The Worst Of Me

Chapter 1- Time

For as long as he could remember, Kurt Hummel had been best friends with Kevin Pearson.

It was instantaneous.

Like two magnets finding each other and clicking together seamlessly, with no preamble or introductions.

They had met when they were three and their parents had assembled all of their children in the same room and all but forced them to make friends with each other.

The Pearsons had three children: Kevin, Kate and Randall.

The Hummels had only Kurt.

At the little age of three, Kurt had already been developing what Elizabeth Hummel was quick to label as social anxiety. Whenever they had friends over, Kurt would retreat into himself, hiding his face away behind his mother's legs. They would try to coax him out of his shell, but he would be adamant; talking to strangers was a no go.

Burt and Elizabeth had brainstormed solutions and talked to other parents about their own children. They decided that, as harsh as it was, integrating Kurt quickly with other children by force was the easiest way to do it. He would have a hard time, but the Pearson children were joyful and well-behaved. He would connect well with them.

Burt and Elizabeth were also big fans of their parents, Jack and Rebecca. Burt knew Jack via one of their mutual drinking buddies, something with Jack had stopped altogether now though still maintained his friendships with the guys. That had introduced Elizabeth and Rebecca, who had gotten on like a house on fire. When the four finally came together with the idea of introducing their children, nobody had any idea how it was going to happen.

Elizabeth predicted that Kurt would feel ganged up on and refuse to interact with the other children. Burt thought that Kurt was going to throw a tantrum. Jack had warned Kevin to be on his best behaviour as he was the most temperamental out of the three. Rebecca was incredibly charmed by Kurt, but wondered if their kids meeting him was the best decision for Kurt.

So nobody saw it coming when Kevin Pearson toddled over to Kurt Hummel and sat with him, Kate and Randall keeping their distance slightly. Kevin was already the more outgoing of the children, but had barely any restraint when it came to interacting with people. Kurt had basely denied his interaction, but once Kevin refused to move, he had settled on the fact that he had to talk and had to make a friend.

"Hi," Kurt had croaked feebly and that was when Burt and Elizabeth knew that Kurt liked Kevin Pearson.

Kevin had beamed and slowly introduced Kurt to his siblings. Kurt had been polite as he always was to people that were important to his parents, but it was clear already that he looked to Kevin for his social cues.

The initial playdate had gone exceedingly well.

Randall had quickly got tired of the continuous playing and had wordlessly requested his favourite book from Rebecca, who smiled when Randall rejected her suggestion that she read it to him with a short "No, thank you". Randall had perched himself on Jack's lap, his favourite spot, and read his book in absolute silence.

Kate had grown fascinated by Kurt and his toys. She had not failed to notice that Kurt was mostly talking to Kevin, but she had joined in by proxy. Kurt had given her one of his dolls that she had been eyeing and told her that she could return it to him next time they saw each other, provided that she look after it, of course. Kate had been charmed and had asked permission from all the parents before she accepted Kurt's offer. They had all agreed, Rebecca gently warning Kate to take extra special care of it because it did not always belong to her. Kate had made a 'duh' face insinuating that she understood and was obviously going to look after it. The unspoken "because it belongs to Kurt, my new friend" was not lost on anybody.

Kevin was obsessed with his new friend. He looked at Kurt like he had hung the moon and always listened to him, shushing Kate whenever she tried to interrupt him. He had tentatively prodded Randall to ask him to play with them, but had accepted his denial and ran straight back to Kurt's side.

Kurt had taken to Kevin marvellously quickly, going so far as to cry when the Pearsons announced to their kids that they were leaving. Kevin shed a few tears as well, but was more concerned with making sure Kurt stopped crying. Jack was stunned at this; Kevin did that with Kate and Randall, but never with any of his other friends. He mostly sat in silence or left them to their own devices. But he had hugged Kurt, telling him that he would see him soon and that he wouldn't forget him, as was Kurt's worry. Kurt had walked over to Randall and said goodbye to him personally, interested in the book that Randall had been reading. The always generous Randall had offered his book to Kurt in the meantime, glad to have somebody who took an interest in reading. Kevin and Kate fell asleep long before he did, never engrossed in the story being told. Kurt had looked questioningly at his parents, who nodded. He accepted the book with gratitude and promised that he would take care of it.

