A/N: This will probably have three parts. Happy new year everyone, I wish you all happiness, love, and amazing KakaSaku smut.

Beta'd by the lovely Denilmo x

I. Light

There was something to be said about being alone on New Year's Eve. Frankly, it spoke a lot of Sakura's social life.

Sarada had gone to bed a few hours ago, leaving Sakura with the eerie quiet of their house — not home, no, home wouldn't feel this lonely. Sakura was slightly ashamed of herself for thinking that way. After all, she and Sarada shared this space; it was supposed to feel homey… except, it didn't. It lacked the presence of a certain someone. It lacked the comforting touches of a father and the loving company of a husband.

It was New Year's Eve and Sakura was now rapidly approaching her thirty-third birthday. It was New Year's Eve and the start to yet another lonely year. Oh, it was so pathetic; being this sour on such a nice day!

The clock on her kitchen wall read eleven-thirty and she wondered if her friends were having fun. They had tried to bring her along to the party but she adamantly refused, insisting she had work to do that couldn't be put off. It was a lie; the truth was, the last thing she wanted was to watch all the couples around her countdown and embrace and kiss when the clock chimed midnight. She felt lonely enough as it was.

It shouldn't be this way. Deep down she knew it. Deep down she knew she deserved more —better— than what Sasuke was providing her. It took her some time to accept this and it still hurt to think about it, let alone admit it to herself. She had been so happy when he proposed to her; so ecstatic that he finally let her in, sharing a house and a bed with her. She remembered the happy tears she cried when they found out she carried his first child (and what she had then hoped was the first of many to come).

Sakura had imagined a happy family with him, fantasised about healing the gap in his heart and soul. She had imagined sharing a house, having many children with pretty dark eyes and maybe another daughter with her rose-coloured strands. Her life was supposed to feel fulfilling, her family tight-knit and loving.

Well, what do you know? She was a lonely (and quite miserable) single mother of one gifted daughter whose only fault was how damn much she resembled her absentee father.

What did it matter if she was married to her first love, the last Uchiha —the second strongest man in the world— if she failed to keep him around? What good did the Uchiha crest on her back do when all it represented was his ownership of her, not his love? Did he even love her anymore? He never wrote, rarely visited— and she knew for a fact that he communicated with Naruto more than he ever did with her.

What about Sarada who had only met him for the first time in her life this summer? What did it mean that their meeting only happened because her daughter had went out searching for her father? What did all this say about Sasuke?

Sasuke had come back home with Sarada that day, stayed for the weekend and was off again. Sarada had barely gotten the chance to know him a little —her father— goddammit didn't she deserve to at least know her father?! To see him every once in a while, to be showered with love and affection the way even emotionally stunted Sai provided for Inojin?

Maybe this was a mistake— that trail of thought was immediately shut off. No. No. It wasn't a mistake because no matter how much she resented Sasuke for all but abandoning them, Sarada was the product of their marriage and Sakura wouldn't trade her little girl for the world.

The problem here wasn't the past —it'd do her no good to dwell on things she couldn't change— the problem was what was to come. This couldn't go on. She wouldn't allow it. Sasuke and her needed to talk. Really talk. Not what they'd been doing since before they married. She'd been dancing around him since she was a teenager in fear of setting him off, but he needed a proper earful this time.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Huh, who could it be?

She sensed him before she opened the door and was able to rearrange her expression from shocked to mildly surprised by the time she opened the door for him. "Kakashi? Hi, what's up? Is someone hurt?"

The silver-haired man smiled rather sheepishly. "No, no, none of that. I just dropped by to… well, I really didn't want you to be alone at midnight so…" He held up a bottle of sake, smile genuine and just shy of affectionate.

Sakura felt her heart swell for the man standing in front of her. Of course, Kakashi would never allow her to be lonely at the start of a new year— he was much too caring and protective of her. She wondered if he knew how she felt; she wouldn't be surprised. He knew her too well, understood her too well, and sometimes Sakura wondered if he felt the same crippling loneliness she did.

She stepped aside to let him in, letting a gust of cold wind and his earthy scent into her home, not even realising how she was back to labelling this space she occupied as home now that he was there with her again. How many nights had they spent at her kitchen table, writing reports together and sharing a glass of wine? How many others had they spent by the low table in her living room, having dinner with Sarada, and laughing heartily over how adorable her daughter could be?

