Author Notes: Some previous readers might recognize some of this chapter. I had it posted before, but really didn't like it, as originally I had Mikey stay behind, and I didn't like splitting up the brothers. It's re-written now, quite a bit has changed, and to make up for the duplicate story, I added what was supposed to be part two to the end, so that's all new.

Now I can finally get this story moving again!

~Three Days before the wedding

Leo leaned back and resting his elbows on the old wooden counter behind him, dressed up in a white pinstripe shirt with the sleeves neatly rolled up, a black felt vest, and a small red tie. He rolled the toothpick he held between his teeth around thoughtfully. "Just how exactly did I get talked into this again?" he wondered casually aloud.

The derpy pigeon standing by the door gave him a beaming grin, waving a feathered hand . "Hi! I'm Pete!"

"Yes. Yes you are." Leo examined the toothpick for a moment, then stuck it back in his mouth and settled back against the counter.

"I've been wondering the same thing myself, Leonardo." Dr Rockwell sounded bored. The psychic chimpanzee was stationed behind the long wooden counter that served as a bar, where cans and bottles of every alcoholic beverage that Casey and Raph had been able to get their hands on lined the shelves on the wall. He was currently disinterestedly using his telekinesis abilities to stack the mismatched supply of small clear shot glasses that they had collected. "Such low brow entertainment is beneath me, and yet, here I am somehow. Astounding."

He, Dr Rockwell, and Pigeon Pete were stationed in a long-abandoned restaurant located in the upper floors of an empty building, all dressed up in matching makeshift uniforms of the black vest, pinstripe shirt, and red tie. The dilapidated old floor had been cleaned of trash and debris, colorful lights had been set up, decorations had been hung around, and even an old jukebox had been coaxed into working condition and sat in the corner, playing whatever songs Casey had been able to get in there. At his post by the door, Pigeon Pete was rocking on his feet and humming a completely different tune then was currently playing.

A door opening and shutting and the clamor down on the floor below let Leonardo know that the guest of honor had finally arrived. He straightened up and dusted himself off. "Alright, men. It's showtime."

"Oh joy!" Pigeon Pete flapped his feathered hands happily, and then lunged forward to throw open the door, leaning out to look at the empty hallway. "Hi! I'm Pigeon Pete!"

From the bottom of the steps, Slash called up, "Yes, we know, Pete!"

A few seconds later, the hulking blue turtle clambored up the stairs and ducked through the doorway, followed closely by Mondo Gecko, Leatherhead, and finally Casey, Raphael and Mikey, who were both leading a blindfolded Donnie. The purple genius was wearing a tshirt that was obviously never meant to be worn by a creature with a shell that had the words 'Buy this guy a shot, he's tying the knot!' emblazoned across the front, and a ballcap that said 'Party Stag' with two felt antlers attached to each side.

"Alright, Donnie!" Casey said gleefully, taking off the white bandana. "Surprise!"

Donnie blinked his reddish brown eyes a few times, adjusting once more to having sight, then looked around, eyeridge raised. "Oh. Wow. Um, thanks guys... but like I said, this really isn't necessary."

Raph scoffed, punching his shoulder. "C'mon man, did you really think that we'd let you get by without a wicked stag party?! You're getting married, dude! Time to go wild!"

"This is going to be aMAZING!" Mikey squealed, bounding in. "I've been looking forward to this for weeks!"

"We've got everything set up to par-tay tonight!" Casey said enthusiastically. He began listing things off on his fingers. "Booze, friends, alcohol, gambling, beer, dancing, whiskey, oh, and look, we even got chicks to hang out with us!" He eagerly led Donnie over to the wall, where lifesized cardboard cutouts of pinup models lined the wall in seductive and flirting poses. Casey dragged Casey over to one in particular. "Donnie, here's Katie. Katie, meet the man of the hour!" He picked up the cardboard cutout and handed it to the purple ninja. "She's that hot host chick from that science show you like so much, right?!"

"This... is awkward." Donnie observed, hesitantly taking the cardboard actress standup and examining it with a slight awkward blush coloring his cheeks. He looked as if he was inwardly examining all of his escape options.

"Well, hello there gorgeous." Casey spoke in a smooth voice as he leaned next to a cardboard blonde in a red bikini. "What's your sign?"

Donnie, holding his own cardboard girl at arm's length, glanced over at Leo pleadingly for rescue, who merely shrugged as he chewed on his toothpick. "Hey, don't look at me. I'm just one of the staff."

"And just what exactly did they bribe you with, Leo?" Donnie's voice held a hint of betrayed accusation.

Leo considered it for a moment, then admitted guiltily, "Casey promised to clean up his bedroom." He then shrugged. "Plus, I figured that I could be the sober chaperone." He glanced at the other two 'employees' of this makeshift nightclub. "I'm not sure how these two got roped into it, though."

Dr Rockwell looked at Leo in surprise. "Why Leonardo, wasn't the payment details discussed with you?"

Leo stopped chewing on his toothpick, then slowly turned to glance at Raph and Casey, who were looking suspiciously guilty. "The what now?" he asked cautiously.

Raph coughed. "We kinda promised him that you would show him a few of your meditation techniques."

Leo was still and silent for a moment, then he went back to chewing on his toothpick, narrowing his sapphire blue eyes into an icy stare at his brothers as he did so. He didn't mind sharing knowledge, of course, but teaching the arrogant and condescending Dr. Rockwell was always... interesting.

"As for Pete," Slash stepped in, trying to save Raph and Casey from being vaporized by imaginary death glares, "Once he found out that we were putting this together, he kinda got his heart set on joining in as well." He glanced over to the derpy pigeon. "We didn't really know what to do with him, so we ended up making him the busboy."

