A/N: You can track my exam schedule by when I post anything :))))

This was supposed to be an 'Eren can take care of himself and Levi loving it' fic but then it ran away with itself and this happened. You might notice there is a similar pattern with most of my other one-shots, complete with the point in the middle where everything turns ridiculous. What can I say; I'm a sucked for this set-up and I can't keep anything serious for the life of me. And believe me I've tried many times. I'mnoteventhatfunnyI'msorry.

I really hesitated posting this but... it's done, might as well, right? ^^;;

Eren hummed appreciatively as he took a sip from his glass. Marco always made the best cocktails. Looking up at the ex-bartender in question, he saw how happy he was to hold the alcohol bottles and shakers in his hands again. "Do you miss making drinks?"

Marco looked at his friend from across the bar, frowning slightly. "Well..." He paused, thinking. "A little. I miss working with people and I hate the paperwork but managing my own bar has always been my dream; I wouldn't trade it for anything," his face split in a bright grin.

Eren grinned back. "Glad to see you happy. And glad to see you out of your office for a change."

Marco rolled his eyes. "You know I make drinks for you guys every time somebody drops by. I pretty much get to be on this side of the counter every other day. I barely have time for the managing side of things."

Eren smirked, raising his glass to his lips again. "You love us for it."

The freckled man laughed. "That I do. By the way," he said, glancing at his watch. "Pieck and Annie stopped by a few days ago."

Surprise evident on his face, Eren cried, "Seriously?"

Marco nodded and was about to say something, but movement caught his eye behind Eren and he closed his mouth, frowning.

The other brunet was about to ask what was up when the question was answered for him in the form of a foreign body too close to his back. Eren stiffened as the person behind him got closer and closer, until a shady-looking guy leaned on the counter next to him. The brunet didn't move, only narrowed his eyes, shooting a warning glare the intruder's way.

The guy didn't seem to notice as he smiled in a way that he probably thought was irresistible, but only managed to look sleazy. "What is a gem like you doing, drinking alone on a Friday night?"

"None of your business," Eren hissed, baring his teeth. "Get lost."

The guy smirked, not even taken aback by Eren's hostility. "Don't be shy," he said, slinking an arm around the brunet's shoulders.

"Don't fucking touch me," Eren barked, throwing the hand off of him.

Marco bit his lip, looking in between the two and the entrance to his bar. "Sir, if you don't stop harassing other customers, I'll be forced to call security," he said clearly, addressing the intruder.

The guy looked at him. "Oh, beat it. Can't you see I'm trying to give a lonely, pretty soul some company?" he asked in a fake, sweet voice, as he put his arm back on Eren, now resting it on his waist.

Eren visibly tensed.

Marco raised an eyebrow, eyeing his friend, before his eyes flicked back towards the entrance. "Suit yourself. Just no blood in my bar, please."

"If this pretty thing knows what's good for him," he said ominously, grinning.

Marco shrugged, shooting a last glance at Eren as he left to tend to a customer who just sat down at the other end of the bar.

The sleaze leaned down to whisper into Eren's ear. "You'd do better to listen to me. I'm a part of the A. The most powerful mafia in this country. An important person there. So be a good slut and come sit with me or I'll hurt you."

Eren's eye twitched. He slid down from his chair silently, and the guy smiled in victory.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash that brought the attention of the whole bar as Eren kicked the guy's feet from under him, throwing him on the floor face first. He grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back painfully, and the guy howled in pain as his shoulder threatened to dislocate. Eren ignored him, using his foot to hold the straining arm in place as he grabbed his phone from his back pocket. Quickly, he snapped a picture, the flash surprising the whining man, making him shut up and blink up at him stupidly. Eren only smiled at him warmly and raised the foot keeping the man in place, before mercilessly kicking him in the face, making him cry out again and clutch at his now bleeding nose. As the man squirmed at his feet, Eren squatted down in front of him. He grabbed his left hand twisting it towards himself, while he studied it carefully.

Seconds later he threw the hand away from himself, making the guy hit himself in the process, before he looked the other in the eye. "I'll say it once, so listen carefully. Never use A's name again, am I clear?" he said quietly, so only he would hear him. He would sound almost kind if it weren't for the cold, sharp look on his face. Cocking his head to the side then, making himself look downright scary, he added, "Next time I won't go easy on you."

