Allen's POV

It has been a week since I found out about the pregnancy, and I have been avoiding everyone. Before it was really annoying having Link follow me around everywhere I went, but now it was very helpful. If I wanted something, he would go out and get it for me. I can't remember the last time I was outside and got some fresh air, or stepped inside the cafeteria to sit down and enjoy a meal. Instead I am locked up in my room all day long. Kanda was sent on another mission the day after we ate together, so I especially haven't seen him. Of course my friends are asking about me, and are trying to get a hold of me. Unfortunately for them I asked to be left alone, so no one is allowed in here. I just don't feel like talking to anyone. My depression has gotten worse, and I seriously worry about my baby's health because of this. Every morning I still have to run into the bathroom to puke my guts up, which is then followed by me collapsing onto the floor and just laying there for a long while.

When you throw up so much, and so hard, it drains you completely. I have absolutely no energy afterward. But screaming out for help just isn't an option for me. Being in this state of mine, I already feel pretty damn pathetic. Even now as I laid there on my back, breathing heavily and with an aching stomach, I didn't bother to roll over and call out for Link. This pregnancy is going to kick my butt, and it's all because I'm a guy. I'm not supposed to be carrying this child, and yet I am all thanks to my innocence. Sometimes I have to stop and wonder why I have the shittiest luck out of everyone else. Isn't it bad enough that I host the Fourteenth Noah, Nea?

My eyes close, and I let out a shaky sigh. Is this going to happen throughout my entire pregnancy? If so, then I just might go insane. Despite going through hell, I still can't terminate it. What makes matters worse, is that I can't deny the fact that it will be strong and beautiful. If it is anything like Kanda, then surely it will become a splendid exorcist someday. I just hope that it won't get taken away from me. If I am going to suffer through all of this for so many months, then I deserve to keep it. I will fight anyone who dares to touch it. This is growing in my body, and coming out of my body. It only makes sense that I would become so attached to it, right? I can't be in the wrong here.

Part of me feels horrible for avoiding my friends. They have always been there for me, and accepted me no matter what. They know of the Noah inside of me, and yet to them I'm still the same Allen they befriended a long time ago. Nothing about it has changed their opinion or feelings of me. And every time I realize this, it hits me real hard that what I am doing is wrong. Knowing them, they really would be accepting of this. In fact, they would try their hardest to help me and this baby out! But there is still that tiny, tiny chance that they could react the opposite way. What if they want nothing to do with me anymore? Or become disgusted that I slept with another man? And Kanda of all people?! No, that wouldn't be disgusting. That guy is amazing at everything he does. His appearance alone is something to look at.

"Kanda..." I whisper while staring up at the ceiling. Just saying his name out loud made my heart flutter. It wasn't a good combination with my stomach churning at the moment, but I didn't complain. Instead I accepted it. Why is he always on my mind lately? Ever since he left, I keep asking myself where he is, and if he's alright. I even ask myself when he will return. It's not like he wants to see me or anything, so I don't know why I feel this way. Do I perhaps miss him? No, that's crazy. There is no way I miss that jerk! Even when he was here, he didn't treat me right. And the things he said weren't nice either. Sure we shared a moment in the cafeteria, but that didn't last long. Ever since then I have been eating soba noodles every day. They are the only thing I can keep down right now.

I press my hand against my lower stomach then. Just underneath the surface lay my unborn child- growing. I'm not sure if it is healthy anymore. If it's not, then it won't even surprise me. I already feel guilty for doing this to him or her. It doesn't deserve any of this, and yet I keep doing it over and over again. "I'm sorry little one..." I continue to say quietly. My hair was all sprawled out and messy, and I didn't even care. Not only that, but I have also been losing out on sleep. It's hard to get any rest when you're worrying so much about the father of your child. I just don't want anything to happen to him, because then what? I will have to do all of this on my own? Surely I would really fail if that's the case.

