The wall was hard and the floor was cold and Sam was sitting there next to his bedroom door, head tipped back, staring at the ceiling. Staring at nothing.

"Sam?"

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

Staring at everything.

Eileen was dead. They'd seen her. Her pretty face, her cold corpse, her mutilated body. Sam had had to see her and pretend he was disinterested. Pretend his heart wasn't broken.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

"Sammy?

Pretend that he wasn't in agony.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie

Eileen

Sam had loved and lost and gone on. Over and over and over again. Sweetheart, lover, sister, friend. Sam had seen them dead or watched them die and had always gone on.

But not now. He'd gone as far as he could now. He couldn't walk, think, or go on one step further. Not until he got all the grief and rage and regret tamped down and packed away and still forever as knife sharp as new.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

He was on the floor beside his bedroom door with his head tipped back in a life-long gesture of trying to keep his tears unshed and Dean couldn't stand to have him stay there any minute longer.

"Sammy, c'mon."

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

Sam hadn't been able to save them their lives and Dean hadn't been able to spare Sam their deaths and now they were in the bedroom hallway, frozen and struggling, in grief and despair and helplessness.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

"Tell me what you need."

So much helplessness.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

Eventually the pain would get tucked away, out of sight but always in mind, dragging behind like an anchor. But 'eventually' was a long way away.

Dean sat on the floor next to Sam and tipped his head back.

Jessica
Madison
Jo
Ellen
Sarah
Charlie
Eileen

'Eventually' was always a long way away.

The End.

A/N: my best friend's oldest son died in a car accident two weeks before Christmas. As one might imagine, she's having a very hard time. As ever, prayers, thoughts, and miracles, would be gratefully appreciated.