Let it be known that Obito and Lee were putting in a solid… Very solid effort to save a world that wasn't even their own. This effort had led them from an alternate universe's Konoha all the way into the heart of Lightning's mountain range and that horribly familiar cave that Obito had once been stitched back together by Madara in and then left in the dark to rot for months on end.

A cave, that, his brainwashed alternate-self had turned into an evil layer with all his traumatized shinobi buddies, Akatsuki as they apparently called themselves, a name that screamed something desperate and propagandist to anyone who would listen. Including but not limited to Jiraiya's old Ame students, Obito's younger cousin Itachi who had apparently snapped entirely and killed off this world's version of the Uchiha clan save for Uchiha Sasuke, that terrifying Jashinist convert Hidan that Lee ran into every now and then, Sasori of the red sand, and a missing kiri and rock nin that Obito was for better or worse unfamiliar with.

Oh yes, and himself, wearing an orange spiral mask covering all but his remaining eye, dancing around like a fool and speaking in a falsetto, referring to himself in third person as Tobi at varying intervals and making Obito hopelessly embarrassed by mere association.

And black and white Zetsu, standing together grinning that inhuman grin, must not forget about them either.

In other words, Obito was fairly certain he was in hell.

He and Lee were seated, polite as ever cross legged, served tea by a blank faced Itachi who looked like he'd seen better days once long ago but had forgotten what they looked like. Lee politely took the steaming cup with a smile as she concluded her lecture with, "So, as you can see, even when Madara explained all of this oh, years ago now, bringing all the bijuu together, casting the world under a giant genjutsu, and then enslaving us all to a vengeful rabbit goddess who will turn all of humanity into zombie plants seems a little… nonsensical."

The group was staring at her, after having tried and failed to beat her into submission after she'd charged into their layer, with varying degrees of disbelief held in their expressions, except of course for Obito's other half, who was still dancing around like a fool and drawing attention anywhere other than himself.

Namely, they were clearly expecting more than… this, but in a world without Lee, everyone was also unfamiliar with her methods. Epic shutdown and then tea time was something usually only Eru Lee would indulge in, S ranked among S ranked shinobi that she was.

"Ne, ne, Pein-sama, Tobi doesn't think the stranger has the right idea about all of this!"

What had Madara done to him? Obito wondered as he stared at this man, this man that so easily could have been him, if Lee had never come. Even as he danced and played he oozed a bitter hatred for the world that was almost choking in its intensity.

To hate the world so much that he would trade it for a cheap illusion…

"You think we'd believe you, Konoha nin?" Yahiko of Ame, no, sharp and bitter Pein, spat, seeming to ignore the fact that he had no choice but to listen, if only because Lee had chosen to allow them to leave, to choose tea over death.

"I think, that no matter your anger, surely you agree that enslaving mankind is not the answer," Lee said, with such patience, because she could kill all of them here and now. True, it would be a hard fight, true it might hurt, but they were not Madara himself, they were not Kaguya, and she and Obito would win.

That she chose not to…

Well, it spoke to quite a bit of who and what Lee truly was beneath the shinobi's mask she wore.

"Forget it, shishou," Obito said, looking contemptuously at Tobi, at what everything Obito could have been and should be condemned for, "I think they welcome their plant zombie overlords."

"He's you, Obito," Lee said though, softly, that look in her eyes that she'd given him as she'd pulled him out of Madara's cave all those years ago, "And for that alone, I think, he deserves a chance to try."

Without another word, standing and handing the tea cup back to the stunned Itachi who had forgotten what the idea of hope even tasted like, with a twitch of her fingers she reduced the statue deep in the heart of the cave to rubble, dying souls of Zetsu, of those fallen warriors in Kaguya's first assencion, pouring out and clinging to the walls.

At black Zetsu's great cry she lit him and his white brother on fire, unquenchable flames that left their comrades staring in horror as Lee, then Obito, walked out of the cave untouched, leaving chaos in their wake as they were cursed and hated by these hatful cursed wretched men and woman who had sold their souls for a wretched dream of peace.

And all Lee had to say, as she and Obito climbed over rocks and down the mountains, back towards Konoha, was, "Ugh, all of these alien invasions leave me hungry for ramen."

Obito could only smile, and note, "Shishou, everything leaves you hungry for ramen."

Author's Note: Note that the older Lee, tempered by war and death, is of the "Cake or Death" philosophy... But is very anti plant zombie. Written for the 1900th review of "Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds" by Lupa Lazuli who asked for a fic where Lee meets Akatsuki or Madara and drives them mad. We already had the Madara version back with "The Temptation of Desperate Men" and meeting Akatsuki seemed sequel worthy to "The Trees are Greener". So here we are.

Thanks to readers and reviewers, reviews are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Naruto