At the bottom there will be an extremely long author's note. Credit is due to some, and also I have a lot to say as per fucking usual. This story was rated M because of the near sexual assault on the first chapter, the brief mentions of suicide even though that part was never detailed. I always planned to have this scene, I just didn't know if it would pan out. Lemon below. First time for Hermione lemon.

Nine months later

She'd chosen to go to Oxford, a sharp contrast to the original plans of her boyfriend's. Draco had told her on several occasions that he might go to Cambridge. There had not been one instance where he entertained the thought of Oxford.

Hermione had been clear in the fact that he didn't have to attend the same university as her for their relationship to thrive. He could have been across the city, he could have gone to Scotland, and they would have made it work as if they were merely blocks apart.

In the end, he had made the decision to attend Oxford University alongside her, claiming that she was the one thing he wouldn't be able to leave behind. It was on his birthday though, that he asked her if she would be open to different living arrangements. Wide eyed and with a mouth full of chocolate cake, she'd seen a small box on the table.

It was a key: a key to a flat that he'd been able to put a payment down on with the help of his father. Draco promised her nearly immediately, before she even had the chance to tell him no, that he had already found a job and was more than capable of managing bills. Without interrupting him, she'd only leaned back in her chair while he told all of the pros versus the cons - the pros being mostly that he could see her everyday.

"Is this what you want for your birthday?" Hermione had asked, pink staining her cheeks. "You don't think it's too soon?"

Theo and Harry scoffed.

"Granger, we've been basically living together for our entire lives." Draco told her, grabbing her hand. "Just say yes."

She now understood why her father harped on and on about how you could never truly know someone until you lived with them. There was a list of things that irritated her about him, like leaving his socks right beside the hamper instead of inside of it. He never cleaned the dishes right on the first try. He'd left the toilet seat up one night and it had not gone well for her midnight visit to the bathroom in the dark.

His echoing laughter had woken their neighbors.

Yet the one aspect of their relationship he stayed far away from was sex. She understood why; she had been the one to insist that she was not ready for that kind of step, to let her guard down because she was worried she would mess up. Quoting his words at her of how the first time would probably be awful anyway...well, he raked his fingers through his hair.

And so, nothing had happened. Not really. The night they moved in at the end of July they had thrown a birthday party for Harry, and the pair of them had drank a bit too much. Enough for her to throw caution to the wind and wind up in their bedroom topless and straddling his waist. He hadn't talked about it, but Hermione hadn't been able to stop thinking about how his tongue felt tracing over her bare flesh.

That was how this had come about. She found that she was frustrated. Was she putting it off because she was scared because of McLaggen and what he had done to her? Or was it that she was scared to be with Draco at all? She had seen the handful of girls he'd slept with, and she had been the one to discover his raunchy magazine collection when they were twelve.

Luna told her, "Why don't you do that thing that Harry was trying to talk about? Around last Christmas?"

Hermione shook her head quickly. "That's not...that's not as simple as giving a blowjob, Luna," Hermione said, shoving her fork into her pasta.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to make me say it?"

Luna nodded.

"Fine, exhibitionism, which isn't exactly how I imagine my first time," Hermione grumbled.

"There's a nice road leading out of the city where he could bend you over the hood of his car," Luna said airily, pulling out her phone. "I could show you where if you like?"

"Luna," she hissed, but she stored the thought for the future.

It was how she ended up here, sitting on their bed while he showered. She'd nearly talked herself out of this three times already, telling herself that it would be easy to climb off of the bed and dress in her pajamas again. But no, she wanted to be bloody brave, wanted to surprise her boyfriend in one of the best ways she knew how.

So she sat on her knees, clad in a black, lacy knickers set. She wore his old rugby jersey, and it slipped off of one shoulder. Hermione had fixed her hair that morning, taming it as much as she could.

