It was only the eighth hour of his fifty-hour punishment and James had already threatened to quit school twice.

A lanky 19 year old uni student, James Potter was trapped at the library reception desk. He had spent most of his shift doodling in his sketchbook but found himself to be uninspired in the dreary building. Instead he focused on having a staring contest with the wall clock, willing it to tick just the tiniest bit faster.

Realizing for the nth time that he does not have magic powers and is thus unable to speed up time, James resigned himself to moping about his situation.

'This is all Mum and Dad's fault,' he pouted.

Indeed, it was fair to say that Euphemia and Fleamont Potter played a significant role in their son's current state of despair because they had once again sucked him into the annual Who Makes the Christmasiest Christmas Tunes: Michael vs. Mariah™ debate.

Ever since Michael Bublé's Christmas debut in 2011, the holiday season was a war zone at Potter Manor. That first year, James would often overhear shouts of 'God Mia, post 2000s Mariah Carey isn't an accurate reflection of her work!' and 'I don't give a shit Monty, Michael literally birthed Christmas.'

Twice, James returned home after practice to discover that this mother had replaced every single picture of Fleamont with a cutout of Michael Bublé. Fleamont retaliated by changing her ringtone to play Mariah's All I Want for Christmas Is You and proceeding to call her multiple times everyday.

Tensions between the two escalated throughout November until it came to physical blows. James Henry Potter, a mere twelve years old at the time, had actually walked in on his parents wrestling over the issue. The sounds of their grunting and shrieking permanently scarred his young mind. Disappointed by his parents' inability to just use their words, James showcased his displeasure by avoiding them for the rest of the year.

(Well, excluding the fact that he had to talk to his mum during the drive to school and that he had to help his dad make dinner, and that it was practically impossible to be silent during family game nights)

The next winter, James attempted to stop the debate before it got started. As soon as he finished trick-or-treating, James gathered his parents in the living room and adamantly declared that Michael and Mariah were equally brilliant artists, but that the Now! The Christmas Album, was actually the greatest Christmas album of all time and quietly pleading, 'Could we please just not fight about this anymore?'.

In response, Fleamont refused to give him a single slice of treacle tart for a month and his mother took Peter, Remus, and Sirius to watch the Puddlemere United football match without him.

Needless to say, James quickly learned to stay out of it.

After years of enduring such bickering, by fourteen, he had developed a foolproof system. When returning home from school or practice, he resolve to specifically use the West entrance of the manor, easilybypassing Fleamont's study, in which his father would most likely force James to harmonize with him as he attempted to hit notes well out of his vocal range. Instead of doing his homework in the living room (which was readily accessible to snacks in the kitchen), James went straight to his bedroom, effectively avoiding his mother's attempts to drown out his father's singing with the living room speakers.

When the three of them would make the two hour drive to his cousins', he would quietly seethe in the backseat, holding himself back fromflipping out at his parents' for bickering over the music because apparentlylistening to Silent Night all the way through at least once was too goddamn much to ask.

Although his system was imperfect, James found that he got on well enough.

That was until Sirius Black moved in, the summer before Year 12.

After Walburga Black heard that her eldest had been having a romantic tryst with another boy, she violently stormed into his bedroom and made her displeasure known with the use of a wooden cane. Sirius, though accustomed to the verbal abuse, had never been physically harmed by his mother before that night.

And he never gave her the chance to do so again.

Once his mother left his bedroom, Sirius escaped from the house and found refuge in Potter Manor. James was incredibly grateful that his friend was no longer trapped in a toxic environment and worked to make sure Sirius felt as comfortable in his home as possible. The transition from best mates to brothers was relatively seamless with the boys getting along quite happily.

But then came November.

Although James had informed his friends about the intensity of the great Who Makes the Christmasiest Christmas Tunes: Michael vs. Mariah debate, they all believed he was being dramatic.

Consequently, Sirius ignored all of James' survival tips.

