ME: It's alive! (Laughs maniacally.) It's still alive!
CHIBI JENNA: (Sweatdrop.) Yes, we can see that. Will you just go ahead and do the disclaimer and stuff already?
ME: Alright, alright. (Clears throat.) disclaimer time!
NO, DON'T OWN GOLDEN SUN. I DO OWN CUBA THOUGH. ANYBODY WANT SOME CIGARS? NOBODY? OH, ALRIGHT THEN...
CHIBI GARET: And for the fear of being sued by any Cubans out there, the Empress doesn't actually own Cuba either. She just owns the entire world in her head...
ME: Quiet, you. (Gags Chibi Garet and ties him to a chandelier.) Now, the questions!
Ivan "I'm cool!": Actually, contrary to popular belief, I don't hate Ivan, nor even dislike him. And I certainly don't make him "suck". He's an alright character, but at times I just think that he's a right snarky, little git, and as a humour writer, feel a need to exploit this at all times.
Midnight C: Ah, Garet was only joking when he said Jenna would turn him to the booze...I think...
Phishykiss: Oh, I would never hurt Garet seriously. (Whistles innocently and looks away.) What?
Ivan's Kitsune: I'm updating, I'm updating! Spare me from what ever horrible torture you have envisioned for me!
Mikaa: Argh, Isaac/Jenna, Garet/Mia, evil! Evil I tell's ya! Evil! (Dodges heavy things thrown by I/J, G/M shippers.) Nyah nyah! (Gets hit by a chair.) O-Ow...
Nuva: (Blinks.) Ah, now, you seem to misunderstand this little section I have at the start of each chapter. This part is merely my replies to reviews left by readers regarding previous chapters. I thought I explained that pretty clearly when I started this. (Scratches head.) Ah well. But, erm, about the whole 'War of the ships' deal in this section I will say only this, couples in Golden Sun are established purely by opinion. There are no real foolproof signs of any ships in the game, so it is left to the player's interpretation. You may interpret it any way you like, but I happen to favour Flameshipping over all. Sorry, mate.
CHIBI JENNA: Ooh, preachy.
ME: Shut it. Unless you fancy hanging from the light-fittings too?
CHIBI JENNA: Erm, no thanks. I'll be good.
ME: Hmm. See that you do. Ahem. (Coughs.) Now, on with the chapter!
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Shopping is fun.
If you happen to be female, that is. Or Alex.
Ivan unfortunately happened to be neither of these things, and yet he still found himself in Vault, on his birthday no less, being dragged round shop after shop after goddamn, bloody shop by the blue-haired shopper from Hell. And all the while, her boyfriend quite happily dawdled along behind her, singing some random song under his breath about, "Death to the bunnies."
Now, Vault was hardly on par with Tolbi when it came to purchasing cheap, pointless tat (Collosso ceramic collector's plates anyone?), but for a small town it did a good enough job.
And Mia revelled in it.
And Ivan hated it.
And Isaac was bored by it, but disguised that by adopting a dreamy look that made him look like he was either drunk, or suitably drugged up and didn't even know where he was.
And Garet and Jenna...well, nobody actually knew where Garet and Jenna were at this moment in time. But given their track record, Ivan had a nasty suspicion that they were back at the inn doing...stuff.
Shudder.
"Oh, Isaac come look at this!"
Ivan was suddenly snapped back to reality by the sound of Mia's voice, as she had discovered what was most likely something else of little use and great expense.
The woman had a spending disorder, it was rather frightening.
She had taken Isaac's hand and brought him closer to the shop window. "Isn't that cute?"
The Venus adept took one glance at the display in the window, and then recoiled in horror. Puzzled by this odd behaviour, seeing as Isaac was not a man easily scared, Ivan looked up and read the name of the shop. It read, 'Vault pet store', and beneath that there was a banner saying, 'Rabbits on sale!'
And indeed, in the window there was a large, wooden hutch, which seemed to hold at lest twenty-five of the adorable, floppy-eared things.
Isaac looked pale.
This was truly his version of Hell.
"Keep them away, keep them away!" He shifted slightly so that he was hiding behind Mia. "It feels like they're all watching me!"
"Well, of course they're watching you." Mia replied sensibly. "You're probably frightening them, making a scene like that."
"I'm frightening them?!"
"Oh, come on, Isaac. They're not that bad." Ivan said, grinning. He put on a false, simpering voice. "And they're just so cute too!"