That night, Kurt Hummel had asked his parents when he was going to see Kevin Pearson again. They had replied with an unsure 'soon' and Kurt had demanded that he be told in advance if they were going to the Pearson home or vice versa.

Around the same time, Kevin Pearson was being put to bed, babbling about Kurt and everything they had done that day. Kate had pitched in, Randall also offering a few kind words about the boy, but Kevin had to be coaxed to going to bed, excitement flooding his veins about making a new friend, "my bestest friend ever" as Kevin had put it.

Jack had called Burt shortly after, wondering if playdates twice a week would be sufficient for the children. Burt had enthusiastically agreed.

"I've never seen Kurt this happy before," Burt had added solemnly.

"I know what you mean," Jack replied with a smile. "All the kids love him, but Kevin is rapturous in his demands to see Kurt again soon. I haven't seen him like this before. He's usually energetic, but mostly about candy and his action figures. Never about another person."

Despite their fast friendship, children could be fickle. None of the parents expected the bond to last as long as it had.

Burt Hummel had never been so thankful for another human being on the day Elizabeth died, six years later.

Once the news had broken to Kurt, he hadn't cried like Burt had expected, like he himself had been doing since the doctors had announced her death. He tried to hold himself together for Kurt, but his emotions were running higher than ever.

In a desperate attempt to find some stability, Burt had gruffly called Rebecca Pearson.

Rebecca had been devastated, relaying the news to Jack and then, reluctantly, the children. The adults grieved for her, but mostly worried for Burt and Kurt. Kurt looked up to his mother with adoration and relentless love, this would break him.

Kate had also grown close with her Aunt Elizabeth, finding her to be "much cooler than you, Mom" to Rebecca's mild amusement. Randall thought Elizabeth was exactly like himself, bookish and ever the politest person in the room. He shared that connection with her and was not taking the news very well.

Kevin's first reaction had been "I need to be with Kurt".

Nobody had begrudged him that as they knew Kurt would have liked to have Kevin around when he needed him.

Jack had driven Kevin over, Rebecca staying at home with Kate and Randall, thinking it would be best to not crowd Kurt right now. Kate had protested, but had settled for sending a message via Jack and Kevin. Randall had set to work on writing Kurt a poem about love lasting forever, which Rebecca thought was a lovely idea.

When Kevin arrived at the house and Burt had let him in, he did something that changed Kurt's life forever.

He had hugged him.

Kurt usually eschewed physical contact from everybody except Elizabeth, preferring to use his carefully crafted words to communicate his thoughts and feelings. Whenever Burt would hug him, Kurt would squirm out of his hold and demand Burt never do it again. Elizabeth could cuddle him for hours without a single whisper of protest.

The moment Kevin, eager to console, had wrapped his arms around Kurt, Burt had careful caution bubbling on his tongue as he took Jack's coat. It died very quickly as Kurt stood still. He then buried his head into Kevin's neck and returned the gesture. Burt stood, speechless, and that was when he finally knew that these boys would be friends for as long as was possible to maintain a connection.

Sure, they had gotten on very, very well, but that never solidified an eternal friendship, considering they had never had to deal with being away from each other before. But the way Kurt let Kevin hold him, the way Kevin immediately rushed to his side, that showed something more than any of them understood.

"I'm so sorry, Kurty," Kevin had crowed sadly into Kurt's ear. Kevin was the absolute only person who Kurt would allow to bestow that particular nickname upon him. Burt had tried, only to shut down with a "Kevin calls me that, not you". Burt had wisely known to never attempt it. Even Elizabeth couldn't get away with it. And she got away with everything in Kurt's eyes.