"Hi! I'm Pete!" The pigeon finally noticed that somebody was paying attention to him, and waved enthusiastically in response.

"Enough of this!" Casey tucked his 'date' under one arm and grabbed Donnie with the other. "Everybody grab a date, and let's get this train wreck under way!"

"Train wreck is probably an apt description." Donnie squeaked as he was dragged over to the bar.

Slash picked up two cardboard girls at random and handed one to Leatherhead. "I'm going to have to drink a lot to make this seem less disturbing." he muttered to the large alligator as they headed over to the bar as well.

"Please tell me he was able to..." Mondo Gecko examined the printed out models as he slowly skateboarded along the row of choices, then perked up as he saw the one he was looking for. "Yes!" He grabbed the piece of cardboard with an anime punk girl wearing spiked black clothing. "Dude! You managed to get Sk8tergrl Lolli! Wicked!"

"Hey, you ask, dude, Casey Jones delivers!" Casey called out over his shoulder.

"Let's see here..." Mikey glanced over the cardboard options thoughtfully, then his eyes widened, and he gave a squeal. "Oh m'gosh! I'm totally in love!" He rushed over to a cardboard pink flamingo with long movable stick legs that was meant to be a wall decoration paired with some palm trees. He licked his hand and slicked back his bandana tails, before reaching up to unpin the flamingo and swoop her into a dip. "Hello, Florintina, we meet again. Your feathers are stunning tonight, my dear!"

"Bartender!" Casey called out, seating himself on one of the stools. Dr Rockwell gave a long suffering sigh at that. "A drink for the groom-to-be here!"

"Of course. Any preferences, sir?" The psychic monkey turned to Donatello with the air of resignation and ever patient toleration.

"Um... Martini, I guess? Shaken, not stirred?" Donnie half joked, setting the cardboard Katie on the floor next to him.

Rockwell narrowed his gaze at Donnie for a moment, then nodded and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He exhaled slowly, then, with a sudden snap of his hands that startled Donnie, his eyes flew open and bulged out in intense concentration and bottles began flying off the shelves and orbiting the chimpanzee. Gin and dry vermouth poured into a metal shaker, and, as if held by an invisible hand, expertly shook and mixed the ingredients in twists and swoops, before pouring the contents into a floating martini glass. The glass landed gently in front of Donnie as two olives flew up in the air, were skewered by a toothpick from the same box that Leo had gotten his from, and then settled gently into the drink with barely even a ripple.

Applause filled the room at the show

"Ooh, bravo, my good man!" Mondo Gecko called out, obviously impressed.

Rockwell tipped his head slightly, as if all the praise and adoration were only natural.

"I'll take a Bud." Casey decided to order his own drink.

A can of beer flew off the shelf and smacked Casey between the eyes non-too-gently.

"Ow!" Casey complained, rubbing his face before picking up the can. "Somebody isn't getting a tip!"

"You're not even paying him to begin with, Casey." Leo grumbled. "Apparently I am. Oh! And do you guys see that bowl of pretzels sitting in front of you?" Leo leaned over his table to point the indicated item out. "I put that bowl of pretzels on the bar for a reason. Eat them. I don't want anybody drinking on an empty stomach. And there's bottles of water there. Hydrate!"

"Yes, Leo." Everybody recited in unison without turning to look at him.

"Pretzels?!" Pigeon Pete perked up.

"No, Pete." Leo sighed as he turned to remind him. "I gave you a baggie of Cheerios earlier to get you to leave them alone, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Pete blinked, then began to pat down his vest. "Where did I put them again?"

"You... ate them." Leo blinked.

"Oh." Pete looked disappointed, then perked up hopefully. "Can I have some pretzels?

Leo sighed and reached under his counter. He thought this might happen. Grabbing another small baggie full of cereal, he tossed it to the pigeon man. "Here."

"Yay!" Pete tore into the bag with impressive savagery.

Leo leaned back against his counter. He had only brought six bags, he hoped they lasted him through the night.

Mikey, having just placed a pink-colored cocktail with an umbrella in front of Florintina, turned towards Slash, rubbing an arm awkwardly. "Say... I'm glad to see Pete's here. Is everything cool with him now? You know that I still feel really bad about what happened..." he trailed off guiltily.

Slash put a huge scaled hand on Mikey's shell. "Mikey, you shouldn't blame yourself. You couldn't have known that Pete would have such a reaction to... well... you know."

They all shuddered and had flashbacks to the dark basement where an almost feral pigeon hid in a pile of empty pizza boxes. It finally took the combined force of the Hamato Clan and all the Mighty Mutanimals to set up an intervention on his behalf.

Raph glanced at the pigeon devouring the Cheerios. "He looks good, by the way. Glad he pulled out of that."

Slash nodded. "Yeah. He's been keeping himself clean. He hasn't touched a..." he paused, then leaned down and spelled out in a whisper, "P- I- Z- Z- A C- R- U- S- T" He straightened back up and resumed a normal speaking voice, '...in almost two months now."

"Good to hear." Raph nodded.

"So, what are the chicks doing tonight while the dudes are out prowling?" Mondo asked curiously.

Raph took a drink and shrugged. "Dunno what their plans were. I'm sure they're having a good time, though."

*Back at the lair*

April looked across the table at where Karai, Shinigami, Mona Lisa and Renet sat, and smiled awkwardly. Music was playing off of the radio in the background, but otherwise the lair was quiet.

The ladies eyeballed each other uncertainly, and April inwardly wanted to strangle Casey and Mikey for setting this up, as good as their intentions had been. They just invited all the female allies they knew for her bachelorette party, and that was just these four. And while Renet seemed sweet enough, April had just met the Time Mistress! Apparently April needed more gal pals.