Isaac shook his head. "No, no, no, that's what they want you to think!" He exclaimed vehemently. "First you think they're all nice and adorable, and then wham! You've got your head stuck down a rabbit hole and all your friends are laughing at you!" He stopped his rant suddenly. "Uh oh, I've said too much now... forget that last part."
But an evil gleam now shone in Ivan's violet eyes, and he was snickering wickedly. "So that's what happened..."
"No, nothing happened!"
"That's why you're afraid of rabbits, isn't it?" The younger adept looked positively gleeful now. "You got your head stuck down a rabbit hole when you were a kid!" He promptly collapsed in a fit laughter, gaining some very strange looks from passers by. "Hahahahahaha-Isaac, hero of Angara- hahahahaha-got his h-head stuck down a-hahaha- down a rabbit hole! Hahahaha..."
Isaac glared at him sourly. "Thanks for the sympathy."
"Hahahahaha-y-you're welcome! Hahahahahaha..."
"Aww, poor Isaac." Mia was far more sympathetic, and gave him a hug. "You should've said something before though, I mean, no sense splitting hares over it..." And then she dissolved into a helpless fit of giggles too.
Hmm, seems that even the nicest of us have an evil side too.
And of course, Ivan found this doubly hilarious. "G-Good one, Mia." He said happily, getting to his feet and wiping his eyes. "Hee hee hee, splitting hares...that's genius..."
Mia took a bow. "Why, thank you."
"So, you all done having a right old laugh at my expense then?" Isaac asked them grumpily, but still keeping one wary eye on the evil bunny cage.
"I'm sorry, Isaac. But it was just too good an opportunity to pass up." The Mercury adept kissed him the cheek apologetically. "But you've got to admit, that was pretty good!"
"Oh yes, quite hilarious. Let me just jot down 'Laugh loudly' beneath 'Go hang myself' on my to-do list."
"Ah, you know I'll make it up to you." She said, taking his hand again. "But for now, we're not done shopping!"
Ivan and Isaac's faces crumpled simultaneously.
Oh, joy...
Meanwhile, back at the inn:
"Jenna, you can't do that! It's illegal!"
"Oh, stop being such a baby. It's perfectly legal!"
"I'm telling you, it isn't!"
"Oh, fine, I'll go get the rule book then." Jenna got up off the bed, picked up a small book from the dresser and began to flick through the pages. "Aha, here it is! Page 34, says right here that castling is perfectly legal in chess!"
(Mwahahahahaha, bet you thought they were doing something else, huh?)
"Tch, alright, alright. You win."
"Of course I do. I always win." Jenna sat back down on the bed and promptly switched her king with her castle. "You know who wears the trousers in this relationship, my darling."
"Yeah, I do. And I wash and iron them too."
Jenna smirked at this, but didn't comment. "It's your turn."
"Hmm." Garet looked thoughtful for a moment, and then moved his left castle ahead three spaces. "Your move."
Jenna moved a pawn. "Wonder what the others are up to now."
"Dunno." Garet took her pawn with one of his knights. "Oh yeah, more power to you, horsey-man!"
"It's called a knight, Garet." Jenna swiftly knocked his knight off the board with her queen. "And now he's dead."
"Ouch. That was nothing short of vicious. My poor horsey-man..." The male Mars adept paused to survey the chessboard. It looked like he was losing pretty badly. "But did you see the look on their faces this morning when we said we were staying back here?"
"Hee hee, yeah. I'll bet they think we're in here doing...stuff."
"Yeah. One question though." He moved his remaining knight back next to his king. "Why aren't we doing...stuff?"
"Beats me." Jenna moved her queen five spaces to the left. "Checkmate."
"Dammit!"
Yeah, and that's quite enough of that. So, meanwhile:
Felix privately thought himself a genius.
Yes, a genius. None of that modestly crap or anything.
He was, straight up, a complete and utter genius.
But of course, such genius isn't always appreciated by one's peers...
"Felix, I don't think this is such a good idea." Sheba said quietly. "I mean, I'm all for getting revenge and that, but do we really need to resort to this?"
"Of course we do." The tall Venus adept replied flatly. "How else would we do it?"
"Well...couldn't we just ignore them for a month or something?"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. We weren't invited to their drunken, birthday party weekend, we need a better revenge than that!" Felix peered at his blonde companion curiously. "Say, why didn't they invite you anyway?"
"I'm too young apparently." Sheba rolled her eyes. "And, as usual, Mia was worried about the legal stipulations of underage alcohol abuse."