"I miss her," Kurt had whispered back, expressing the first semblance of emotion since hearing that his mother had died.

He knew what that meant, to be dead. He knew that he was never going to see her again, so Burt had wondered why on Earth he wasn't crying. Hell, he had cried when he hadn't been allowed to watch The Wizard of Oz before school one morning. But his mother dies and nothing? That didn't add up to Burt at all.

Kevin had been there through every step of the process, as much as his parents would allow. He had attended the funeral, as they all had, sitting closely to Kurt, his hand squeezing Kurt's very tightly.

Kurt had been crying, silently, only a few tears escaping his eyes. Kevin had assured him that it was perfectly okay to cry sometimes, especially in a situation like this. Kevin no longer cried, but he had cried at the funeral. Jack thought it was out of seeing Kurt in a despondent situation that had done it. Nothing mattered more to Kevin than Kurt.

Peculiarly, Kurt had spent the wake wondering if Kevin was okay. Kevin had insisted that he was fine if Kurt was okay, but Kurt knew that Kevin didn't cry and that he was grieving too. Elizabeth had been very close with all of the Pearson family.

Kurt made the rounds, sharing tender moments with both Kate and Randall, particularly the latter who was sniffling throughout the entire day. Kurt had asked for a private word with Jack and Rebecca, which had surprised both of them.

Kurt had assured them that his mother cared very deeply about both of them and wanted them to know how appreciated they were by his family and how much everyone cared about them and their children.

Jack and Rebecca had left that particular conversation crying, startled by Kurt's emotional intelligence and capacity to hold himself together at what was going to be the worst day of his life for several decades.

In a move that surprised everyone, Kurt had avoided his father the entire time, preferring to navigate the wake alone, even asking Kevin for a little space. Kevin, of course, had granted it, stating that he would stay in the same position all evening in case needed to find him again.

Burt had tried talking to Kurt several times that day, only to be brushed off with assurances that he was okay and wasn't going to fall apart anytime soon. Kurt had made sure Burt was handling himself and had eaten something but had then left him to his own devices. The traditional parent and child roles were being eschewed for a peculiar dynamic that seemed to suit them just fine on the outside. Burt was not pleased with being excluded from his son's grief and had a secret resentment for Kurt's insistence that Kevin stay at their house that night.

The Pearson parents had agreed wholeheartedly, agreeing to collect Kevin the next afternoon.

That night, the boys had stayed up through the night talking, somewhat about Elizabeth, but mostly about other things. Kevin had wanted to keep Kurt's mind off the subject and Kurt was more than happy to indulge him, even though the thoughts of his mother were spinning around his mind relentlessly.

"I heard my dad saying that you might not be coming to school right away," Kevin had informed him.

Kurt had shook his head. "I want to come back after the break, but I don't know if my dad will let me. He thinks I need to stay home for a while."

"You don't think so, do you?"

"No. Staying in the house all day is going to remind me more of her, something I don't need. I'd rather distract myself. I'd rather be with you at school."

Kevin's eyes had lit up. "I'd miss you if you weren't here."

Kurt cuddled closer into him. "I'd miss you too. I'm going to argue it, to try and get my dad to see my point of view."

"You think he'll let you?"

"I'm not sure. I hope so."

In the end, Kurt had argued his case well for Burt to let him go back to school.

It wasn't so much harder, going back. Kurt had always been an eager learner and an avid reader so diving back into education had helped somewhat. He thought less about his mother and more about his grades, which were always perfect. He hadn't let them slip throughout the entire ordeal. He hadn't let himself.

Kids were strange around him, unsure of how to act. Their teacher had sent Kurt on an errand and Kevin had told him that she had briefed them on Kurt's situation and asked them to be nice to him for a while.

