Merlins Pov

I carry so much baggage, it weighs me down with grief, pain, loss, with hurt and heartbreak.

I smile and make sarcastic jokes but in reality, I am dying.

Not only do I protect Arthur but I protect the kingdom. The pain I have endured is endless. I have been tortured, poisoned, stabbed, punched, knocked out and I have been through everything that you could imagine. I feel my heart ache with longing towards those I have lost..

Freya, the name will always be my first and last thought of my day as long as the wind whistles and the birds sing. She was my one and everything and I lost her for, nothing.

My best friend killed my one true love and the pain and loss in that is something no mortal could comprehend. To know that you serve the man who has killed those who are important to you breaks you inside. To know that the man you call brother is also known as "murderer".

Not only has he killed people you love but he has killed those like you, to know that whenever you are in his presence you have to hide yourself, and that hurts. To know that if he found out who you were he would run a blade across your throat without second thought.

People die for him and he doesn't even know it. People hurt for him and protect him through their worst nightmares secretly. And it hurts, mainly because I am one of those people. I have given everything to him and the kingdom.

The Knights, they would also kill me, a stab to the gut probably or the pire of Fire. That hurts me also, the air is chilled with the teary eyes of those who work in secret and yet crisp with the smell of burning flesh. That could be me.

My thoughts hurt me so much I cannot express the anguish and wounds I have suffered with words.

So I ignore it and smile like nothing is wrong. I use a fake a mask to cover up my, well everything. Because if I were to show myself all you would see is that of a broken man with a death sentance over his head.

But I no longer have to have the mask because I only had the mask because I had people surrounding me and now I don't.

Their all dead.

And with that thought I push out Arthur's boat into the waters of Avalon...

Because I had failed.