Sasuke's Akatsuki Adventures

Author's Note: This is a Yaoi Story. That means there will be some male x male romantic pairings. It is also a semi 'crackfic.' That means it is intended to be far more humorous than logical, but it may stumble on a more serious plot later. This is also a supernatural/fantasy story. Finally, this is part of my 'new batch of stories.' So viewer reception will play a large role in how quickly this one is updated. If any of that bothers you, you might want to turn back now. For those of you still here, I hope that you enjoy this story and reviews are always appreciated.

Dedication: This story is dedicated to Emirri who requested a humorous story involving Sasuke and the Akatsuki. Happy reading.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit off of any of my fanfics.

Chapter 1

Itachi Uchiha was one very excited vampire. The plan was all coming together. They would strike at sunset.

"Aren't you going a little overboard?" A six foot leprechaun walks over to him while he smokes on his pipe. "Orochimaru isn't actually going to hurt Sasuke. Well not much, he's way too obsessed with him for that."

Yes, that's right. Kakuzu was a six foot leprechaun and Itachi had learned not to question it. Most of the Akatsuki could most charitably be described as unique and honestly, Kakuzu was normal compared to some of their other comrades.

The question has Itachi rolling his eyes though. "I'm not going overboard." He knew Orochimaru and there was no way in hell that the deviant necromancer was getting his hands on Sasuke.

"Yes, you are." Deidara grins at them as his wings flutter in excitement. "But that's what makes it fun. Yeah?"

The Akatsuki truly did have all kinds of supernatural beings in his ranks, even a dark fairy. To say the least, it was bizarre to watch the blond man flutter his red wings around like that.

Sasori shrugs, but that wasn't an unusual occurrence. "If by fun you mean this could possibly get us all killed, then yeah." Particularly, whenever the sorcerer was dealing with Deidara.

Speaking of Deidara, those wings were something else. To Itachi, they resembled a butterfly's wings. The only difference was Deidara's were much, much larger than any insect's could ever hope to be.

How they supported the artist's weight was still something of a mystery to him. Logically, the beautifully fragile looking wings shouldn't be able to support anyone. Oh well. That didn't really matter. Magic wasn't a force that much cared for being logical anyway.

"Stop being such a buzz kill." A foulmouthed werewolf growls. "I'm pretty damn fucking sure we can handle Orochimaru and his pets."

It was a rare day that Itachi found himself in full agreement with Hidan, but miracles did happen once in awhile. The werewolf was right about one thing. They could most assuredly handle anything Orochimaru threw at them.

"He's right." Kisame smirks, displaying his teeth with pride. "Did you know that Orochimaru's favorite lair has a lake by it?" The merman/siren hybrid had a good reason to be smug about those chompers though. They could rival any vampire's.

"Yes, I'm well aware of that fact and I plan to use it to our advantage." Itachi returns his friend's smirk.

Kisame was fortunate that he had a Siren for a mother. It was his Siren heritage that allowed Kisame to form legs whenever he pleased. Well at least for a few hours or so. Though it was obvious that the hybrid preferred being underwater when given a choice.

Tobi laughs as if he had truly lost his mind. "Tobi is a good boy." No, Tobi was not a good boy, but whatever. "Tobi will help Itachi save his baby brother! Tobi isn't afraid."

The vampire had never really been all there as far as Itachi could tell. Which was just fine with him. Tobi's fangs worked just as well as the next vampire's.

"Well I have to admit that I do have some reservations about this." Konan sighs as she flaps her gray wings anxiously. "Still, it wouldn't be right to leave the boy with that snake. We should go." The angel nods as if that settled the matter and it probably did.

Nagato almost never disagreed with the bluenette about anything. "Very well then." The genie was besotted by the Heavenly being.

"This is going to be fun." Kisame looks almost giddy. "So how exactly are we going to save the brat?"

That was a good question. It wouldn't be easy. Itachi knew that without a doubt. Orochimaru likely had taken several precautions to protect his lair.

"We'll I figure I'll go to Orochimaru's mansion." The egomaniac had several of them, but there was one that he adored above all others. "I'll politely knock on his door and we'll discuss his unhealthy obsession like rational adults."