When the water shut off, she swallowed. Draco stepped out from the bathroom, a crimson towel wrapped around his waist. He hadn't seen her yet, as he dried his hair. "Granger, could you hand me my glasses from the nightstand?"

She leaned over, grabbing the frames and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Hermione came to stand in front of him, handing him the glasses. She waited with her head tilted to the side, a smile playing at her lips as she waited for him to look at her.

She wasn't disappointed as his lips parted, his tongue darting out to slide along his bottom lip. "Are you wearing my jersey?"

"I've always worn your clothes. Why wouldn't I now?" Hermione ran her nail along his chest, scraping over his chiseled abdomen and stopping at the beginning of the fluffy towel hung low around his waist. "What's different?"

"The fact that you're only wearing your knickers underneath," he breathed, his hand coming up to cup the side of her face. "What are you doing, Hermione?"

She nuzzled his hand, turning to kiss his open palm. "I picked the knickers out for you, but I didn't pick green because I thought that would be too cliche."

He laughed. "I don't give a fuck what color you wear, though you look ravishing in green." Draco told her. "Are you-"

"If you ask me if I'm sure, I have zero doubt that I will panic. And I will never work up the nerve again, so could you please just kiss me like you want to ravish me in that bed?" Hermione asked point blank and pointed back towards their large, four-poster bed.

"Well, since you asked so nicely," he muttered, gathering her in his arms and pressing her against him. Draco reached up, pulling her hair tie from her hair and letting it fall down. "Do you want the light off?"

Her "Please," was soft - timid as she slid her arms around his neck. Even in her nervousness she couldn't help but laugh when he opted for just picking her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. Draco flipped the switch, carrying her towards their bed.

He sat on the edge, positioning her to straddle his waist. Hermione reached for the edge of the shirt she wore, pulling it over her head and tossing it into the floor. She clung to him, a whimpering mess, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as he kissed down her neck softly. "Draco..." She was breathless as his lips moved against the swell of her breasts, his tongue sliding just barely between her skin and the edge of her bra. "Oh-"

"Stop thinking, Hermione, and just focus on how it feels," he murmured. "There is no one here but you and me. You're the one in control. If you want me to stop, I'll-"

"For God's sake, no." Her voice sounded far away as her head tipped backwards, and surely she hadn't just grinded against him. "It's...it's too good. A bit overwhelming if I'm honest, but I don't want to stop."

He smirked against her skin, reaching to unclasp her bra. His fingers brushed against the underside of her breasts as he pulled the scrap of lace off of her. "Do you want me to ask permission for everything, or will that irritate you more?"

She laughed, leaned down to kiss him, pulling roughly at his hair. The way he gasped into her mouth was absolutely thrilling. "What I want is for you to treat me like any other girl and not like I am made of glass."

Draco gripped her hips, lifting her off of him and laying her against the sheets. "All right," he told her, and suddenly he was crouched over her, his lips moving in a trail down her chest that made her shiver.

She had been here before, in a scenario that was a far cry from the safety she felt now. Her nails dug into his biceps. It wasn't just him that put him out of her head, not the way he flattened his tongue against her stiffened nipples. It was a flash, the realization that this was all her, the way she had been able to move on.

"Draco," she whined, lacing her fingers through his hair. "God, that's-" Hermione arched into him, lifting her legs to push his towel down his hips with her toes.

His mouth continued downwards and she attempted shutting her legs. "Hermione, can you trust me?"

She bit her lip. "Not down there, though. I haven't showered or-"

He chuckled, a dark sound that sent made her tremble, and heat pool in her lower belly. "Hermione, I don't give a fuck if you've showered. I love you, and I want you to love how I make you feel. Will you give me a chance?"

"Okay," Hermione breathed.

"Spread your legs again, love."

Thankful for the dark room to hide her blush and the visible effect his words had on her, she parted her legs once more. Her legs shook as he kissed up each calf until he was exactly where he wanted to be, gently moving her knickers to the side.

