Megin…Meg…Thor's Magic Belt

Chapter 1

Happy, Part I

Happy stared down at the smoldering remains of the jet. That tech weenie had just said it was on course. What he was looking at? Not on course. Not even slightly. Tony was going to kill him.

"Tony's going to kill me," he muttered to his reflection in the window.

Tony wasn't going to kill him. Tony wasn't that kind of guy, and Tony and he went way back.

But he was definitely going to fire him.

He took a deep, steadying breath. Squared his jaw. Happy Hogan did not turn tail and run. He had a job to do. At least until Tony fired him. He also had a spark of hope, a perfectly rational one, that maybe the engines had just fallen off and caught fire, and maybe knocked over some trash cans and caught the contents on fire, and whatever other debris might be on the coastline out there, maybe it caught that on fire, too, and all of this happened a good half-mile away from where the rest of the plane landed, intact and completely room-temperature. The jet was sturdy, after all. Dependable. Reliable. Flame-resistant…surely.

Happy, Part II

"That's the last of it."

Happy looked up from his StarkPad. "No. What about those boxes?" he shouted, pointing.

"Already checked 'em."

Happy glowered at the guy in his white containment suit and a StarkPad clipped to a loop at his hip. "Well what about those?" he called, pointing even further away.

"Already checked 'em," the guy said again, slower, like he was talking to a moron.

Happy rolled his eyes. Lab nerds in their containment suits, as if there was anything dangerous about any of the surviving contents of the utterly disintegrated jet that had been hauled into this vacant Damage Control warehouse. Everything in here was made by Stark Industries. Sure, some of it was retconned from Chitauri weapons, but it had been thoroughly studied, then produced in a sterile and thoroughly secured environment. Kids today. You lock up parents for letting their kids walk to the park alone, next thing you know those kids insist on containment suits to look at Stark Industries' finest creations just because they had a little smoke damage. "You can't have catalogued all of it, there's a ton of things still missing."

"Yeah. Because a ton of things got burned up or exploded. You want to leave the wall and come over here and go through it all yourself?"

Happy stood up straighter and puffed out his chest…and stayed where he was. There were fumes. He had allergies. "Fine. I'll get somebody else in to give everything a second eye."

"What's that? I can't hear from waaay over there!" the guy in the white suit called.

"Get out of here, you little-"

"What?"

"Out!" Entitled millennials. No respect for authority whatsoever. "Oh, really? I see what you're going for there, but news flash, you have giant gloves on."

The guy made a tighter fist, middle finger extended more clearly.

Happy rolled his eyes and started scrolling through the list of items unaccounted for. They'd lost a lot, but with the exception of the adapted Chitauri weaponry, some of which they'd actually been able to recover, it could all be replaced. Though it would cost enough to make a dent in even Stark Industries' very deep pockets, it wasn't quite as severe of a setback as he'd thought when he reached the crash site at Coney Island and found out it wasn't garbage heaps that were burning. The prototype for Cap's new shield was probably the worst of it. It was in one of the crates here in the warehouse, but now a distorted molten mess, just enough of the shape retained to be able to identify it. He knew how he'd tell Tony about that one, though. On the plus side, Boss, we can send it back to the lab and tell them they still don't have the Vibranium alloy formula quite right.

He kept scrolling, stopped, blinked, scrolled back up, stared. Swore.

That was not replaceable. At least not on Earth.

Yep, Tony was going to fire him.

But Thor? Thor might just kill him.

Notes

Folks, don't squint too hard at this one. It really is just for fun. I hope you enjoy and get some good laughs! I'm writing the last page or two of this now, should finish it today. It's not broken into chapters yet but should be in the range of 5 or 6. Come on, you cannot throw in a random mention of "Megin...Meg...Thor's magic belt" into a Marvel movie that's not even about Thor and expect me to do nothing about it! I started writing this right after seeing Spiderman: Homecoming, then, you know, things got busy and I missed striking while the iron was hot. Hopefully better late than never.

Where this fits in canon: This story is meant to be canon through Spiderman: Homecoming. That includes, then, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Age of Ultron, and Thor: The Dark World. It was (mostly) written before Thor: Rangnarok and thus is not canon-compliant with that film, as will be pretty obvious. It takes place right after the events of Spiderman: Homecoming. It's not connected to any of my other stories, other than in the vague sense that it's more or less my same basic understanding of the characters (with a humorous twist).