The guy whimpered, nodding several times with wide eyes, and Eren stood up, leaving him there to scramble off and out of the bar, only to be stopped at the door by security and was kindly reminded he had to pay for his drinks before leaving.

Eren dusted off his hands as he sat down in his chair again, ignoring Marco's frustrated, "I said no blood, Eren, come on!"

A second later, an amused voice came from his right a few chairs down. "Nice work there, Mr. Cool Guy."

Eren turned around, coming face to face with a man sporting black hair styled in an undercut, dressed in a well fitting suit, a fancy, half-drank cocktail in front of him.

Eren rolled his eyes at him. "Glad to be such an entertainment," he muttered bitterly, downing the rest of his own drink.

The man laughed, moving over to sit next to Eren, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek as Eren refused to face him, a pout on his lips.

"Are you sulking?" he asked, still obviously amused.

"How long have you been sitting there, letting me deal with the fucker?"

The other shrugged, watching Eren who still refused to look at him. "I knew you could take care of it."

"Wow, such a caring, manly husband I have," Eren bit out sarcastically, as he pushed his glass towards a grinning Marco, who started making a new experimental cocktail for him.

Levi barked out a laugh. "You'd be more pissed off if I didn't let you deal with it."

"That's probably true," Eren admitted, cracking a smile as he finally turned to face his husband, who took the opportunity to steal a proper kiss, which Eren gladly returned.

Marco cleared his throat when it started to look like they weren't planning to separate anytime soon, Eren's hand traveling up to grab Levi's tie to keep him in place. Eren had the decency to blush but Levi looked like he felt offended at the interruption. Marco only rolled his eyes at them both.

"Anyway," Eren said awkwardly after a moment when his phone went off with an incoming message. "The guy before said he was from the Family. He didn't have the mark though."

Levi snorted at that while Marco raised his brow. "Well, either he was bullshitting, or he hasn't been in it for long. Won't be in it for long."

Eren hummed, unlocking his phone to open the text. "Yeah, I sent Armin his picture. Aaaand," he drew out as he read Armin's reply. "Seems like he's one of the new guys Auruo was recruiting last week."

"Figures," Levi muttered, annoyance clear in his voice.

Eren nodded. "Farlan's gonna blow a fuse," he muttered, making a face.

"And Kenny's going to laugh his ass off."

"Guys," Marco interrupted sharply. "No work talk in here; you know the rules." He folded his arms on his chest, scowling at them sternly.

"Right, sorry," Eren apologized with a crooked smile, before adding cheekily, "But who was it who brought up Annie and Pieck before?"

"Seriously," the bar owner huffed, glowering at Eren. "They're friends, too. It's not my fault everyone but me got dragged into this... thing." Marco gestured vaguely between Eren and Levi, making the two smirk. Sure, it was not very wise to start talking mafia this and Family that but it was cute how Marco fumbled for words.

"Well, we did offer you a job. Repeatedly," Levi noted offhandedly.

"And I said no, thank you. Repeatedly. Like hell I'm going down that road. As if fearing one day I'm going to wake up to see all my friends in jail isn't enough."

Levi rolled his eyes at the young man's worries. "As if that's ever going to happen. You do know Kenny's one of the top 5 powerful people in the country, right?"

Marco threw up his hands. There was no point arguing with these people. They always thought they were untouchable just because they were the top men (and women) of the largest, most powerful mafia organization to ever "grace" this city's – and country's – history.

So what if Levi was the heir, being the nephew of the 'A' of the organization and the only son of the 'C', the second in command? So what Mikasa was his future second? So what Armin was a genius at network security? So what Eren, Jean, and the others were the 'R's, the commanders of the territories?

Not to mention the 'M' squad of spies. Which was why Marco was always so overjoyed whenever Annie or the others came for a drink.

If they got busted, they'd be dead or in jail for life all the same, the tattoo on their wrists only an aggravation instead of a shield. The more letters accompanying the three katanas that form the basis of the Family crest's A, the worse.

And Marco was worried for his friends. Not like they ever listened to him, though.

"Marco, stop worrying," Eren smiled at his friend. "Do you really think a guy who pushed through the legalization of gay marriage just so his favorite nephew could get married would fall so easily?"

