AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so I'm new to writing Criminal Minds fanfic. Not sure I'm quite getting the characters right but hopefully I'll get better as I go along... Please let me know what you think.

Title: CHIMERA

Chapter 1

i.

Morgan walked into the room, carrying two takeaway cups of coffee and a paper bag with some pastries in it. He shook his head and gave a sad little sigh as he looked at the frail body lying there in the bed. Here he was, after all these weeks, still lying there with all those machines hooked up to him. He had a tracheotomy tube coming out of his throat, that was hooked up to a ventilator, and it was whooshing in and out with a slow and steady rhythm. His chest moved up and down in an unnatural robotic kind of way, like one of those dolls that people use to learn CPR. He didn't seem real. There were drips and urine bags, and all sorts of monitors attached, with tubes and wires coming out of everywhere. It was frightening to look at.

He grimaced a little when he thought about where some of those tubes went.

He hated having to be here and having to look at this, day after day. It brought back too many bad memories. Too many times he'd sat at the side of a loved one's bed, one of the team, wondering if they were going to make it, and beating himself up for all the things that he'd done wrong. Too many sleepless hours, running the case over in his head, and thinking of the many ways that this could have been prevented. 'If we'd only done this… If we'd only done that…' Too much time spent in his own head… Sometimes he thought he was going to lose his mind.

He walked over to the bed and looked down at his friend.

"Hey, Pretty Boy" he whispered softly.

This was the man that he held as his best friend and the closest thing to a brother that he'd ever had. The team was a family, they all talked about that, but they fell naturally into roles that befit their age gaps. Hotch and Rossi were decidedly more father-like in their approach to him (even though there wasn't much age difference between himself and Hotch), and the dynamic with the girls was similar to having sisters, but Reid was like the little brother he'd never had. He wasn't just a work colleague. It was so much more than that. More than he really wanted to admit. He loved him. He really loved him.

The thought that they might lose him now just about tore his heart out… but something worse was nagging at him too. His stomach churned and twisted at the thought of it. What if that big brain of his really had been damaged?! What if all the adorable things that made Reid 'Reid' were just gone, like he'd had a lobotomy? All his personality, all his knowledge, all his little quirks… What if they got him back but he just wasn't 'him' anymore?

They couldn't know for certain until he woke up.

He transferred the tray of coffee to the hand with the pastries in, so he could pull the bedcovers up a little. Instinctively, he knew that Reid wouldn't want him to see him like this. That he wouldn't want any of them to see him like this. Not with his shirt off. Not so exposed. He was always driven to cover him up a little, even if he knew that he was unconscious and wouldn't know the difference. The nurses and doctors, on the other hand, seemed to have very little concern for his privacy. Everytime he came in here, the covers had been arranged around his waist, leaving his scarred and skinny torso exposed with all the heart monitor stickers stuck everywhere. He hated that he could count every rib.

He'd lost so much weight, not that he'd had much to lose in the first place. He was pretty much skeletal now. His hair had grown back, at least enough to cover the scars on his head, so he was looking a little less scary. But he certainly didn't look like the Spencer Reid that they all knew and loved. His beautiful long brown hair was gone, gracelessly shaved to allow for emergency surgery, and the dark circles around his eyes were so much more pronounced, even visible around the gel pads that they'd placed there. What he wouldn't give for him to open those beautiful hazel eyes of his and look up at him now. He just looked so lifeless!

He turned to look at JJ who was huddled up in the chair beside Reid's bed. He gave a little sigh, and tilted his head at her in concern. She looked incredibly uncomfortable. He could see from the way that her head was angled that she was going to have a really sore neck, and her foot would probably have fallen asleep if she'd been in that position all night. How she always managed to find the most awkward positions, he would never know!

Sleeping in that chair was not a lot of fun though. He'd spent enough time there himself over the last few weeks to know that. He didn't understand why they couldn't provide something a little more comfortable for family members to sleep on. Who ever thought an armchair with wooden arms was a good idea?!