"WALKER?!" Hearing my name being called out so loudly caused me to flinch, and I turned my head to the side to see where it was coming from. It's obvious who's voice it belonged to, but I needed to see where he was. Sure enough he was standing in the doorway. What I found to be odd though, was the look on his face. I blinked slowly, taking it all in. Why was he out of breath? And why is he sweating? My lips parted slightly to say something, but nothing came out. I just laid there, silently staring at him. It was like I was too exhausted to speak. Yeah, I really am pathetic after all. I can't do anything right. Usually he lets me be for longer than this.

I watched him carefully as he approached me. And before I knew it, he was grabbing my hands and yanking me back up to my feet. His arm wrapped around my waist to keep me up. "Kanda is back." He said. Just hearing that made my eyes grow wide. My heart beat also sped up, and I looked right into Link's eyes. Well this is certainly unexpected. Of course he was going to return eventually! I just didn't think it would be this soon. It takes some time to get to your final destination. Sometimes the train ride alone takes a long time. So keeping that in mind, why was he already finished? Was he just that good, that he got all of the akuma? Well, yes he was. Why am I even questioning it?

His eyes darkened a bit. "Kanda is back... but he was caught up in an explosion. I don't think he wants you to see him like this, but I figured you could anyways. Since you're uh, you know..." I felt his gaze drift down to my stomach, and I instinctively placed my hands over it. What was that look for? Yes, I know what he is talking about! It's even hard for me to say it out loud. Just thinking about it makes me feel funny. Wait, did he just say that Kanda was caught up in an explosion?! How badly hurt is he? Is he going to be okay? Oh no, this is exactly what I feared. My heart sank, and I instantly felt sick. But I kept it all down. I had to see him.

"L-Link, please..." If he dies, then what will happen? What will become of our child? I don't want it to grow up without a father. That would just be heartbreaking. It's already destined to fight against akuma. And if it doesn't have an innocence, then will it be allowed to stay here with us? Or will the Order kick it out, and give it away to another family? That would really mess me up. I already feel an attachment to it. As soon as I felt my feet being lifted up from the ground, I gasped. It took me a few seconds to realize what was really going on. I can't walk on my own right now. I just don't have the energy to so much as move my legs, and that is something he understood. So instead of forcing myself to walk, he decided to carry me in his arms.

This felt a bit strange, but I didn't question it.

After that he bolted out of the room, and ran down the hallway. It was funny how he pushed through everyone, not even caring if he knocked anyone over. At the moment he was just focused on one thing, and that was bringing me to Kanda. It was like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Sometimes I even wonder if he's a mind-reader, to be honest. I didn't even mind what others thought of this. Being in Link's arms must be really weird to them, right? Oh well. I too, was only focused on one thing. I just wanted to make sure that the father of my child was alright. That he wasn't going to fricken die on me! If so, then I will be so beyond pissed off at him. I'll bring him back from the dead, and kill him all over again.

Stupid Bakanda.

It didn't take long before we made it to the medical ward. The nurses all said that we needed to check in first, but Link simply ignored them. Instead he ran right past them. This made me smile a little, but that only lasted for a mere few seconds. It soon vanished, because right now I didn't feel happy. It wasn't an honest smile. Not that I always smile honestly, and that is something Lenalee has called me out for. I remember that day clearly, especially since it involved her crying over me. I don't mean to worry everyone so much. I can't always help it. That is another reason why I have been unable to tell my friends about this pregnancy. They will worry what will happen to me because of this. Clearly it isn't normal for a guy to be carrying a growing baby for nine months, and then delivering it.

As we approached the room, it felt like my heart was going to burst right through my chest. Why did I feel so nervous? It might be because I haven't seen him in a while. That, and I don't know how he is doing. But when Link opened the door and we stepped inside, that is when I saw just how bad the situation was. It was like he read my mind again, because he immediately walked over to the bed just to get a closer look. "...!" What I saw made me want to throw up. This is exactly what I have been fearing every single day, and why I have been losing out on sleep. It was like this was bound to happen.

