Chapter 13: Teenage Wasteland

The priest handed her the glass of water, she took it with trembling hands, and likewise thanked him through quivering lips.

"Are you glad to know?" Darred asked softly when they were alone.

Leia was still in a shock. "Yes, I suppose." Though I don't know if I am…

"But, you must think differently of him? Now you know… He wasn't the perfect Jedi we thought. He broke their code. In a way, a law. It's got me thinking, what else must be hidden about him? Leia, to us, he was a hero and now he's just a person. He was feeble. Made mistakes. I'm kinda losing interest now—"

"What?" she cried, as if she had heard something ridiculous. "What are you saying?! Of course not! If anything… I am hungry for more information! We need to investigate this girl. If we find her, we might find more clues about what happened to him… We might solve the mystery of his disappearance and death!"

"Leia, there is no mystery. He was killed the night the Republic fell."

"We don't know that… What else do you know?"

"Now, only what you do, too. The former poster boy for the Jedi Order was a fraud—"

"Shut up," she still felt a need to defend Anakin Skywalker. There was no one else in the world who could do that. She owed it to her hero. "So he fell in love. He married. That's normal. In fact, I think I admire him even more now."

"You're delusional."

Anger rose to her face. She had to take many deep breaths to keep it in check. Inside, she felt a wild, childish desire of punching Darred in the face. She settled for not speaking to him.

It was an awkward ride back to the harbor. How different they had been in the trip towards the church! Now they sat as far away from the other as possible. Before, he had been holding her hands tenderly, now, she kept her hands in her lap, every once in a while setting strayed hairs the wind tried to mess.

She had liked it better before.

But she would rather die than renouncing her pride to him.

Back in Theed, he only made sure she found her security guards, and then, without a word of goodbye, he left.

The trip to Alderaan was just as silent.

It was a great relief when at last she could open the door to her bedroom, free from all company, to fall over the soft mattress, the bed she had longed after for months.

There was an empty feeling inside of her that she could not account for. The anger had gone away, together with the shock and disappointment, leaving nothing but weariness.

She clung to her pillow and barely started hoping for sleep, when a handmaiden walked into her room.

"Miss Sabé," the princess said, exasperated. "I had given order not to be disturbed. I am tired—"

"I know, Your Highness," Sabé said with her usual cold formality. "I said so to Viceroy Organa, but he said you are to come down to his office right away."

"My father is here in the palace!" she exclaimed, astonished.

She had purposely set course to Alderaan thinking he would be in Imperial Center.

"All right," she said, biting her lip. "I suppose I better go, then."

She had absolutely no energy for an argument. She was prepared to be yelled at in silence. She would not talk back, it would only make the conversation longer, and she just wished to be done with it and go back to her room.

"Hello Father," she bowed and sat in front of him. His expression clearly showed going for a hug and a kiss wouldn't be wise.

"I'm going to give you a chance," he said at once with his stern voice; "to explain yourself as best you can, Leia. I will not interrupt, but please, say nothing but the truth."

She stared at him, in silence.

He helped her start. "Did you—and if so, why—leave your underage handmaiden in a foreign planet?"

"Oh," she had forgotten about Mina, "Yeah, I left her in Naboo, but she—"

"And without a credit to her name?" You lied to me, Father. You had said you would not interrupt. "Without a friend to help her?!"

"Okay, yes, I did, but listen—"

"What kind of princess, no no, what kind of person would do such a thing?" he shouted.

"She deserved it!" she cried, already forgetting her previous resolution. "I do not regret it one bit! I would do it again if I had to—"

"Leia, this is not funny! You're acting like a brat and I can't allow it."

"Oh so now you will insult me over a decision you weren't there to witness? You can't talk when you're so ignorant in the situation!"

She was naturally rebellious and insolent, yet she was sure she had never been so with her father. It made her voice shaky.

"Alright," Bail said, to her surprise. "Explain the situation then. What did Miss Mina do that was so monstrous you had to fire her and leave her behind?"