He knelt down in front of her, and gently touched her on the knee, trying not to startle her. "JJ?" he whispered, giving her knee a little shake. "JJ, wake up."

"Mmmm" she murmured, opening her eyes and rolling her head a bit to ease her stiffened neck. "Morning" she mumbled, stretching her arms above her head a little and giving him a little smile. She glanced past him for a moment at the body lying in the bed and gave a sad sigh. "That for me?" she asked, brushing the hair back from her eyes and nodding down at the cups of coffee in his hand.

"Milk, two sugars?" he said, handing one to her and looking up at her with big worried eyes. "You look exhausted!" he said, with a look of concern. She had big black circles round her eyes and was looking decidedly pale. "I mean it… you don't look good!"

"Thanks" she said, pouting at him a little mockingly. "Way to make a girl feel pretty!" she said, giving him a sarcastic smile as she took a sip of coffee.

"You know what I mean." he said, patting her gently on knee, "I'm worried about you… You look exhausted! You haven't had a real night's sleep in weeks…"

They all knew that JJ blamed herself for what had happened. It wasn't really her fault, he knew that now, but some small part of him had blamed her too. At least in the beginning. He'd yelled at her when they'd first got to the hospital and he'd said some things that he could never really take back.

He hated that part of himself, that hot-headed idiot who always lashed out when he was hurting. The guy who always had to find someone else to blame, just to quiet the voice in the back of his own head, that said, 'This is your fault, Derek… and you know it is!'

He could see how much he'd wounded her. How she was still carrying his cruel words around with her like a stone around her neck… He'd tried apologising, but it didn't make any difference. The damage was done. Reid was the youngest on the team, and the most fragile. She should have had his back. She should have stopped him before he went in there! She really believed that Reid was here because of her. That was why she wouldn't leave his bedside. Why she wouldn't let the others stay the night.

"You can't keep doing this!" he said.

"Oh, and you can?!" she said, bristling a little, "You're here almost as much as me!"

"Yeah" he said, "But… I mean… I don't have a kid to look out for… You're burning the candles at both ends and… JJ? …Something's gotta give!"

She shook her head at him and pursed her lips together angrily.

"I can stay…" he said, "Why don't you go home, and get your head down for a while? …I'll call if…"

"You're not the only one that loves him!" she snapped at him, "I know you think you're like… this... this super human… Big strong Derek Morgan… and nothing can break you…"

"I don't think that" he said. If only she knew how scared and fragile he felt sometimes.

She smirked at him in a knowing sort of way, as though to say, 'yeah right!'

"I don't think that" he repeated a little more firmly, "But we have to help each other! You can't do this every night!"

She got up and walked over to the bed, lifting Reid's stiffened hand off the mattress and holding it in both hands. His chest rose and fell in rhythm with the suction of the ventilator but his face remained passive. They'd put some gel pads over his eyes to keep them from drying up and there were some swabs to soothe his sore and chapped lips.

"What about Henry?" he asked, looking at her pleadingly, "He needs you… and you know Reid wouldn't want you to…

"What if he wakes up and I'm not here?!" she asked, cutting him off mid sentence.

"JJ, c'mon?" he coaxed, "I'll be here! I'll stay… and the moment he opens his eyes, I'll call you and you can come straight back!"

He looked at her and thought how tired she looked. It was taking everything she had to hold things together day after day. He could see that she was on the verge of a meltdown right now and he just wanted her to go home and get some much-needed sleep, or at least a cuddle with that little boy of hers.

He stood up and crossed the floor to stand beside her.

"I promise, JJ! I won't leave his side… Let me call Rossi to come and get you."

Her chin began to tremble, and she started to blink, furiously trying to stifle her tears.

"Okay…" she said, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her top and nodding a little, more to herself than to him, "But just for a little while… I'm coming back in a few hours."

He put his arms around her, and pulled her in to give her a hug, feeling her body shake as she started to cry. She fell into his arms and rested her head against his chest, starting to sob.

