They'd been chasing Emma and Carol for a week. She'd been writing in the journal her mother had given her ever since. She refused to write about their past missions or Flynn or anything that might make her current journal at all similar to the one Flynn had give her, the journal she'd stashed in her locker at Mason Industries and hadn't glanced at since.
It was clear to her now that the journal Flynn used belonged to some other Lucy. Some future Lucy that would never be now. She'd stayed clear of the journal out of fear of what she might become. But now that she'd started to writing in the new journal, what harm could it do? She'd defied that future Flynn told her was awaiting her. That Lucy wasn't her. She stepped away from the terminal she'd been using to try and get ahead of Emma and Carol and worked her way back to their lockers. She pulled out the worn and tattered version of her own journal and held it carefully. Once she did this, she couldn't take it back. Whatever she read would be out there forever.
She bit her nail nervously as she held the journal and considered her options.
"Oh screw it," she muttered as she tucked the journal under arm and sprinted back to her terminal. "How'd we turn out, future me?" she muttered quietly as she flipped to the first page.
She immediately sighed in relief when the first entry was vastly different than her currently first entry. The two journals were different. She knew that for certain now. She skimmed pages for any new insights or information. Most of them were recapping old missions, but some were missions they never went on. The JFK assassination. Pearl Harbor. Opening day at Disneyland. That one took her a minute to figure out what Flynn had been up to until she remembered a young Ronald Reagan was a host of the live telecast. Those entries were riveting and came after Jesse James.
Wyatt must not have gone after Jessica's killer in that timeline or maybe Flynn never told him who he thought the killer was? Either way, Wyatt never took off to the 80s. Rufus met with Anthony. He was there for her the moment she learned her father was Rittenhouse. He was with them in Paris. He was there after she found out her plan to free Lindburgh from Rittenhouse failed. He helped her sort through her panic that maybe she couldn't escape Rittenhouse either. She helped him deal with the possibility of never getting Jessica back. She went into so much detail about the night he asked for help, which was strange because all the other entries were cryptic or selectively detailed. Instead of letting her tragic death be the only thing Lucy really knew about Jessica, Wyatt actually told Lucy all about her. How they met, what she was like, the things she loved. Positive happy things that brought back more than just the pain of his failure to save her. Something about that night appeared to change the way the other Lucy wrote about Wyatt. The words were softer and sweeter in tone. She had a feeling there were some things she was leaving out.
The journal revealed that they did eventually go after Al Capone, but after the Disneyland case it seemed Lucy had persuaded them to work with Flynn. She got to the end of the Al Capone mission and nearly shut the book. The Mothership sat four, safely. They'd ridden home with Flynn and Emma. By 'they' she meant Wyatt and Lucy. They'd lost Rufus. Capone shot him, with a kill shot. He'd also taken out two of Flynn's men which opened up seats on the Mothership for Wyatt and Lucy.
They also hadn't gotten the information they needed. Other Lucy didn't disclose what information they were looking for but she could only guess it was the same information Flynn successfully walked away with in her timeline. She felt tears stinging her eyes at the loss of Rufus and the sheer pointless waste it had been. It hadn't happened. She knew that. She was reading an alternate account but…it felt real. She could feel what this other Lucy must have felt. Pain, anger, loss, confusion…
Futility.
It also changed something between her and Wyatt. As she read on, she noticed Other Lucy writing about the two of them in these intimate and affectionate situations. Nothing explicit but enough for her to see clearly how involved they were. No wonder Flynn always called him "your Wyatt." He knew what she didn't. According to this journal at some point he would be. Or he had the possibility to be. The word possibility brought back another conversation. They'd yet to revisit it since Carol tried to take her to the Mothership. It had been chaos ever since. Furied, frenzied, hectic.
"Luce," a familiar voice said as she felt someone stop to stand next to her. She snapped the journal shut and looked up quickly at the voice.
"Rufus," she breathed as she stood and hugged him tightly.
He froze for a moment before hugging her back. "Okay, wow. I was only gone to get lunch but nice to know you missed me."
Lucy let out a watery chuckle and patted his back good naturedly before releasing him. "It's not that. You're being back means I get tacos, and I really love tacos," she said with a teasing grin.
Rufus laughed and spotted the tattered journal. "I thought you weren't going to read it?"
She took a deep breath and shrugged. "I was curious."
"Anything interesting?" Rufus asked.
"You met Walt Disney," she offered with a bright smile.
"I—I what?" Rufus asked with a small excited bounce.
