[Author-Chan: And here, my loyal readers is where we draw to our dramatic,
spellbound, exciting - oh fine then, here's where I string something
together to make a quick ending to our already half-assed tale!
Nabeshin: And what parody will we be ending with, oh great author of ours?
Author-Chan: Something daring, something new - how about the future meets the past?
Nabeshin: Wow, that is new! Good thinking!
Author-Chan: I'm just that creative; it's a gift y'know.
Pedro: It's so sad to see it end!]
~@@@~
Future.
Hyatt sombrely drowns in her bathtub, bubbles rising to the surface. Excel sings, "Toot-toot!" as she plays with toy boats, sitting by the tub. "Have you cooled down yet, Hatchan?" Hyatt doesn't respond.
The door to the house unlocks, in walks Watanabe, tired and irritated from his day at work. "I swear, if that idiot Iwata steals my lunch again I'm gonna throw him off Tokyo Tower! Ah, but at least now I'm home and can spend time with my two favourite girls. Hyatt-Anata! Hy-Hy-chan, I'm home!"
He sets his suitcase on the couch, and wanders through the house. He stops at the foot of the bathroom, horrified to see his wife drowning, as her senior co-worker plays with the water. "What the hell are you doing?!" Watanabe whisks her out of the water, ruining poor Excel's boat game.
"Hat-chan suffered a case of heat stroke, causing her eyes to bulge like two balloons, rosy at the sight, and glistening in the sun, however very, very fragile and ready to burst at any moment. So Excel rushed her here, where she threw her into the tub with cold water and an igloo she found lying in the Antarctic." Excel cheerily grins.
Watanabe's glare softens as Hyatt comes to. "Oh my."
"Where's my daughter?" He demands of Excel.
Excel puffs her face, "Jeez, you're so rude to Excel! Hy-Hy-chan is at Excel's on a play date with her Cel-chan."
"Oh, thank-goodness," he sighs, "Wait a minute.you left her alone with that freak Ilpalazzo?!"
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Hyatt and Excel salute.
"Excel does not appreciate her Lord Ilpalazzo being referred to as a freak, however her answer is yes!"
"Oh dear God!"
~@@@~
"Ok, where are they?" Watanabe demands.
Ilpalazzo sits at his throne, playing a hand-held dating sim; he peers up, to see Watanabe in his face. "Do you mind?"
He draws back, asserting himself, "I know you sent them on another stupid mission, now where are the girls?!"
"Your child is by default a proud member of ACROSS, with the failure to locate agents Hyatt and Excel, I was forced to send them on this day's important assignment to buy me valuable manga," Ilpalazzo explains, returning to his game.
"Lord Ilpalazzo desires manga?" Wonders Excel, "Is her Cel-chan in F's mall then?"
A rope drops by Ilpalazzo; Excel readies a rubber ducky. He pulls it, revealing the time portal. "Oh, they're just in the past, no need for concern."
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe blink, staring at it like deer, seconds before brutally run over by a land rover. Excel scratches her head, "Not that Excel would ever question her heart-poundingly sexy lord and legal life partner.but was Lord Ilpalazzo sure that was wise?"
"It was to get a manga no longer in print," asserts Ilpalazzo, "It was a risk they had to take, for the good of world domination!"
Hyatt raises her hand, "Hyatt is.unsure how this helps, my lord."
"God, he's an idiot!" Growls Watanabe, shaking his head.
Ilpalazzo stands, dramatically pushing up one side of his cape, "Isn't it obvious? For domination of F, of Japan, - of the world! It is necessary for the leader to be happy, and to be happy today he needs a certain manga, and.Hey, what do you three think you are doing?"
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe stand around the time device. "We're going to get them back, you egotistical nutcase," testily spits Watanabe.
Ilpalazzo sits back down, "Be that way. Excel, if you live, be back in time to make me dinner, five-ish."
Suddenly a hand reaches out, taking him by the hair. He sees it's Excel. She ignores his fierce glare, dragging him to the time machine. "Lord Ilpalazzo is going too!"
"I get time sea-sick, I refuse!"
