A/N: 'Sup homies. I haven't written a damn thing in nearly two years. But then The Last Jedi happened and Reylo took over everything. Here goes nothing.

She stands at the door to the Millennium Falcon, sadness in her eyes. And anger. And disappointment.

He is kneeling, his father's dice clutched in his fist, watching her with matching sadness. And disappointment. And anger. There is anger there too.

She closes the door and he looks away. They both think the same thing.

How could you?

The first assassination attempt occurs just days after the final confrontation with Luke Skywalker. There is poison in his evening meal. He barely has to look at the food on his plate before feeling a warning nudge from the Force. Kylo Ren flings it against the wall, furious. Such cowardice.

He has Hux and a surviving but stiff moving Captain Phasma summon the entire kitchen staff out where everyone on the ship can witness the interrogation. It's easy to pick out his would-be assassin. The man's fear leeches off of him as Kylo walks over to stand before him, each step purposeful. The assassin's outer bravo disappears in Kylo's shadow, but before he can beg for mercy, his neck is snapped with the Force with a quick jerk of Kylo's hand.

There is silence, and the fear is leeching off the rest of them now. It stretches on and on until Captain Phasma speaks up. "Supreme Leader, would you have me dispose the traitor's remains in the trash incinerator, where it belongs?'

Then there's a tingling in the back of his mind. A soft whispering. A gentle trace of thought. He clenches his fist. The Force bond between himself and Rey might have been amplified by Snoke's manipulations, but it's existence cannot be snuffed out by his death. It is not as strong as before, but it is still there. Kylo's instincts tell him to focus on the growing echo in the back of his mind. An echo that sounds like her.

He gives a subtle jerk of his head, hardening his resolve. He doesn't wish to hear her. See her. Speak to her. She rejected him. She left him. She chose against him.

He toes the dead assassin's stiffening hand. "Very well."

"He's severed the connection. He is angry with me," Rey states matter-of-factly. She opens her eyes and is met with a stricken looking Finn, who clears his throat and says, "That's-that's good?"

"Perhaps, with Snoke dead, it's fading." But she knows deep inside that's not true. She can still feel him, somehow. She can tell Finn is nervous, uneasy. She already wishes she hadn't told him about the bond, but Finn is her closest confidante now that…

Now that that's that.

Finn won't meet her gaze. "It's just, we're talking about Kylo Ren here. You're chained to the mind of the Supreme Leader of the First Order!"

"Finn, keep your voice down—"

"Right. Sorry. You're chained to the mind of the Supreme Leader of the First Order!" he whisper-yells.

Rey shakes her head. "He can't coerce information out of me or make me do anything against my will. It doesn't work like that."

Finn blinks. He looks worried and confused. "So, you two are just…bonded?"

And Rey can't properly answer him, because she is still deeply unsure herself. Snoke told both her and Ben in his throne room that he had manipulated their minds, amplified the bond to create false visions—

But what if that's all he did? Manipulate something that was already there? She shivers. Well, it doesn't matter anymore. He's closed off his part of the connection, forcing her to do the same. She cannot find him if he doesn't wish to be found.

And she is still so angry with him. For rejecting her. For making her feel truly understood for the first time in her life and then choosing against her regardless. For killing Snoke and making her feel safe and then offering only the impossible. She had felt the conflict inside him, she had—

Finn puts a hand on her shoulder. "Well, if anyone can keep Kylo Ren out of their head, it's you." He gives her shoulder a gentle shake. "I mean, you killed Snoke."

Rey has to force herself not to wince. Of all the ridiculous rumors to surface out of the First Order—

She's not surprised that Ben lied about Snoke. She is surprised that so many Resistance members heartily believe it. The first week after the news broke consisted mostly of dodging the barrage of rebels begging to hear the whole story. After awhile things had quieted and people had stopped asking, but Rey doesn't like the awed way everyone looks at her. She half wishes she could tell everyone what really happened, but that failure is too heartbreaking to speak of just yet.

So Rey smiles at Finn and resists shrugging off his arm. He is kind. They all are here.

But that shadow still resides in the back of her mind. A calm, vicious storm that comforts her more then she'd ever care to admit. When she would touch it before he would rise to meet her, his face materializing in front of her, his voice calm against her biting words. There is a part of her that misses that, and she is furious with herself because of it. Now, when she reaches for that shadow, it shrinks into a nearly non-existent speck.