"So..." she coughed, and rubbed the back of her neck.

"Yup. Here we are." Karai nodded, resting her arms on the table, which was covered in various snacks and drinks, all of the non-alcoholic kind, of course.

There was another moment of quiet, and in the background, the music stopped as the radio switched to commercial break.

"Yes! So! This bachelorette party!" Renet nodded, reaching over to eat some Skittles out of bowl. "I am so ready to party all night!"

"Wild and crazy hijinks will abound tonight, I'm sure." Shini agreed.

Mona Lisa turned to April, tilting her head curiously. "So... um... forgive my ignorance, but... what exactly do we do at this Bachelorette Party'? I'm still new to many of these this Earth customs."

"Uh..." April stuttered as her mind raced. "We... uh..." Then she sighed and let her head fall into her hand. "Okay. Confession time. I honestly have NO idea what you're supposed to do at a bachelorette party. Besides drink, obviously, which..." She gestured towards her still barely noticeable stomach meaningfully.

"Hm." Karai frowned, then looked around uncertainly. "Well, are we... are we supposed to go to Chippendale's or something? I think that's what you're supposed to do?"

"Like... the Rescue Rangers?" Mona Lisa looked confused. "I have observed Michelangelo watching that animated feature about the antics of two small rodents. Are... are we to find them to assist them on one of their mysteries somehow? I was under the impression that they were fictional."

"Eh-heh... no.." April coughed. "She's talking about going to a stripper club, not cartoon chipmunks."

"Wait?! We're going to a stripper club?!" Renet's voice audibly squeaked.

"No, no we are not." April said firmly.

"Oh, thank glorb." Renet exhaled in relief. "If Lord Simultaneous caught me doing something like that, I'd be cleaning the library for a month."

"Hm... Thus bars and stripper clubs are out." Shini frowned. "So... what else do you do at a bachelorette party?"

There was another moment of silence as they pondered this.

"You know what? We'll do whatever we want!" April decided, smacking both of her palms on the table firmly. "We aren't defined by societies rules! We'll party how we want to party! You with me, girls?"

"Yes! This is going to be the best Bachelorette party ever!" Renet cheered enthusiastically.

"Of course will be!" Shini said optimistically in her lilting accent.

"Yes, we will successfully accomplish all we set out to do at this 'Bachelorette Party'." Mona Lisa added. "We will have many tales of adventures to regale the boys with when they return!"

"That's the spirit!" April raised a can of grape soda in salute. "The boys will have nothing on us!"

The girls all raised their cans of soda in unison in a cheer, and then tipped the cans back to drink as one.

Mona drained her Mountain Dew in a few chugs, then belched loudly and smashed the can against her forehead, the metal crumpling like tissue paper.

The other girls lowered their drinks and stared at her.

She noticed this and paused, now a little uncertain. "Wait, is that not the customary response after emptying your beverage on Earth?"

"She mostly hangs out with Raph and Casey." April explained.

"Oh..." the others immediately understood.

"Nice technique, Mona." Karai gave her a thumbs up, tipped up her own Ginger Ale to finish it off, before giving a small burp of her own and smashing her can on her forehead as well.

"Ooh! Let me try!" Renet bubbled excitedly, chugged her drink, belched, then tried and failed to smash the can on her face. "Ow! Oh glorb, that's harder then it looks!" She rubbed the red ring mark growing on her forehead ruefully.

They spent the next few minutes discussing various can smashing techniques, and then they eventually fell silent again, occasionally snacking amongst the awkward silence.

April looked around the table and shrugged. "Mario Cart?"

"Dibs on Bowser." Karai immediately called out.

*Back at the Kame Bar*

"Dude..." Mikey lay on his shell on a bench near Leo's station, holding one of his hands up in front of his face. "Hey... hey bro! Leo! Leo. Bro... Hey, Leeeeoooooo..." He groped around thickly with his non-studied hand, trying to catch Leo's attention but missing him each time.

"I'm right here, Mikey." Leo informed him.

"Leo... Dude... Have you ever wondered why we only have three fingers?" Mikey breathed in awe as he stared at his hand. He wiggled his fingers and watched in fascination.

Leo narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Mikey... how much have you had to drink tonight?"

Mikey broke out giggle madly, as if he had just told a funny joke. "Leo! I only have three fingers to count on!" He held up his hand and wiggled his fingers to show him. "So I don't know, bro!"

Leo looked up at Dr Rockwell with an eyeridge raised, who shrugged, baffled. "Don't look at me. I've only served him non-alcoholic beverages. It... seemed irresponsible to do otherwise."

Leo leaned down and gave a quick sniff. Nope, Mikey did not smell like he had been drinking. He just smelled like stale pizza, sewer, and sugar mostly. Typical Mikey smell. His sapphire blue eyes narrowed and darted over to where Mondo was laughing and trying to balance a red plastic cup on his nose. Would the usually baked mutant have brought some...? No, no, he knew better, and Leo would've definitely smelled that.

Leo frowned and considered his youngest brother. Alright, apparently it was now time to play the game of trying to figure out if Mikey was just messing with him, or if he truly managed to get drunk and/or high somehow. Mikey could just be getting a kick out of baffling his oldest brother with his abstruse behavior. On the other hand, it was quite possible that Mikey actually was legitimately drunk, just because he had convinced himself that he should be. Mikey's imagination was powerful enough.

Mikey's bleary baby-blue eyes moved to meet his own scrutinizing gaze, and the orange turtle wrinkled his snout and giggled at Leo. "Bro..." he breathed, and then bolted up and twisted around to grab Leo's hand, examining it closely. "Ha! You have three fingers too! We're twins, dude!" He held up Leo's battle scarred hand and pressed his own against it, obviously thrilled at how closely they matched.