"Okay," her mind was in puddles. "She-she… first, she's always mean and rude." Damn it. She did not want to sound childish. "There's this officer, this imperial officer we met at a party a few months ago. Well, Mina sent him a letter, signed with my name, and arranged a meeting…"

She stopped. Bail's face hardly gave her confidence to go on.

"And?" he pressed, out of patience.

"Well, I had to go and apologize." It sounded less dramatic than when it happened. "Don't look at me like that, Father. It was awful!"

"Oh I'm sure," Bail said, sarcastically.

"Okay, maybe I overreacted," Leia said with dismay. "But because of her stupid joke Darred got beat up by that imperial."

"A joke. You left a defenseless girl on the streets of Theed, over a joke," Bail said, in disbelief.

"So you take her side?!"

"This isn't about sides Leia! Gods, you want to pretend like you're so beyond your years and mature, yet you are very much still a child."

His frustration and his words wounded her deeply.

She fought them but the tears crowded around her eyes—further proving his point.

"Oh now you cry," he said, without pity. "Now you're frightened. Now that you have to face your actions. What about when you mistreat others?" the first tear streamed down. "What about when you disregard my orders? Answer now: Why did you stay in Naboo longer than I permitted you?" Damn, where was her voice? "Why, when you knew I didn't want you in that bloody celebration in the first place!"

He rose from his chair, he stood in front of her, towering like a giant.

"Leave me alone," she muttered quietly.

His eyes hardened.

"Why, explain before I explode, did you travel to Varykino island with that Nabooian mechanic?"

She gasped.

"Why did you order your guards to stay behind? What exactly did you do during those hours in which you were not cared for and watched?!"

Her head throbbed painfully. What the hell was he even asking now? Too many questions. Oh, gods, a few days ago she had been feeling so happy and enamored. And now…

"Stop. You're being crazy," she said, though unsurely. "I—I, we, oh, well… those hours without guards I mostly spend traveling, calm down—"

"Why were you going to such a remote location?"

"I can't tell you!"

"Why not?!"

"Father, please…"

She rose from her seat and tried to run for the door.

"Don't you dare, Leia. We are not finished here."

Good lord, there's more?

"I just want to go to my bedroom. I don't feel well."

"You want to run away? Is that it, my little princess?" little princess had never sounded or felt worse. "Fine, you might. But get this: tomorrow I will go back to Imperial Center. You are not to come back with me." He sighed. "Maybe in a few years Leia. But alas… you are too young."

This made her snap back. "What! No, father please! You can't… I am IN the Imperial Senate. You can't kick me out!"

"You did that yourself."

Anger found its way against fear.

"Besides," she said, trying to sound confident, "I have made us a new ally. It was, after all, a political trip I took to Naboo." She saw Bail pause for a moment. Good. "Yes, father. I befriended the new queen of Naboo."

"Did you now?"

"Yes. But hear me well: I made her our true ally."

"You said that before."

"Oh but you're not getting it! Must I spell it out? Queen Dalné of the Naboo," she lowered her voice, even though they were in the comfort of their home; "she has secretly pledged herself to the Rebel Alliance!"

Surely, this will make him forgive me, Leia thought with an inward smile.

But far from looking proud, Bail Organa looked as though his entire face had lost all color.

"Did you hear me? Father, are you alright?" she asked, suddenly worried.

"You," he said, his mouth dry, "told her of the rebellion." He didn't ask, he stated, as if to confirm it. "You told another person of the rebellion. You confessed you are in it. That you're a traitor. And you did all this… to an imperial. A new one. From the Emperor's home planet."

His pale face and white lips scared Leia far more than his previous flushed face had.

She realized, she could stand look at her father being angry, but not scared. And Bail was scared witless.

"W-when you say it like that it does sound bad," Leia muttered through trembling lips. Although, now it seemed impossible to say what she did in any way but a terrible one.

Gods, what have I done?!

"Leia, go to your room," he said, quietly.

"Father, I—"

"Just go."

She went away still trembling.

She could hardly breathe when she found her bed, she threw herself over it and wept, thinking at first she would have rather continued being chewed out by her father. Anything was better than the shallow inquietude she left her father with.