She grits her teeth. She'd cut him off too. She would not reach for him anymore. She would continue with the Resistance and he would go on as the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Her enemy again.

But Rey feels the loss of Ben Solo as potently as she felt the loss of Luke Skywalker. Ben had never really been her friend but…

Ben had been something.

Ignoring the bond is tiring. Keeping his mental shields so securely in place at all times laps up Kylo's mental energy, causing him to stagger exhausted to his bed every night. He has not dreamed since the last time he saw her.

Which is good. It is easier to kill people when the planes of Rey's face are not as fresh in his memory.

Tonight he slips easily between his black sheets, knuckles bloodied from beating an insubordinate. He had torn his gloves in his rage. Falling asleep is simple. He is so, so tired.

He wakes feeling even worse.

Ignoring the bond is arduous. Sometimes Rey will be walking about the Resistance base, or working on the Falcon, or joking around with Finn and Rose, when a swirl of shadow will ease into her thoughts. The timing is always random, always unexpected. Rey has to force herself not to touch it, not to push back against it. But doing so makes her head pound, makes her feel a mental fatigue she's never had to deal with before. Besides, the shadow always fades back into that pinprick, ultimately inaccessible.

Tonight she stumbles toward her bed, eyes already trying to close. She has not dreamed since the last time she saw him.

Which is good. It's easier to remain furious with him when the softness of his gaze isn't as fresh in her memory.

She is asleep seconds after her head hits her pillow. She awakens more exhausted then before.

The first dream goes unremembered by both. They sit back to back, meditating, neither of them quite realizing that the other is there.

They both wake feeling more rested then they have in ages.

"Supreme Leader—"

Kylo Ren is barely listening to his General's briefing. His head is throbbing and it feels as if there are giant weights pressing on his eyelids. His focus is scattered. He tightens his fists from where he has them crossed behind his back. It has been more and more difficult as of late to keep her out. The memory of her, her presence, that ever present light dwelling in the back of his mind—his reflection in the mirror has turned haggard lately with the effort of keeping her out.

But oh, how he wants to give in.

It's been a year since the death of Luke Skywalker. He has not heard her voice or seen her face in a year. He had no idea the toll ignoring their Force bond would have on him in every way. He had heard of bonds of this nature from his days training with Skywalker, but had never known anyone who experienced it. He wonders every day why the Force connected them, why it chose them, why it picked them for each other.

As Hux drones on and on, Ren takes a moment to take in in the room, the general and admirals and commanders and captains all following him. All ready to obey his orders. The most powerful army in the galaxy, serving him, with only the Resistance standing between Kylo Ren and fulfilling Vader's legacy. He should be able to taste victory on the tip of his tongue. Except…except he is alone.

Kylo Ren has never had friends. Never needed them or wanted them. But then the Force awakened inside of Rey, and he had never felt such a pull to be near someone.

The room full of masks and helmets fade as the memory grabs him and takes him back to the past. He's in a small hut on a small island with a small fire, staring into the eyes of a small but fierce young woman.

"I've never felt more alone." Her voice is sad, the firelight illuminating the loneliness in her gaze. He feels her frustration and desperation fluttering in the back of his own thoughts. He wishes he could choke these feelings out of her, out of the both of them, because knowing she feels so alone is unbearable.

"You're not alone." He leans forward, holding eye contact. She doesn't smile, but he feels her gratitude and pleasure humming in his head. His body feels exceptionally warm. He thought it was from the fire. Now he's not so sure.

"Neither are you," she says, voice unwavering and firm. She holds out her hand, reaching out with trust and resolve—and he can't remember the last time he's truly touched anyone. "It's not too late," she says softly. Hopefully.

Somehow removing his glove and holding his hand out to her is easy.

"Supreme Leader, did you hear the last part of my statement?" The irritation in Hux's voice is unmistakable.

And then Kylo Ren grits his teeth and shuts the memory out, hands shaking and head whirling. He has to concentrate.

And although Kylo knows that his lack of focus is unacceptable, given his position, he can't help but feel a small amount of glee when he says, "No. Repeat it for me. All of it."

In their second shared dream he notices her. She is meditating, eyes shut and face worry-free. They're on an island, the sea raging all around them. Kylo moves toward her until he's standing right beside her, the dream making all of his movements feel slow and unhurried. As his shadow falls across Rey she visibly relaxes, exhaling deeply. Her eyes flutter open and she flicks them up, meeting her gaze with his.