Deidara looks at Itachi as if he had grown another head. "That's it?" He frowns at the plan. "That doesn't seem like much of a plan." Of course, Itachi fully understood why the fairy was reacting this way. "You're supposed to be a genius, but that sounds stupid. Yeah?"

That was only because Itachi hadn't listed the rest of his plan. Naturally, this was a fact that Zetsu picks up on quickly. He might blend into the background a lot, but that didn't make unobservant.

"I'm sure there is more to the plan that just that." Zetsu smiles.

Zetsu was a wood nymph. Which explained a lot. The man had green hair and a structure that looked like a Venus Fly Trap around his face. His peculiar features didn't stop there though. He was also half black and half white.

Itachi nods in agreement. "Yes, I took the liberty of drawing up some more detailed plans." He smiles and out a sheet of paper from his pocket. "Everyone will have their own role in saving my foolish little brother from that cretin."

He was literally half black as night and half white as snow. It was a bit unnerving to observe at first, but it was also strangely harmonious at the same time.

"That's our Itachi." Kisame throws his head back and laughs. "Beauty and brains." Thank goodness for dim lighting because that comment had Itachi's cheeks burning bright pink.

"Of course." He smiles at his friends. "Have a look at the plans and see if there's anything that you find objectionable or are confused about."

There could be no room for error. Itachi was going to rescue his foolish little brother from Orochimaru and then he could go right back to training with Kakashi. Where he belonged.

"How do you misplace a baby vampire?" Naruto tries his best not to gape at Kakashi, but the man was making it hard.

Seriously, baby vampires weren't exactly subtle creatures. When a vampire was first turned, they were almost a slave to their bloodlust. There wasn't much on their minds besides bloodlust and well, regular lust.

The silver haired vampire sighs and shakes his head. "First of all, he's not a baby vampire." Uh huh. "He's a fledgling. Sasuke's been a vampire since the Great Depression."

Naruto blinks at that. So he was almost an adult vampire then. That explained a lot.

"So basically, he's got his bloodlust under control enough that he won't stick out too much." The kitsune stares at Kakashi. "Just as long as he's not reckless or stupid." Though he really didn't know much about Sasuke. "So is he you know, reckless or stupid a lot?"

Kakashi sighs and shakes his head. "Sasuke is highly intelligent." That was good. "He is also extremely reckless when it comes to getting revenge against his brother." Alright. That last part didn't sound good.

What could this guy's brother have done to elicit such a response and why did Naruto have a bad feeling about this? All of it.

"Before you ask, it's a very long story." The vampire groans as he rubs his temples as if to ward off a stress migraine. "Essentially, Itachi was framed for murder. Sasuke truly believes that it was Itachi who killed their family."

Damn. Wait to drop a bombshell on a guy. Naruto swallows hard as he considers everything Kakashi just told him.

"So he didn't just wander off for more blood." Well at least not a random person's blood anyway. "So what are we going to do about this? Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

Kakashi nods. "I know exactly where he's gone and that's why I called you." Uh oh. Alarm bells were now ringing in Naruto's head. "He's gone to 'train' with Orochimaru to get strong enough to kill Itachi and I want you to get him out of there."

Whatever Naruto had been expecting, that wasn't it. The silver haired vampire wanted him to launch an intervention/rescue mission?

"I can do it." Naruto smiles at the other supernatural. "I'm a nine tailed kitsune. So I can pretty much handle anything." After all, nine tailed kitsunes were the most powerful of all kitsunes and he was a golden one to boot. "But I'm going to need a picture of him or something. I mean Orochimaru's got a lot of people at his house of horrors."

That was putting it mildly really. Orochimaru basically had a cult dedicated to 'following' him. He called it the Sound or Otto Village. A village because there were a lot of people who were working for him.

The guy probably fancied himself as an almost divine being really. He was that crazy. Not that that would stop Naruto from saving this mysterious Sasuke person.

"Of course." Kakashi nods as he takes out photo. "This is Sasuke."

Naruto takes the picture and looks at it. "Whoa." For about two seconds before he realizes something very important about Sasuke. "He's one hot bloodsucker."

