Dive in, the Water's Fine

Chapter 1

(37 weeks)

Sara looked out the window of the Burke dining room - or at least, attempted to. Freezing rain coated the glass from top to bottom, making it impossible to see outside; just a sheet of thick, opaque ice and the loud tinkling of ice pellets relentlessly hitting the side of the house.

'I don't remember ever seeing an ice storm quite like this' she commented as she returned to the task of setting the table.

Elizabeth looked up from where she was tending to something on the stove. 'They say it's the worst we've had in fifty years.'

Sara took a cleansing breath and placed her hand on her large baby bump, rubbing it lovingly. At thirty-seven weeks, it seemed she was always on edge these days. She and Neal had spent the previous night at Lenox Hill following some intense contractions, arriving at the hospital in the middle of the night only to be turned away almost as soon as they'd gotten there. Braxton Hicks contractions, the doctor had declared as he'd sent her on her way. Those were killer contractions and she hated to think what the real thing would eventually feel like. This baby was coming anytime now and she reflected on how awful it would be to have to drive out to the hospital on a night like tonight, with the weather so treacherous.

'More contractions?' El asked as she appeared next to her and gently placed her hand on Sara's arm.

Sara snapped out of her reverie. 'I'm getting them pretty well all the time now' she confided. 'The doctor says if the contractions ease when I move or change positions, it's probably just Braxton Hicks but every time another one hits, I wonder if this might be it.'

Elizabeth nodded in understanding. She was looking forward to meeting her goddaughter but she could certainly wait until the weather cleared up to finally lay eyes on her.

'Have you heard from Peter and Neal?' Sara asked, shaking off the worry.

It seemed like a strange question for the young woman to be asking; she and Neal were joined at the hip and were usually in touch all throughout the day, every day - especially, in this late stage of her pregnancy when the ex-con was sticking to his girlfriend like glue. All Sara had to do was pick up the phone and reach out to him, something, surprisingly, she seemed reluctant to do.

'I haven't talked to Peter since earlier this afternoon' El admitted. 'Why don't you take a load off your feet and I'll call the office and see if they're on their way home.'

Sara gave in to her unsteady legs and sat at the dining room table, reaching as far as her belly allowed in order to place the cutlery at each of the place settings, all the while keeping her ears attuned to what was going on in the kitchen. She'd had one brief conversation with Neal earlier in the day when he'd called to check on her and, considering the fact that she'd asked him to give her a little bit of space, it wouldn't do for her to start hounding him now.

'You guys haven't left yet?' she heard Elizabeth say into the phone.

'I was waiting until the weather cleared up, but it still looks wicked out there' came Peter's voice on the other end. 'And it's just one guy, Neal's not here.'

'Neal's not there?' El repeated, as Sara's ears perked up.

'He asked for the day off to take care of… some personal business' Peter replied, circumspect.

'I'll explain later. Is Sara there yet?'

'Yeah, she came straight over from work before things got too bad' El replied.

'That's good. How's she doing?' Peter asked, an unusual question, to be sure.

Elizabeth gave a furtive glance in Sara's direction, sitting a few feet away and pretending not to be listening in on the conversation.

To her awkward silence, Peter continued. 'Look, honey this doesn't look like it's going to clear up anytime soon so I'm just going to finish up a few things and make a start. It may take me a while to get home, though.'

'That's okay honey, take your time. We'll keep dinner warm for you' El responded before hanging up.

Despite her intention to play it cool, it took about a second and a half for Sara to speak up, glancing over in Elizabeth's direction with a frown.

'Neal's not with him?' she asked, trying without success to sound nonchalant.

Elizabeth made a split second decision to downplay the situation; it wouldn't do to worry Sara unnecessarily. From her reaction, it was obvious she didn't know Neal had taken the day off — or why, for that matter. Whatever was happening between the two of them was none of her business — but she intended to do some snooping just the same.

'He said Neal left a little earlier and is coming straight over here' El explained.