There is a shudder in the Force, in his head, in Kylo's entire body. He watches as Rey jerks, sucking in a deep breath—

Kylo Ren wakes up with a start, Rey's name passing through his lips.

"Ben—"Rey jerks awake, chest heaving. The shadow, his shadow, is already receding rapidly in the back of her head and she can't help but reach for it. "Ben," she says again, her voice barely a whisper. But the shadow is now just that tiny speck. The sense of loss weighs heavily on her already.

She knows that was really him in her dream. Knows his presence. She thinks she might recognize it anywhere, at this point. She is filled with questions, but mostly she just wants to know why. Why cut off the connection for a year, infiltrate her dream, and then pull himself away before she could even—

Rey gets up from her cot and splashes cold water on her face. It's a good thing that he severed the connection, she reminds herself. She isn't exposed to his tumultuous thoughts, doesn't have to worry about accidentally revealing anything about the Resistance. His small shadow that still lingers in the back of her mind isn't enough to push against. Not enough to truly feel him. Not like before. She should feel relieved.

Instead she feels as she always does—alone.

She walks about the rest of the day in the middle of her own storm. She is fuming as she grabs her evening rations, fuming as she takes her usual spot in the common area, fuming as she rips into her stub of bread with unnecessary vigor.

Finn is staring from where he is sitting next to her, clearly concerned.

"What?" she finally snaps, mouth slightly full and breadcrumbs flying out between her lips. Finn looks alarmed, and then his resolve seems to harden. "Look Rey, please don't take this the wrong way but…you've been uh, kinda in a bad mood all day. Like, a really bad mood." He leans toward her and lowers his voice. "If there's anything you need to talk about, you know you can talk to me, right?"

Rey feels some of the storm inside of her quell. She sighs and takes a deep breath before giving Finn a nod and a half smile. "Of course. I just didn't get much sleep last night is all."

She can tell he doesn't believe her by the way his eyes narrow. He crosses his arms over his chest. "Rey, if this is about, you know, that thing—"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she cuts him off firmly, glaring at him.

"Come on Rey. You don't think I haven't noticed what's been going on with you? You barely eat, you're always talking about how terribly you sleep, you're…you're…" The look he gives her makes her chest squeeze. "You're sad all the time."

As soon as he says it Rey knows it's true. She holds his gaze steadily, not bothering to speak to confirm or deny Finn's statement. She had thought she could contain her feelings, could keep them to herself. She should've known they would leak out eventually. Especially to Finn, the closest friend she has here.

Ignoring the bond depresses her, in every facet of her life.

"He's doing his to you, isn't he?" There is malice in Finn's voice now. "He's using your connection to keep you from being happy, to—"

Any warm, friendly feeling Rey might have had toward Finn for being such a good friend vanishes in that moment. "No," she states, her voice low, firm, and slightly scary. "He's closed off the connection but…" The memory of her dream, their dream, is still potent. "He wants as little to do with it as I do." It is a heavy thing for her to say and she is not sure why.

Finn is shaking his head, unconvinced. "Whatever this connection is between you and Kylo Ren, it's taking a serious toll." He places a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "Rey, if this keeps up, if you don't break whatever connection that exists between you two—"

"Finn, I'll be fine, alright?" She stands up, leaving the rest of her dinner rations. She knows Finn will

doesn't have the finish them. "I'm figuring it out. You don't need to worry, honest."

She turns and marches off toward her quarters before he can say anything else. She heart to tell him the truth behind it all, the real reason why she can't eat, why she sleeps for such long hours but wakes up more tired then before. It's not Kylo Ren draining her life force. It's ignoring his small speck of shadow in the back of her head. It's that the shadow is also ignoring her too.

Finally reaching her tiny quarters with her tiny bunk, Rey sits down at the edge of it, willing herself to have more strength. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, trying to find peace within the Force. She hits a wall, mind too distracted and unfocused.

Frustrated, Rey grits her teeth. She hopes, wherever he is, that he's just as miserable as her.

Not long after that they share their third dream.

Except it is less a dream and more a nightmare.

They are both back in Snoke's throne room. Rey is on her knees in front of Kylo Ren, watching with a hammering heart as he bends down and picks up his lightsaber.

He walks toward her, feet steady, slowly lifting the weapon to rest against Rey's heart. "I know what I have to do now." His deep voice is somehow devoid of any feeling. She searches his face, feels sweat on her temples.