The kitsune had met a lot of attractive vampires over the years, but Sasuke had lucked out when it came to the genetic lottery or something. If there was a vampire beauty pageant for men, he would have walked away with first place easily.

"Well I suppose." Kakashi chuckles at Naruto's assessment. "He's a bit young looking for my taste. He could pass for a high school or university student, but to each their own." His tone suddenly turns more somber. "Just please save him."

Naruto grins at the other man. "Don't worry." That ass was too hot to let Orochimaru have it. "I will. I'll be back soon." With that being said, the blond quickly takes off. He had a lot of work to do.

"Well Kabuto, tell me of his progress." Orochimaru smiles at the Incubus.

Kabuto was his right hand man or should he say demon? There were few beings that the elder vampire trusted completely and Kabuto was one of them.

"As you suspected, he's a superior example of his race." Kabuto smirks as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Much like his brother, he excels at almost any aspect of vampirism. Of course, Itachi has an edge on skill due to the fact he's older, but that can be used to our advantage."

Indeed it could. It had been all too easy to 'lure' Sasuke here. The fledgling had actually come into Orochimaru's care willingly. Something that the elder vampire suspected he wouldn't have done, were it not for Sasuke's desire for revenge.

Orochimaru smiles at the report. "Good." He tilts his head and smiles at Kabuto. "How is he getting along with the other children?"

It didn't matter much, if Sasuke wasn't social. Still, such a question could yield valuable information about his mental state.

"He seems relatively fond of Jugo." Ah yes, of course. "He seems willing to tolerate the banshee's presence." That made sense. Karin was a useful ally to have on your side. "As for Suigetsu, the two are butting heads quite a bit, but in the end I expect Sasuke might forge some sort of understanding with him. Sasuke is more or less ignoring anyone else besides us at the moment though."

Hmm. A loner then. Well that made sense. Given that the vampire had lost his family, Sasuke might even be afraid of forming attachments.

It was really such a shame. Orochimaru would have liked to form a much closer attachment to Sasuke, but that could come later. For now, he had to gain the other vampire's trust.

Orochimaru nods approvingly at Kabuto. "You've done well." So Sasuke was only interested on finding allies who could help him kill Itachi. That's about what he expected. "I should probably go and check on Sasuke." He was likely thirsty by now.

"As you wish, My Lord." Kabuto smiles at him. "Is there anything else that I can do for you?" Devotion was shining in the other supernatural being's eyes. Just the way that Orochimaru liked it to.

He merely shakes his head though and dismisses Kabuto. It was important to show him favor, but not to spoil him. If he did the latter, the other man might get absurd notions into his head such as that Kabuto was his equal.

Which was just an absurd thought on its face. Orochimaru was a legendary Sannin. One of the strongest supernatural beings of his generation. There was no way that some lowly incubus, could ever be his equal. No matter how talented Kabuto might be.

"No, you may go now." Orochimaru nods as he heads off to find Sasuke.

Sasuke glares at Karin. "Why are my boxers missing?" This was utterly ridiculous.

He had come here to get stronger and instead, the vampire was constantly trying to protect his virtue from a frisky banshee. A banshee who was constantly trying to seduce him.

Did Karin even realize that she wasn't a succubus? Sasuke didn't think so. She certainly acted like she thought was.

"Oh I was just washing them for you." The red head smiles at him. "Though that does answer the age old question. Boxers or briefs?"

Proving that he had the worst timing ever, Suigetsu walks into the room at that moment and smirks at Sasuke. "I told you that she was obsessed with your undead ass."

A gag. Sasuke really needed to get one of those. It was the only way he was going to make it through all this without brutally murdering Suigetsu.

"Just shut up." Sasuke rolls his eyes. "I wish you were a full merman and not half shape shifter. Then I wouldn't have to deal with your stupid ass or should I say tail?"

Yeah. Suigetsu had a mermaid for a mother and apparently an adventurous shape shifting father. Sasuke really didn't need to know any details beyond that. Thank you, very much.

"Suigetsu, how many times have I told you that it's a bad idea to annoy vampires?" Jugo laughs as stands in the doorway.

