A/N I've played fast and loose with timeline here. Assume this comes some months after chapter 16 and that Jo's announcement as Chief Resident has already been made. Its slightly different in style and arguably both ambiguous and angsty than the rest of the story but I hope you enjoy my conclusion. More notes at the end.

Even when a wound heals the scar remains. Maybe it's in plain sight, maybe it's carefully hidden, maybe it sits ignored for months or years but you should never forget it's there. Scar tissue is more sensitive to pain, more likely to cause complications down the line. You can move on, you should move on but forget that it's there at your peril.

Jo was already in the bathroom when Alex awoke with a start, reaching out with a wide stretch to her side of the bed, long since empty and cold. He listened to the comforting sounds of her shower and tried to remember the last time he'd woken slowly wrapped around his girlfriend; the last time they'd leisurely, or frantically, made love in the early morning light. From the time she had filed her divorce papers until the day that Paul had finally disappeared from their lives for good she'd been slowly pulling away he thought.

He had tried to show how proud he was of how hard she worked to balance her increasing specialisation in orthro, her responsibilities as Chief Resident and the long shadow that the uncertainty her, now, ex-husband had cast. He had tried to be supportive and she had continued to be affectionate.

He was grateful for her presence; thankful they had found their way back together and more careful with his words. He'd started to try once more to cook shared meals and to drive them alone to work cradling her hand as they crossed the lot. He'd worked hard to ensure that they worked together; calming young nervous patients, in careful synchronisation in the OR, eyes communicating over masks; fixing broken bones and saving lives. He'd continued to climb into bed, talking late into the night, strategizing on how to file divorce paperwork and bring the civil suit simultaneously in the peace and the comfort of darkness.

In all of this he thought they had stood shoulder to shoulder in a way that her crushing secret, the differences in their ages and associated seniority at work and his complex historic relationships had never let them before. And yet, he thought, there was a new distance.

In the peace that came after the divorce was finalised, the civil suit upheld and the noises of criminal charges from Cambridge had died down there was an underlying uneasy calm. The congratulations were made, the tears dried, and the bystanders started to move on from the drama. The certainty of his friends, finally accepting of her and forming her newly extended support group that Seattle was where she belonged was met with a serene but often blank face. Suggestions of leaving the loft and buying a house closer to the hospital; one with a yard, room to entertain and spaces for visitors or the implicit children were gently sidestepped. The nights out with the third and forth year residents became more common.

Yes, he thought. I love her, but I can't reach her.

Jo stood, enjoying the hot, streaming water as she luxuriously shampooed her hair for a second time. She had woken clinging to the edge of her side of the bed and had wondered the last time she had woken warm in her boyfriend's tight embrace. She had slipped out of the bed quietly, loathe to disturb Alex, lying so peacefully and looking younger and more serene than he ever did in his waking hours. As she rinsed her hair she tried to remember the last time he had slid the door of the shower open and joined her. He was more solicitous of her now and it brought with it a distance.

She wondered if he'd been like since Meredith first shared the awful truth or if it was the first time he'd looked at her afterwards, eyes pained, and tear filmed. Perhaps it was when he tentatively slid the door of the loft back and suggested that he could come home again.

He had been supportive; loyal to her in front of his friends and co-workers in a way she had never consistently seen before, reassuring when she worried about the demands of being Chief Resident and nonchalant about the threat of the spectre of her, thankfully, now ex-husband. She tried to show her appreciation and he in turn was grateful for it. Kinder to each other than ever before.

She relished their time together; quietly amazed at how they had found their way back together although bemused that her previously passionate, hot headed boyfriend was so composed as he came to understand the extent of the untold truths. She tried hard to listen to him as he cooked her dinners, thank him for the end of carpooling and squeezed his hand tightly as they walked across parking lots. With the loss of the weight of her secret she grew in confidence and worked more capably and with more assurance than she ever had before, enjoying the opportunities to work at his side on the ward or opposite him in an OR as she demonstrated her skill, fixed bones, saved lives. She appreciated his input, his engagement, his support as they plotted and planned her final escape in the evenings; even if she missed the sharing of more mundane daily information as they lay in the cover of darkness.

In all of this she thought, they had felt more like a team than ever. No longer did her skeletons rattle in the dark or scream and howl when he lost his temper only to return with apologies later. No more did she feel the burn of abandonment or the sting of being an outsider to his friend and her family. And yet, she thought, there was a distance that had never been there before.

Whilst grateful for his company and support she had been determined to ultimately face her demons alone, insistent that nobody else could do it for her and unable or unwilling to lean too long or too heavily on anyone. She had vowed to herself that she would not, could not allow her future to be set and shaped by a man; no matter how kindly or well-intentioned the input was. She'd been grateful but suspicious of the help and support of previously less accepting colleagues.

At the end of it all, ink dry on her liberating divorce paperwork, civil settlement giving her more money in the bank, more opportunities than she'd ever had before and an injunction meaning heading back to the East Coast was a possibility there remained an underlying, uneasy sense of life being on hold.

She had held her head high and accepted congratulations she did not feel she deserved, graciously. She smiled, relieved when silences and stares no longer followed her down the corridors of the hospital. She tuned out Alex's friends, their recognition of her several years too late, as they assured her Seattle was home. Instead her head danced visions of fellowships across the States, of research grants in Europe; of an army secondment. All choices she'd denied herself, fearful of any movement, of any change making her visible. Alex's well meaning attempts to ground her, provide roots by way of a bigger house unnerved her. His barely veiled hints of a future where they'd marry in the back yard and populate the spare rooms with children felt like a slowly tightening straightjacket, newly acquired choices trickling away before she had even had a chance to taste them.

Yes she thought, I love him but he's not listening.

A/N I was planning to leave this at Chapter 16 as I felt I'd done by best to outline how I saw Jo's views and attitude of Meredith and Alex's relationship with her evolving and how she herself matured.

However I couldn't quite drop the idea of how Jo's story with her husband might reach resolution and what that might mean for Jo and Alex. My personal take on their relationship is that they love each other but are not always good about talking about the important stuff (see too many examples to list) I also think they are in very different places in their lives. Alex is all about being an adult whilst Jo has been about living under the radar. I wanted to play with how that might look.

Read this whichever way you will. Maybe they continue to work on their relationship together and live happily ever after or that Jo, newly empowered goes and does something for herself. If you've read any of my other stuff you'll know which may I think the end game goes 😊