Thinking back to it, Sakura realised Kakashi had always been there. He had been there for her when she'd gone into premature labour, rushing her to the hospital. He had been the first to hold her daughter as she wailed loudly, tiny fists clenched, and tried to soothe her. He had been there when single-parenting got to Sakura, offering to assist her, accompanying her to grocery stores; keeping an eye on her daughter when hospital work got too busy; swinging by with lunch like he knew she had been too busy to even remember to eat.

They settled by the dining table in her kitchen like so many times before, but Sakura found herself looking at him differently as he poured them sake, wondering why he ever bothered— wondering how he could care so much more than Sasuke ever did about her, and their daughter, and their happiness.

"Thanks," she murmured as he pushed the little porcelain cup towards her. "For coming over."

His eyes creased as his fingers hooked at the edge of his mask and tugged, revealing his smile. "Being here is much better than that party." A small shudder zigzagged down his spine and Sakura smiled as she knocked her sake back.

"Was it that bad?" she wondered aloud as he poured her another drink.

Kakashi shrugged. "You know me… I don't like parties… and noise."

Sakura smiled faintly around the rim of her dish because she did indeed know him. "Yeah, I know."

The way his smile softened around the corners made a strange lump form in her throat. Why couldn't Sasuke be here like Kakashi was right now, so she could know that she wasn't alone, that she was loved, that he cared? Why was it so hard for him to be there for her?

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kakashi asked quietly, breaking her from her melancholic thoughts. Had she been that obvious? A wave of shame passed through her as she looked up at him, but as soon as their eyes met, it was as if the poisonous feeling bled out of her.

She'd never quite paid attention to it before, but Kakashi had really kind eyes. It made her wonder how such dark depths could ever hold so much warmth— Sasuke's were always hard, emotionless. Like staring into a void. Cold.

Looking into Kakashi's now, she could only compare it to a sea reflecting the night's sky on a warm summer evening. Inviting, alluring, urging her to explore the unknown that lay beyond the shore.

"More?" he asked, holding the sake bottle up and Sakura blinked out of her daydream, surprised at her train of thought. And more so at the fact that she forgot to answer him, but he didn't seem too bothered.

She nodded silently as she continued to observe him. He was a constant in her life, a source of comfort— the way she was able to relax around him and be herself was there only because she trusted him. Because she liked Kakashi. Because Kakashi… Kakashi was family.

Kakashi was someone who made sure to drape a blanket over her if she fell asleep on the couch working. Kakashi was someone who'd look after both his well being and hers. He was the one who trained her daughter so she didn't fall behind in school. He made sure to always check up on Sakura when he was in the village and stop by for a farewell before leaving.

How did she just come to realise how big it was that he was so involved in her life? Did he know how much it meant to her that she was the first person to greet when he returned home? That he thought to bring her dinner when she had a night shift?

Did he know how much his presence eased the cold fingers of ice around her heart? How the stifling silence in her home became comfortable with his reassuring presence beside her?

The clock on her wall gave a little ding, signalling that it was midnight and Sakura watched as Kakashi smiled and reached to squeeze her hand on the table with his warm, calloused one. "Happy new year, Sakura."

That lump was back and stuck in her throat as a wave of indescribable aching washed over her. She loved this man so damn much for not abandoning her when she needed it the most. "Happy new year, Kakashi."

They watched each other silently as the fireworks outside rippled across the night sky, washing her dim kitchen with flickering lights. Suddenly it felt too intimate. His hand was yet to let go of hers, the quiet of the space more alluring than stifling.

She watched the light dance across his profile, marvelling at how beautiful he looked that second, his hair falling messily into his eyes, his skin pale and glowing, his lips a soft pink that stretched into a warm smile.

Sakura waited for it to get awkward, or for him to withdraw his touch, but the silence remained a comfortable one, the dimness serving as a cocoon of security to whatever this was.

"Kakashi." Why exactly she was whispering she wasn't sure, but she didn't want to disturb the hush that had suddenly befallen her kitchen. "I don't think I ever thanked you for always being there for me."

He shrugged a shoulder, his head tilting. "You don't have to. You're the only family I have, of course I'll always be there."