"I'm just so tired!" she cried, holding him tight.

"You'll feel better when you've had some shut-eye." he said, kissing her on the top of the head. He took out his phone and texted Rossi to come get her.

ii.

He sat in the armchair beside Reid's bed, listening to music on his phone with his earphones in, and desperately trying to ignore the sound of the machines whooshing and beeping. He hated this place.

'Come on, kid' he muttered under his breath, as he gave his hand a squeeze. He felt so cold, his hand so thin and frail. He had to swallow hard to shift the lump in his throat.

A song that he often listened to after a hard case came up on his playlist and he settled back in the chair with his eyes closed. Just as he was starting to relax, he felt a tiny movement of the hand held gently in his grasp. Not much more than a twitch, but it was there. He opened his eyes and sat staring at him. Had he really moved, or was it just his imagination?!

"Pretty Boy?" he said, getting to his feet and leaning on the bars on the side of the bed, "Can you hear me... Reid?"

He wondered if he'd been listening all this time. The nurses kept telling them to talk to him. That people in comas can often hear what the people around them are saying, and even if they can't understand the words, just having a voice that's familiar, that they can trust, can have a soothing effect. He'd spent the first week babbling about anything and nothing, but gradually he'd run out of things to say, and the thought that he was just talking to the wall began to take over. He'd lapsed into silence out of embarrassment, and settled for holding and stroking his hand. He made a point of using the antibacterial gel at the end of the bed because he knew how much Reid hated germs. That always made him smile a little.

"Reid" he whispered again, giving his hand a little squeeze, "Reid, it's me, Morgan."

He wasn't sure why, but he looked over his shoulder to make sure that no-one else was listening.

"I don't know if you can hear me…" he said, "Maybe you can hear me and you can't answer… If you're in there… If you're listening… C'mon? I love you man..."

He jumped when he felt Reid's hand flinch a little. He looked down at it and said, "Kid?! …Did you just move?!"

Nothing happened. He stared for what seemed like forever at the other man's hand.

"C'mon, Reid, move again?!" he pleaded with him.

Nothing…

But then the hand squeezed his!

His heart started to thump when he saw his eyes begin to move. He was clearly waking up!

"Reid!" he shouted excitedly, as he gently peeled the gel pads off his eyes. "Reid! Can you open your eyes?!" he asked, "Come on, Spencer, look at me?"

Slowly Reid's eyes began to flicker open, and his breathing started to sound choked and strange, as he fought against the suction of the ventilator.

"Help! I need a doctor in here!" shouted Morgan, as he hit the emergency call button. "He's waking up!"

iii.

"Oh, my God!" squealed JJ as she ran along the corridor towards Morgan, with Rossi and Hotch lagging behind her. Garcia and Prentiss were on their way.

"I can't believe it!" she gasped, "…Is he talking?! …Is he okay?! …Can I go in?!"

Morgan caught her by the arm and shook his head.

"The doctors are in there with him…" he explained, "They said they'd let us know when we can go in."

She nodded, looking a little put out.

"Hey?" he said, flashing her one of his trademark smiles, "He's awake, JJ! …He's awake!"

She smiled and turned to look in through the glass in the door. She saw that a couple of doctors, and two nurses were fussing round Reid's bed, but she could already see that his eyes were open and that he was sitting up a little. Things looked hopeful!

"Oh, my God! He's actually awake!" she said, turning to Morgan and throwing her arms around his waist. "We can start to get him better now!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Okay, take a breath" he said, wiping at her tears with his thumbs. "Remember, we don't know yet what state he'll be in… y'know… it might take a while for him to be him again."

She nodded and looked back through the door, watching as the doctor, took the blood pressure cuff off his arm and continued to move around the bed conducting other tests. Suddenly, one of the doctors began to look quite worried, furrowing his brow, and glancing at the door at the worried faces outside. He walked over and pulled down the blind, shaking his head at them apologetically.

"What's going on?!" asked JJ, looking around at the team with eyes wide and startled. "What's wrong?!"