Kanda was all covered up in bandages. They even wrapped around half of his face! The sight was horrifying, and I pushed myself out of the blonde's arms so that I could get even closer. If I wasn't so determined, my legs would have gave out from underneath me, due to feeling so weak. My shitty luck just keeps getting worse, doesn't it? When will things ever get better? I feel like they won't. I will be stuck in this endless cycle for the rest of my life. Maybe even after I die! My shaky hands reached out to him, but they froze right before touching his face. Was it okay to touch him? Will he feel it and wake up? If so, then he will yell at me for invading his personal space. I didn't want that. I felt very vulnerable right now. I just hope that he can't feel any of this pain. Hopefully he is completely numb from it all.

I settle for grabbing his hand in both of mine, and sat down on the edge of the bed. The door to the room opens and closes, and that is when I know that Link decided to let us be alone. This made me feel very grateful, because I really did need this alone time with Kanda. I will have to thank him somehow after this. I can't exactly pay him back, but thanking him will be good enough. Besides, he will still be on the other side of that door anyways. So it's not like he was giving us complete alone time. The walls aren't exactly that thick, and the same goes for the door. But he isn't the type to go around telling every single person someone else's secrets. So in a way I trust him, I guess?

It seemed like most of Kanda's body was bandaged up. "..." I slowly lower myself onto the bed to lay beside him. There wasn't much room, for the beds were only so big. They are only supposed to fit on person. Still, I'm a small person. I managed to squeeze myself in while laying on my side. As I did this, I never let go of his hand. My gaze just locked onto his face as I watched him sleep. His hair was down, and I had to fight the urge to run my fingers through it. I always thought he looked nice with it like that. Not only that, but it was so soft. It's hard knowing he still has feeling for that woman. Of course I wonder just how beautiful she was. Also, how old were they when they fell for each other? It's not like he is that much older than me. Only by a few years.

I want to prove to Kanda that she isn't the only one for him.

Arguing with each other is sort of our thing. It's how we communicate! But will that change? Or at least, light up a bit because of the baby and everything? When we ate together in the cafeteria, he was actually helping me out. Deep down he really does care, but just doesn't want to admit it. This put a small smile on my face, and I found my own eyes closing. Huh, am I still tired? Maybe throwing everything up from yesterday made me feel this exhausted. There wasn't anything left in my stomach, and because of this, I now felt very hungry- starving in fact! Right now I was more worried about Kanda though. Is that a bad thing? I should be feeding our child, and yet here I am in his bed, waiting for him to wake up.

I just can't help it anymore. I have this constant need to be with him. And it's so impossible to just ignore. Guess we both had crappy pasts, huh? I wish he would open up more, and especially to me. I want to know what he all went through to be the person he is today. I want to know absolutely everything about the man who got me pregnant. But I know it isn't going to be that easy. "How did you survive an explosion, Kanda?" I whisper. After saying that, I could feel myself, little by little, slowly drifting off into a deep sleep. Before I knew it I was out.

Kanda's POV

What the hell is that annoying beeping sound? Not only that, but why does my hand feel so warm? As I try to move it, I realize that something is holding onto it. "...?" I already know that this isn't my bedroom. Not only does it smell weird, but the bed alone feels off. It's definitely not the one that I am used to. Where am I? My eyes open only slightly as I expected it to be bright. Although as I did this, not only did I realize that it was dark in the room, but the vision in my right eye was black. I couldn't see anything out of it. I raised my hand to touch it, and that is when I saw it all bandaged up. Wait, am I in a hospital? Did I get injured? My fingers lightly touch at the ones on my face, and I sigh. No wonder this room felt so off. I have always hated it here.

My whole body flinches when I feel something tight gripping at my other hand, and I quickly look over. Luckily it was on the side with my good eye. Well now I know where all of that warmth was coming from. That damn Moyashi was sleeping right beside me, and had a good grip on my hand with both of his own. "Hurts..." I hear him mumble. His face was twisted in agony, and there was sweat running down his face. If I yell at him to get out of my bed, then that will only cause more problems. Everyone will view me as a piece of shit. If there is something wrong with the baby, then something seriously wrong could happen to it, or the both of them. Wait, why should I care? I don't even want this child. And I certainly do not have any deeper feelings for someone who is cursed.