'Oh, all right' Sara said, her voice quiet.

Sara had been acting shifty ever since she'd arrived and El was beginning to wonder if there might be trouble in paradise. Neal and Sara had been blissfully happy since they'd found out she was pregnant but whether it was the looming birth or maybe some lover's quarrel between the parents-to-be, something was amiss and El was determined to find out what was going on.

She turned down the stove and glanced over her shoulder, noticing Sara yawning; poor woman was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

'Why don't you go lie down on the couch while we wait for the guys' she suggested. 'The driving's going to be horrendous, it's going to be a while before either one of them gets here.'

The mom-to-be seemed to hesitate; sadly, she had to accept that impromptu naps were an unfortunate feature of her present existence.

'Go on' Elizabeth insisted. 'I'll just finish up with the salad and I'll join you. How about a nice hot cup of tea?'

Sara nodded and struggled to get to her feet, waddling rather inelegantly to the Burke living room where she let herself drop onto the couch with a loud sigh. She kicked off her sensible shoes and put up her feet, letting her head drop on the nearby cushion, her eyes immediately drifting shut. She was exhausted after spending most of the previous night at the hospital. Upon their return that morning, she had sent Neal off to work and had insisted on going back to her apartment, on the pretext that she needed to check her mail and pick up some clothes. By noon, she'd been at her desk at Sterling Bosch, answering emails and meeting with staff, running on mere fumes and dragging her oversized belly around with her everywhere she went.

Since the start of her third trimester, she'd cut back on her hours at work but even working part time was taking its toll and seemed more than she could handle. She was perpetually cranky and tired, her fuse considerably shorter than her already short fuse to say nothing of the fact that her feet were swollen to the size of bowling balls and she needed to pee every five minutes. Those extra forty pounds she was lugging around felt like a ball and chain and she was fed up with the fact that her body had been highjacked, leaving her to suffer the unpleasant repercussions.

Besides all the unavoidable physical changes, however, was the insatiable sex drive which had completely taken over her body from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. Those pregnancy hormones and the constant pressure on her lower belly had her in an almost constant state of arousal but the mechanics of acting on her impulses had become rather tricky as of late. Her overzealous libido had taken Neal by surprise at first — although up until recently, he'd had no complaints and seemed more than happy to roll with the punches. Sadly, she'd noticed that his response to her overtures had grown rather lukewarm over the past couple of weeks and he seemed increasingly reluctant to get it on, gently rebuking her advances. Was it any wonder? She felt like the leaning tower of Pisa, humongous and off-kilter, far from the confident, sexy woman she'd always thought of herself as being in the boudoir.

Dragging herself around was becoming more and more difficult and Neal was watching her like a hawk, on her case constantly about getting enough rest and eating properly. In the evening, when he got home, he would follow her around the apartment like a lost puppy dog, offering to rub her feet, fetching things for her and generally making sure she didn't want for anything. Their previously fun-loving, free and easy life had morphed into a boring, domesticated existence with her belly, the centre of their universe. She longed for those days when they could be impulsive, when their love life was spontaneous and not dictated by an object the size of an overinflated basketball.

Neal had been urging her to quit work and get some rest but Sara just couldn't quite bring herself to stop working altogether. So much of her identity was wrapped up in being a badass insurance investigator and if she stopped even for a few months… well, she wasn't sure where that left her. Being a mom had never been on her radar and now circumstances had led her to this place which was totally out of her comfort zone, leaving her apprehensive and insecure.

But as tired and miserable as she felt, she couldn't help but worry about Neal. He was sweet, patient and understanding but she knew he wasn't getting enough sleep. She'd begun to snore loudly, waking herself on more than one occasion and she was having to get up a dozen times a night to go the washroom, interrupting her boyfriend's much needed slumber. But worst of all, were those increasingly frequent occasions where, despite Herculean efforts, she couldn't get her sorry ass off the toilet by herself and needed to call for him to come and rescue her: something that was both impractical and humiliating.