Hermione squealed as he blew over her clit, something she couldn't have imagined would feel good at all. "Oh, fuck."

Draco's tongue swiped across her clit, her hips nearly coming off of the bed, but he held her in place. It was the best kind of torture, but she was sure she wouldn't be able to take the pleasure. The more his tongue gently moved against her, the more she keened against him.

Sliding one finger into her entrance slowly, he distracted her from the uncomfortable feeling as he worked her towards - well she wasn't sure, but she was sure she'd read about it. "Draco." Hermione dragged his name out, her moan broken by another gasp as he slowly worked with a second finger. "You were right." Hermione braced herself on her elbows, her eyes having adjusted to the light and peering down at him. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God."

His fingers curled inside of her, stretching her slightly and pleasuring her immensely once he had gotten her past the unfamiliar feeling. "Draco, I need-"

"What do you need, Hermione?" She could hear the smirk, his slight smugness, in his voice. Of course he wanted to savor this moment.

"I don't know!" God, had she ever heard herself whine like that in her life? So needy? As if she were nearly begging for something that she didn't even know?

"I know what you need," he told her gently, his tongue sliding against her quicker, his fingers pressing some goddamn spot that she was sure he must have picked up along the way.

"Could you tell me then, Draco?" The scream tore from her throat as her orgasm crashed into her. She slumped against the sheets, sweating and panting. It felt like she had shattered beneath him, like the greatest relief of her life had washed over her. "What the fuck was that?" she muttered. "Don't tell me - I know what an orgasm is."

He laughed.

"Come up here," she told him quietly. "I didn't think ahead, and I meant to buy condoms. Are you honestly laughing at me?"

"Granger, love." He kissed her forehead. "If you think I don't have condoms, I'm offended. I'm nothing if not prepared."

"Then get one." Hermione bit down on his shoulder, dragging her nails across his chest. "Right now, go." He leaned over to his side of the bed, opening a drawer and pulling a foil packet from the bottom of it. "What you did, I could, well-"

"This is enough, Hermione," he told her, tearing the foil with his teeth. "This won't feel great, not at first."

"I'm aware of how it feels. Well, I don't know what it feels like to lose your virginity, but I've read about it." At his laugh she continued, "A lot of research went into working up the nerve to do this."

"I'm grateful." Draco rolled the condom down his cock, pulling her knickers down her legs. He positioned himself between her legs, and feeling the tip brushing against her made fear well up once again. "But we don't have to do this."

"I want to," she told him. "I trust you to spend your time making it up to me after it's easier." Hermione's legs were wrapped loosely around his hips. "Please, Draco."

"Bite my shoulder if it hurts," he told her and slowly entered her.

Hermione nails would leave marks down his back as she bit down on his shoulder. Still, it wasn't the pain she had imagined, not even as he slowly filled her. Breathing heavily next to his ear, she whispered, "Oh, you feel incredible."

"Fuck, you're tighter than I would have thought. God," he growled, his hair dropping into his face. "Hermione-"

"Move," she moaned at the loss of him, after he'd remained still for nearly a minute, and she craved that slow friction once more. "Slowly though."

She expected a witty retort, but his arms wrapped around her much smaller frame as he thrust into her. Hermione tilted his head up, kissing him, pulling him closer like she couldn't quite get close enough to him. "I love you more than you will ever know," she spoke quietly, arching in his embrace. "You've always been the person I've trusted unconditionally."

Draco released her, kissing her forehead as he lifted one of her legs over his shoulder. "I can't last as long as I'd like, not after wanting this for so long."

"That doesn't mean anything to me," she insisted, but two fingers slowly rubbed against her clit. Moaning his name, her eyes fluttered shut.

"I'm sure it doesn't," he muttered, and slow, deep thrusts brought her closer, just as his fingers seemed to move faster. Moans fell away from her, her fingers fisting into the sheets below her. "Will you come for me, Hermione? I want to see you."