Instead of avoiding the situation as he was instructed, Sirius catered to both sides of the debate, simultaneously screwing James over in the process. After his football practices, James would return home to find Sirius in deep conversation with Euphemia about which Bublé was the "most Bublé," (whatever that meant), even though he could have sworn he saw Sirius helping his father hide all of the Bublé CDs the night before. On Friday afternoons, Sirius would voluntarily go Christmas carolling with Euphemia instead of attending James' football matches. Sirius was even late to a group project meeting that was at their own house, because he was helping Fleamont make a 17 slide powerpoint that demonstrated Mariah's vocal superiority.

James spent that entire holiday season hearing about how wonderfully cultured Sirius' was and 'Oh thank God that one of my sons actually has taste'. This, more than anything, truly hurt James. He was only twelve when he made that Christmas CD recommendation and 'his tastes had changed so could they let it go please'?

Of course, he was ignoring the fact that his most frequently played playlist was titled 'Best of Now That's What I Call Christmas!'.

He had additionally forgotten that the family shared a joint Spotify account, leaving his true musical tastes exposed.

In any case, James was dismayed by Sirius' antics and hoped that his parents would see through his obvious bullshit. But alas, Euphemia and Fleamont were swindled by Sirius' charismatic and devious nature.

As a result of his kissassery, Sirius would receive much more extravagant presents than James over the years. Last Christmas, his parents gave Sirius received a new motorbike, and him a hair grooming kit (for the second time that year). James swore that he had had enough.

The debate would end once and for all the following year.

So he enlisted his fellow Marauders for help.

As well as the very (un)willing Hogwarts University student body.

After weeks of research, Remus had finally figured out how to access the school's speaker system and emergency text-alert system. Every day during the first week of November, the boys would select a song from both artists and play them multiple times over the speakers, sending out a mass text that directed students to vote for which song they thought was better.

They made through four days of this Mariah vs. Michael text battle (each artist had won twice) and were about to start the final battle when they were pulled into the Deputy Headmistress' office.

According to Minerva McGonagall, what they were doing was "inappropriate" and "unnecessary". And if there had been a "fire" it would have been a "distraction".

Remus and Peter broke easily, immediately admitting their wrongdoing and apologizing for their actions. Consequently, the two received one temporary infraction on their records, as well as 20 sanctioned community service hours. Remus was happy at the turn of events, as he got to volunteer at the campus LGBTQ resource center (where he already spent a lot of his free time) and his computer science professor was so impressed with his abilities that he was excused from his final. Peter did not reap any academic benefits from the prank, but had a cushy set up in the Admissions office, where he solicited donations from alumnae over the phone in between binge watching episodes of The Crown.

On the other hand, James and Sirius refused to acknowledge any misdeeds because 'We were just bringing holiday cheer professor'. The boys believed that Minnie did not actually have empirical evidence against them, so they claimed that they were being unjustly slandered by the university. Sirius was halfway through his second soliloquy on his innocence, snapping his fingers as if at a slam poetry share,when Minerva promptly pulled out the receipts.

Turns out Sirius had posted pictures of the boys tallying votes on their uni's Snapchat story.

Hiding her amusement at the boys' reaction to being caught ('Goddamnit Sirius! Can you stop taking selfies for once.' 'My fans were begging me Prongs, how could I say no?') Minerva swiftly dolled out her punishments.

One temporary infraction on their records and 50 hours of sanctions. Each.

With no control over their assignments!

Sirius was assigned cafeteria shifts, which was actually a fucking joke because the workers all knew that he was going to be a hindrance in the kitchen if he actually did physical labor. Instead, they had him simply recount tales of his "adventures" for a few hours and test taste biscuits.

Originally, James argued that Sirius should be bringing home a share of the baked goods as he was adding quite a bit of dramatic license in his retellings, making himself protagonist of most of the stories. Sirius responded with a haughty scoff and claimed that James trying to "silence his narrative."

Remus snickered. "Pads you can't be silent about anything."

"It is that a challenge, Moony?" Sirius' eyes flashed towards his boyfriend.

"It can if you want it to be," Remus smirked and bit his lip.

James immediately noticed that the conversation was once again about to swiftly transition from "bromantic banter" to "come here so I can fuck you flirting" and made himself scarce. And resolved not to complain about their sanctions again.

Until he realized he was sentenced to the fucking library.