That wasn't too difficult since most of the kids loved Kurt anyway and the ones who didn't were too scared of Kevin to do anything about it. The only kid who had even been directly mean to Kurt had met the business end of a Kevin Pearson right hook.

Kurt had scolded his best friend for that, proclaiming that violence was never the right answer, even if somebody else starts it first. Kevin had apologised and admitted that he had just been so angry about somebody treating Kurt incorrectly. Kurt had waved it off, saying that every kid was different and nobody was going to be liked by everyone. Except for maybe Kevin, whom everyone adored.

Kurt didn't know if he could have re-adjusted to life after Elizabeth without Kevin, who had been nothing but his rock throughout the entire process. Kevin had done it happily, with no complaints.

One day, Kurt had wondered why Kevin stuck with him for all of that time, the five years in which they had been friends.

"I just don't get it. We have barely anything in common and I definitely haven't been the best friend to you lately."

Kevin had simply taken Kurt's hand in his and smiled, looking directly into his eyes. "Because, Kurt Hummel, you are the only person who has ever convinced me to sit down and watch seventeen hours of Project Runway with him."

Kurt had rolled his eyes. "I'm being serious."

"So am I. From when we were three, I've never been so attached to one person before. From the stories Mom tells, I walked straight up to you and pretty much demanded that we be friends. And you didn't protest. And we have each other in common. We don't need to like the same movies or eat the same food at lunch to be best friends, we just are. All I know is that I couldn't imagine my life without you and I'm going to be there for you until you no longer need me."

Kurt had been more than satisfied with Kevin's answer.

Truth be told, he couldn't imagine a life where Kevin wasn't around.

When Kurt was nine, he came to a major realisation that he knew that he had to share with Kevin.

Kurt had taken the deepest of breaths and cleared his throat.

"I'm gay."

Kevin had looked up from his video game and nodded. "Okay."

Kurt's eyes had bulged. "What?"

Kevin shrugged. "I mean, you like boys, that's what that means right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it doesn't make a difference to me. It's your life and you like boys. I'm still going to be your best friend in the world, Kurty."

"Kev."

"What I'm saying is...it's okay with me. I don't see you any differently than I did yesterday."

"You're the best, you know that?"

"In fact I do," Kevin had replied. "So...you got any boys on your mind?"

Kurt had blushed so deeply. "Maybe one."

"Do I know him?"

"Finn Hudson...he plays football with you."

Kevin had nodded. "Yeah, Finn's a decent guy. I was worried you were going to say Puckerman."

"Ew, that's gross, Kev!"

Kevin chuckled and roped Kurt into a fierce hug. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"Not in a gay way, though, right?"

Kurt punched his arm.

"I was kidding!"

"I know."

Kurt's sexuality truly didn't change a thing between them. It just meant that while Kevin was crushing on Santana Lopez, Kurt was mooning over Finn Hudson.

As they grew up, their crushes changed (well, Kevin's did. Kurt was still obsessed with Finn Hudson in just about every way) and so did their opinions on what that meant for them.

Kevin hit puberty around age thirteen. He shot up seven inches over a summer and towered over a still pre-pubescent Kurt. He grew some light facial hair which Jack had taught him how to shave when the time came.

And he had started thinking about sex.

"I don't want to hear that from you, Kevin Pearson!" Kurt had shrieked, clapping his hands over his ears in protest.

Kevin had just smirked in response. "You're so adorable. So you don't want to hear about this hair I found...?"

"No!" Kurt had squeezed his eyes shut.

"We're thirteen, Kurt, we're not babies anymore. Things like this are going to start happening."

Kurt had scowled, opening his eyes. "I swear if you give me Mr. Rice's version of the classic 'your bodies are changing before your eyes' speech, I'm going to find that hair and yank it out."

Kevin had raised a brow. "You just wanna get up close and personal with my personals."