Marco paused, blinking at Eren blankly, then at Levi. "Wait; you mean to say Kenny made that happen?"

Levi gave him an incredulous look. "Are you shitting me? You really didn't think it was weird we set the date literally the day it became legal?"

"I thought it was supposed to be informal! Like, without the legal stuff, and that you only added the legal since you actually could by then!"

"And we made that happen on the day of the wedding," Levi deadpanned.

"Marco, come on; even you couldn't have believed that it was a coincidence," Eren laughed.

Marco gave them both a disapproving look. "Well excuse me that I like to think some political decisions are made because it's the right thing, not because somebody paid for them."

Now it was Levi who made a face. "Nobody paid anyone for it, just so you know Shitty Freckles. Kenny just had a word with a few of his friends."

"God, that's even worse," Marco groaned. "Shut up now, I don't want to know anything else."

"But we could tell you how the police found the human traffickers two months ago," Eren said, a pout on his lips and Levi shot him a look.

"No! That's enough! I don't want to know!" Marco cried, stomping off somewhere, followed by Eren's laugh.

"You're full of shit," Levi mumbled and Eren gave him a blinding smile.

"Whatever do you mean, Levi?"

"We barely had anything to do with that."

"Shhh, he doesn't know that!" Eren cried, mock scandalized, before starting to laugh again when Levi shoved at him, a smile playing at his lips.

When his boss, Auruo, called him to 'get his shitty ass to headquarters', the Marzell had an inkling he was in trouble. Why, he had no idea but the tone of his boss's voice was clear. But once he was led inside a certain room inside, he was left dumbfounded. The room was empty besides a single chair in the center – and six people in pristine suits or dresses sitting around in chairs that looked much more comfortable than the empty one. Looking at each of them, he was getting more and more put off. The oldest there was a beautiful woman with long, black hair, flawless manicure, and high heels perfectly matching her elegant dress. Next to her were a man with equally black hair styled in an undercut and a young Asian woman. Next, with an arm slang casually around the Asian woman's shoulders was a man with light brown hair also in an undercut. He had a slim, long face and looked completely uninterested in the happenings around him as he stared at his phone, grinning, and... Marzell was pretty sure that was a bowl of popcorn on his lap. Then there was a red-haired woman he had a feeling he saw on TV a few times. Wasn't she someone's spokesperson or something? She was speaking quietly to a tall man with short, impossibly light blond hair, and a smart, cunning looking face.

All in all, Marzell had no idea what he might have done within the week he was a member of this organization to earn such an audience.

However, the surprises didn't end there. As soon as his boss shoved him inside, closed the door and ran a look around the room, he did a double take.

"A-Ah, C! What a surprise! And both Ks?" he stuttered awkwardly and the oldest woman chuckled as the man and the Asian rolled their eyes.

Wait.

Did he say 'C' and 'K'? As in the second and third in command of the whole mafia? A shiver ran down his spine as he looked at the three closely. He could see some similarities in their features which suggested they were probably related. What the hell did he do?!

Auruo spoke up again then. "Boss, whatever this incompetent shitstain did, I'll make sure he pays for it-" He got interrupted as he bit his tongue in his hurry to explain to the man who was most probably titled 'K'.

The raven with an undercut clicked his tongue as the Asian next to him tugged her scarf up to hide her mouth.

"That's okay, Auruo. I'll take it from here," the blond spoke up, sounding a bit tired.

At that Auruo straightened up to face him. "Yes, sir," he said, a twisted smile on his face – it remained a mystery whether he was upset over the takeover or if it was because of the pain – before he left again.

The blond turned to the problem in question, smiling in a deceivingly pleasant way and Marzell froze up. "No need to be so tense. Come sit over here," he said and gestured towards the empty chair. The one addressed stiffly sat down. "And don't mind these people, they have no reason to be here."

A click of a tongue and severally badly muffled snickers could be heard. The blond shot a glare across the room, but otherwise ignored them. "My name is Farlan and I'm the E in charge of personnel, or your boss' boss," he introduced himself and the newbie gulped loudly.

He was in so much trouble.

"Do you know why you're here, Marzell?" Farlan asked and Marzell shook his head in response. "You know the guy who gave you that bruise?"