Leo sighed. His little brother was so confusing sometimes.

He pulled his hand away and straightened up as the main group of the party made their way towards his table.

"Great. So now what?" Donnie eyed the setup hesitantly as Casey led him to a high backed chair that was decorated like a garish party throne, with balloons and streamers and a big sign reading 'The Throne of Games'.

"Gentlemen." Leo greeted them casually, playing his role as expected. He gestured towards the set up in front of him, three folding tables covered in boxes and marks made with red, black, and green markers, and, off to the side, an upside down trashcan lid converted into a roulette wheel. "Take a seat at my table, and we can begin the games."

"Wait, so Leo's the dealer? Really?" Mondo blinked at the others, then turned back to Leo. "No offense, dude, but... like... do you even know how to gamble?"

"We asked Leo for a reason." Raph said with a knowing smirk. "Not only is he a rule freak that'll make sure that games remain honest and friendly, he can do things like this..." He gestured to Leo, who nodded.

Leo picked up a deck of cards and held it up in one hand for them to see. Then, with a few twists of just that one hand, the deck was broken up into three equal sized smaller decks, which he rolled nimbly about his fingers, before finally snapping his wrist and splaying them out in three different neat fans of cards angled in different directions, before just as quickly snapping them up and manipulating them all back into a single neat deck. All that just using his one hand.

"Whoa..." Mondo looked hypnotized by the movement of the cards. "Dude."

"I still don't see how you do that." Casey grumbled, obviously jealous. "And you only have three fingers!"

"I know, right!" Mikey exclaimed from his bench, holding up his hand. "Mind blowing, isn't it?"

"Card manipulation is a good way to practice hand dexterity." Leo said simply, riffling the deck of cards between the palms of his hands before starting up a complicated and visually impressive shuffle that broke the deck up into several small pieces that spun, twisted, and flipped around one another almost casually. "I offer Blackjack, Baccarat, Pai Gow Poker, Craps, and Roulette."

Donnie scoffed as he took his chair of honor. "Poker? Against you, Leo? I'm not THAT drunk yet." He set Katie up next to him, and leaned against the table. "We'll start out with blackjack."

"Of course." Leo smirked, and deftly began to deal out the cards.

The night wore on, and Leo sat back in a chair, munching on a pretzel and watching his brothers and the Mighty Mutanimals laugh, drink, and dance to the music with their cardboard ladies. He felt he had played his part well. Everybody seemed to have fun with the games, even if Leatherhead, surprisingly, took the majority of the pot, and now had moved on to dancing and even more drinking.

All things considered, the night's event seemed to be a success. Everybody seemed to be in good spirits, if more then a little liquored up. Of the other two 'employees', only Leo had stayed on the wagon. Pete was curled up under the roulette table, sleeping as he clung an empty pretzel bowl to his chest possessively. And Rockwell had fallen, hard. He was just as drunk as everybody else. Somehow he had found a fringed lampshade, which he wore on his head, and was currently in a contest with Donnie on who could pull off the best 'Robot' dance.

The smile faded off of Leo's face, though, and he straightened up, suddenly serious.

Danger.

His instincts were screaming danger!

Launching over the bar, he landed by the jukebox and quickly pulled the plug, killing the music.

The cries of protest were quickly cut short when the others noticed the serious look on his face, all knowing just what that meant. He carefully slid over to a window and pulled the heavy cover back a bit to peek out. Though he kept his face calm, he swore inwardly at what he saw.

There were black military vehicles and men in black combat suits milling about them.

"It's the EPF." he muttered low to the others.

"Fuck." Raph swore.

In Leo's mind, it was highly ironic that the Earth Protection Force seemed to think that mutants were one of the biggest threats to the earth, when, in fact, he and his allies had risked so much to save humanity on several occasions.

"What are they doing here?" Slash growled.

"Don't know, but we all need to leave. Now." Leo frowned. He moved to sneak a look out of the other windows, trying to get a handle on the situation as his mind put together a plan. "They seem to just be at the front and rear at the moment."

He turned to study the others. Everybody had been drinking, some more then others, but Slash and Leatherhead seemed to still be functional, probably thanks to their large sizes. Even so, they were definitely not going to be fighting at the top of their game. "We need to avoid a confrontation." he stated the obvious as he moved towards the center of the room to join the others. "Slash, take the Mighty Mutanimals down into the basement. There's a service tunnel down there that leads down to the waterfront that the EPF should be unaware of. The Hamato Clan will stealth off the roof, get a little ways away, and cause a SUBTLE," he glared at Casey and Raph, "distraction to get their attention away from the river and give you further cover."

"That's a mission that will require stealth." Slash gave a faint, indiscreet head tilt towards Casey, obviously wondering if Leo wanted him to take the loud human with in the non-sneaky group.

Leo considered this. Not for Casey, actually. He had spent enough time secretly watching Raph and Casey's backs on their nights out that he had full confidence in the two of them. They knew how to move quickly and quietly even when drunk when the situation required it. Donnie, on the other hand, was more of an unknown factor. The purple genius rarely drank, and he was very obviously VERY drunk at the moment. Leo wasn't quite sure how much his ninja skills were affected by this. However, he was standing there as quietly and seriously as the others at the moment, one hand on his bo staff and the other protectively on cardboard Katie.

"We should be fine." Leo finally decided.

Slash nodded, trusting Leo's judgement. He hoisted the unconscious Pigeon Pete over one shoulder, and instructed Leatherhead to carry Mondo Gecko, who wasn't walking the straightest. "Very well. Donnie, congrats man, and thanks for the party. Sorry that we have to leave so abruptly."

"Pshaw. Don't be sorry." Donnie scoffed, waving his hand drunkenly. "This was fun, and besides, can't be a ninja turtle without having some trouble show up, y'know."