At least, she could make up for the lack of sleep and head out to work a little later but poor Neal was expected at his desk at 8:00 come rain or come shine and the closer they got to the baby's arrival, she'd noticed how, despite his efforts to put on a brave face, he was dragging himself around like a zombie.

Her concern for her boyfriend had Sara wondering if she shouldn't just go back to live in her apartment so her baby daddy could get some sleep. That way, she could prepare for their daughter's arrival without constantly wondering if the living arrangements they'd fallen into quite by accident, would someday come to an end. She and Neal had never planned on living together - not long term, anyway. Days after finding out she was pregnant, she'd been injured on a recovery and upon release from hospital, Neal had insisted she move in with him until she got back on her feet. But days had turned into weeks then months and here she was, seven months later, still camped out over on Riverside Drive, feeling like she was sucking the life out of Neal.

Sara felt the baby move and she brought her hand to caress her stomach; their baby girl had become more and more active and, at night, when she kicked repeatedly, keeping her mommy from settling down to sleep, Neal would gently sing to her, bringing his face up nice and close to Sara's huge belly, placing loving kisses as he crooned. He was wonderful and yet… Sara had begun to have irrational misgivings about hers and Neal's long term relationship. She knew without a doubt that he would be there for the baby but despite his assurances, she just didn't know where they were headed as a couple. Neal was making superhuman efforts to stay clean but more than once, she'd seen that glimmer of excitement in his eyes when Mozzie stopped by to discuss some off-track venture. She knew it wasn't easy for him to forgo the thrills and excitement of his previous life even if he insisted he was exactly where he wanted to be.

El appeared with a large mug of tea and set it in front of her on the coffee table. She took the seat across from Sara, studying her friend's face.

'Sara, what is it? What's wrong? It's obvious something's bothering you. Did you and Neal have a fight or something?' El asked, solicitous.

Sara's eyes met her friend's and she sighed. 'Or something…' she said.

WCWCWC

Neal stepped off the subway and climbed the steps up to the street, almost instantly regretting his decision not to cab it directly over to the Burkes' place in Brooklyn. Freezing rain was teeming down, covering every single surface with ice: beautiful to look at, treacherous to navigate. Luckily, he was just a short block away from the Federal Building and he pulled up the collar on his coat and repositioned his hat, stepping gingerly onto the sidewalk, careful not to lose his footing.

He had a fleeting thought for Sara who he hoped had arrived safely at Casa Burke. He had been purposefully vague about his whereabouts when he'd called to check on her earlier in the afternoon. She'd likely assumed he was sitting at his desk at the office and he'd made no effort to correct her. After all, how could she possibly know that he wasn't at the White Collar offices but rather in a little coffee shop across from Perrywinkles, where he'd just made the most important purchase of his life.

The Federal Building came into view as the cold rain pelted his face, pinching his cheeks and forcing him to turn his head away momentarily. Thoughts of the night before came flooding back; it had been a real wake-up call - in more ways than one. Neal had been thoroughly unimpressed with himself and his frantic response to Sara's sudden contractions; he'd been an uncharacteristic mess as he sprinted around the apartment, grabbing Sara's bag and fumbling as he helped her slip on some clothes so they could head out into the cold March night. He shook his head as he recalled how he'd become a bumbling idiot, almost forgetting Sara inside the apartment when he'd finally headed out to the street and the cab he'd summoned.

As the days passed, the imminent arrival of their baby daughter was becoming all too real and he had to admit to feeling equal parts excitement and trepidation as the big day loomed. He couldn't wait to meet his little girl, to finally hold her in his arms and to embark on this incredible journey into parenthood with Sara by his side. They'd been solid over the past few months, growing closer with each passing day as they made plans for the arrival of their little one - plans for three. He'd never even contemplated that things might play out differently and for that reason, Sara's nocturnal mutterings about moving back to her old place had thrown him for a loop.

