A/N: I've decided to be bold and try my hand at the 'Drunken Marriage' fics. Got blaiseingfire's blessing, and I can't believe no one has done one of these with Emerald yet…(author totally doesn't have a crush on her. Nope) Warnings include a more cynical Jaune like we see in Volume 4, and sort of AU in a sense.

A Drunken Marriage of Thievery

Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar.

*Chapter 1*

Jaune Arc placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, kicking a stone out of his way. All he wanted to do was become a huntsman, like his father and grandfather. He couldn't dream of letting his father down and becoming some little nancy boy, so he got his hands on some fake transcripts from this really shady guy named Junior to forge his way into the renowned huntsman academy of Beacon. Everything seemed to be going as he wanted.

Right up until the point where his arch-nemesis, Cardin Winchester, overheard what was supposed to be a private conversation between the blonde and his partner, Pyrrha.

Seeing an opportunity to have the boy around his thumb, Cardin blackmailed Jaune into doing whatever the leader of Team CRDL wanted. And if Jaune so much as even voiced a protest, then Cardin would tell Glynda about Jaune's fake transcripts.

For awhile, Jaune had no choice but to do as he was told; how could he be a successful huntsman if he was kicked out?

But when Cardin tried to manipulate the blonde into attacking his partner Pyrrha with sap as some sort of petty revenge for the redhead showing up Cardin earlier in the week during Oobleck's class, Jaune refused. Instead, he threw the jar at Cardin, suffered a rather serious beatdown by CRDL as a result, and was left in the Forever Fall forest alone with bruises all over his body.

It wasn't long before he was found by Professor Goodwitch, and at first he was relieved to see a face who didn't want to pound him into the dirt the first chance they got. After she helped him to his feet, however, she told him to report to the headmaster's office immediately, disapproval flashing in her gaze.

At that moment, Jaune knew he was royally screwed. No one was told to go to Professor Ozpin's office unless they were either facing severe punishments or had vital information about a mission. Since Team JNPR had yet to go on one, Jaune knew what it was.

If there was one thing to be grateful for, it was that the old headmaster didn't waste time with all sorts of ridiculously long words trying to pretty the situation up. Ozpin was blunt, honest, and told the blonde how it was going to happen. His place on Team JNPR would be taken by the top student at Signal, and Jaune was no longer a student of Beacon.

And this led him to start strolling through downtown Vale, a glum expression set on his features.

Most of his possessions were packed up and put on an airship on its way back home, but he kept his armor, weapon, and scroll on him. 'How did everything go so wrong?' He sighed inwardly, knowing the answer to his rhetorical mental question. 'Maybe I shouldn't have tried to do the impossible. Maybe being a huntsman isn't meant for me.'

The pale Vale sunlight was starting to dip below the horizon, and yet the city still bustled. He could feel passerby staring at the bruises on his face. He could hear their whispers of, "Oh my Oum, what happened to him?"

It didn't matter. Not anymore.

The only dream he ever had, the one of being the great hero in the books, was vanquished. No academy would take him in now. Even his partner didn't want to speak to him afterwards. 'Good riddance. I didn't see her trying to help when I needed it.' Just thinking about Pyrrha made his blood boil. He had saved her from rapier wasps, was there to comfort her when things were going rough with her mother, and what did she do? Told him he was nothing but a burden to her.

Pyrrha ran him out of JNPR's dorm, calling him a pathetic disgrace to all who call themselves huntsmen and huntresses. His back still throbbed from where he was shot literally in the back from one of her dust rounds. He was lucky he knew how to activate his aura in preparation; otherwise he'd hate to think of what could've happened to him.

Even before his expulsion, Pyrrha didn't bother trying to help the blonde. In her eyes, anyone who lied their way to get to anything in life was seen as some of the lowest scum on Remnant. Their meeting in the forest during initiation didn't go well, either; she only saved him to prevent the headmaster from the inevitable amount of paperwork he would've had to face if a student died during initiation.