Her breath hitched in her throat and she swallowed hard to stop the tears that suddenly filled her eyes from falling. He sounded so sincere, but shrugging like this wasn't such a big deal, like he was just stating facts, like he hadn't just told her lonely being that to him, she was his only family. Something she longed for so dearly.

Sakura found herself stumbling out of her seat and towards his, bending to wrap her arms around his neck and squeezing him into a hug. The emotions firing rapidly within her nearly overwhelmed her being, but the warmth of his body and his familiar scent were strangely grounding.

Despite the rather awkward angle, Kakashi's arms came around her and squeezed back and her shoulders started trembling as she struggled to swallow her sobs.

He hushed her, his voice taking a gentle lilting tone he usually used when she was upset. And then he rose from his seat to properly embrace her and the trembling stopped. It was replaced by a quivering heart and a lungful of his warmth.

Gentle fingers carded soothingly through short pink strands. "It's going to be okay, Sakura, you're a strong woman, you'll get through whatever this is."

It seemed that although she had momentarily lapsed back to her crybaby status, he wasn't letting that affect his judgment of her. She found herself shaking her head into his chest, eyes filling up again as she muffled a 'no' into his shirt.

He untangled himself from her hold, fingers titling her chin to lock eyes with her. "You will."

His conviction made her lower lip tremble and she forced it around syllables to form words. "I… I don't want to do this anymore."

A small frown tugged on his brows.

"I mean this." She looked around her. "I don't want to be alone anymore."

Understanding flashed in his eyes and the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "Good for you, Sakura. What do you plan to do?"

He took a small step away from her, his fingers falling from her face. The loss of contact made her feel cold but she barreled through it. "I want to… I need to let go. Sasuke and I, we don't… we don't work."

It surprised her, that she was finally acknowledging this. Sasuke's mission was over and yet he refused to return home. He had gone while she was still pregnant although he hadn't needed to. He was only assigned his mission by Naruto when Sarada was seven, yet he never made any commitment to his family.

She was thirty-two and she needed to pull out now. It was never too late to find happiness or love. Maybe Sasuke wasn't the man for her and it was just that. And gods it hurt, and she hated him for making her reach this state, but enough was enough.

She wondered what Sarada might think. If she'd be angry or if she'd feel betrayed.

Kakashi's eyes were filled with pride, and something light and hopeful that she failed to name. "You want a divorce."

The rosette nodded, lower lip quivering again and tears falling once more. "I w-want to be happy Kakashi… I'm…"

He hushed her again, seizing her shoulders in a gentle hold. "You deserve to be happy, Sakura. You out of all people." His smile softened. "And you know I'll be there every step of the way."

"But Sarada-"

"It's fine, mum."

Both adults jumped slightly at the sound of the teenager standing at the kitchen door. She was smiling softly at the corner of her lips, arms crossed. "Dad is never here anyway, I doubt it'll change much. You deserve to be happy, Kaka-tou is right."

Sakura stared in amazement as Sarada approached, fitting herself between the crook of Kakashi's elbow and his side. "Trust your guts, they might save your life, right?" She flashed Kakashi a brilliant smile which he returned, squeezing her shoulder.

"Right," he said.

Sakura was too busy marvelling at how amazing and beautiful her daughter was and how receptive of the idea Sarada seemed. It seemed she got one thing right after all.

Sakura gave a watery smile and stepped forward to embrace the both of them. "I love you guys so much."

"Mom!" Sarada whined. "I was having a moment here!"

Sakura laughed and Kakashi chuckled as he wrapped them both up in a hug. "Now that my two favourite girls are here… hot chocolate anyone?"

Sarada cheered, pulling out of his hold and rushing to the cupboard to get all the ingredients out and get started as soon as possible. They watched her with matching grins, Sakura shaking her head. "I wonder who she takes after."

Kakashi gave her a pointed look, leaning to nuzzle her hair briefly. "You, silly."

And then he was stepping away and joining Sarada, and Sakura wondered how her heart could feel so full after making such decision. But the answer was right there as she watched Kakashi and her daughter fuss over how much was too much sugar and who made hot chocolate better.

Sakura felt herself smile and shake her head, allowing herself to step into the comfort this family provided. Both of them turned to look at her expectantly as she stepped forward and rolled her sleeves up. "Well, I can't have you guys outdo me! Cookies anyone?"

Sarada's grin and the hug that succeeded it were the highlight of her year.