Warnings: slash; kissing; age difference; inappropriate humor; secret relationship

Pairings: Damian Wayne/Another Member of the Batfamily

Summary:Based on a tumblr ask/prompt for: "Damian revealing his relationship to the batfam and everyone reacting to it"

Damian has a date. Tim and Jason have questions. Specifically, with who?

Credits: This is a non-profit, fanmade work. All characters are owned by DC. This fanfiction was written and created by me.

A/N: To celebrate my 100 followers on tumblr, I accepted 5 prompts to write shortfics for. This is one of them.

The prompt specified two options for who Damian is dating, and I decided instead of Damian revealing who, I'd write a bit of a funny story with everyone trying to figure out who Damian is dating.

The content is pretty mild but there is some sexual humor and innuendo.

Also the final pairing is an intra-batfam pairing. So if you don't like ships that involve Damian and other members of the batfamily, I recommend not reading this.

The last suspect was taken away by GCPD. Tim glanced up at the nearby clock tower, feeling impressed. As if reading his thoughts, Jason gave a low whistle and said, "Record time."

Tim looked back at Jason and Damian. He couldn't resist smiling—all things considered, he was pretty happy with the work they did.

"Maybe we make a decent team after all."

"Keep telling yourself that. I was the one doing all the work," Damian said, adjusting his bloody gloves.

Jason snorted. To Tim's surprise, Jason did not argue or brag about his share of the work in bagging up mobsters. Instead, he said, "So. Same time tomorrow? The rest of the Sicilian mafia isn't going to arrest itself."

"Can't," Damian said. He reached for the grappling gun on his belt, turning toward one of the nearby buildings.

At that, Tim quirked an eyebrow. Damian wasn't a team player by any means, but he hated leaving a job unfinished. Tim didn't expect him to flake out.

"Why not?" Tim asked.

"I have a date," Damian said.

The grappling line zipped toward the rooftop and Damian was gone in a blur. Tim and Jason's eyes followed him as he disappeared into the distance. A moment of silence passed between them.

Suddenly, in unison:

"What?"

"Look, I'm not saying I care about Damian's love life. I just have questions. Specifically, who? Who would date that?" Tim said. He looked away from his computer, pinching the bridge of his nose. He couldn't concentrate. Just the thought of Damian on a date made him feel tired.

Jason, laying on a nearby counter, continued tossing an empty smokebomb capsule into the air. He tossed it once, twice, and when he caught it the third time, he finally responded:

"Maybe he was just saying it to mess with us."

"No, no. He was definitely bragging," Tim said. He got up from his chair and crossed the room, stopping at a workbench a few feet away from Jason. He set his elbows on the table and stopped for a moment, thinking about this turn of events. "I can't help but feel like… like we have a moral obligation to warn her."

"'Her'?"

"Whichever girl he's dating."

At that, Jason stopped juggling the capsule. He caught it for a final time and then rolled his head in Tim's direction. Tim blinked at the crooked smirk on Jason's face.

"'Girl'?" Jason said, eyebrows raising.

Tim paused for a moment, thinking about it.

"Fine. Whoever he's dating. We should say something, right? I mean, pissy attitude aside, Damian lives a dangerous lifestyle. His background alone is—incredibly murky. I don't feel like Damian has the sense of responsibility to warn his date about what they're getting into."

"Whoever he is, it has to be someone Damian knows. Someone who already knows he's a vigilante. Damian isn't the type to go on Hooq, looking for strangers to date."

Tim stared vacantly into space, thinking about it.

"God, could you imagine what his Hooq profile would look like? '18 year old man living in Gotham. Hobbies and Interests: painting, collecting exotic animals, stabbing people with sharp objects. Vegetarian. Idea of a perfect date: long silences.'"

"How do you know what a Hooq profile looks like?"

"I helped Babs with some coding once."

"You helped Babs? Why do I not buy this, at all?" Before Tim could vehemently deny Jason's accusations, Jason returned to the topic at hand. "Maybe it's that Jon kid."

"Better not be. He'd be dating a minor."

"I mean, Damian's eighteenth birthday was only a few months ago. I don't think it's that weird."

"Jon is fifteen."

"What?" Jason said, finally sitting up. He looked surprised. "But he's so tall." Jason snorted. "Fucking yellow sun bullshit… he has super strength, there's no need for him to be tall…"

Tim paused for a moment, thinking.

"What about his friend, Maya?" he suggested.

"What about her?"

"They're close."

"Yeah, like siblings."

"I guess. He did talk to this one girl for awhile… Maps, I think her name was."

"You're still on about that? I'm telling you, he's gay."

"Colin?"

"Who the fuck is Colin?"

"Who else is left?" Tim said, throwing his hands in the air. Jason made a face, thinking for a moment. He flicked his nose.

"Dunno. Maybe it's one of his teammates."

"The Teen Titans?" Tim said, nearly scoffing. "I can't see that."

"Why not? Aqualad's gay, right?"

