Chapter XIV: Love

"We found them, Sir. Out of the 212 reports we've received from Tampere in the past hour, one mentions a witness having heard a man shout the name "Rey" in a hotel in the Botswa district to a woman previously registered as Kaitlyn Klips. Records show a Kaitlyn Klips entering Kotka almost 6 hours ago aboard a Z-95 headhunter with her husband. It all fits, Sir."

A brand new Nebulon-K frigate with improved combustion-shielding now temporarily served as the First Order's headquarters. Aptly called the Tenebris, it had been in Kotka's orbit for over five hours. The new Supreme Leader was pacing up and down its narrow black and white corridors, waiting for the inevitable report to jump into his Silencer and track his enemies down. He knew she was somewhere on that filthy planet, a pearl hidden inside the giant sea of commoners, yet no matter how much he tried, he couldn't see her; the door was once again tightly shut.

But it was only a matter of time now, he repeated to himself. Over 20,000 stormtroopers and almost 400,000 local peace keepers had been deployed to look for the two terrorists and bring them alive to his ship. In addition, all borders had been strictly closed, Kotka's rulers not even resisting them for a second, even with the infinite mess the abrupt order had inevitably triggered, and the billions of credits lost in the process. No ship could go out. He waited and waited. Visitors aside, Kotka's population was roughly twelve billion. Right now, in the middle of spring trade, it held double that number. If they had chosen to separate, the wait could take weeks.

He was walking along corridor 5B for the fifty-seventh time when he felt her. A strange chill ran from his lower back up to his shoulder blades before turning into vertigo, the lights around him swaying, and he had to extend a hand and rest it on the nearest bulkhead to keep from falling. She's in danger, he initially thought. He tried to see her, to hear her, but he couldn't. He closed his eyes to focus on the mere feeling, trying to define its exact source.

"Supreme Leader? Are you all right?"

It was gone. He turned towards the intruder who had ruined everything and the look on his face made the stormtrooper step back and stammer.

"S – sorry, Sir. I – I didn't mean to intrude."

He lifted his arm to kill, taking lives now becoming a drug, the adrenaline rush and final terror in his victims always so thrilling and oddly reassuring – You're a monster! – but before he could, the dizzying feeling came back. The trooper took advantage of the moment of weakness to run for his life.

Kylo Ren closed his eyes and focused on it, but the feeling disappeared as quickly as it had come. He rushed to his personal quarters, sat on his bed, and then tapped into the Force as if his own life depended on it. It only took a few seconds for him to catch it again, but this time it came clear and stable: a brisk, hot wave of pleasure. He gasped and abruptly stood up, his eyes flying open uncharacteristically wide, staring in shock at the black bulkhead in front of him. She was having sex. His other half of the Force, his equal, the virgin he so obviously knew she was, having sex with the Resistance pilot. Him; his own mother's pet. He closed his eyes again and dove towards the heat, vicious jealousy igniting his power, and suddenly, there they were before him. No, they were not quite having sex, not yet; the pilot was just devouring her face.

He was so shocked by the sight he couldn't move. He stared at them, transfixed. He'd never had sex himself, the idea of doing that with anyone having always seemed degrading and so very weak to him. When he was eight, he had caught his father doing it to his mother and had never really been able to erase the memory.

He couldn't look away. He didn't want to look away. He wanted Rey to see him. She would eventually, he told himself, and so he waited for it to happen, for her eyes to widen in horror, for the pilot to be denied what he'd never had himself. What you'll never have. He stood stiff as a statue as his own body began to react to their love-making. Was it pleasure or torture? Both? He couldn't stop the voice in his head: Look. Look at them. This is what you'll never experience. Your soul is too tainted, your mind too dark, your heart too cold. You can have sex, you can take her, but you'll never have this. You'll never know love.

The pilot abruptly stopped. "No, don't stop, don't stop!" There was passion and desperation in the way she said those words, and as they crashed against each other again, he wondered how the hell this had happened in the first place. Of course, look at him. He'd held the pyre for his mother, he realized. It was he who had served her; he whom she must have thought of as her true son, the son he never was and he could never be now. Too late. Kind-hearted and compassionate, inherently good and so very handsome. Perfect. Rey had saved him. She had chosen him.