"Bah, legal stipulations! Who cares?"
"Obviously they do."
"Well...then surely you realise that what we're doing is a perfectly justified means of getting revenge?"
"I suppose so." Sheba bit her lip, looking faintly worried. "But do we need to get Ivan too? He didn't want this. He didn't even have a choice!"
Felix glared at her. "If we get one, we have to get them all!" He picked up a large bottle of sparkly orange stuff. The were sitting in the Vault Inn's basement, and all around them there were various other bottles, all filled with strange, sparkly liquids, but in different colours. "So be ready!"
""I'm ready, I'm ready. Stop getting on at me." The Jupiter adept picked up a bottle of sparkly purple stuff and examined it carefully. "But you're sure this stuff won't kill them or anything?"
"Positive." Felix nodded. "I wouldn't kill my sister." He paused suddenly. "But Garet on the other hand..."
"Oh no you don't! You're not allowed to kill anyone, not even Garet."
"Spoilsport."
"You'll thank me when you're not in jail." Sheba replied coolly. "Or dead yourself, after Jenna got her hands on you..."
"Ooh, good point." Felix looked thoughtful. "Though I can't help but wonder what she would do to me if I did kill Garet."
"I think she'd beat you to death with a blunt teaspoon."
"Nah, most likely she'd cook me using Pyroclasym 'til I was crispy and golden brown."
"And then serve you up with a side of salad?"
"Exactly." He shuddered slightly. "And I don't even like green vegetables..."
Sheba fought the urge to roll her eyes again. I mean, she knew Felix was a few bricks short of a lighthouse already, but man, he really needed to prioritise.
And she wasn't too keen on the idea of temporarily poisoning her companions either. But alas, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.
Err, or something along those lines anyway...
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ME: Okay, that was awful. I'm sorry. But it's just taken so long to get back into writing this...
CHIBI JENNA: (Hanging upside-down from the lights.) Stop making excuses for yourself.
ME: Y'know, I can easily gag you too, Chibi Jenna.
CHIBI JENNA: No, no, there's no need for that...
ME: Well then, shut up. (Coughs.) Anywho, like I was saying. This chapter was bad, but I promise things will get very...interesting next chapter.
CHIBI JENNA: But only if they review, right?
ME: Right!
Review!
CHIBI JENNA: (Sweatdrop.) Yes, we can see that. Will you just go ahead and do the disclaimer and stuff already?
ME: Alright, alright. (Clears throat.) disclaimer time!
NO, DON'T OWN GOLDEN SUN. I DO OWN CUBA THOUGH. ANYBODY WANT SOME CIGARS? NOBODY? OH, ALRIGHT THEN...
CHIBI GARET: And for the fear of being sued by any Cubans out there, the Empress doesn't actually own Cuba either. She just owns the entire world in her head...
ME: Quiet, you. (Gags Chibi Garet and ties him to a chandelier.) Now, the questions!
Ivan "I'm cool!": Actually, contrary to popular belief, I don't hate Ivan, nor even dislike him. And I certainly don't make him "suck". He's an alright character, but at times I just think that he's a right snarky, little git, and as a humour writer, feel a need to exploit this at all times.
Midnight C: Ah, Garet was only joking when he said Jenna would turn him to the booze...I think...
Phishykiss: Oh, I would never hurt Garet seriously. (Whistles innocently and looks away.) What?
Ivan's Kitsune: I'm updating, I'm updating! Spare me from what ever horrible torture you have envisioned for me!
Mikaa: Argh, Isaac/Jenna, Garet/Mia, evil! Evil I tell's ya! Evil! (Dodges heavy things thrown by I/J, G/M shippers.) Nyah nyah! (Gets hit by a chair.) O-Ow...
Nuva: (Blinks.) Ah, now, you seem to misunderstand this little section I have at the start of each chapter. This part is merely my replies to reviews left by readers regarding previous chapters. I thought I explained that pretty clearly when I started this. (Scratches head.) Ah well. But, erm, about the whole 'War of the ships' deal in this section I will say only this, couples in Golden Sun are established purely by opinion. There are no real foolproof signs of any ships in the game, so it is left to the player's interpretation. You may interpret it any way you like, but I happen to favour Flameshipping over all. Sorry, mate.
CHIBI JENNA: Ooh, preachy.
ME: Shut it. Unless you fancy hanging from the light-fittings too?
CHIBI JENNA: Erm, no thanks. I'll be good.