She pushes out, against Snoke's power, against his control over her body. She pushes all her emotions into the man in front of her, all her hope, all her trust. "Ben," she whispers.

Snoke is speaking in the background, but Ren can barely hear him over the pounding in his own mind. He can feel light dancing in the back of his head, small but powerful and blinding. It is hope, trust, faith. He has never felt anything as bright and overwhelming like this before.

He ignites the lightsaber. The red beam swooshes out, pulsing through Rey's chest and coming out her back. There is pain, terrible burning pain.

They both scream.

Rey dies, and Kylo Ren watches the light fade from her eyes. The light fades in his head too.

Snoke's delighted laughter echoes all around them and the scene fades.

Rey and Ren jolt awake.

Neither of them know whose nightmare it was.

Kylo feels so nauseous the next morning he can barely get out of bed.

He uses the commlink to inform Hux that he will be late to their morning council with the rest of the First Order leadership. He turns the link off before the General can say anything in his annoying, sniveling voice. Kylo sinks onto the floor.

He'd killed her. Like it'd been nothing. Like she was nothing.

He's covered in sweat and strips off the shirt he'd been sleeping in. He tries, tries to meditate and remove that image from his thoughts. He's not sure how long he sits there for.

If it weren't for the gentle light buzzing in the back of his head he'd be convinced that his nightmare the night before had been truth. That Rey is dead and Snoke is waiting for him up in his throne room. His breathing shudders and something in his resolution breaks.

He reaches for her.

Rey is sitting in the Falcon when it happens.

She's staring at the broken lightsaber sitting on the small table in front of her. She's taken it apart and put it back together more times then she can count. It's not that she doubts her ability to construct her own lightsaber—on the contrary she's dying to design her own. Master Luke's had been useful and resilient, a friend. But the hilt was old-fashioned, the weapon itself in need of an upgrade or two. No, it wasn't building the lightsaber she was worried about. It was the broken kyber crystal.

Ben's lightsaber was made with a broken kyber crystal. She sighed. If anyone would know how to build one it'd be—

As if answering his own name, the shadow in the back of her head swells tremendously. Before thinking about the consequences, Rey immediately pushes back with her own light, heart pounding, eyes searching everywhere for him.

She stands, turns around quickly. "Ben?" she calls out, forgetting that Chewie is on the Falcon somewhere, forgetting that she promised herself she would keep him cut off too.

"Rey."

It is unmistakably his voice. It fills up every part of her mind, rings confident and clear as a bell. She turns back around, still searching for his face. "Ben!" she calls out again, this time feeling more uncertain.

The shadow draws back ever so slightly, as if wincing. "No need to shout."

And Rey lets out a deep breath and slumps back down in her seat. She knows, somehow, that she isn't going to see him. But she's hearing his voice again. She presses her lips together briefly to keep herself from smiling. For a moment she's not even sure what to say. She finally settles on, "Have you been able to feel me this whole time?"

He ignores her. "You saw it too." It is a statement. He doesn't need to elaborate, because seconds later fragments of thought that are not hers scroll through her mind. Him standing above her holding his lightsaber and their shared screams from the night before. Their nightmare.

Rey opens her mouth to reply before quickly shutting it. She sits up straight and pushes her feelings, all her light, against him. "Yes," she replies, but not aloud. Her own voice echoes in her head and suddenly she can hear him breathing, can hear his pacing footsteps as if he's in the room with her. A wave of overwhelming guilt that is not her own washes over her, so potent she almost chokes. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do that," she reassures him. She pushes back against his misery and self-hate. "It wasn't real. You killed Snoke and…and you chose me." She remembers the way his back had felt pressed against hers, how fierce she had felt, how undefeatable. She remembers and lets him bask in it. Then she frowns. She is consoling her enemy.

He is thinking the same thing. She can tell because she feels a brief flash of tenderness toward herself, and then severe irritation right after. A moment later the shadow recedes almost entirely.

When he's gone she feels a weight settle onto her chest. She is alone again.

Ravenous, she gets up and marches out of the Falcon, ignoring Chewie's call of concern. She eats her and Finn's dinner rations. He owes her anyway.

They share their next dream that very night. Rey can't control herself anymore.

"What is this between us?" Her voice is echoing across this strange landscape. Echoing, but firm. It is just them, on an island, alone. But Rey feels less alone now then she's felt in a long time. "I thought the original connection was just an illusion brought on by Snoke."