He stared at his enemy, loathing him with all his soul as he planted urgent little kisses all over Rey's face. Rey… She was stunningly beautiful, her hair down and disheveled like that; her mouth slightly agape, panting, her eyes shut, eyebrows both high and furrowed, her cheeks wet with tears... She was gripping at the pilot's ridiculous robe… Ecstasy. But then the man stopped again and hugged her, hiding her face from his own spying gaze. I'll kill him. Tenderness... Weak. When had they even met? Near death experiences, escaping, hiding together… He'd created this. How ironic…

The pilot was keeping his crotch away, he suddenly noticed. The idiot was trying to contain himself, probably feeling guilty for trying to fuck a virgin he'd just met. Of course, how typically good. He imagined himself with both of them at his mercy. It'll feel so good when I torture him in front of her; make him whimper, make him scream; make her cry, make her beg. And then I could fuck her after having sliced him open; fuck her right next to his severed head.

You're a monster.

Yes. Yes, I am.

They were at it again, but this time the pilot's restrain was gone. They're gonna fuck. They're gonna fuck right in front of me and I can't look away. Why is the Force making me see this? Why? I should've killed him when I had the chance. Killing him will feel so good, so good... Maybe as good as they're feeling right now. Will she notice me? At what point will she notice me? When he's buried deep inside of her? She'll look up and see me. Yes. She is mine.

The moans were louder and they sent chills down his spine, and then it stopped. He watched their silent exchange. She's scared and he's too good. The pilot turned away and Ben's eyes smirked, glee peeking through the expressionless mask on his face. Idiot. When he was gone, he waited as she cried her heart out on the bed. What did you expect? You need a real man, not a stupid, morally perfect doll.

When she screamed at him and choked him, the grip on his throat felt good, sexual. "Yes. Do it. Kill me." He was sincere then, real, dark pleasure running through his agonizing body. If death was the only version of love he could ever experience, then so be it. Of course, she didn't do it; there was too much Light in her. But she couldn't hide her darkness, dark impulses defining her as much as her pull towards the Light. She was a murderer too, just like him.

She had started it with the pilot, he realized. Of course, it all made sense: she had wanted to escape the truth, to escape him, and she was not as innocent as she looked. She had sex on her mind. Her eyes after she let go of him betrayed her weakness; her weakness for him, not the Resistance pilot. The fool didn't even know about their bond. He was nothing. You're mine and you know it. She didn't stop him from spilling the truth. She wanted to hear it. She'd been waiting to hear it. He saw it in her eyes: hunger for him. But she was still afraid. Of course she wouldn't yield now; she was too stubborn. But he was getting there; the cracks in her soul were getting bigger.

He waited for the report to come, and when it finally came, he rushed triumphantly towards his Silencer.

The streets were filled with peace keepers and stormtroopers. Rey and Poe walked slowly, calmly, hoods of the kids' robes hiding their heads, mingling with the crowd of happy nobodies. They had only walked for a minute when Poe heard a trooper shout a curfew order. Hundreds of passers-by around them froze, incredulous, then one of them shouted something back, laughing. He was shot dead an instant later and a heart-wrenching scream cut through the sudden silence; a woman's. Chaos ensued.

"Now. Run!" Poe whispered.

Everybody was running. Speeder engines were starting all around them. The woman was screaming again. In a flash, Rey saw herself in her place, Poe dead before her. She pulled him into the nearest alleyway, determined to do everything and anything to protect him.

"Pssst! Hey! Hey, you two! Climb in, hurry!"

A strange-looking, little fat man with a strong accent was gesturing for them to get into his speeder. When they didn't move, he pulled at a chain around his neck and the Resistance symbol appeared briefly before he hid it again under his robe.

"For Force's sake, what are you waiting for? They'll see you! Get in!"

Rey advanced towards him but Poe didn't move.

"We have to separate."

"What?"

"Go. Hide for a bit. Find a holocom. Contact Maz Kanata. Go!"

"No. No, you're still too weak, what are you –"

"I'll be all right."

"No."

"I'll hide too, don't worry for me. Rey…" He was trying to free himself from her but she held his hand in a vice.

"No!"

He then stepped very close to her, his face almost as close as when they'd been passionately kissing only a few minutes before.

"Rey." He freed his hand at last and grabbed her head, his eyes intensely fixing her.

"We'll both die if we don't. Do you want that to happen? No? Good, cause I don't either."

Another scream. A man's this time. New people running, some of them into their alleyway, passing them without a glance.

"I love you." It came out like a sob, uncontrollably.

Poe didn't say anything back. He just looked at her with sweet sadness, his hands still hugging her face.

"I'm not a child", she said, reading his thoughts.

"Maybe." He let go of her. "Now prove it to me."

She couldn't even reply. She watched helpless as he turned and ran away behind a panicked couple, disappearing into the night.