His hands finally let go of me, and I watch as he places them over his stomach. He grunts out in discomfort, and proceeds to curl up into a ball. "Nnrghhh!" His breathing came out in deep pants when he did this, and for the first time I began to wonder if he was going to be alright. Was he losing the baby? That honestly wouldn't surprise me. If that happens, then what? Will it change him? I can't help but stare at him while deep in thought about it all. What should I do? Call for help? Try to help him out myself? To be honest, I should be angry at him for sneaking into my bed. But as this continues, and I see that his condition is worsening, those thoughts slowly disappear. They were now replaced with something else- something that I wasn't used to.

Am I actually worried?

That's absurd! This is the stupid Moyashi that gets on my nerves. His very existence annoys me to death. So why can't I shake this feeling of wanting to help him out? Before I knew it, my hand had reached out to shake his shoulder. What am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this. I should be kicking his ass out of my bed for invading my personal space- for touching me! Yet all I can do is feel these... feelings. "Hey! Wake up!" I shout at him. Or maybe he already was awake, and was just in too much pain to open his eyes and say anything else? That could have been it. There's no way someone wouldn't wake up from that kind of pain. I just didn't know what else to say to him. I have never been thrown into this type of situation before.

His eyes flash open as soon as I say this, and he stares right into mine. There was a pleading look in them, like he wanted my help. For some reason this made my heart jump. What is going on in that head of his? "Why are you in my bed?" I bit out. I actually wanted to ask him if he was going to be alright, and if I needed to call for a doctor. Instead that came out of my mouth. So far there wasn't any blood, so maybe he wasn't having a miscarriage? I sat up in the bed, and even moved the top of the bed forward so that I could get more comfortable. Allen remained in a fetal position at my side. It's like he didn't even hear my question at all. He was completely unfazed by it.

"M-my insides are... are sh-shifting..." Allen gasped out. Seeing how much he struggled to say that made my eyes widen. Was it really that painful for him? And sure enough, he didn't care about being called out just now. The only thing he was focused on, was the excruciating pain he was currently in. My hands twitched as they rested in my lap. I seriously had no idea what to do, or what to say. I look down at his stomach then. Is he going to be like this throughout the entire pregnancy? If so, then this is going to be a literal hell for him.

"Tch. You're insane for doing this. Why won't you just give it up already? This could all be over with one simple procedure, you damn Moyashi! This is something that really ticks me off. You care too much!" I snap at him. If it were me, I would have gotten rid of the parasite in an instant. This idiot has already grown attached to it, so he no longer has that as an option. His eyes sadden when I say this, but I didn't look away. Instead I just gave him a blank stare.

"I-it has a heartbeat, K-Kanda! I'm not... m-murdering our child! You need to s-stop being so fricken h-heartless!" My eyes narrow then. But as soon as I do this, that is when I remember that ultrasound. It really did have a heartbeat, didn't it? That means it is a living human being. And getting rid of it was technically murder, wasn't it? No wonder he felt so strongly about this. He can't take another human being's life, even if it is torturing him like this. My eyebrows scrunched together the more I thought into this, and I let out a heavy sigh.

"Do whatever you want." I mutter, finally peeling my gaze away from him. I didn't know what else to say to him. I just wish he wasn't here right now, looking at me with those pain-filled eyes. It made me feel strange, and I hated it. I already told him that I didn't want this messing with my goal. Why can't he respect that already? I went to push the red button for assistance, but was stopped when Allen grabbed my hand again. I whipped my head in his direction to give him a cold glare. He's getting more touchy feely with me, and it needed to stop. I don't like being touched, and especially not by someone who is cursed.