"Right." Leo stepped in front of his brothers, serious. "We should be able to reach the roof through the floor above us. Keep in the shadows, and keep low, and we should be able to get at least a few buildings away with little problem, where I will deal with creating a distraction, understand? No playing around or showboating tonight, we don't need to create any unnecessary risks. Raph and I will help Casey in the trickier parts. We need to move quiet and fast."

"Question?" Donnie raised his hand slightly.

Leo glanced at him. "Yes Donnie?"

"Can I bring Katie along?" Donnie held up the cardboard cutout of the attractive scientist.

Leo sighed and put a finger to the bridge of his snout and closed his eyes. "You know what? Fine. As long as you don't let it get in your way."

"Yay!" Donnie gleefully but quietly celebrated, tucking the cardboard cutout under one arm.

"Alright, let's move." Leo ordered, and Raph, Mikey, Casey, and Donnie (with Katie) followed him.

As Leo predicted, they had little trouble making their way up to the roof. Gesturing for the others to stay put for a moment, he skirted through the shadows to a better vantage point, trying to better understand the position of the military personnel below on the streets.

Fortunately, this didn't seem to be a full out assault force. By how few units there were, and only a couple of armored vehicles, Leo guessed that this was only a scouting unit, sent out to inspect a possible lead but not really expecting to find anything.

"Whoa..." Donnie breathed next to him, and Leo jumped in surprise. Holy...! When did DONNIE get so stealthy that he could sneak up on him?! Was he some sort of drunk savant that way? "That's a Type IV Hercule Titan!"

"Donnie!" Leo hissed, and, looking around, quickly and stealthily herded him back. "I told you to stay back here!"

"Guys! Guys!" Donnie wasn't listening to him at all. "Get this! They have an actual Type IV Hercule Titan vehicle down there! I've hacked the schematics for them, but I didn't think I'd ever actually see one in person!" He was geeking out happily and drunkly. "Man, would I ever love to get a look at one of those babies up close!"

"Hm?" Raph peered down over the edge of roof. "You mean that big armored van over there by itself?"

"Raph! Really! Calling a mere 'van' seems so barbaric." Donnie sniffed. "It's basically a high tech miniature tank. That's what I dream of turning the Shellraiser into one day." He then melted into a giggling shiver. "It's my dream baby!"

"Guys!" Leo hissed at them. "Ninjas! Escaping! Remember?!"

"Yeah, yeah Leo." Raph waved him off absently, studying the armored vehicle. He stood up. "You lead the way. We'll take care of Donnie. Won't we Casey?"

"We will?" Casey blinked at him, confused by this.

"Hey, I don't need taking care of!" Donnie protested, offended and swaying. "Besides, I think you guys had more to drink then... then I did!"

"Trust me bro." Raph threw a friendly but drunk arm around the purple genius's shell. He poked him in the arm and gave him a wink. "Tonight is your night. It's my job and duty as your brother to make sure it's the best night ever!"

"Oh! Yeah!" Casey seemed to get something from Raph's look, and grinned, throwing his arm around Donnie's shell from the other side. "We got your shell, man!"

Mikey threw his arms around all three of them. "Bro hug time!"

Leo narrowed his eyes suspiciously at them, but at Raph's innocent look and gesture for him to continue, he nodded. "This way."

He led them over a narrow gap between buildings, then through the shadows across the skyline, trying to choose much safer and cautious paths for his intoxicated brothers then they normally bothered with.

It wasn't until the third rooftop away that he suddenly realized that he was alone, and his footsteps faltered as he looked around for his missing brothers. Where had they...?

Sudden shouting and yelling from the EPF humans behind him and the roar of an engine and squeal of tires made his heart drop in his chest.

They wouldn't...

He rushed to the side of the roof and leaned over the edge, looking around wildly. He quicky spotted the armored van racing down the alleyway, smoke from the squealing tires pouring out from behind it.

Oh, those little shits! They were in so much trouble! He was going to make them scrub down the whole lair with toothbrushes! He was going to make them do backflips until they couldn't tell up from down! He was going to lecture them until his lungs gave out and, newsflash, he was a turtle! That would take a hell of a long time!

The side door was still open, and Mikey was leaning out of it, gesturing up to him as they approached. "Come on, Leo! Hurry up and get in!"

Leo launched himself off the roof, grabbing a window ledge and kicking off the brick wall at the exact moment the van raced by, and rolling through the sliding door that Mikey held open into the moving vehicle. He straightened up immediately and immediately noticed Raph behind the wheel.

Oh hell no! Stealing a military vehicle was one thing, but there was going to be absolutely NO drunk driving in this clan while Leo lived and breathed!

He lunged forward to quickly grab the wheel and then, jumping up and over to wedge himself between Raph and the door, he then hip-bumped the red brother out of the driver's seat and settled himself in, quickly strapping the seatbelt before stepping on the gas pedal and flooring it.

Just in time too, as the remaining three EPF vehicles skidded around the corner and roared into action, in close pursuit.

"What the hell are you guys thinking?!" Leo snarled, twisting the steering wheel hard and making a curve on two wheels, before righting the vehicle.

"Donnie wanted it." Raph laughed eagerly as he picked himself up off the vehicle floor, obviously enjoying the adrenaline rush. "And what my brothers want, I make sure they get!"

Donnie, buckled into the passenger seat next to Leo, gave a squeal of joy and excitement, drumming the dashboard in drunken anticipation. "I have the best brothers ever!" He began to explore all the screens, buttons, and switches in front of him. "Look at the technology here! Can we keep it?!" He looked to Leo eagerly. "Please, Leo?! Please, please, please?!"

