested and he treated her to a genuine, lopsided smile.

"It's a date," he said and took her hand, gently kissing the back of her knuckles. "Milady." And then he smiled and closed the door. She stared at the green glossed wood and lifted her hand to her mouth.

"Oh my Thor…" she murmured. "Ruff-you had better be grateful I'm still going out with you…because I will kill you if you manage to screw this up…"

oOo

February 14th dawned very cold and snowy with temperatures below freezing and the prospect of more blizzards on the way…in other words, a normal brisk Berk day. Astrid attempted to avoid Ruff all day because her desk was covered with large plush toys, extremely mawkish cards and huge boxes of candy while her own desk was devoid of anything but her phone, pad and pen. Idly, Ruff opened a box and delicately chose a sweet, then chewed it really obviously.

"You see? There are so many advantages to having three boyfriends!" she said smugly as Astrid's fists tightened.

"Yeah-lying, cheating, stress, roping your friends in to help you deceive three guys who probably don't deserve it…" she grumbled and sat down heavily, sipping her strong black coffee and staring at the phone. It remained stubbornly silent.

"Er-hello? Snotlout?" Ruff reminded her and she huffed.

"Fine-two guys who probably don't deserve and one who might," she conceded.

"One who definitely does-he was flirting with you yesterday!" Ruff corrected her, taking another chocolate. Astrid shuddered.

"Bleurgh. I'd forgotten that," she said gruffly.

"Yeah-because you were still drooling over Mr extra-cute Green Eyes," Ruff teased her as a shout from the desk called her through to receive a huge bouquet of red roses. Astrid sighed and turned back to her work. Ruff was glorying in her multiple competing boyfriends while Astrid was just trying to think what to wear. She didn't have much money and steadfastly refused to lay out money for a dress for a double date with whatever geek Fishlegs could round up. She had only been half-listening when Ruff had gone on about her opposite number-all she recalled that he was a friend who had moved away but had come back to Berk a few months earlier.

She was still musing as she went home, racing up to her apartment for a quick shower and then grabbing her old Prom dress from Senior Year. She hadn't put on a pound and the elegant knee length fitted dress with the thin shoulder straps was a deep aquamarine colour that made her eyes pop and flattered her colours. Smoothing the silk down with trembling fingers, she stared at her reflection in the mirror and looked back at a young woman with long golden hair, flawless pale skin, bright blue eyes and a terribly unconfident look. When did I lose who I was? she asked silently. When did I allow him to undermine who I am? And she ran her fingers through her long hair, teasing a few strands free and then braiding it before coiling it expertly on top of her head. A fine silver chain her Mom had given her, the faintest hint of powder and eyeliner and a cream cashmere shawl completed the outfit. Her tights were skin tone and she wore the silver scrappy heels that she could dance in all night. Swiftly, she wrapped herself in the shawl, called the cab and grabbed her purse and coat before speeding down the stairs.

For a long moment, she stared at the door with the neat brass '1' on the green-painted wood and deeply regretted turning Hiccup down. She really wasn't looking forward to the evening and the chance to have pizza with the auburn-haired man had been amazingly appealing…even if he seemed to have a bit of a sarcastic streak. But his smile had been genuine and it would be nice to go out with someone other than Ruff…

The cab pulled up and she reluctantly pulled away, walking out to clamber in and sit quietly in the back as they woke their way to the centre of Berk, pulling up in front of the magnificent stone building that was for tonight the largest and most treasured restaurant in Berk. And waiting anxiously at the door was Ruff, looking weird in an extremely short strapless sage green dress, her unfeasibly high heels causing her to totter and her dragon-tooth necklace to sway as she staggered towards the cab. Astrid had barely paid and gotten out when the other girl grabbed her arm, her three long braids swaying slightly in the frigid wind.

"I thought you'd stood me up, wingman!" she said urgently. "Fishlegs is already here-and his wingman. How do I look?" Astrid forced a smile on her face.

"You look lovely," she assured her friend, wondering if the fake chrysanthemum stuck behind her ear wasn't a wee bit over the top… "Just lovely." Ruff hooked her arm through Astrid's.

"Then let's go through a see my boyfriend!" she smirked. Astrid rolled her eyes.

"One of them," she muttered under her breath.