"Lord Ilpalazzo!"
"Fine then. But I won't forget this debauchery, Excel."
~@@@~
The very depressing present.
Excel smokes a candy cigarette, observing Ilpalazzo and Cel-chan weep bitter tears. "Wow, they really are very loud, aren't they Chibi-Hat-chan?"
Chibi-Hyatt wheezes by the table, wriggling for air.
Hyatt and Watanabe stroll into the casino's café area, to find a half naked Ilpalazzo sobbing violently on the floor. "Ok."
"Mornings are not Lord Ilpalazzo's thing, yes?" Hyatt meekly asks Excel.
Excel, barely wrapped in a pillowcase munches down her cigarette, "Our wondrous Lord Ilpalazzo in-took too much alcohol last night, suffering whacked out brain problems, so he wasn't thinking like his usual Lord Ilpalazzo self. To make the situation worse he forced his loyal agent, Excel, to also intake this brain numbing to the masses substance. While Excel's brain does suffer minor technical glitches, she did incur a meltdown and acted up much worse than usual. The affect appears to have been us going at it like two horny beavers."
Watanabe blinks, "Well.that was more information than I needed."
"I've heard her say worse, you should hear her describe her laundry," comes a voice.
He turns behind him, to see.himself! As well as another Ilpalazzo, Excel and Hyatt. Watanabe screams, ducking to the ground, "What the hell is going on?!"
Future Watanabe turns his attention to his daughter, "Ah, there's Daddy's Hy-Hy-chan!" He kneels beside his wriggling, wheezing daughter, taking her into his arms, "Sweety, you really should remember to take your medication."
Chibi-Hyatt weakly smiles, "Very.sorry."
"You're her father?!"
Future Watanabe rolls his eyes, "No, I called myself her dad for the hell of it - of course I am!"
Hyatt and Future Hyatt silently stare at each other, eerily smiling. Blood dribbles from the side of their mouths before they collapse to the floor.
Future Ilpalazzo makes his way to his crying daughter, folding his arms at the sight of his past self, acting less of a man than he preferred. "Relinquish my offspring, past self, I have a game to return to. Come now, time is domination."
Ilpalazzo halts his weeping, peering up at his future self, "So.everything turns out for my better interests? Excel isn't Cel's mother?"
Chibi-Cel gasps in hope.
"No, Excel is unfortunately the mother of my children," he replies, lifting Cel-chan to her feet, "However it turns out she is a fine gourmet; as you know inhumanly loyal; and always inexplicably energetic in the bedroom, I don't even have to give effort."
"Oh.well.maybe I can make a tax write off from this," sighs Ilpalazzo.
Future Excel leaps onto Excel's table, sitting the centre, crushing a Puchuu. "Ah, why you sit on me?!"
"The past is more cheesy than Excel remembers!" Comments Future Excel, "However that could do with the stray ball of cheese beside her and the cow she spies in the distance."
Excel's head rolls around her neck, "So, Excel is the unfortunate mother to that midget bitch brat Cel, and the divinely lucky wife of her idol, Lord Ilpalazzo?"
"Yep, that's the short and long end of the dangerously man-killing rattler!"
"Wow, Excel is both revolted and turned on, what a morning!" Screeches Excel.
Chibi-Hyatt points to the bookshop, a poster of Sailor Moon staring right at her, "Man.ga."
Future Ilpalazzo nods his head, "Well done, mini agent Hyatt, and mission completed."
~@@@~
"What do you mean you're sold out?!" Future Ilpalazzo demands, shaking the casino's bookshop owner.
"Sorry.sir!"
"Damn it!"
Chibi-Cel cocks an eyebrow, watching her dad threaten some loser with a missile launcher. She notices a small puppy dangling from a ceiling light. The puppy yelps, losing her grip. She falls into the young girl's arms, "Hey there, Chi, time to get home!" Chi sniffles, letting a howl pass her lips.
Watanabe tremors, nervously sipping a cup of coffee, "I can't believe this is happening.this is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me."
His future self yawns, "Oh, you know that's not true."