"Aqualad is also reasonable."

"Beast Boy."

"I mean, he can turn into animals. That's a bonus. But I doubt Damian would have the patience."

"Kid Flash."

"They have beef with each other."

"Can't be any of the girls."

"You're really insistent on him being gay. He could be bi, you know."

"Look, I don't actually know if he's gay. I just think that no self-respecting woman should ever have to deal with a guy who thinks it's acceptable to use 'you fight like a girl' as an insult. Besides, who would he date? Raven? Oh god, if it was Kory, I would scream."

Tim couldn't take it anymore. He had to know.

He stalked back toward his computer. He could hear Jason hopping off the counter, his heavy footsteps following.

"What are you doing?" Jason asked in a dry voice.

"I'm tracing his cell phone signal. He's probably on his date right now."

"Slow your roll, Batman Junior. We are not stalking him."

Damian's coordinates came up instantly. Tim searched them, finding a nice restaurant that matched the location.

"We don't have to stalk him. We don't even have to leave this room," Tim said.

The restaurant had an online reservation system. Tim could hear Jason sighing heavily and mumbling something about a lame misuse of power. Tim ignored him, breaking through the reservation system's security, gaining access to all the information. Tim scrolled through the list of names, stopping at a particular one.

Tim chewed on his lip, thinking.

"I don't see any names I recognize… but there's one here that just says 'D'."

"Damian. 'D'. Makes sense to me."

"Why wouldn't he put his name down?" Tim said, leaning back in his chair. His brow furrowed as he tried to think. "Unless he was hiding. Unless he was trying to keep it a secret."

"Maybe it's not even Damian's name. Maybe it's his date's," Jason said. He leaned across the desk, entering Tim's line of vision. Tim eyed Jason's grin with suspicion. "Maybe you've been giving me the runaround, Drake?"

"How would that work? I'm sitting right here."

"Christ, it's a joke. My point is that there are tons of D-names, like—"Jason suddenly stopped himself short, his face falling.

The look on Jason's face triggered a sudden thought in Tim's mind. Tim's stomach dropped at the idea—and judging by the look he and Jason exchanged, they were thinking the same thing.

"So. Where were you last night?" Jason said.

Dick stopped in the middle of his work—not by choice. Jason had taken a seat on Dick's desk and his ass was blocking one of the case folders. Dick managed to grab a corner and tug it out from underneath Jason.

"I was on patrol," Dick said, shrugging a shoulder dismissively. He opened up the folder and started sifting through it. Tim glanced over Dick's head, making eye contact with Jason. A look of understanding passed between them—neither of them were buying Dick's story.

"Where'd you go?" Tim said, hovering over Dick's shoulder.

The pages stopped flipping. Dick's eyes shifted to the side.

"Um, everywhere? It was... just patrol…"

"Are you sure you didn't stop anywhere to eat?" Jason said, scooting closer. Dick finally set the folder down. He stared straight ahead, blinking in confusion. Jason leaned in closer. "Tell me, D. Did you get vegetarian? Or did you get some… meat?"

"Ew," Tim said, face scrunching up at the innuendo.

"What?" Jason said sharply.

"Come on, don't make this gross."

"Am I being interrogated?" Dick said, looking back and forth between them.

"I don't know. Are you? Maybe you're paranoid because you have something to hide," Jason said. "Maybe a big secret that you're afraid of people finding out about."

"I seriously have no idea what you two are talking about."

"Come on, Dick. We just want to know the truth. We're not going to tell Batman," Tim said.

"Tell Batman what? What are you talking about?" Dick said, dropping the folder on the desk. He seemed genuinely annoyed.

Jason pulled back Dick's chair, far enough to where he could get a good look at both Tim and Jason.

"We know you're fucking Damian," Jason said, crossing his arms.

Dick went quiet. He looked at Tim, then at Jason.

After a moment:

"What?"

"Hey… you're not going to tell your dad about this, right?"

Damian stopped in the middle of his climb, looking back down the scaffold. Seeing that his boyfriend was falling behind, he held out his hand. A yellow glove took it.

"He thinks I'm with the Titans," Damian said dismissively.

He pulled Duke up to the same beam he was standing on. They stayed standing there for a moment, Duke catching his breath. Being on the same level, Damian could face Duke head-on. His reflection was splayed across Duke's visor.

"Good," Duke said. He let out a long breath. "Because if he asks me about it, I'll probably choke. I can't lie to Batman."

"He'll figure it out on his own."

"Uh, is that a good thing?"

"Do you want to tell him?"

"Well. No."

"Tt. That's what I thought."

Duke's head suddenly loomed in closer. Damian jerked back.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, kissing you?"

"You're wearing a helmet."

"Oh, right."

"Moron," Damian muttered. He paused for a moment longer before pecking the top of the helmet. He resumed his climb.

"I might not have felt that but I saw that," Duke called after him, voice amused.

"Shut up or I'll tell Father."