Kise felt antsy at home. His parents had refused to allow him to leave for the better part of three weeks now.

Him and Etsuko video chatted constantly and texted(once the police returned their phones, after finding nothing note-worthy). Kasamatsu made sure to check in more frequently as well, his other friends did the same.

The only person who barely would respond was Rima. It caused Kise anxiety at first, but after talking with Etsuko she reassured him the raven-haired girl was 'okay', just coping.

He understood.

Standing at the window in his room over-looking the desolate streets of his neighborhood, Kise couldn't help but become angry.

He turned and threw his phone in frustration. Ironically, it landed safely on his bed. Not what he'd been intending at first, but he figures he should be grateful.

As soon as that spike of fury arrived, it faded away. He felt empty.

There was still no news of Chihiro or Momoko.

No lead.

No evidence.

No body.

The last one was a blessing he figures, right?

No bodies meant they were alive, right?

At what cost though?

Kise didn't want to think about it, however, it was impossible not to.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

Someone was calling him, was it Etsuko?

He felt his heart leap to his throat, and his stomach flipped in anticipation. He dived for the device. It was ridiculous how even in times like this, she created such a profound reaction from him.

The caller ID showed her name, along with a posed picture of her in her red dress from the gala. He still remembers the exasperated expression she wore when he begged her to model for him.

Hurriedly he answered the phone, breathless like he just ran a marathon.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kise." Her voice was a bit crackly, he scowled sitting up straight hoping to get a better connection.

"Etsukocchi!~How are you? I'm happy your calling! Are you bored? I know I am. Stupid question right, I-"

"Kise, I'm alone, do you wanna come over?"

He started to choke. He had heard those words before, well . . . not really. It was in his fantasies and it usually went a bit more smoothly on his part. Kise never choked in his dreams. Hearing those words come from his crushes lips, the living breathing Etsuko, not the fake one from his mind, made him flush, a full-body one in fact.

"What?" his tone came out squeakier than usual, he coughed again trying to focus.

"I'm alone. Katsu went to the store with Oji-san and Baachan. And Saburo is with Ken, they're supposed to come over later. But for now, I'm alone. . ." Kise held his breath listening to her talk. Was she . .?

"I didn't wanna go shopping, I wasn't up to it. So I lied and said I'd be okay by myself. . . I can't stand it though. I really need someone with me right now. I- I know your parents haven't let you leave, but maybe, you could ask them to come over? Drop you off maybe? I asked Rima but she can't... I just need some company."

Of course, she wasn't.

Pervert.

He covered the speaker and released a stuttering breath. He really wanted to see her.

"Kise?" he heard Etsuko's hesitant voice echo. She sounded cautious and embarrassed to be caught asking for a friend. He knew she had plenty of pride, sometimes it seemed like she was making progress, while other times she was so insecure over every movement.

It made him upset.

To others, it wasn't visible. Honda Etsuko, insecure? Blasphemous.

Kise knew better.

"Let me ask my mom. Don't hang up, I'll be right back!"

He didn't ask his mom. . . Or his dad.

Actually he snuck out.

Sort of . . .

Kise walked downstairs with the full intention of telling his parents where he was going. When he made it to the family room he saw his parents curled up together on the couch asleep. A movie they were watching playing in the background.

He felt bad. All of this was affecting them as well. He left a note in plain sight, saying that he was heading for Etsuko's house. It was 6 pm, and dark outside.

Dirty snow littered the ground. Currently, a fresh white coat was ready to cover it all up as flakes fell from the sky and landed on his nose.

He figured his parents would be upset. But not upset enough to drag him home, he'd just have to be vigilant for any phone calls or texts. Once he was back home, he would most likely receive a punishment.

His decision was made though.

He bundled up, half from the cold, and half because he didn't want to be recognized by anyone. Especially the wrong person.

This was a stupid decision, he should have just woke his parents, even on the chance of them saying no.

It was too late now, he was committed . . . and already outside her front door.

She let him in with a soft smile. Locking the door immediately after stepping foot into the entryway.

He took his shoes off and hung up his coat before quickly following her upstairs to the attic remodeled as her room.

They didn't speak at first, a mutual silence enveloped them as they comfortably settled around each other on her bed, music was playing softly in the background. Plus, Kise was still embarrassed by his earlier reactions. Sweat was dripping in places they shouldn't be.

"I miss them," Etsuko whispered after a minute. Her head was downcast, and Kise could see her chin wobble in despair. His nerves disappeared as he jumped into the familiar action of comforting her.

Scooting over into her space and pulling her against his chest. It was disturbing how still she could be when upset. As if making noise, and sobbing would cause her shame.

Tears fell from her eyes at an alarming rate, her body shook, and she would sniffle occasionally but no other sound fell from her lips.

"I feel like it's my fault," her voice sounded broken. "I should have stayed, and walked with her."

"Don't say that," Kise scolded, though he felt his heart clench. It reminded him of how he had felt when news broke of Hiroki. "It's not your fault."

She pushed away from his embrace, a bit violently he'd admit, his startled expression made her cringe back as she spoke. "But, it feels like it is Kise."

Kise.

Kise.

She always called him Kise. He knew it was the wrong moment to be upset about this, but he called her by her first name. Why can't she say his?