"W-when I heard from Link that you were c-caught in an explosion... I-I felt scared. I didn't know w-what you would look like, or... o-or if you would survive. He carried me here, j-just so that I could get to you faster. How... d-did you make it out of there a-alive?" He asked me. The color in his face was coming back. Does this mean the pain was going away? Not only that, but his stuttering wasn't as bad as before. Maybe it only lasts in small spurts. But how often do these pains come and go? I didn't ask this. Instead I thought about what he just asked me.

"It's none of your business. And you shouldn't be scared. I'm an exorcist. You shouldn't think so little of me." I scoff out. That was true though. Why did he think those things of me? I'm not that easy to kill off. And him feeling that way was almost a slap in the face. I opened my mouth to say something else, but was cut off with the next thing he said.

"I know, Kanda." He said quietly. "Link told me about your previous lover. A... beautiful woman you once loved a long time ago. All he said, was that she died. And because of this, you are still searching for her soul. That... you won't be truly happy until you find it. I can't help but wonder when this all took place, because you're not that much older than me. Yes it's none of my business. Trust me, I understand that completely. But... I feel like I deserve to know at the same time. I'm having your fricken baby, so what could be more shocking than that?"

My body freezes.

"What... the hell did you just say?" My eyes become shadowed by my bangs, and my hands clench into tight fists. My heart is beating way too fast for my liking. I'm going to kill that stupid crow! I swear as soon as I am out of this bed, I'm going to have his head! How dare he spill something so secretive to the Moyashi of all people! My mouth becomes very dry all of a sudden, and I lick at my lips. This is a subject I really didn't want to talk about.

"It's okay. No one should expect you to get over someone like that. This woman is still very precious to you, right? Even death won't separate you two. But I'm going to be selfish here, and say that... I won't give up because of this. What I want is for-" I cut him off completely by slapping my hand over his mouth.

"For what? For us to be a happy little family with this parasite? I thought I already told you this before. This won't make us anything like that. I'm the father, and you're the mother. That's it. Nothing more. You need to stop trying to live a fantasy, and grow the hell up. Open your eyes, Moyashi! We're exorcists. This shouldn't even be happening. When are you going to find the time to take care of this baby? Huh?" I ask.

Allen grabs my wrist, pulling my hand away from my mouth so that he could speak. "I will find a way. No, we will. You may hate me, and that's fine. Hate me all you want... But I don't hate you. I consider you to be a friend of mine, even though you feel completely different towards me. I don't want you to die, Kanda. I rushed over here because I wanted to make sure that you were alright. Seeing you bandaged up like this fricken hurts. A normal person wouldn't survive a fricken explosion!"

That's it.

I yank my hand out of his grasp, and got out of the bed. As I stood there in my unflattering hospital gown, I began to unravel the bandages. I started with my arms first, and then my legs, finishing off with my face. And I let them all pool at my feet while doing this, all the while keeping my gaze locked onto Allen's. It was the most serious stare I could muster up. When I was finished, I placed a hand on my hip. "Well I don't need you to worry about me. I'm fine, see? That is because this body isn't real. It's artificial. I fell in love with that woman in my previous life, where we were both killed by akuma while out on a mission as exorcists. I still search for her soul, because I believe that she was reborn as well." I explain.

There was a long silence between us. The look on his face said it all: He was beyond confused by all of this, and he was letting it all slowly sink in. I couldn't help but notice the way he held his stomach as he sat up in the bed. The way he did it, it always looked so gentle, like he was afraid to touch it in the first place. "..." His hair is also very messy. Did he not take care of himself earlier? He might have given up on hygiene altogether, actually. It really wouldn't surprise me at this point. However when he did finally speak up, his voice was quiet. His eyes kept roaming over my body, but I didn't mind. He was in a state of shock right now, so it was a given that he would do such a thing.

"Your body isn't... real? Ugh, you Bakanda!" He snaps, and jabs a finger at me. "Do you seriously think that matters to me? I don't care what kind of body you have, because no matter what, you're still the same jerk I have always known!" I can't help but take a step back when he gets out of the bed and walks right over to me. I was trying to distance myself from him, but damn he is so persistent. Was he asking to get hit? Maybe I shouldn't hit him, since he's pregnant and all. That would be a cruel thing to do. What he said did make me feel strange. What is he trying to get at here? His stare is so intense, and I find it impossible to look away.