Lucy nodded. "We literally ran into him at Disneyland on opening day."
"We went to Disneyland? When?" Rufus asked eagerly.
"Sometime after Jesse James but before Al Capon," Lucy answered.
"Wait, so we passed it?" Rufus asked. "Why does alternate me get to have the fun?"
Lucy shook her head immediately and tucked the old journal under her arm when Rufus reached for it. "Trust me, Rufus. Alternate you would rather be in your shoes," she assured him.
"Why's that?" He asked with a furrowed brow.
"Because…" she had to think quick. She did not think telling Rufus about his alternate death was a good idea. "Alternate you didn't seem to be dating Jiya." That was true. There was no mention of Jiya in the journal other than a quick line about Jiya helping her figure out what happened to her sister.
"Oh yeah, nevermind then. I'd rather have Jiya than Disneyland," Rufus said with an easy smile. "Speaking of, I left lunch with her in one of the conference rooms. You coming?"
She nodded. "Let me put this away," Lucy told him as she waved the journal in front of him. "And I'll be right in." She went back to her locker and quickly stashed the journal. She'd been relieved Rufus had interrupted her. She'd been afraid it was Wyatt for a split second. How was she supposed to act around him now? Did alternate Lucy's relationship with him change anything? She was really regretting reading it now.
"Stupid," she muttered to herself as she slammed her locker shut.
"Doubt that, Professor."
She spun and found Wyatt leaning against the nearest doorway with a smirk. She blinked at him in shocked silence for a lingering moment.
"Lucy? You okay?" He asked with a small amount of concern.
God, he looked good. She knew he was handsome but for some reason right now he looked very good. She shook herself free of whatever spell she was under. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking. I can't seem to figure out what Emma and…Carol…are up to."
"Yeah, that's a lie. I mean I'm sure you feel that somewhere in that brilliant brain of yours but that's not what that locker slam was about. I know you too well at this point plus you're a terrible liar," he told her with a smirk.
"Hey! I lie all the time on our missions and no one—"
"Lying frequently doesn't mean you're good at it," Wyatt said as his smirk stayed firmly in place. "So, what's up?"
"I read Flynn's—well I guess my—journal," Lucy admitted with a sigh. "I mean not all the way through but enough. I'm not sure what to do with some of it."
"Don't do anything with it," he told her as he took several steps closer. "It has nothing to do with you, us, or right now. Your world is still the same as it was before you read it. Don't let it shake you." He leaned closer to her, as if to share something privately. "And about your doubts about Emma and Carol, you'll figure it out. We'll figure it out, together. Just like always."
She smiled warmly at him and nodded. He slowly returned the smile as his eyes met hers.
"Are you gonna ask me what was in the journal?" Lucy asked with a small grin.
He shook his head to indicate no. "I don't need to know. I've told you before, we determine our own fate. Nothing in that book has anything to do with me. That's one path we could have taken, one of a multitude of paths. We agreed to be open to all possibilities, that book wouldn't help me with that, would it?" He leaned an arm against the lockers, just over her shoulder so that his face was inches from hers.
Was she crazy or did his eyes drift to her lips when he talked about "possibilities"?
"No," she answered. She couldn't seem to look away from his blue eyes. She wanted to. She felt like he was seeing right through her which pushed at the edge of her comfort zone. She'd always been careful and in control. Guarded. Wyatt never once let her get away with that. Even early on, when the team wasn't as cohesive as it is now, he saw past every wall she tried to put up.
"Listen," he said as he looked down and then nervously shifted his feet.
He'd ripped his eyes away from hers and she'd momentarily lost track of the moment. Then he looked back up at her and she was present and focused again. "Yes?" she asked when he hesitated.
"Can we talk sometime?" He asked. He looked vulnerable and self-conscious. "Not here. Not now. But sometime soon?"
She felt a grin spread across her face and nodded. "About possibilities?"
He gave her a warm open smile and nodded return. "About possibilities."
"Just name the day and time, soldier. I'll be there," Lucy agreed.
"Good," he nodded toward the direction of the conference room and then motioned her forward. "In the meantime, we should go get our lunch before Jiya and Rufus eat it all."
She laughed and then turned to walk on. She felt Wyatt's hand on the small of her back the entire time. It was welcome and warm and left her feeling safe. He was right. Maybe the journal had some striking similarities, but it wasn't them. It didn't change who they were right now in the present or any of the choices they were eventually going to make. They had plenty of possibilities without the journal.