The bespectacled football star had pushed off serving his sentence for ages, and was forced to work 15 hours a week in order to finish before holiday break. He spent that time at the most boring place on campus, reshelving books, answering asinine questions ('No I can't sell you that book, but I can certainly LOAN it to you!) and scrolling through his phone when he was out of Madam Pince's line of vision.

1:54 PM

Chat: will smith's first name is willard not william

Prongs: alright Pince's gone

Prongs: now can we finally take a moment to talk about me

Prongs: I ….James Henry Potter...have died.

Padfoot: oh no

Wormtail: can i have your computer then? half my keyboard doesn't work when it gets cold

Moony: I call dibs on his sweaters!

Moony: They're ugly but I could maybe sell a few and earn enough $$$ for some chocolate.

Prongs: first of all I made most of my sweaters myself

Padfoot: oh he knows

Prongs: second of all -rude

Prongs: third of all my aesthetic is worth more than some chocolate

Moony: Godiva truffles tho?

Prongs: ...fine

2:19 P.M.

Prongs: life update i'm still dead

Padfoot: life update still no one cares

Prongs: i hate you

Padfoot: here are all the fucks I give.

.

.

.

Prongs: moony how do you put up with his shit

Moony: He's an arse there is no changing that.

Padfoot: hey!

Moony: a cute arse tho

Padfoot: i prefer outrageously sexy but thx

Moony: ily

Padfoot: ilysm

Padfoot: *sends kiss*

Wormtail: stop

2:51 p.m.

Chat: Happy Christmas to my Bitches and Happy Hanukkah to my Bae

Padfoot: this elf on the shelf looks like snivellus

Moony: omg

Moony: How many times do I have to tell you that I hate the word Bae!

Moony: (But also yes it does)

Padfoot: everyday for the rest of our lives my sweet

Wormtail: stop fucking texting in this chat

Wormtail: the messages are interrupting my binge watching

Padfoot: that…sounds like a personal problem

Wormtail: ...

Padfoot: but am I wrong?

3:27 p.m.

Chat: James has feelings and needs to share them

Prongs: really i'm a victim here

Moony: how so

Prongs: all I was trying to do was save my parents marriage

Moony: Really

Moony: Or were you trying to end the fight so that Sirius would stop getting better gifts?

Prongs: no! this was entirely selfless!

Prongs: they were literally WRESTLING over this issue - if thats what happened while i was at home they will be way more intense now that im out of the house

Prongs: the fighting wont stop until a winner is declared

Moony: wrestling?

Padfoot: fucking*

Moony: what.

Wormtail: what.

Prongs: ...

Prongs: NOOOOOO

Prongs: that is SO not what happened

Prongs: MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER!

Moony: I mean clearly they did.

Moony: seeing as you exist and all

Prongs: but they're old! they were on the FLOOR.

Prongs: they were wrestling

Padfoot: fucking*

Padfoot: Mia told me all about how she thought her and monty really messed you up afterwards b/c you were awkward around them for weeks

Padfoot: but then she realized that the damage they had already caused you up until then was likely irreparable anyway so they decided against sending you to therapy

Wormtail: …

Moony: Honestly this explains a lot

Upset by the utter lies being spewed by his surrogate brother, James was ready to launch into a passionate tirade, proving that he had not in fact walked in on his parents having intercourse when he noticed a bouncing red blob behind a nearby bookshelf.

It took James a moment to realize that he was actually looking at the messy bun of a young girl, who was jumping in order to reach the upper shelves.

James debated how much longer he should let her struggle before offering his assistance, when he heard a frustrated groan coming from her direction. The bun had ceased its bouncing, and he deduced that the girl had given up on her pursuit.

Eager to stretch his legs for the first time in ages, James bent forward to stand out of his chair. However, once the girl came out from between the bookcases, he found himself frozen with half his body awkwardly sprawled on the uncomfortable mahogany desk.

Breath hitched in his throat, James swiftly stood up to take in a full sight of her.

The girl looked to be around his age but exceptionally short, at least a foot smaller than his towering 6'2, but with disproportionately long legs. His eyes trailed further up her body, pausing at her tight sweater that began to Do Things To Him. As a light flush spread across his cheeks at his reaction, he decided to calm down by looking at her face instead. She was the unfairly pretty sort, with skin that had likely never seen a blemish, a cute nose and soft-looking lips. James' eyes made contact with her own and he shortly realized that she had clearly noticed his staring.