"It's still abnormal!" His veins pop out as he yells at his future counterpart.
The two Hyatts shoot up.
"I do believe I have dinner to begin," says Future Hyatt.
"And Excel has Menchi to hunt," adds Future Excel, "She is wily and illusive!"
Future Ilpalazzo folders his arms, walking away from the now destroyed book shop. "Black market shopping again for Ilpalazzo it would seem. Excel, this is all your fault!"
Future Excel salutes, "Your Excel understands! She takes this blame energetically at 100%! 100% being the current percentage that comes to mind, though she could say 4/4, or a whole slice of the juice, cherry, piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiie!"
Ilpalazzo watches Excel's future self fall into a black void. Future Ilpalazzo lets go of a button located on his left glove. "Portable punishment void, very effective."
"Ah."
"Ok, let's go home Hat-chan!" Giggles Chibi-Cel, taking her friend's limp wrist. They look back at everyone, noticing the cast of Excel Saga assembling for some reason into the café. Chibi-Hyatt waves. "See you.soon."
The two watch their parents jump into the future. Wind circles around the two girls, their hair flaps around their small faces.
"It's been fun," cheekily grins Chibi-Cel, "keep the good times rollin'!"
They leap into the future, leaving the casino's café a mess from the sudden windstorm.
"OK troops, you know what to do," Kabapu says to his employees.
Already got the broom.
"I have my mop!" Yells Iwata, "Say.Mrs. Iwata, like to lend me some fluids.?"
Misaki runs Iwata over in her floor buffer, "How's that?"
Shiny as a diamond, Iwata cringes on the floor, "So.sparkly."
"Idiots," groans Watanabe.
BAD END!
Continue? New Game? End?
"Wait a second," suddenly cuts in Lord Ilpalazzo, "Did he put a plural on that.? There's more children than Cel-chan?!"
FAN FIC TOTALLING 13 INSTALMENTS
QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FAN FICTION: EXCEL SAGA
TODAY'S EXPERIMENT.FAILED!
{Written by: Samantha Hill, 2003. Send all fan mail and hate mail to: [email protected] - Have a Puchuu Day!}
Nabeshin: And what parody will we be ending with, oh great author of ours?
Author-Chan: Something daring, something new - how about the future meets the past?
Nabeshin: Wow, that is new! Good thinking!
Author-Chan: I'm just that creative; it's a gift y'know.
Pedro: It's so sad to see it end!]
~@@@~
Future.
Hyatt sombrely drowns in her bathtub, bubbles rising to the surface. Excel sings, "Toot-toot!" as she plays with toy boats, sitting by the tub. "Have you cooled down yet, Hatchan?" Hyatt doesn't respond.
The door to the house unlocks, in walks Watanabe, tired and irritated from his day at work. "I swear, if that idiot Iwata steals my lunch again I'm gonna throw him off Tokyo Tower! Ah, but at least now I'm home and can spend time with my two favourite girls. Hyatt-Anata! Hy-Hy-chan, I'm home!"
He sets his suitcase on the couch, and wanders through the house. He stops at the foot of the bathroom, horrified to see his wife drowning, as her senior co-worker plays with the water. "What the hell are you doing?!" Watanabe whisks her out of the water, ruining poor Excel's boat game.
"Hat-chan suffered a case of heat stroke, causing her eyes to bulge like two balloons, rosy at the sight, and glistening in the sun, however very, very fragile and ready to burst at any moment. So Excel rushed her here, where she threw her into the tub with cold water and an igloo she found lying in the Antarctic." Excel cheerily grins.
Watanabe's glare softens as Hyatt comes to. "Oh my."
"Where's my daughter?" He demands of Excel.
Excel puffs her face, "Jeez, you're so rude to Excel! Hy-Hy-chan is at Excel's on a play date with her Cel-chan."
"Oh, thank-goodness," he sighs, "Wait a minute.you left her alone with that freak Ilpalazzo?!"
"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Hyatt and Excel salute.
"Excel does not appreciate her Lord Ilpalazzo being referred to as a freak, however her answer is yes!"
"Oh dear God!"