Marzell's eyes widened as his nose throbbed in response to Farlan's question, the injury from his unfortunate Friday night out still fresh.

There was another snicker from somewhere and Farlan smiled pleasantly at the realization that lit up in Marzell's eyes. "Yes, well, you were unfortunate enough to make an acquaintance with an important, high-ranking member of our Family." His smile dropped and suddenly the blond's relaxed body language turned dangerous. "I regret to say you were apparently badly informed about our most basic rule: you never speak about the Family outside the Family."

There was silence for a long time until the blond prompted, "Well?"

Marzell fidgeted uncomfortably, his eyes looking anywhere but any of the people present. "I... I knew I'm not supposed to say I'm a member."

"Yes, especially since you aren't even a real member yet," the redhead laughed, raising her hands in a gesture of surrender when Farlan shot her a glare, making him pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. He was clearly not happy with the audience.

Before anyone could say anything more to the topic, the young man with brown hair spoke up, amusement in his voice as he still stared into his phone. "Eren says we're all dirty bastards and we should all be working instead of having 'so much fucking fun' at his expense."

"Tell him it's not at his expense, it's at Levi's," the Asian said immediately as she looked at her boyfriend's phone screen as well, and everyone but the black-haired man and Farlan laughed.

"I can't believe I'd ever agree with Eren on something 100%," Farlan muttered to himself rubbing his temples, before looking back at Marzell. "Whatever. If you do it again, don't expect to leave here unscathed."

Cold sweat ran down Marzell's back as Farlan stared him down. Finally, he nodded, letting out a high pitched, "Yes sir!"

"I hope I won't be seeing you anytime soon," Farlan said coldly. "You can go."

Immediately, boos sounded from around the room, a few pieces of popcorn even came flying at Farlan, who threw them back angrily. Marzell jumped at the reaction, completely lost.

Before he managed to gather his wits and bolt, a new voice froze him in place. "No, stay the fuck where you are."

Now the boos stopped, replaced by cheers and the 'C' getting out her phone at lightning speed as the black haired man walked slowly over.

"Go, Big bro!" the red-head called and the man flipped her off.

"Aw, my little Levi is pissed off," cooed the filming woman and the man, Levi, flipped her off as well. Marzell's eyes widened. No matter he was the 'K', how could he just act like this towards the 'C'? To his surprise, the woman only laughed, clearly enjoying this.

Farlan only sighed and stalked off to sit in a chair next to the red-head, stealing a handful of popcorn for himself on the way. As soon as he sat down, the red-head leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"You're too uptight, Farlan. Relax," she said with a smirk.

Farlan scowled at her, though he didn't look nearly as pissed off as he was probably trying to. More frustrated and resigned if anything. "No, Isabel, it's you people who are too relaxed."

"You love us for it," Isabel pointed out cheekily and Farlan rolled his eyes, pecking her on the lips without comment.

In the middle of the room was an atmosphere much different from the goofy one on the sides. Marzell trembled as the raven, 'K', glowered down at him, looking like he was one second from ripping his head right off.

Marzell didn't understand. Was this anger also just because he wanted to look tough in front of the people he tried to pick up? Why? It was not like most of the people even believed him when he said he was important with the A!

Levi leaned down, resting his hands on the armrests of Marzell's chair, bringing his face on the same level and too close for comfort.

"You," he said in a low, dangerous voice, "chose the worst fucking person to hit on."

Marzell stared dumbly, barely comprehending the words. Did he hear that right? Was this not because he was running his mouth, but about who he was running his mouth to?

"Uhm..." he let out weakly before looking around, scared, and completely lost.

"I'm here, you shit," Levi growled and Marzell's eyes snapped back to his face. "The guy who almost broke your nose? That's my husband. If you ever try to talk to him again, I promise you'll have bigger problems than keeping your shit where it belongs."

The brown haired man snorted as the Asian buried her face in her scarf to muffle her own laughter. Isabel smiled widely, biting on her bottom lip to keep in any noises, while Farlan next to her only rolled his eyes.

The 'C' pretended to wipe away a tear as she sighed wistfully, "Kenny's going to be so proud when he sees this..."

Marzell, however, could only whimper under the weight of the other man's glare and words, his "Yes, sir" barely audible.