Ruby tried to help, in a way. Her cheerful attitude and infectious laugh did prevent him from jumping off the CCT more than once. 'I suppose I should be grateful for one thing, I guess. I could've had the entire school after me with pitchforks and torches.'

His feet stopped outside of a club called 'The Lion's Den', and the blonde teen found himself staring at the entrance. Jaune never found the thought of hanging out in a place like this pleasing, as he didn't like parties. But he wasn't in the best of moods, and sometimes, all one needs to snap out of it and think about the situation a little more clearly is a drink. 'I wonder if I should go in and press my luck.'

As he pondered going in and indulging himself, the door suddenly burst open. A rather intoxicated individual was being tossed outside by the bouncer, who brandished his fist with exasperation in his tired eyes. "Do us all a favor and piss off, you apocalyptic moron. You're no longer welcome here."

The man stopped when he saw Jaune, and he folded his arms. "Well? Are you going to come in or just mope around outside like an angsty teenager all day?"

'Screw it. Might as well. Not like anything really disastrous can happen any longer.' "Sure." Jaune stepped into the club, and his senses were met with an endless barrage of bass-heavy music, cigar smoke, and the aroma of various alcoholic drinks. The lights were a dark red, giving it a cave-like atmosphere, and the teen brushed a hand through his messy hair before looking for a place to sit. 'Seems like a nice place. Much better than that place I got those fake papers from.'

Jaune took a seat at the bar, his hand on the side of his face, and the bartender zeroed in on him like a missile. His large mustache twitched as he looked the blonde up and down, and his brown eyes were squinted. "Aren't you a little young to be in this club, kiddo? I don't need any minors getting wasted on my property."

Jaune rolled his eyes, reaching in jeans pocket for his scroll. "Is this proof enough? Or do I need to show my car keys?" He almost winced at his remark; he didn't use sarcasm or snarky remarks like the damn Ice Queen or Yang. It just wasn't natural to him.

"Aha! A would-be huntsman, I see," the bartender guffawed, wiping the inside of a glass with a white rag. "Well, I daresay you are quite welcome here, young man. Now, what can I get you? Sex on the Beach? Or perhaps a Screwdriver?"

"I, um…I've never been in one of these places before," Jaune admitted, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "I have no idea what any of that means." 'And I'm not a huntsman-in-training. Not anymore.'

"Ohoho! A first-timer then!" the man laughed, his mustache lifting to reveal his sparkly teeth. "Well then, allow me to educate you. Screwdriver is simple to make, refreshing, and consists of only two ingredients in its most basic form: vodka and orange juice. Sex on the Beach is perfect for a nice time outside on a cruise ship, and consists of vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice. It's rather sweet on tongue, though."

"Um…anything else?" Jaune asked warily. He had zero experience with alcohol, and the last thing he wanted to do was drink something potent that would wreak havoc on his young body and make him do something stupid. Like get married. Or steal diamond rings from a jewelry store.

"Well…there is a secret cocktail I've been working on myself for a little while," the man dropped his booming voice to a whisper. "I call it, the 'Redheaded Slut'."

"The WHAT!?"

"Keep it down, boy!" the bartender hissed, looking around nervously. "Do you want everyone in Vale to hear you? This thing is secret for a reason. This is some nasty stuff, kid. Really potent. Guaranteed to get one drunk within minutes of consumption. Even I've only had a couple of these cocktails myself."

"…I'll try it," Jaune breathed, mustering up the courage. It was most definitely a bad idea; heck, even his dad, a champion beer drinker in his day, would probably think twice before trying to one of these things.

But Jaune was kicked out of school, and had no real worries apart from possibly waking up handcuffed to a lamppost with his eyebrows shaved off and his underwear on his head. 'What's the worst that can happen? I've already been kicked out of Beacon. Life can't get too much worse now.'

Plus, the name made him laugh bitterly. It reminded him of a certain redhead who just used him for her own gains, and wanted a chance to relish in the irony of him downing a drink with such a lewd name. 'I can't believe I was such an idiot to let her take advantage of me like that. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already moved onto the next guy.'