~@@@~
"Ok, where are they?" Watanabe demands.
Ilpalazzo sits at his throne, playing a hand-held dating sim; he peers up, to see Watanabe in his face. "Do you mind?"
He draws back, asserting himself, "I know you sent them on another stupid mission, now where are the girls?!"
"Your child is by default a proud member of ACROSS, with the failure to locate agents Hyatt and Excel, I was forced to send them on this day's important assignment to buy me valuable manga," Ilpalazzo explains, returning to his game.
"Lord Ilpalazzo desires manga?" Wonders Excel, "Is her Cel-chan in F's mall then?"
A rope drops by Ilpalazzo; Excel readies a rubber ducky. He pulls it, revealing the time portal. "Oh, they're just in the past, no need for concern."
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe blink, staring at it like deer, seconds before brutally run over by a land rover. Excel scratches her head, "Not that Excel would ever question her heart-poundingly sexy lord and legal life partner.but was Lord Ilpalazzo sure that was wise?"
"It was to get a manga no longer in print," asserts Ilpalazzo, "It was a risk they had to take, for the good of world domination!"
Hyatt raises her hand, "Hyatt is.unsure how this helps, my lord."
"God, he's an idiot!" Growls Watanabe, shaking his head.
Ilpalazzo stands, dramatically pushing up one side of his cape, "Isn't it obvious? For domination of F, of Japan, - of the world! It is necessary for the leader to be happy, and to be happy today he needs a certain manga, and.Hey, what do you three think you are doing?"
Excel, Hyatt and Watanabe stand around the time device. "We're going to get them back, you egotistical nutcase," testily spits Watanabe.
Ilpalazzo sits back down, "Be that way. Excel, if you live, be back in time to make me dinner, five-ish."
Suddenly a hand reaches out, taking him by the hair. He sees it's Excel. She ignores his fierce glare, dragging him to the time machine. "Lord Ilpalazzo is going too!"
"I get time sea-sick, I refuse!"
"Lord Ilpalazzo!"
"Fine then. But I won't forget this debauchery, Excel."
~@@@~
The very depressing present.
Excel smokes a candy cigarette, observing Ilpalazzo and Cel-chan weep bitter tears. "Wow, they really are very loud, aren't they Chibi-Hat-chan?"
Chibi-Hyatt wheezes by the table, wriggling for air.
Hyatt and Watanabe stroll into the casino's café area, to find a half naked Ilpalazzo sobbing violently on the floor. "Ok."
"Mornings are not Lord Ilpalazzo's thing, yes?" Hyatt meekly asks Excel.
Excel, barely wrapped in a pillowcase munches down her cigarette, "Our wondrous Lord Ilpalazzo in-took too much alcohol last night, suffering whacked out brain problems, so he wasn't thinking like his usual Lord Ilpalazzo self. To make the situation worse he forced his loyal agent, Excel, to also intake this brain numbing to the masses substance. While Excel's brain does suffer minor technical glitches, she did incur a meltdown and acted up much worse than usual. The affect appears to have been us going at it like two horny beavers."
Watanabe blinks, "Well.that was more information than I needed."
"I've heard her say worse, you should hear her describe her laundry," comes a voice.
He turns behind him, to see.himself! As well as another Ilpalazzo, Excel and Hyatt. Watanabe screams, ducking to the ground, "What the hell is going on?!"
Future Watanabe turns his attention to his daughter, "Ah, there's Daddy's Hy-Hy-chan!" He kneels beside his wriggling, wheezing daughter, taking her into his arms, "Sweety, you really should remember to take your medication."
Chibi-Hyatt weakly smiles, "Very.sorry."
"You're her father?!"
Future Watanabe rolls his eyes, "No, I called myself her dad for the hell of it - of course I am!"
Hyatt and Future Hyatt silently stare at each other, eerily smiling. Blood dribbles from the side of their mouths before they collapse to the floor.
Future Ilpalazzo makes his way to his crying daughter, folding his arms at the sight of his past self, acting less of a man than he preferred. "Relinquish my offspring, past self, I have a game to return to. Come now, time is domination."