Apparently satisfied, Levi pulled back. "I never want to see your face again so you'd better fucking behave from now on."

"Yes sir!" Marzell cried loudly before scrambling off.

"You were so sexy, Big bro!" were the last words he heard before he slammed the door shut behind himself, breathing heavily. This was not something he wanted to experience ever again.

Although he had to wonder, hours later, once he considerably calmed down, how this bunch of people could be the top people of the most powerful illegal organization in the country.

EXTRA: BEFORE THE ARRIVAL OF MARZELL

"I just don't understand," Farlan said frustration apparent in his every word, as he looked around the room. "This is a simple 'you talk too much, either you stop or we'll make you stop' case. Auruo could have done it himself. Or I could have done it since I'm done with Auruo. But why exactly are both he-K and she-K here?"

Levi and Mikasa made identical faces of distaste. "Stop calling us he-K and she-K, for fuck's sake," Levi groaned, Mikasa nodding along.

"Can't either of you answer me for once?" Farlan pleaded to no-one in particular, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Because the guy tried to flirt with Eren," Isabel sang, laughter in her voice as she looked up from her phone.

"Shut the fuck up Isabel," Levi barked, scowling, but the red-head only grinned wider.

Farlan froze in place, staring alternately between Isabel and Levi. "Are you fucking kidding me, Levi?"

Levi didn't say anything, only scowled more.

"So now, what, you're going to mutilate the guy for daring to flirt with your precious better half instead of giving him a warning about spouting about A's Family?" Farlan questioned, obviously losing patience with his so-called boss and so-called childhood friend.

"No I'm just going to have a word with him," Levi said, poker-faced.

"How's that any better? Are you going to keep being this goddamn petty after you take over?"

"What, because Kenny isn't petty as fuck?" Isabel piped up from behind him, discarding all pretense of not paying attention.

"And aunt Kuchel is even worse," Mikasa noted, pulling up her scarf.

That brought Farlan's attention to her. "And you?" he frowned Mikasa's way. "You here to have a word with the guy, too?"

Mikasa looked him in the eye as she coolly replied, "No, I'm here for the show. Jean's bringing the popcorn later."

"Fucking perfect," Farlan bit out, pacing around the room.

Just then, the door to the Intimidation room – as they called the place where they brought people for the more friendly questionings – opened and in came Eren, a cute, confused frown on his face. Everybody stared at him in surprise as he stared back at them with more confusion.

"Hey, what's going on?" Eren asked. "Kenny called me from his trip begging me to go take a video of the questioning today."

"Oh my god." Farlan covered his face in despair. "What's next; aunt Kuchel?"

"Funny you say that," Isabel mumbled grinning awkwardly, as the distinct, elegant clipping of heels carried over into the room from the hallway.

Farlan could only throw his hands up in frustration.

A/N: Not pictured: Eren leaving in a huff once he realizes what's going on.

Was this confusing? It probably was. I didn't want to spoil anything at the beginning, so I'm putting this here: The Hierrarchy of A's Family (aka the Ackermans)

A - Kenny Ackerman - the boss, Levi and Mikasa's uncle
C - Kuchel Ackerman - second in command, Levi's mother and Mikasa's aunt
K - Levi and Mikasa Ackerman - the bosses in training (Levi will become A, Mikasa C)
E - Farlan (personnel), Isabel (the spokesperson, takes care of the public image and media), Erwin (police infiltration), Hanji (medical care), Armin (network security, head of the hacking team if needed), Historia (head of the enemy infiltration/negotiations)
R - Erd, Gunther, Petra, Auruo, Eren, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Ymir (territorial heads – under Farlan)
M - Reiner, Annie, Bert, Pieck, Porco (spies – under Erwin or Historia, on the same level as R's, just a completely different division)
N - higher ranking minions
No letter - lowly minions
Not part of the organization – Pixis (owns a law firm; takes care of everything legal and is the family lawer - not Family; like hell can Pixis be bothered with some random minions)

The one who came up with this pattern of 'code-names' was actually Kuchel. And she wouldn't take no for an answer.
Every member gets a tattoo on their wrist. The tattoo is this with their own code-name letter and all letters under that. (So Kenny would have "ackermAn", Kuchel "ckermAn" and so on.)

Hope I made everything clearer and didn't just confuse everyone more ^^;;