Kurt had grimaced. "That's a terrible thing to say. I wouldn't touch you if you were the last man on Earth."

"When will you love me, Kurty? It's been ten years!"

"The day that Oprah stops being a revolutionary."

Kevin had shrugged and let out a burp.

Kurt had crossed to the other side of the room. "You are obscene. This is why Santana won't date you!"

"That's mean, Kurty," Kevin had pouted rather adorably.

Kurt had sighed. "Ugh, why must you pout like that when you know I can't deny you when you do it?"

He had waited a second.

"Oh. Manipulation via pout. An interesting if not juvenile tactic. Nonetheless, I'm going to bake cookies if you wanted to stick around?"

Kevin had licked his lips in anticipation. "You know I can't say no to your baking."

Kurt had swatted him on the head. "Idiot."

Their freshman year was fast approaching and Kurt was assembled with the Pearson family at dinner. Burt had to work overtime at the shop, but Kurt was still committed to their weekly dinners as a big family.

Rebecca served their slices of pie as everyone took their seats at the table.

"So how is everybody feeling about high school?"

Randall fidgeted. "I'm looking forward to harder work."

Kurt subtly kicked Kevin under the table so he didn't make a comment about that.

"I just hope I make some new friends," Kate admitted sheepishly. Her middle school friends had not been kind to her. Kurt had yelled at them in the playground, but they hadn't heeded his words at all.

"I think I'm going to join Glee Club," Kurt said with a nod and a glance at Kevin. They hadn't talked about that yet. Kevin was going to try out for football and would have no interest in joining Glee Club. He was very talented with a great singing voice, but secretly cared about his reputation and standing with the social population of whatever surroundings he was in.

"I think that's great," Jack hummed as he swallowed his food. "You should think about that too, Kate."

Kate looked to Kurt nervously.

"It'd be great to have someone to audition with. We could work on a number. We haven't done that in forever."

"What about you, Kev?" Rebecca asked pointedly.

"Glee Club?"

She shook her head. "High school."

Kevin shrugged. "As long as I make the football team, I don't really care too much."

Jack nodded but Rebecca frowned.

"I hope that's code for 'I'm going to focus really hard on my schoolwork and keep my grades up'."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Of course. As if Kurt would let me flunk anything."

Kurt smiled proudly. "Grades are important, Kev. And you're more than smart enough to do well."

A smile flitted across Kevin's face, one that was reserved for special Kurt compliments. They came often enough, but they still surprised him.

That night, Kurt and Kevin stayed up talking as they usually did, addressing their more private concerns for the coming year, ones they wouldn't share with their families.

"What do you think of me and Kate joining Glee Club?"

Kevin leaned on his elbow, facing Kurt. "I think it's great."

"So you're not gonna say that you think it's lame and that you'd rather we didn't join and bring down your rep?"

A hurt look crossed Kevin's face. "Is that really what you think of me?"

Kurt knew he had messed up. "No. Not exactly. I just...I know what you reputation means to you. I know that your football friends are going to think Glee Club is lame. Association with it and us is going to give you crap."

Kevin frowned. "I don't see your point."

"My point is that they might drive you to make a choice and I don't want that for you."

Kevin sighed. "Look, I get it. I know that football and you guys being in Glee Club isn't going to be the easiest thing to deal with. But you and Kate and Randall are my people. Nothing comes before that, not even football."

Kurt nestled his head in the crook of Kevin's neck. "Thank you."

"Anyway, this is presuming I make the team."

"You'll make the team," Kurt assured him.

"If Finn doesn't make it, I'm certainly not going to make it."

Kurt blushed. Kevin could sense that without even having to look at him.

"Aw, are you nervous for Finn this week? And not your super awesome and super-hot best friend?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're both great players and you'll both make the team. I'm not worried about either of you."

Kurt would soon come to find out that worrying about Kevin and Finn was the least of his worries. High school would come around and nothing would be the same.

But at least he had Kevin.