Ilpalazzo halts his weeping, peering up at his future self, "So.everything turns out for my better interests? Excel isn't Cel's mother?"
Chibi-Cel gasps in hope.
"No, Excel is unfortunately the mother of my children," he replies, lifting Cel-chan to her feet, "However it turns out she is a fine gourmet; as you know inhumanly loyal; and always inexplicably energetic in the bedroom, I don't even have to give effort."
"Oh.well.maybe I can make a tax write off from this," sighs Ilpalazzo.
Future Excel leaps onto Excel's table, sitting the centre, crushing a Puchuu. "Ah, why you sit on me?!"
"The past is more cheesy than Excel remembers!" Comments Future Excel, "However that could do with the stray ball of cheese beside her and the cow she spies in the distance."
Excel's head rolls around her neck, "So, Excel is the unfortunate mother to that midget bitch brat Cel, and the divinely lucky wife of her idol, Lord Ilpalazzo?"
"Yep, that's the short and long end of the dangerously man-killing rattler!"
"Wow, Excel is both revolted and turned on, what a morning!" Screeches Excel.
Chibi-Hyatt points to the bookshop, a poster of Sailor Moon staring right at her, "Man.ga."
Future Ilpalazzo nods his head, "Well done, mini agent Hyatt, and mission completed."
~@@@~
"What do you mean you're sold out?!" Future Ilpalazzo demands, shaking the casino's bookshop owner.
"Sorry.sir!"
"Damn it!"
Chibi-Cel cocks an eyebrow, watching her dad threaten some loser with a missile launcher. She notices a small puppy dangling from a ceiling light. The puppy yelps, losing her grip. She falls into the young girl's arms, "Hey there, Chi, time to get home!" Chi sniffles, letting a howl pass her lips.
Watanabe tremors, nervously sipping a cup of coffee, "I can't believe this is happening.this is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me."
His future self yawns, "Oh, you know that's not true."
"It's still abnormal!" His veins pop out as he yells at his future counterpart.
The two Hyatts shoot up.
"I do believe I have dinner to begin," says Future Hyatt.
"And Excel has Menchi to hunt," adds Future Excel, "She is wily and illusive!"
Future Ilpalazzo folders his arms, walking away from the now destroyed book shop. "Black market shopping again for Ilpalazzo it would seem. Excel, this is all your fault!"
Future Excel salutes, "Your Excel understands! She takes this blame energetically at 100%! 100% being the current percentage that comes to mind, though she could say 4/4, or a whole slice of the juice, cherry, piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiie!"
Ilpalazzo watches Excel's future self fall into a black void. Future Ilpalazzo lets go of a button located on his left glove. "Portable punishment void, very effective."
"Ah."
"Ok, let's go home Hat-chan!" Giggles Chibi-Cel, taking her friend's limp wrist. They look back at everyone, noticing the cast of Excel Saga assembling for some reason into the café. Chibi-Hyatt waves. "See you.soon."
The two watch their parents jump into the future. Wind circles around the two girls, their hair flaps around their small faces.
"It's been fun," cheekily grins Chibi-Cel, "keep the good times rollin'!"
They leap into the future, leaving the casino's café a mess from the sudden windstorm.
"OK troops, you know what to do," Kabapu says to his employees.
Already got the broom.
"I have my mop!" Yells Iwata, "Say.Mrs. Iwata, like to lend me some fluids.?"
Misaki runs Iwata over in her floor buffer, "How's that?"
Shiny as a diamond, Iwata cringes on the floor, "So.sparkly."
"Idiots," groans Watanabe.
BAD END!
Continue? New Game? End?
"Wait a second," suddenly cuts in Lord Ilpalazzo, "Did he put a plural on that.? There's more children than Cel-chan?!"
FAN FIC TOTALLING 13 INSTALMENTS
QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FAN FICTION: EXCEL SAGA
TODAY'S EXPERIMENT.FAILED!
{Written by: Samantha Hill, 2003. Send all fan mail and hate mail to: [email protected] - Have a Puchuu Day!}