"Yeah, I thought so too." He sounds annoyed, but his gaze remains steadily on her face.

"Is it something left over from him?"

Ben shakes his head. "Whatever power he held over us died along with him. This…this is something else." He says it with reverence. It makes her heart beat faster.

"I couldn't see you, before. I could only hear you in my head," she says, steadily holding his gaze.

Her face is thinner then he remembered. He wonders if he looks any different to her, if she can see how sunken his cheeks have become. "I couldn't see you either. But I don't think Force bonds typically work like that, regardless."

"So you think we have a Force bond then. A real one."

"I don't know what a 'real one' entails, exactly. But, yes. I'm not sure if we'll be able to see each other anymore but we can still—"

"Feel each other."

He nods.

That is more dangerous. She only thinks it, but he hears it as clearly as if she had spoken it.

The dream stretches on endlessly, or perhaps it's only seconds. There is something on the tip of Rey's thoughts, something she can't quite make shape of because of the dream. It's a soft understanding, though, and it makes her place a hand over her heart.

It took you so long to reach for me. She isn't sure if she meant for this thought to be shared, but it floats on a gentle wave between their link regardless.

His head jerks, eyes thunderous and hurt and so deeply, deeply betrayed. He throws the memory at her viciously. She is looking at her own dirt and tear streaked face. He is holding his hand out to her, his chin quivering with sheer anxiety. How badly he wants her to join him, how badly he wants the vision of the future the Force gave her to be true.

She reaches for him and he swallows, heart leaping. Then her outstretched hand lurches for Skywalker's lightsaber instead.

Rey awakens with a jolt, and she feels his overwhelming anger, fueled by his pain, wash over her before his shadow retreats once more to the back of her mind. The hazy understanding she had felt in the dream finally clinks into place.

He is still angry with her but—

She is no longer angry with him.

Rey and a small handful of Resistance members, including Finn and Rose, prepare to land on a small frozen planet on the Outer Rim. There are new recruits and supplies waiting for them down there, and Rey practically vibrates with anticipation at landfall. She has only seen snow the one time, on Starkiller Base. It feels like a lifetime ago.

But she won't dwell on that. The shadow is small and lingering as always, and she won't speak to him unless he reaches for her first. That is the unspoken agreement between the two of them. Instead, she'll dwell on the mission in front of her, on how she wasn't even supposed to be here but had suckered one of the pilots to let her take his spot.

They land. When the hanger opens the onslaught starts instantly.

Kylo Ren waits on a bridge in their massive new warship with the rest of the First Order leadership, watching Captain Phasma on a hologram. "We've caught them by surprise, Supreme Leader, as planned—"

boom boom boom

White hot beams of pain burst throughout his left leg. His hand automatically twitches for his weapon, body preparing to fight when just like that, the pain is gone.

And he knows.

Allowing the rest of the room to fade to the edge of his vision, he throws everything he has into the small dot of light always dancing in the back of his head. He reaches and reaches and reaches—

Rey is near delirious from pain and blood loss. Her pants are soaked with her own blood, and Finn and Rose are dragging her back onto the shuttle, ducking and dodging blaster shots the entire time.

Rey's thoughts are hardly clear. She looks up, where each arm is clutched in one of her friends' grips. She looks down, where her nearly ruined leg is leaving a trail of smeared blood.

Ben's shadow floods into her mind, taking up every open space, every nook and cranny that resides in her head. His panic is so palpable that it takes her a moment to make sense of any rational thought from him. Waves of his terror roll over her violently.

speak to me don't you dare die where are you who has you speak to me why are you even there I am sorry Rey Rey Rey speak to me don't you dare—

Rey feels warm, so warm. And calm. "I'm not going to die," she slurs, too far gone to remember to keep it in her mind.

His incapacitating relief brings tears to her eyes. "Finn and Rose have me."

Her two friends exchange worried glances. "Who is she talking to?" Rose asks, noticing the feverish sweat soaking through Rey's clothes. They need to get her to the medbay now.

"Just the left leg," Rey slurs to what seems like no one in particular, eyes beginning to flutter. "Don't worry."

And that's when it dawns on Finn. He spurns himself forward, toward the safety of the miraculously still intact shuttle, Rey dragging behind him and Rose just managing to match his pace.

"It's okay," Rey mumbles reassuringly. She breaks out into a delirious smile before her eyes shut. "It's okay, Ben."

A/N #2: Part 2 is already mostly completed, so