Jugo was nice though. The giant kept saying that he was Sasuke's shield. Sasuke didn't understand why for the life of him. Something about him taking Kimimaro's place. Whatever that meant.

He wasn't going to argue. The raven haired vampire was just happy that there was at least one other moderately sane person in this place. Seriously, he was surrounded by crazy people.

"Oh come on." Sugietsu grins at him. "I'm just having a little fun."

This was going to be so much fun. Obito had hated Orochimaru for centuries, but had never had an excuse to kill him. Now, he did.

The other vampire had actually 'kidnapped' a member of his family. Not that Itachi and Sasuke knew that of course. He played his part to perfection, after all. To most of the outside world, he was Tobi. A foolish vampire.

"Tobi is a good boy, but Tobi is getting tired." He smiles at his friends as the Akatsuki make their way towards Orochimaru's mansion. "How much further?"

To others, he was known as Madara. Madara was infamous in the supernatural community. He was also a member of a rather elite club. In theory, vampires could never die of old age…though only a tiny fraction of a sliver of vampires had lived as long as Madara had. He was older than the pyramids.

"Not much further." Itachi nods at him. "Don't worry. We'll be there soon."

His ancestor didn't mind Obito occasionally masquerading as him though.. If anything, Obito was quite certain that Madara got a kick out of 'messing with people' by being in two places at once.

"Why can't we just blow the place up?" Deidara frowns at Itachi. "Yeah?!"

That was an interesting proposal, but it could backfire easily. What if Sasuke was caught in the blast.

"You're such an idiot." Sasori glares at Deidara. "We're trying to rescue Sasuke from Orochimaru. Not get him killed."

It was hard to tell really. Was that sexual tension or did Sasori just despise the blonde? Obito could never quite figure it out himself. Oh well. That was a matter for another day.

"Well you know, he could dodge." Deidara grumbles. "Yeah!"

A few minutes later, they arrive at Orochimaru's Mansion. Itachi had never been so happy to see a place owned by the Sannin before in his entire existence either. His friends were driving him crazy.

"Alright." The elder Uchiha brother nods his head at them. "You've all been given your assignments. It's time to save Sasuke." From his own foolish decisions.

Nagato steps forwards and shakes his head. "There's just one problem with the plan." He points towards the bushes. "An unforeseen variable, if you will."

Hidan's eyes were the first to follow the red head's hand. Not surprisingly, the werewolf decides to show off his vulgar vocabulary again.

"It's a fucking nine tailed fox!" The silver haired Akatsuki yells.

Which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. The golden kitsune had been sneaking off, but he definitely heard that. Damn it. This just wasn't his day.

Before anyone could say anything, the Kitsune shimmers over to them. "Can you guys keep it down?" He laughs. "I'm trying to mount a rescue mission here."

It was a mark of how confident the kitsune was that he didn't hesitate to reveal himself to them. Surely, the other supernatural realized that they weren't human and how dangerous it could be to confront them. Though it seemed as though kitsune didn't care.

"Well that's quite the coincidence." Konan smiles at him, obviously enchanted by his tails. "So are we. Let me take a wild guess, you're also trying to save Sasuke as well?"

Naruto blinks at her in confusion. "Yeah." Those azure eyes were looking the bluenette up and down in amazement. "How'd you know?"

Shockingly enough, the other members of the Akatsuki were being quiet. Itachi could only hope that they knew to keep their mouths shut in front of such a powerful magical being.

Nine tailed kitsunes were the most powerful of their breed. Their magical abilities were diverse and the fact that the blond had lived long enough to grow nine tails told Itachi everything he needed to know about the other man. He was powerful.

"Well I suppose my foolish little brother has always been popular." Itachi sighs.

Naruto blinks again and looks at Itachi with calculating eyes. "He's your brother?" Itachi was being judged. "Yeah, I guess I could see that. You're both hot, but I gotta say….I still prefer Sasuke."

Wonderful. A nine tailed kitsune was lusting after his foolish little brother and to make matters worse, it was a golden kitsune. Why couldn't anything ever be easy?