Disclaimer: I do not own nor have I ever owned The Outsiders. That honour belongs to the lovely and talented S.E. Hinton. Copyright 1967 Speak Press.

Things just got worse and worse after the tense dinner at the Dingo. Sodapop lost his job at the DX because it was rebranded and re-staffed with Sunoco employees after Sunoco bought the DX company out. While Steve somehow managed to keep his job at the DX, Soda was kicked to the curb and had to find work elsewhere. He was now working at the supermarket as a stocker and checker and it didn't pay nearly as well as the DX. In fact, Soda was only making about half of his original paycheque. We didn't starve or anything, but we couldn't very well continue to eat like horses, so for example, instead of two chickens, we bought one and we could only eat one piece of chicken each so that there'd be enough for lunches the next day. The house was always cold too, which wouldn't have been so bad if it was summer, but we were in the middle of winter. I wanted to turn the heat up so bad but Darry said that if we moved the dial from where he set it then we'd have to pay twice as much for the heating bill and that would eat up the little money we had. So, we'd all sit huddled together under the blankets on the couch when it got really cold and we always had to wear a sweater in the house and sometimes even a coat.

We couldn't even watch TV all that much anymore because it ate into the electricity bills, which ticked off the gang because they usually bummed around at our house and the TV was usually a distraction from Soda and sometimes Two-Bit cheating at cards. The gang didn't really come over too much anymore because we had to save every penny. I didn't tell my brothers this, but I was worried Social Services would think we were too poor to stay together and would split us up. I wanted to get a job after school but Darry said no and told me he'd skin me if he caught me working.

So, I tried to focus as best I could at bringing up grades as close to A's as possible from the failing marks they used to be. After all, I didn't want to add to my brothers' stress by failing out school. One Saturday afternoon, I was putting away my homework after finishing it that evening when I saw my theme. It was so personal and raw that I didn't even know at first if I wanted it published. Now, I knew for sure that I wanted it published. I needed other boys to know they weren't alone in the world so there wouldn't be anymore Bobs, Dallys, or Johnnys. It would also bring in money from sales of the book, so that would help my brothers out a bit. There was just one thing: I couldn't in good conscience publish it without letting Darry read it first. Sure, I hadn't written very nice things about Steve, but I didn't give a hang what he thought about it and I knew Two-Bit wouldn't care at all about what I wrote. When I wrote about Soda, I wrote only good things so I knew he'd be fine with me publishing the theme. The things I wrote about Darry, however, weren't very nice, especially because the part with him hitting me was included. I wanted Darry to read it so he could decide if he was okay with the world knowing about his homelife. I owed him that. After all, I had nightmares a lot, ate him out of house and home, and didn't exactly behave perfectly all the time. I was a burden to Darry, plain and simple, and by letting him read the theme I hoped to be less of one. I picked my theme up and walked out to the living room where Darry was sitting on the couch finishing up reading the newspaper.

"Hey, Darry," I called.

"Hey, Ponyboy, what's up kiddo, you need something?" Darry asked.

"Actually, yeah," I began.

"Well spit it out, Pone, I don't have all day," Darry teased.

"I want to publish my theme," I blurted out.

"What?" Darry looked baffled.

"I wanna publish my theme, Dar," I repeated. "Mr. Syme says it's good enough to be published and I want other kids to read it so they know they're not alone in the world and-"

"Slow down, kiddo," Darry chuckled. "That's great, Pony, but what has this got to do with me?"

"I want you to read it first," I explained. "I don't want to publish it unless you're okay with what I've written,"

"Are you sure you want me to read this, Ponyboy?" Darry asked.

"I'm positive," I replied firmly, thrusting the theme out towards Darry.

"Ok, then," Darry sighed, taking the theme from my hands. "I'll read it."

Darry began to read the theme in earnest and I picked up my own library book, The Chrysalids by John Wyndham, and tried to read it, but I kept glancing at Darry to see his reaction to my theme. Darry's face didn't change much and I figured he must never lose at poker with a face like that. I couldn't sit still wondering if Darry would be mad about the things that I wrote about him. Darry suddenly looked up at me and said very firmly,

"Ponyboy Curtis, if you want me to finish reading this theme then please sit still,"

"Sorry, Darry," I replied sheepishly. "Would I be able to go for a quick walk outside while you read?

"Sure, little man," Darry answered. "Just don't go any farther than the lot and holler if you get into a jam, you dig?"

"Yes, Darry,"

"Alright, then, scoot," Darry said, give me a playful tap on the rear and sending me out the door.

As I walked, I couldn't help but think that Darry would hate me because of what I'd written. He'd probably want to kick me out and I couldn't blame him. After all, what I wrote was an invasion of his privacy. I made it to the lot and wanted a smoke really badly but I knew I couldn't if I wanted to stay on the track team and make Darry proud. I pulled out a pack of gum instead, took out a piece, and started chewing it. It really helped to take the edge off of not having a cigarette. I looked towards the clouds, chewing my gum, and wondering if Johnny and Dally were happy wherever they were. I sat there, daydreaming and chewing my gum, for a long time. When I finally snapped out it, I saw the sun had moved and realized I'd better get back home before Darry flipped out. I hurried up the steps and in the front door, not paying attention, and ran straight into Darry's chest. I stared up at him wide-eyed and hoped he wouldn't be too angry.

"Where've you been, Ponyboy?" Darry asked firmly. "I sent you out over two hours ago!"

"I'm so sorry, Darry," I blushed. "I was just down at the lot watching the clouds and thinking about stuff and I lost track of the time,"

"You need to get a watch, Ponyboy," Darry sighed. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, kiddo,"

"Ok," I agreed. "I'm sorry I scared you, Darry, I didn't mean to, honest!"