ME: Hmm. See that you do. Ahem. (Coughs.) Now, on with the chapter!
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Shopping is fun.
If you happen to be female, that is. Or Alex.
Ivan unfortunately happened to be neither of these things, and yet he still found himself in Vault, on his birthday no less, being dragged round shop after shop after goddamn, bloody shop by the blue-haired shopper from Hell. And all the while, her boyfriend quite happily dawdled along behind her, singing some random song under his breath about, "Death to the bunnies."
Now, Vault was hardly on par with Tolbi when it came to purchasing cheap, pointless tat (Collosso ceramic collector's plates anyone?), but for a small town it did a good enough job.
And Mia revelled in it.
And Ivan hated it.
And Isaac was bored by it, but disguised that by adopting a dreamy look that made him look like he was either drunk, or suitably drugged up and didn't even know where he was.
And Garet and Jenna...well, nobody actually knew where Garet and Jenna were at this moment in time. But given their track record, Ivan had a nasty suspicion that they were back at the inn doing...stuff.
Shudder.
"Oh, Isaac come look at this!"
Ivan was suddenly snapped back to reality by the sound of Mia's voice, as she had discovered what was most likely something else of little use and great expense.
The woman had a spending disorder, it was rather frightening.
She had taken Isaac's hand and brought him closer to the shop window. "Isn't that cute?"
The Venus adept took one glance at the display in the window, and then recoiled in horror. Puzzled by this odd behaviour, seeing as Isaac was not a man easily scared, Ivan looked up and read the name of the shop. It read, 'Vault pet store', and beneath that there was a banner saying, 'Rabbits on sale!'
And indeed, in the window there was a large, wooden hutch, which seemed to hold at lest twenty-five of the adorable, floppy-eared things.
Isaac looked pale.
This was truly his version of Hell.
"Keep them away, keep them away!" He shifted slightly so that he was hiding behind Mia. "It feels like they're all watching me!"
"Well, of course they're watching you." Mia replied sensibly. "You're probably frightening them, making a scene like that."
"I'm frightening them?!"
"Oh, come on, Isaac. They're not that bad." Ivan said, grinning. He put on a false, simpering voice. "And they're just so cute too!"
Isaac shook his head. "No, no, no, that's what they want you to think!" He exclaimed vehemently. "First you think they're all nice and adorable, and then wham! You've got your head stuck down a rabbit hole and all your friends are laughing at you!" He stopped his rant suddenly. "Uh oh, I've said too much now... forget that last part."
But an evil gleam now shone in Ivan's violet eyes, and he was snickering wickedly. "So that's what happened..."
"No, nothing happened!"
"That's why you're afraid of rabbits, isn't it?" The younger adept looked positively gleeful now. "You got your head stuck down a rabbit hole when you were a kid!" He promptly collapsed in a fit laughter, gaining some very strange looks from passers by. "Hahahahahaha-Isaac, hero of Angara- hahahahaha-got his h-head stuck down a-hahaha- down a rabbit hole! Hahahaha..."
Isaac glared at him sourly. "Thanks for the sympathy."
"Hahahahaha-y-you're welcome! Hahahahahaha..."
"Aww, poor Isaac." Mia was far more sympathetic, and gave him a hug. "You should've said something before though, I mean, no sense splitting hares over it..." And then she dissolved into a helpless fit of giggles too.
Hmm, seems that even the nicest of us have an evil side too.
And of course, Ivan found this doubly hilarious. "G-Good one, Mia." He said happily, getting to his feet and wiping his eyes. "Hee hee hee, splitting hares...that's genius..."
Mia took a bow. "Why, thank you."
"So, you all done having a right old laugh at my expense then?" Isaac asked them grumpily, but still keeping one wary eye on the evil bunny cage.
"I'm sorry, Isaac. But it was just too good an opportunity to pass up." The Mercury adept kissed him the cheek apologetically. "But you've got to admit, that was pretty good!"
"Oh yes, quite hilarious. Let me just jot down 'Laugh loudly' beneath 'Go hang myself' on my to-do list."
"Ah, you know I'll make it up to you." She said, taking his hand again. "But for now, we're not done shopping!"
Ivan and Isaac's faces crumpled simultaneously.
Oh, joy...
Meanwhile, back at the inn:
"Jenna, you can't do that! It's illegal!"
"Oh, stop being such a baby. It's perfectly legal!"
"I'm telling you, it isn't!"