Attempting to salvage his dignity, James adjusted his glasses, gave her a shy wave, and slumped back in his chair. Eyes trained on his sketchbook, he picked up his pencil again and pretended to doodle, making incomprehensible scribbles on the page, silently hoping that the girl had simply written him off as strange and left his proximity. A minute passed, and James felt confident that the girl had surely left by now. His head slowly lifted upwards, only to see the beautiful girl had not only stayed, but was now looking back at him with a single raised eyebrow.

His blush spread to the tips of his ears.

Pretending he hadn't seen her, James tried to refocus on his "sketches", but his rebellious eyes made him follow her as she walked towards the childrens section of the library. The girl reappeared moments later with a step stool in tow.

A cheap plastic stool that definitely was explicitly purchased for ages twelve and below.

James stifled a chuckle. The girl had found the hardly used stool rather quickly and he wondered just how often she had needed it in the past. Soon his thoughts wandered off a bit further. 'How often does she come to the library? How come I haven't seen her around campus before? She was in the medical texts section, is she a med student? Is she CPR certified? If I pretend to choke will she save me? His eyes squinted a bit as he pondered that thought. 'Hmm..Probably. If anything, I have a face worth saving.' he mused, with his left hand stroking his chin.

Excited with his new plan, James stood up and began looking around his desk for food to choke on. adly, he has already finished his afternoon snack. 'Damnit! If there's no food how could I possibly be a damsel in distress'. Then he had another idea.

"Is it possible to choke on air?" he wondered aloud.

"Huh?" came a confused voice.

Jolted by the sound, James stopped his futile search and adjusted his posture. In his haste to get the girl's attention, he failed to notice that she had approached the reception area with two books and the step stool. Now that she was closer, James could make out the light dusting of freckles that were scattered beneath the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen.

The poet in James wanted to see what other constellations he could find on her skin. The intellectual in him wanted to know why she was reading such advanced chemistry books.

But the prat in James said this:

"You know that the step stools for little children right? Just how short are you?"

Her brow furrowed, "Excuse me?"

"Ah. That came out rudely, sorry. I just..." speaking more nervously now, his hand instinctively ruffled his dark locks. "Being short isn't a bad thing, you know, I mean. I used to be plenty short too until I grew..." he trailed off a bit and held his hands out in defense hoping to placate the jumble of nonsense that just came out of his mouth. "But it's okay that you didn't grow. I mean... you're brilliant they way you are, lovely really."

"Glad to know I have your approval," she said, the ends of her lips curved upwards and dimples appeared in her cheeks.

He looked away and mumbled, "You don't need it."

"I know," she shrugged."But it's nice to hear it." Her eyes then flickered back towards his. Hazel met green and something fluttered in James' stomach. Unused to the feeling, he turned his head away and cleared his throat.

"Erm...right. Well if you could pass me your books I can check you out."

"Thought you already did that," she said with a cheeky grin before sliding the books across the desk.

The tips of James' ears grew red for the second time and he decided to pretend he hadn't heard her comment.

"What's your name?" he asked motioning to the computer.

"Evans, Lily"

A few clacking sounds were heard as he typed. "Evans," he repeated, dragging the name out almost as if he was trying to savor each letter. "You have a book on hold as well."

James then moved to the area behind the desk, where Pince kept all of the holds.

"Yes, James and the Giant Peach I believe."

A gasp escaped from James' mouth when he saw the book's title and nearly dropped it in his excitement. He darted back towards the desk and pointed to the cover of the book. "THAT'S ME!" he whisper shouted.

"You're my favorite literary character?" Lily questioned.

"No," he explained while scanning her books. "I mean, yes in the sense that we have the same name, but I am nowhere near charming enough to be a Roald Dahl protagonist."

"Oh, I was just gonna say...you're certainly much cuter than I imagined him to be," she shot him a coy look.

At this point, James ears' were permanently stained red,so surprised by her outright flirting that he forgot to say something back.

Sensing his awkwardness, Lily rambled on by herself.