"Yes," she gasped, and his last thrust, now that she was slick enough, and comfortable, was particularly deep as he rubbed her clit. "Please, there. There," she repeated. And then, "there."

Her hands shot out, grabbing him and pulling him down to kiss her thoroughly as aftershocks racked her body.

He brushed the hair off of her forehead, rolling onto his back and she nestled into his side. "You're incredible." He breathed.

"I don't know about all of that," she sighed. "You're rather incredible though."

He snorted.

"I'll pretend that you're just naturally blessed instead of knowing you've had plenty of practice." Hermione laid on top of the green sheets and threw her leg over his.

"You know, Weasley, Theo, and Potter had a bet on when we would shag for the first time," Draco told her, lazily dropping his arm around his shoulders.

"Who won?"

"None of them did actually. I did." Draco broke into laughter as she swatted at him. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Theo won, naturally. He's always sticking his nose in our business."

"Do you imagine we could sleep in tomorrow?" Hermione asked. "I'm exhausted. And Draco?"

"Hmm?"

"I knew you went in on that bet. It's why I didn't do it last week." She laughed as he stilled. "Goodnight. Love you," Hermione muttered sleepily. The last thing she remembered was his lips brushing the top of her head and a quiet,

"I love you more."

I'm going to start with the fact that this will probably be long, and I'm sorry if you thought the epilogue was longer, but I promise that I did my very best for it.

I thought I would have more words when I finished this, more ways to throw myself at your feet and thank you profusely forever clicking on this story, whether you've reviewed it or not. Yet I don't because I thought I'd have more time to think of sweet words. If we're honest, I thought I would never finish this story.

This was the hardest project I've ever taken on because sometimes it was hard to write. To write about the things that gut me. I had been asked if I had ever been sexually assaulted, and the answer is no. It's my hope I've treated this with the sensitivity it deserved. Behind my computer screen, behind you seeing the chapters come up, there are HUNDREDS of messages between Christina and I.

From explaining barristers to me and countless brit picks because I'm American. Let me tell you one that I CANNOT get down is closet-wardrobe. She put in a ton of work into this, prereading and helping me make it what it was.

MrBenzedrine had started reviewing this, and I was stunned. I was new to this still and Sex Ed is one of my favorite stories and she says how she'd love to help me with some things.. WELL HELL YES. I'm shit with commas, and she knows it, but she still fixes them. If she were to edit this note, I'm sure she'd have some corrections to add. I'm so grateful for all of her help, and her kind words.

I wrote this story to a playlist that I have on my computer, and not that you asked me to share it. But I'm going to anyways.

Like I Can - Sam Smith What About Us - P!nk

Hold Back the River - James Bay Believe - Mumford and Sons

Should've Been Us - Tori Kelly I'll Fight - Daughtry

All About Tonight - Pixie Lott Break Up in a Small Town - Sam Hunt

Ships In the Night - Matt Kearney Don't Ever Let It End - Nickelback

Shape of You - Ed Sheeran Crawling Back to You - Daughtry

It Girl - Jason Derulo Marry me - Thomas Rhett

Good Old Days (feat Kesha) - Macklemore Waking Lions - Pop Evil

Bottoms Up - Brantley Gilbert Alone Together - Fall Out Boy

Follow - Breaking Benjamin Way Down We Go - Kaleo

Praying - Kesha Castle on the Hill - Ed Sheeran

In My Blood - Shawn Mendes Treat You Better - Boyce Avenue

Say You Won't Let Go - James bay Hurt - Johnny Cash

The most important to me is the one that inspired this story. Call It What You Want by Taylor Swift literally sparked this story into existence with the lyrics: Trust him like a brother, yeah, you know I did one thing right / Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night

I'm in awe of all of you. Thank you for everything! If I made you like Muggle AU's, I'm going to write another one after the summer fests! It will be similar to this emotionally, but different issues.

Love, Kelsey.