"Absolutely not!" Leo snarled, pushing down the gas pedal harder as they reached a stretch of road that seemed clear of traffic. "Everybody shut up, sit down, and buckle in!"

"Spoilsport." Raph stuck his tongue out at him as he, Mikey, and Casey buckled in at the back.

"Don't you even start, Raph!" Leo fumed, glancing in the side mirror. He noticed that the three military vehicles in pursuit were now joined by two flashing police cars. "You guys are in so much trouble when we get out of this!"

"Aw, c'mon, Leo!" Casey complained. "You're supposed to get into a little bit of trouble at a bachelor party! It's in the rules or something! You don't want to break the rules, do you Leo?"

"That is not in the rules, Casey!" Leo snapped, taking a corner so sharp that he nearly hit a newpaper stand. "And this isn't just 'a little bit of trouble!" He noticed a street sign, and realized that he was nearing the spot he had designated in his mind. "Mikey, give me your permanent marker."

"What?" Mikey blinked in confusion.

"Why would he have a permanent marker?" Raph looked over at Mikey doubtfully.

"He was going to use it to draw on Donnie's face if he passed out drunk." Leo growled, holding out a hand without looking back. "Now we don't have much time, so marker, Mikey!"

"Dude. How do you do that?" Mikey's eyes went wide with wonder, but he complied, pulling a large Sharpie out of a pouch and putting it in Leo's hand.

"Thank you." Leo grabbed the marker. "Here's the plan, guys. We're going to go under a rather large underpass here soon. You guys are going to use your grappling hooks to get up on top and out of the vehicle. Raph, you got Casey."

"I got Katie!" Donnie announced, holding up the cardboard cutout.

"Yes. Fine Donnie. Whatever." Leo growled. "Anyways, there's a Laundromat near there with a large washing machine on the roof, get up there, and wait for me by that. Are my directions clear?"

"Wait... just what are you planning to do to the Type IV Hercule Titan, Leo?" Donnie asked almost accusingly.

Leo just clenched his jaw. "Overpass is coming up. Get ready to move, guys!"

The others grumbled, but unbuckled and moved to the doors.

"Please try not to scratch it up too badly." Donnie pleaded, petting the dashboard covered in blinking lights almost tearfully.

Then the nightsky above them disappeared, turning into concrete and round metal lights blinking out a yellowish-orange hue. When the van roared out and reappeared on the other side back under open sky, Leo was alone in the van. Even the cardboard Katie was gone.

Grumbling to himself, Leo grabbed the cap of the Sharpie between his teeth and pulled it off, spitting it off to the side.

"Sir! We are in close pursuit of the mutants at this moment!" a heavily armored human spoke into his communication device in his ear, keeping his eyes on the screen in front of him. He listened for a moment, then nodded, "The vehicle they stole comes with state of the art tracking systems, so there's no way that they'll be able to escape!"

"The tracked vehicle is turning onto West 98th, heading east at an estimated eighty two kilometers per hour." The co-pilot up front observed, making notes on a digitized map screen in front of her.

"Don't lose it!" the armored human, obviously a lower ranked officer, ordered, turning to look up at them.

"Affirmative." the driver pulled at the wheel hard.

"Beta Two and Three, divert and try to get ahead of the mutants by the riverfront bridge." the officer commanded into his headset. "We'll try and cut off any avenues of escape. Headquarters, what's the status regarding backup?"

"Sir!" the co pilot called out. "The stolen Titan is picking up speed!"

"Keep pace!" the officer barked out.

"You don't understand, sir!" the co pilot sounded confused and anxious. "It's accelerating too fast! There's a turn coming up, and if they don't slow down, they're not going to be able to make the..."

There was an earsplitting crash and shriek of twisting, breaking metal and glass that could be heard even inside the armored vehicle they were in.

The driver slammed on his brakes, bringing them to a screeching stop right next to the stolen vehicle now half embedded into a destroyed concrete wall, smoke pouring out of its engine and one of the wheels spinning lifelessly in the air.

"The Titan has crashed! I repeat! The Titan has crashed! All units converge on our location!" The officer screamed into his headpiece, then grabbed a heavy rifle, jumping to his feet. "Come on! We have to make sure those mutants don't escape!"

The other two EPF vehicles screeched up as well, joined shortly by the NYPD patrol cars. Men poured out and began surrounding the crashed vehicle, weapons out and at the ready.

"Attention Mutants!" the officer spoke over the intercom. "You are surrounded! Come out with your hands up and surrender peacefully. We will not hesitate to shoot!"

When nothing came out, he nodded to the advance team, and they began cautiously approaching, guns at the ready.

"Sir!" One of the men called out, peering in the open side door. "It appears to be empty!"

"What?! That can't be!" The officer was baffled, and made his way forward as well.

"Over here sir." Another soldier, examining the driver's side, called him over.

Somebody had taking the large hardcover rules and regulations book out of the glove department and used it to wedge the gas pedal down.

And on the bulletproof windshield, somebody had left a message in large black letters, written in very neat and elegant handwriting.

'I'm so very, very sorry about this!'

Leo pulled himself up onto the roof of the Laundromat, and was relieved to see his brothers waiting for him in the designated place. Well, at least they were cognitive enough to follow his orders to this point.

"Leo!" Donnie grabbed his face. "The Type IV Hercule Titan?!"

"...is built like a tank, with bullet proof glass and reinforced steel plating." Leo mumbled through squished cheeks, then pushed his brother's hands away. "I'm sure the concrete barrier took more damage then the vehicle did."

"Concrete... what?!" Donnie looked horrified. "You CRASHED it?! Have you no respect for art, Leo?!"