"Alright, kid." The bartender started to mix the drink in front of him, spinning the bottles with the precision of a professional, and it wasn't long before the cocktail was ready. He slid it across the counter, his mustache quivering. "Well, here you go. Bottoms up."

Damn. It was good to not have to care about certain things anymore.

-0-

Emerald stumbled out of her apartment, holding a hand over the bruise on her cheek and trying to use her aura to ease the throbbing pain. 'No more. I'm done with him.' She had gotten into a nasty argument with her boyfriend Mercury after finding out he was cheating on her with some harlot who ran an ice cream shop, and the argument turned physical when she confronted him about it. Luckily, Emerald was able to raise her aura in defense to absorb one of Mercury's power kicks, but he still packed one hell of a kick; she was fortunate to not have to anything more than a lump to show for it.

After he hit her, Emerald used her semblance to create an illusion and distract him, buying her enough time to get out of the crappy situation before it became worse. Her weapons had been taken by her employer Cinder for some modifications a day ago, and the red-eyed thief felt vulnerable without them. Sure, she could still use her semblance to cause one hell of a distraction, and she had some skill in hand-to-hand combat, but her weapons allowed her to move freely in the steel jungle of a city and conserve her aura.

Emerald stopped in front of a bar she was familiar with, 'The Lion's Den', and she flashed her ID for the bouncer. "Here." 'I can't believe this is happening. How could he cheat on me? I mean, I'm the best thief in all of Remnant! I steal diamonds while the jeweler is smiling!'

'Ugh! I'm so through with that pompous ass.' Emerald pushed her way through the crowd of dancing people, pickpocketing the wallet from an unsuspecting man on her way to get to the bar as quickly as possible. She rapidly dug the lien out, tossing the empty wallet on the floor, and sat down next to a young blonde man. His blue gaze was glazed over, and it was obvious that he was drunk.

"Ah, Emerald!" The bartender, named Boomerang, zeroed in on her like one of Atlas's heat-seeking missiles, his mustache ruffling. "What can I get you today? Strawberry Sunrise?"

"No. Give me the special," came her reply. "Mercury and I broke up, and I need something for the headache."

"Coming right up." Boomerang mixed her cocktail, one of his unknown specialties unknown to her, and he sent it down to her. "Gave you the same stuff I gave this kid."

He jerked his thumb over the blonde boy, and Emerald gave him a look from head to toe. He was handsome, with that messy mop of hair and simple clothes under a set of white armor. 'A huntsman? But he looks too young; 17 at the oldest.' "Who are you and why are you here?"

"Jaune Arc. I got kicked out of Beacon," he answered dejectedly. "All I wanted was to be a huntsman like my father, and his father before him, and all that was taken from me." He took a swig from his drink, blinking; he clearly wasn't used to alcohol, and judging by the amused look on Boomerang's face and the three empty glasses beside him, he already had way too much. "What about you?"

"Emerald. Boyfriend cheated on me."

"Whoever he is seems to be an idiot," Jaune snorted. "Why would anyone cheat on someone like you? I mean…um…"

Emerald blushed, sipping her own cocktail. She noticed the hidden comment, even if he didn't; he thought the thief was attractive. His drunken awkward was kind of cute in a way; something told her the boy was usually kind of socially awkward and goofy. 'Cute? He's a stranger, and someone who was training to be a huntsman to boot.'

At least the kid seemed respectable, unlike Mercury.

"Hey, do you want to dance?"

Emerald didn't remember anything after that question was popped.

-0-

The next day

Jaune groaned as he blinked his eyes open, the light blinding him. "Ugh…what happened?" His head throbbed painfully, and as he yawned, he suddenly noticed a couple of serious problems.

One, he was naked.

Two, he didn't know where in the name of Oum he was.

Three, he wasn't alone in bed.

Four, the person next to him didn't look happy as she held a broken wine bottle in her hands. "What the hell are you doing in my bed!?"

"Uh oh…"

Just what the hell happened last night?

A/N: And that's chapter 1. Please, tell me what you think in the review section below, and follow and fav if you enjoyed.

P.S. Redheaded Slut is an actual drink :) it is very good…