He reflected on the doubts Sara had expressed, wondering where they'd sprouted from. Sure, when she'd moved in following that horrible attack, their living arrangements had been temporary - meant as a stop gap measure while she healed from her injuries. But he'd grown accustomed to having her there, from morning till night and he couldn't imagine his life any other way, daring to believe she felt the same way. Whatever the reason, Sara was having doubts as to their future; obviously, he hadn't done a good enough job of letting her know how he felt, how much he loved her, how important she was to him and how excited he was to be sharing this adventure with her.

They were about to become a family and he realized just how very much he longed for something he'd always assumed he could never have.

He patted his jacket pocket, feeling the lump against his breastbone and he pulled his hat down to cover his face as he kept walking resolutely towards the Federal Building.

WCWCWC

Peter sat at his desk, finishing up some last minute e-mails before heading home to El. The bull pen was quiet, considering he'd sent everybody home early. The weather was crappy and as the team leader, he wanted to make sure everybody got an early start for what would likely be a long commute home.

'Peter' came a voice from just outside his office. 'I thought you'd left.'

'Hey Reese' Peter replied, standing to greet his boss. 'It looked pretty nasty out there so I thought I'd wait a little for the traffic to thin out.'

Reese Hughes finished buttoning up his overcoat. 'Well, don't stay too late. I'm bringing some reading for the train' he said, pointing to his briefcase.

'Is everything all right with Caffrey? I noticed he wasn't in today' the older man said.

'He was just… a little under the weather so I sent him home' Peter fibbed as Hughes nodded.

'I notice that lately, he's been keeping his nose clean' Reese commented. 'Good job, Peter!'

Peter smiled at the positive feedback although he knew that Sara's influence and the extra baggage she was carrying had a lot more to do with the changes in Neal than he could ever hope to have.

'Well, good luck getting home. I'll see you in the morning for that 9:00 briefing' Reese said with a tip of his hat.

'Good night Reese' Peter said, returning to the pile of papers scattered on his desk.

The place grew quiet once more and Peter's thoughts wandered to his CI, although not for the usual reasons. Neal always seemed to be on his mind for one reason or another; usually because the agent suspected Neal was involved in planning or, worse yet, carrying out, one of his many harebrained schemes. But, as Reese had just noted, there had been some marked changes in his CI these past few months. Although Neal was still impulsive and his behaviour impossible to predict, he'd managed to stay out of trouble since Sara had moved in and he seemed to be making a genuine effort to stay on the straight and narrow, something Peter was eternally grateful for.

Ice pellets pinged loudly against his office window and Peter got to his feet, glancing outside at the heavy traffic below as he recalled how unsettled Neal had been that morning. His CI had shown up for work, flustered and distracted, his clothes wrinkled as if he'd slept in them - which, Peter had found out, wasn't far from the truth. Neal had confided that he'd taken Sara to the emergency room only to be discharged almost immediately after they'd arrived. The baby's imminent arrival meant that Neal was on pins on needles but after some prodding, he'd admitted to Peter that what had most upset him was a discussion he'd had with Sara about living arrangements and her insistence on going back to her apartment, at least temporarily.

Neal had been far from his calm, cool, collected self as he'd confided in Peter about how Sara had listed all the reasons they might be better living apart - some nonsense about him needing his rest and the fact that they'd fallen into their current living arrangements quite by accident.

The past few weeks had taken their toll on Neal; he was listless and tired and Peter had noticed he was having difficulty concentrating at work, his mind wandering constantly, nowhere near as sharp as he usually was. More than once, Peter had found Neal sitting at his desk, staring off into space or with his eyes glued to his computer as he perused pregnancy and birthing websites instead of working on his mortgage fraud cases. He'd even found Neal snoring at his desk one morning, right there in the open with everyone milling around him in the bullpen.

Peter returned to his desk and was busy tidying up some files when the uneasy silence was broken by the soft swish of the elevator door opening and closing in the distance. A little late for visitors, he thought as he craned his neck to check out the new arrival.

TBC