"Oh, fine, I'll go get the rule book then." Jenna got up off the bed, picked up a small book from the dresser and began to flick through the pages. "Aha, here it is! Page 34, says right here that castling is perfectly legal in chess!"
(Mwahahahahaha, bet you thought they were doing something else, huh?)
"Tch, alright, alright. You win."
"Of course I do. I always win." Jenna sat back down on the bed and promptly switched her king with her castle. "You know who wears the trousers in this relationship, my darling."
"Yeah, I do. And I wash and iron them too."
Jenna smirked at this, but didn't comment. "It's your turn."
"Hmm." Garet looked thoughtful for a moment, and then moved his left castle ahead three spaces. "Your move."
Jenna moved a pawn. "Wonder what the others are up to now."
"Dunno." Garet took her pawn with one of his knights. "Oh yeah, more power to you, horsey-man!"
"It's called a knight, Garet." Jenna swiftly knocked his knight off the board with her queen. "And now he's dead."
"Ouch. That was nothing short of vicious. My poor horsey-man..." The male Mars adept paused to survey the chessboard. It looked like he was losing pretty badly. "But did you see the look on their faces this morning when we said we were staying back here?"
"Hee hee, yeah. I'll bet they think we're in here doing...stuff."
"Yeah. One question though." He moved his remaining knight back next to his king. "Why aren't we doing...stuff?"
"Beats me." Jenna moved her queen five spaces to the left. "Checkmate."
"Dammit!"
Yeah, and that's quite enough of that. So, meanwhile:
Felix privately thought himself a genius.
Yes, a genius. None of that modestly crap or anything.
He was, straight up, a complete and utter genius.
But of course, such genius isn't always appreciated by one's peers...
"Felix, I don't think this is such a good idea." Sheba said quietly. "I mean, I'm all for getting revenge and that, but do we really need to resort to this?"
"Of course we do." The tall Venus adept replied flatly. "How else would we do it?"
"Well...couldn't we just ignore them for a month or something?"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. We weren't invited to their drunken, birthday party weekend, we need a better revenge than that!" Felix peered at his blonde companion curiously. "Say, why didn't they invite you anyway?"
"I'm too young apparently." Sheba rolled her eyes. "And, as usual, Mia was worried about the legal stipulations of underage alcohol abuse."
"Bah, legal stipulations! Who cares?"
"Obviously they do."
"Well...then surely you realise that what we're doing is a perfectly justified means of getting revenge?"
"I suppose so." Sheba bit her lip, looking faintly worried. "But do we need to get Ivan too? He didn't want this. He didn't even have a choice!"
Felix glared at her. "If we get one, we have to get them all!" He picked up a large bottle of sparkly orange stuff. The were sitting in the Vault Inn's basement, and all around them there were various other bottles, all filled with strange, sparkly liquids, but in different colours. "So be ready!"
""I'm ready, I'm ready. Stop getting on at me." The Jupiter adept picked up a bottle of sparkly purple stuff and examined it carefully. "But you're sure this stuff won't kill them or anything?"
"Positive." Felix nodded. "I wouldn't kill my sister." He paused suddenly. "But Garet on the other hand..."
"Oh no you don't! You're not allowed to kill anyone, not even Garet."
"Spoilsport."
"You'll thank me when you're not in jail." Sheba replied coolly. "Or dead yourself, after Jenna got her hands on you..."
"Ooh, good point." Felix looked thoughtful. "Though I can't help but wonder what she would do to me if I did kill Garet."
"I think she'd beat you to death with a blunt teaspoon."
"Nah, most likely she'd cook me using Pyroclasym 'til I was crispy and golden brown."
"And then serve you up with a side of salad?"
"Exactly." He shuddered slightly. "And I don't even like green vegetables..."
Sheba fought the urge to roll her eyes again. I mean, she knew Felix was a few bricks short of a lighthouse already, but man, he really needed to prioritise.
And she wasn't too keen on the idea of temporarily poisoning her companions either. But alas, a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.
Err, or something along those lines anyway...
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ME: Okay, that was awful. I'm sorry. But it's just taken so long to get back into writing this...
CHIBI JENNA: (Hanging upside-down from the lights.) Stop making excuses for yourself.
ME: Y'know, I can easily gag you too, Chibi Jenna.
CHIBI JENNA: No, no, there's no need for that...
ME: Well then, shut up. (Coughs.) Anywho, like I was saying. This chapter was bad, but I promise things will get very...interesting next chapter.
CHIBI JENNA: But only if they review, right?
ME: Right!
Review!