It was a constant reminder of what he couldn't have.

There was nothing he hated more than that.

"You, Chihiro, Rima, Momo, Hiroki even Akira are my friends," her voice was taut. "Were. Were my friends." She said quietly, fiercely.

"Are. We still are your friends." Kise reinforced, his tone held no room for argument.

She looked up at him, shivering, tears silently flowing down her face. He will never understand how she can do that.

"Kise . ."

"I'm here," he said moving closer again and gently slipping his hand into hers. "Rima, Chihiro, Rima, Hiroki, everyone would be here too if they could."

"They can't though!" She squeezed his hand, he had to stop himself from recoiling, she had a strong grip.

"They can't, and I never got to show them how much they really meant to me." Her voice broke. "I never had the chance to be grateful, to tell them 'I love you'."

Kise felt his heart swell.

"I never had real friends, or even family before moving here!" her laugh was hoarse and it made him ache. He adored her laugh, but not this one.

"All because I'm a fucked up person. I'm ugly and selfish and full of hate, animosity, self-loathing and distrust. I—."

He couldn't listen to this anymore.

"Shut up," he said his eyes boring into the side of her face because as she spoke she refused to look at him. And despite the fact she was never his, he felt himself losing her even more.

They've all changed when this year started, some for the better and some for the worse. Kise felt himself fall into the latter, his anxiety at an all-time high, self-hatred eating him alive.

But, he couldn't stand to see Etsuko do to herself what he always did. It was hypocritical, yet he didn't care. How could she not see how much she progressed? How much stronger she is?

Etsuko recoiled again at his words, but her hand still held his. Her icy gaze shattered his heart as she stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"If there is anyone in the world who should be feeling that way, it should be me."

Her brows furrowed, and a scowl came to her face. "Kise, what are you—"

"Why can't you see?" Kise asked, running a hand through his hair as he let go of her. "Why can't you see how-how amazing you are? Why can't you see yourself the way I do?"

Anger. All he could recognize in her expression was anger as she stood up, and hovered over him. He hasn't seen her like this, scary, menacing, and heartless, for the longest time.

"Because all you fucking do is idolize me for saving your damn life," she yelled, eyes wide, disbelief swimming behind her rage in those beautiful blues. "I don't want it! I don't want that!"

"Why not?!" Kise screamed back, her words like a slap to the face, like rejection.

He never handled rejection gracefully, Kuroko said he would whine and cling, and get upset like an obsessive person. Never was he this furious though, never, but she had control over him like no-one else.

Can't she see that? How much he's changed for the worse? How much she's helping him slowly return to himself? How much he relied on her? How goddamn perfect she was to him?

He was standing now too, towering over her lean athletic frame, her head tipped back to continue glaring at him. She never backed down. Kise used to find her cold and abrasive demeanor volatile, nowadays he was in awe.

She was so strong. He liked to think he used to be that way, not perfect but not broken either. He loved his space, he loved not feeling tied down and caged in, he loved himself, he loved people and games, and attention. He thrived in it. He used to, at least.

Etsuko made him feel all of that again. Was it selfish of him, to hope she stays out together enough to be there to support him?

Probably yes.

However, he convinced himself they had each other's backs, and this was true.

But, what else could he do seeing Etsuko fall to pieces before his eyes, and nothing he's been saying and doing was helping? It made him desperate grasping at the air to keep things as they were for just a little bit longer.

Let me stay in my bubble.

That was impossible now though. It seemed like losing Chihiro and Momo was the straw that broke the camels back.

He hated her insecurities almost as much as he hated not being able to call her his.

"Kise this is stupid!" she roared back after his question, tears gathered in his eyes again and she turned her back on him refusing to acknowledge his existence.

"I'm not going to fight. I'm not going to argue, or debate or whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm too tired for that." her whisper was just loud enough for him to hear.

"You need to realize something," Etsuko spoke again. Her previous words shocking Kise into an awkward silence. She turned to him, and the tear tracks on her cheeks hurt him. "Nothing will ever happen if all you see when you look at me is 'the girl who saved my life'. I refuse to let that be the defining factor in the relationship we have."

She stared at him from her position, and Kise worked his jaw to hopefully try and form words but nothing happened.

"I refused with Chihiro, with Momo, and Rima. With everyone. And I'm not making an acceptance with you, no matter the circumstances."

"I'm not a hero. I'm not perfect." She crossed her arms. "If you can't get past that, you should just leave."

His stomach exploded in panic. Leave? No!

"You're seeing this all wrong!" He whined, stepping forward than moving back as if he couldn't decide what he wanted.

Etsuko looked at him confused. "Than explain to me, Kise!"

"I see someone who came from such a hostile situation and completely turned her life around. I see an athlete, a strong hard-working athlete that could give me a run for my money. I see a smart, argumentative strong girl who isn't afraid to stand up for herself and others. You mean so much more to me," Tears continued to fall down his face. "Why can't you see how I feel? Why is it so difficult with you?"

Etsuko continued to stand there and stare at him an unreadable expression on her face. He felt himself fall apart. Was this finally over?

He couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

Her face twisted up, a grimace of sorts before she moved forward grabbed his shirt and hauled him down hard until their mouths connected painfully.