"I know," Darry replied, gently taking my small hands in his large ones and guiding me over to the couch. "You and I have to have a talk, Pone,"

"About what?"

"About your theme," Darry stated bluntly.

"What about it?"

"It was really good, Pony, but there's some things you and I need to talk about," Darry stated seriously. "Starting with, why on earth would you think that you shouldn't tell me when you're scared or hurt? I mean I knew you were terrified that day you got jumped coming back from the movie house. I ain't stupid, Ponyboy,"

"Well, it's just-" I started.

"Just what, Pony?" Darry urged.

"Just that I know all the other guys don't act all freaked out or get upset over getting hurt," I rambled. "And, I dunno, I guess I didn't want to make myself even more of a burden or make you resent or hate me or something,"

"Ponyboy Curtis," Darry gasped shocked. "Where in the heck did you ever get the idea that I hate you?"

He looked real sad and I've never seen Darry look like that, not since Mom and Dad died. I gulped and took a deep breath.

"I-I don't know," I whispered.

"I think you do," Darry replied gently. "Talk to me, kiddo,"

"I-it's not fair!" I shouted suddenly, feeling my eyes fill with tears. "You were supposed to go to college and then Mom and Dad died and instead of leaving us, you chose to look after us. You chose me. Why did you choose me?! I never come home on time, I talk back to you, I pull stupid stunts, I eat food you and Sodapop could be eating, and I wake you up from nightmares every night! You spend money on me that you could be spending on books and college tuition and having a good time! You're making yourself, miserable, Darry, and you're growing old too quick and I hate it! You should be hanging out with friends, going to parties, and making out with girls, not raising two boys! I'm nothing b-but a BURDEN!"

I angrily swiped away the stupid tears falling down my cheeks, but couldn't stop crying and started panicking a little. I felt arms surround me and I tried to push them away, but they hugged me tight and I felt my head being placed against Darry's chest. I stopped struggling and inhaled the comforting scent of soap and roofing tar as Darry spoke,

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis, you are not now nor have you ever been a burden, do you hear me?"

I nodded and hiccupped.

"I chose to leave college, Pony, because I love you," Darry explained with a quietness and gentleness I didn't know he had. "I wouldn't be able to enjoy college if I knew my kid brothers were living in a home somewhere. I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I were that selfish. Yeah, it sucks that life made me grow up too quick, but I don't regret dropping out to take care of you for even a second. You might scare the crap out of me by being late, and you might pull some harebrained stunts, and eat like a horse, but you're just a kid, Ponyboy, you're supposed to do those things. I know you think I get irritated by your nightmares, but I don't, honey. I get scared I'm not doing my job to protect you if you're waking up terrified. Soda may be pretty good at comforting you, but you can always come to me if you need to. Ponyboy, I don't want you to be a perfect. I love you just as you are, baby,"

"I love you too, Darry," I sniffled, wiping my nose on his shirt.

"Eww," Darry laughed, grabbing a Kleenex. "Blow your nose, little buddy,"

I took the tissue from him and blew my nose, not moving away from Darry's chest just yet. I knew he loved me, but there was still a lingering doubt about something I wrote.

"Darry?" I asked, "Do you think I could get taken away because of my theme?"

Darry's grip on me tightened slightly and he answered,

"No, baby, they won't take you away from me. I won't let them, I promise Ponyboy,"

"But, Darry," I protested. "I put in that part about you hitting me and-"

"Calm down, Pony," Darry instructed soothingly. "Deep breathes, little buddy, in and out, there you go. Now, they aren't gonna take you away from me baby because we already dealt with that situation in court. They know I hit ya, but they also know it was a one-off thing. I hope you know that too."

"I do Darry," I nodded. "I do,"

"Good," Darry ruffled my hair. "But there's still two more things we've gotta talk about,"

"What are they?" I asked softly.

"Your fever the night of the rumble and how many aspirins you took mister," Darry gave me a pointed look.

"Oh,"

"Yeah, oh," Darry scolded lightly. "I knew you weren't looking so good that day, Ponyboy, I ain't stupid. I never should have let you be in that rumble and you shouldn't have taken so much aspirin to help your headache. You could have killed yourself doing that. It's no wonder you passed out, besides the concussion. Don't you ever keep it from me that you're sick ever again, do you understand?"

"Yes, Darry," I replied embarrassed. "I just didn't wanna bother ya'll or anything. I just wanted my headache to go away and I thought that four aspirins would work better than two and I know you can't miss work too much,"

"Be that as it may," Darry replied firmly. "Your health is important, Ponyboy, and even if I couldn't stay with you, I'd get someone from the gang to be there. Also, from now on, you are not taking any medicine without direct supervision until I can trust you to take the right amount. I know it's hard that Mom ain't here to look after us when we're sick anymore, but we'll make it work,"

"Ok," I nodded. "I miss her, Dad too."

"I know, baby," Darry murmured, stroking my hair. "I know. Me too."

I cried myself out into my brother's chest and then asked softly,

"Do you think Mom and Dad woulda been proud of us?"

Darry kissed the top of my head and answered softly,

"I know they would have been, just like I'm proud of you,"

"You're proud of me?" I asked shyly.

"Mmmhmm," Darry nodded. "Every day,"

I smiled, feeling warm inside and I knew everything was going to work out fine. Darry loved my theme, but most importantly I knew for certain that he was proud of me and loved me, just like Soda. I knew nothing else mattered after that. We could have nothing at all, but as long as we had each other everything would be ok.

Sorry for the long wait to update! I've been super busy lately and I've been admittedly putting this off. I'll try to keep updating but bear with me as things could get busy again. Please check out my other stories and as always, review, review, review!