"Oh, why yes, Donnie, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." Leo growled, then took a deep breath. He was calm. He was Leonardo, and he was in control of himself. He would not lose his temper. His brothers were drunk, and of course they weren't acting completely rationally right now. He needed to be the adult. "But now that that mess has been taken care of, we shouldn't stay in this area for very long. Let's start heading back to the lair."

"What?!" Casey protested. "Dude! The night is still young! We can't throw in the towel just yet!" He grabbed a handful of the colorful brochures they were looking over. "We were just trying to decide where we should go next!"

Leo folded his arms. They didn't seriously think that they were going to keep partying after what just happened, did they? "I think that we're going home. Now." Leo said flatly.

"Aw, come on, Leo." Raph stood up and draped an arm around his shell. "When we said that we wanted to throw an awesome bachelor party for Donnie, you promised that you would let us have fun and wouldn't be a wet blanket, remember?"

"I think the line for non-intervention was crossed when you guys stole an armored vehicle from the EPF!" Leo pushed Raph's arm off. He took a deep breath, steadied his voice again, and tried a calm, rational approach. "Listen guys. You're drunk, we've already just proven that our ability to stealth appropriately is severely compromised, and the EPF is now all riled up and out there looking for us. We really need to get someplace safe right now."

"Leo." Raph leaned down a bit to look Leo dead in the eyes. "Donnie only get one bachelor party. This one day of fun! And then he's going to be shackled down and burdened with so much stress and responsibility that it's going to crush him! We have to let him experience this last gasp of freedom!"

Leo growled, but averted his eyes.

"Leo... Bro..." Donnie swallowed hard, as if crushingly disappointed, and looked up at him with big, pleading eyes. "Please?"

Okay, now that wasn't playing fair! Since when had Donnie started doing the puppy dog eyes?! That was Mikey's thing!

Leo tapped his foot, folded his arms, huffed, snarled, and tapped his foot. Then he groaned and grabbed his head as he stomped around in circles, inwardly arguing with himself. Finally, he glanced once more at Donnie, sighed in defeat, and instead crossed his arms, glaring at his brothers. "You guys are going to listen to me?"

"Of course, Leo!" All three of them looked at him hopefully.

"No more running off, stealing vehicles, or anything like that." he warned. "And if things start getting too dangerous and I say we're leaving, we're going to leave immediately and without incidents, right?"

"Of course, Leo!" They all eagerly nodded their heads.

Leo sighed and uncrossed his arms.

"Thank you Leo! You're the best!" Donnie pulled him into a hug.

Leo gave a self-loathing growl.

"Don't worry, Leo!" Raph laughed, rubbing his sulking brother's head. "Casey and I are pros at this! What can go wrong?"

Oh gods, this was such a bad idea! It was foolish and dangerous and why had he even agreed to this?! He was the sober one, he was supposed to keep them safe, and oh gods, they so weren't safe! They were the opposite of safe! It was so noisy in here and there were so many humans everywhere. And lights! Lights beaming everywhere! Somebody was going to see them any minute now! How had nobody noticed them yet?!

Leo calmly ate another nacho, one leg dangling over the steel beam as he watched the two heavily muscled and gleaming human men in bright colorful spandex below thump their chests and lunge at one another, while both of their partners hung on the ropes and yelled in encouragements while occasionally trying to take swipes at their opponents.

And why were they hiding up in the rigging right over the ring?! Sure, Raph and Casey said that nobody would notice them up there, but they were drunk! What did they know?!

Honestly, he didn't understand what his brothers saw in these wrestling games. Sure, it involved a surprisingly high level of physical strength, agility, and skill, but the whole thing was so staged and cheesy, and, to Leo's expert and critical eye, few of the moves were actually viable in real combat situations.

If they were going to do something this stupid, at least he should've insisted that they hid somewhere waaaay back in the corner, there were more shadows back there and better escape routes. Out here, they were right above the main event, there were so many lights below them, and there were so many humans down there! Hundreds of them! Somebody was going to see them! This was a bad idea, and he was the worst leader and big brother ever for letting his family get into such a dangerous situation!

"Leo." Raph absently thumped him on the back of the head. "Quite freaking out. Nobody's going to see us up here."

"I am a highly trained ninja and the leader of our clan. I do not 'freak out'." Leo glared at him.

He was freaking out! He was so very much freaking out!

He rigidly and deliberately turned back to watch the humans wrestling below. "I am the very picture of calm, a butterfly upon the stone."

"Sure." Raph snorted and shoved a paper tray filled with chips and melted cheese at him. "Eat some more nachos."

"Hey! HEY! Ref! Are you blind?!" Donnie snarled amidst the crowd's roar of delight, standing behind Leo and leaning down on his older brother's head with both hands as he protested. "That was interference right there!"

"Donnie! Quiet! Somebody will hear you!" Leo hissed, pushing his brother's heavy hands off of his face and readjusting his blue mask so he could see. He grabbed the purple genius by the arm and pulled him down to a sitting position on the steel support beam next to him. "Sit down!"

"But Leo!" Donnie complained, gesturing drunkenly towards the ring located below them. "The match was clearly stated to be only between Max Riot and The Jackel, but The Flea obviously snuck a punch in when they were up against the ropes! Interference by his brother is clearly against the rules!" He huffily sat back against to the cardboard cutout of the science show hostess propped up against a beam next to him.

"It's wrestling, Donnie." Leo stated with a sigh. "It's in the script for that to happen."

"Are you calling wrestling fake?!" Mikey looked at him scandalized. "Boo, Leo! Boooo! Bad form!"

"You know, they have weekly shows here." Casey watched the wresting match going on below with drunken glee. "We should really check these out more often."

"NO!" Leo snapped around a little more panicked then he had intended. He forced himself to take a breath and act more natural. "No. This is not going to become a regular affair. It's far too risky. This is just one time thing for Donnie, for his bachelor party."