"I always wondered how you managed to heal so fast. But each time you played it off like it was nothing... Like it was fricken natural! Deep down I always knew it was more than that. Damn it, Kanda! Do you really think that lowly of us? Or did you think we wouldn't accept you like this?" He presses his index finger against the tattoo on my chest, and I shiver at how cold his touch is.

"I don't care if you lot accept me or not. This is just my personal business, and I didn't feel like sharing it with everyone at the Order." I explained through clenched teeth, and practically smack his hand away. "You're just not as important to me as that woman. And I don't want this thing holding me back from finding her. My body is healing slower than usual. That means I am running out of time. So don't waste your time falling for me, because you're going to get nothing in return. Now, get out of my room." I gestured to the door as I said this. Right now I just wanted to lay down and rest up. The sooner I am healed, the quicker I can get out of this hell hole.

"No. You can try and fight me all you want, but I'm not going to give up just like that. If you happen to find her, then so be it. You can be with her. But I can't just... ignore these feelings. I don't know what they are, or what will become of them. It confuses even me. All I know is that... I can't just walk away when there could be something between us. You keep calling this baby a "thing" and a "parasite", but I know damn well that once you see it in person and hold it in your arms, that you are going to instantly fall in love with it. And you want to know why, Kanda?" He got a little closer to me and snatched my hand. It was then guided over to the lower part of his stomach.

"Because you're the father. That's why."

"...!" It was an odd feeling touching the Moyashi's stomach like this. There was nothing to necessarily feel, but the fact that there was something growing inside of it just made the experience a whole lot different. Not only that, but it was mine. I couldn't even talk. I didn't know how to react to all of this. Soon there will be a bump there, and that bump will continue to get bigger and bigger until he pops. I look from his stomach to his face, and notice just how worn out he is. There are bags underneath his eyes, and the color in his face hadn't returned completely. His hair was a mess, and he appeared beyond tired- like he hasn't gotten any sleep in a long time.

"I didn't ask for this." I finally say. My hand still remained on his stomach. Normally I would have pulled away, but this time I didn't. Why is that? Why can't I move my hand? Why must I remain stuck in this awkward position with him of all people?

"I didn't ask for this either... But it happened, and we have to deal with it now. No one else is suffering more than I am right now. The pain is... Ah, I can't even find the right word to describe it. It's so intense, and it feels like my insides are being ripped out of my body. Every morning when I wake up, I have to rush into the bathroom where I spend an hour or two just throwing up. And because of this, I don't even have the energy to get up half the time. I just have to lay there for a while to collect myself. I was lucky that Link barged in when he did. I haven't eaten anything yet because of this. The hunger is something else as well. So are the cravings. You think I'm not scared of this? Of course I am!" He said, finally letting go of me. My hand fell back to rest against my side.

"I have no idea what is going to happen to me, or if I will even survive this. I don't even know if this baby will live long enough to be born. All I can do is try, and to tough it out through all the pain and suffering. God Kanda, you've been gone! I get that you were on a mission, but it's been so hard. You still get to fight, and do whatever you want, while I'm stuck here. I haven't even told my friends yet. I'm... too much of a coward to do so. Every day I have been hiding out in my bedroom. I don't want them viewing me as a freak! But I know I have to do it soon, or else they will find out from someone else. That, or the fact that I will start showing."

It was shocking to hear that Lenalee, Lavi, and the others still didn't know about this. But since it's not my body, it wasn't my place to tell them, even though technically I am the father. And hearing how much he is going through seemed like a lot. I would hate that so much. How can he live like that? Sure he was being a bit of a coward, but I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want to make him cry, what with his raging hormones all over the place. Instead I didn't say anything. I just stood there, listening to everything that he was saying. I just didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't expect to have this lecture when returning to the Order, and yet here we were.

What do I do?