"I've always loved his books. My mum used to read his books to me whenever I got upset when I was little. My sister thought the stories were "freakish" and used to tease me all the time about liking them, but how could you not!? He's a brilliant author."

She looked at the book fondly.

"I was nervous about bringing my copy to uni in case I lost it in the move, so I ordered it from the library instead."

Finding her passion for the childrens' books quite cute, James found himself wanting to hear more.

"I'm partial to The BFG myself."

She beamed, "Yeah, that's one of my other favorites!"

'Your face is one of my favorites,' he thought dreamily as Lily explained her love for the Big Friendly Giant in detail.

"His words just totally transport you to a magical world," she added

'I could transport you to a "magical" world.'

"Everything he writes is incredible!"

"You're incredible."

"What?" she asked giving him an odd look.

Wait... did he just say that out loud?

"I mean," his hands again rushed through his mop of hair.

"You're incredible for like for liking the book so much. Uh... I love when people are really vocal about their love of Dahl you know?"

"Right..." she quirked a brow, "Because that's totally a normal thing to say."

"Totally!" He nodded in excitement, completely failing to recognize her sarcasm.

"Right. Well," she bit her lip and motioned towards the door. "I'll just be off then."

Lily then grabbed her books in one hand and the step stool in the other.

"Don't worry about it," James said pointing to the stool. "I've got you-er the stool I mean."

A pretty blush rose on her cheeks at his slip and she hurriedly grabbed her books off the desk. "Thanks, James. I guess I'll see you around then."

A stupidly wide grin spread itself across his face at the thought of seeing her again, "Yeah, I'm stuck here for the month so I'll keep an eye out."

Lily offered back a soft smile of her own and walked towards the exit, sparing him a quick glance over her shoulder as she left. He returned the gesture with another jerky half wave, but her back had already turned before she could see it.

James finally let his hand drop down to his side after waving for an embarrassingly long time.

'What the hell was that?' James glared at his hand and groaned internally. 'We talked about this before we left the house, use your words, James, you have to use your words!'

He then fell back into his seat and emitted another soft groan.

'Agh,' his shoulders slumped, 'I should have asked for her number. WHY didn't I get her number?'

Irritated with himself, James then reached for his phone to ask for help.

Prongs: *Changed chat name to* i need guidance ASAP as possible

Prongs: Officially Invoking Marauder Rule #9

Wormtail: damnit

Wormtail: i always thought moony would be the first one of us to be arrested

Moony: I'm sorry why would it be me over Pads?

Padfoot: i'm quite sneaky

Padfoot: i've never been caught stealing

Wormtail: don't you mean you'd never be caught stealing

Padfoot:...yes

Moony: Wormy Rule #9 is "I made a bad first impression and I need your help to make me look less of a prat next time".

Moony: And we are circling back to your thievery later.

Padfoot: boo

Wormtail: why is that rule so specific

Padfoot: we made it with james in mind

Prongs: stop being gits and help me! i am in need of assistance

Moony: last time you said that we got sanctioned by the school

Prongs:shut up! this is different.

Prongs: as you all know i was in a really grumpy mood all day and distraught at being trapped in the FUCKING LIBRARY but then! An actual goddess walkd into my life and she was so cute and dorky about roald dahl and i wanted to be all charming and suave and the like but i just wound up sort of mking fun of her bout how short she was not that bein short is bad or anyting i really rEALLY REALLY like her height b/c she wuld make the best littl spoon if we cuddle and i wnat to be her friend so much guys !no wait no i want to be SPECIAL frieneds who do romantic activitiies together but when she speaks my tummy feels funnY and i neeed HELP

Wormtail: she makes your "tummy feel funny"

Padfoot: are u 5?

Moony: yes

Wormtail: yes

Prongs: yes

Moony: You're also kind of a prat Prongs.

Prongs: I'd argue but I have no evidence

Padfoot: doesn't matter anyway

Padfoot: I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea

Moony: No you don't.

Moony: History has proven that.

Padfoot: *Gasps*

Padfoot: stop using HBO shows to insult me

Padfoot: but FINE w.e. i have AN idea

Prongs: YOU'RE SO LOYAL I LOVE IT

Padfoot: settle down

Padfoot: anyway here's what your gonna do….