Raph scoffed and took another swig of his beer. "Yeah. Right. We all know how it'll play out. Mikey only needs to follow Leo around with his big old Puppy Dog eyes, and Leo will start to feel all guilty and cave within minutes. We'll be back up here before you know it."

Leo narrowed his eyes at Raph and slowly but sternly ate a nacho chip.

"Hey! HEY! Don't you... don't you dare! I see that folding chair! You put that back down right now young man!" Donnie shouted, lunging forward onto Leo's head once more as he shook his finger angrily and more then a little drunkenly down at Max Riot's former-rival-turned-partner, Goon Blade.

"Oooooooh..." Mikey, Raph, and Casey winced along with the crowd's roar of delight as Goon Blade smashed said chair over The Flea's shoulders.

Leo growled and wiggled his head free, before adjusting his bandana so he could see (again), and glared up at his drunk purple brother. "Donnie! If you keep yelling like that, then we're leaving. Somebody's going to hear you!"

"But Leo! Clearly this is an egregious breach of sparring etiquette!" Donnie gestured in horror. "I'm shocked that you of all people are not more offended by this display!

"It's Wrestling, Donnie." Leo sighed.

"Say, do you think I should run down and get some more beers?" Casey peeked into the cooler. "We're down to only two."

"Oh! I'll take one of those, actually." Donnie was distracted from the fight below, instead turning his attention to the hockey player.

"I'm not sure..." Leo started to say, but Donnie waved him off.

"I haven't had too many, don't worry." The purple brother started moving unsteadily across the support beam. "And the night's still young! There's nothing to worry about Le-OH!" Suddenly his foot caught on a cord and he staggered forward, arms flailing to catch his balance.

"Donnie! No!" Leo lunged from where he was sitting and managed to catch him by the arm and push him upright, but in the effort, he over-extended himself and quickly lost his own balance.

He had a single moment of crystal clear realization that he was going to fall, and there was nothing that he could do to stop it. Then he were tumbling down through the air in a two story drop towards the concrete floor below.

"LEO!"

Reacting more on instinct then anything, Leo twisted about, yanked out his grapple gun and fired. The hook shot out, caught on a ceiling support beam, and then the rope went taunt. Leo swung down and across the wrestling ring, missing the platform floor by mere inches, brushing past the shocked wrestlers and referee, before finally slamming into the padded turnbuckles anchoring the rope to the corner post. Leo lost his grip on the handle of his grapple gun on impact and yelped as he landed in a heap in the corner of the ring.

There was a moment of stunned silence in the entire building.

The audience murmured, the huge, heavily muscled wrestlers an the ref looked at one another, confused, and the announcer merely stammered and stuttered on the mike. Apparently, everybody was trying to figure out if a humanoid turtle creature crashing down in the middle of a fight was part of the show or not.

Leo pushed himself up into a sitting position and scooted back until his shell hit rope. As a ninja who thrived in shadows and a mutant who depended on secrecy, this situation was an absolute nightmare come true. He was exposed, out in the open, he could feel the heat of all the lights trained on him, and there were so many humans staring at him!

The wrestlers glanced at one another uncertainly, then The Jackel apparently got up enough courage to bristle up and take a threatening step towards Leo.

Suddenly a green and red blur dropped out from the ceiling as well, landing with such a heavy impact that it made the whole ring shudder.

Another turtle, this one HUGE and wearing a red mask, landed in a crouching position, right between Leo and the wrestlers.

He slowly straightened up to his full imposing height of six foot four, easily matching the large wrestlers for size and muscles, and gave the humans a dangerous curl of his lip that was something between an eager smirk and a snarl. "You ain't touching my brother."

The Jackel stopped and swallowed hard.

A rope dropped down, and Donnie, carrying a cardboard cutout of Katie, and Mikey, with a hockey-masked Casey tucked under his arm, slid down, landing besides Raph. Mikey set the human upright, and the room still sat in stunned silence, watching the three turtles and their human stood protectively around the prone blue turtle, facing off against the four wrestlers staring at them warily.

"Guys! No!" Leo hissed, licking his lips nervously as his eyes darted around at all the humans. He pulled himself up into a crouch. "You should have kept hidden and escaped! I could have gotten out of this!"

"And missed this amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity?" Casey sounded like he was grinning widely under that mask, and he gave Leo a wink. "All these years of watching wrestling are finally going to pay off! Watch a master!"

Leo, the only one who wasn't drunk to the gills, felt like throwing up.

"I can't believe that they actually bought the story that we were costumed wrestlers!" Donnie was obviously running high off of the adrenaline rush. "That... was... AMAZING!"

"Dudes, you killed it back there!" Casey whooped, jumping in between them to rub their heads. "And, you know, the amount of money the manager was offering for full time gigs..."

"Absolutely not." Leo was not going to let that train of thought go any further.

Mikey tried to persuade him. "Dudes, we're in the wrong line of work! This is obviously our true calling!"

Raph admired the cheaply made champion belt they had won, before reaching over and buckling it around Donnie's waist. "There you go, party boy. Now was that a bachelor party to talk about or what?!"

Author Notes:

Bah! This chapter almost killed me. So many things wanted to happen, and it kept going on and on and growing more and more chaotic. I didn't want the freaking bachelor party to take over the whole story, but at the same time, I kept thinking of ideas, and snickering. For the good of the story, I finally had to just give up, post what I had done, and give up forever on visiting the zoo, Mikey's obsession with the flamingos, the paint explosion, April meeting the Katie Cut-Out, and a really, REALLY grumpy Leo. From what I've heard, visiting a zoo during a bachelor party has already been done in a movie, though it's one I've missed watching.