Title: The Process of Healing
Author: Cassis Luna
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Arthur Pendragon/Merlin

Summary: Takes the place of S4E12: The Sword in the Stone.

When Morgana attacks Camelot, Merlin is forced to save Arthur with magic in front of everyone, but is captured and taken prisoner in Helios' castle. Morgana seeks to use him as a weapon and Helios seeks to own him as a slave. While Arthur finds a way to get Merlin back, he struggles through to sort his feelings regarding Agravaine's betrayal, Merlin's magic, and Merlin's devotion with a little help from his knights.

Author's Notes: Just a little extra as my gift to you this holiday season. Thank you so much for reading this far. Happy holidays! :)

The Process of Healing
extra

Merlin is not a stranger to nightmares.

His sins haunt him even in his sleep, and so do his enemies. Over the years in Camelot, his dreams are usually plagued with fear of Mordred and Morgana, of Arthur scorning him, of cradling his lifeless body, and of living in a world without him.

Recently, Merlin has been dreaming of his time in Helios' dungeons.

He's had nightmares before, and some had certainly been worse than these. He knows enough that it will get better with time, if he just lets it run its course. Usually, they last a week or two, before Merlin gets distracted enough to forget them.

And so he grits his teeth at night and asks for draughts in the morning, and Gaius also knows enough to have already brewed them for him. He goes about his chores, fighting headaches and dizziness, as he had in all the times before this.

So it comes as a surprise one morning, as he arrives in Arthur's chambers holding a breakfast of cheese and bread and fruits, to see Arthur already dressed, working behind his desk, and telling him, "You have the day off, Merlin."

"I…" Merlin stares at him, dumbfounded, and at the tray of food in his hand. "Did I do something wrong?"

Arthur looks up at him, fond exasperation on his face. "I'm giving you a day off, and you think it's because you did something wrong?"

"Well," Merlin starts defensively. "You don't usually give me a day off on a whim. I mean, I'm reasonably suspicious here."

He closes the door behind him and walks across the room to lay the tray on the dinner table.

"It is not on a whim," Arthur replies, rolling his eyes. He stands up, pulls out a chair, and pushes Merlin down with a light shove on his shoulders.

Squawking and limbs flailing in surprise, Merlin lands harshly on his butt. Arthur takes the chair beside him, at the head of the table.

"What are you doing?" Merlin asks, panic evident in his voice. He narrows his eyes at Arthur, searching his face. "Are you enchanted?"

Arthur releases a long-suffering sigh. "No, Merlin, I am not enchanted, and we are eating breakfast."

"We?"

"Yes, you brought enough to feed a family." Arthur picks up a grape and shoves it inside Merlin's mouth, making sure that the pad of his finger swipes gently at Merlin's lips.

The blush that blooms on Merlin's cheek tells him that the move did not go unnoticed. He smirks.

"You eat as much as one family. That's why I have to go around adding holes to your belts," Merlin mutters, before begrudgingly chewing and swallowing.

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

When Arthur pops another grape into his mouth, Merlin makes sure to lick at Arthur's finger. His face is warm, but his smile is cheeky at Arthur's startle.

"No, sire, I'm saying you've got a healthy appetite."

And then, he takes the tray from Arthur and feeds him grapes instead, because while they may be lovers, Arthur is king, and he definitely shouldn't be going around hand-feeding servants.

"And you've gotten thinner," Arthur comments. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

Merlin smiles, something warm forming in his belly at Arthur's worry. "Is that why we're eating together now?"

"Mm-hmm," Arthur says, taking a piece of bread. "And after this, we're going to bed."

Merlin squawks again, and drops the grape he was holding. It bounces off the table and onto the floor.

Having gotten the desired reaction, Arthur smirks again and leans back. "We're just going to sleep, Merlin. Or you will, and I'll try to finish reading those reports while in bed with you, because I just woke up."

"Say that first!" Merlin glares, sighing exasperatedly. He leaves his chair to pick up the grape. "Had my hopes up for nothing, you stupid prat."

And that has Arthur laughing, warm pleasure flooding him at Merlin's response. They've been playing this game for a while, trying to see who can ruffle the other up more with their innuendos, and Arthur is enjoyably losing. But not yet. Soon, Arthur thinks as he grabs Merlin's wrist. Soon, I will make love to you, he promises as he tugs Merlin down to straddle his lap and pulls him into a soft kiss.

But now Merlin needs to sleep.

"You look like you haven't gotten a proper sleep in weeks," Arthur says when they pull away, staring at the dark bags underneath Merlin's eyes.

At this, Merlin sobers up and tries to muffle the rush of affection at what Arthur is trying to do. He sighs against Arthur's lips and kisses him again. "I'm fine," he says, trying to shrug it off with a grin as always.

Arthur's stare is heavy with meaning. "I thought you've decided to finally share all your burdens with me?"

And then, as easy as that, Merlin is awash with guilt again, and he ducks his head in embarrassment. It is definitely a hard tendency to break, to pretend that nothing is wrong, to keep Arthur from worrying or thinking about things that might distract him from his duties as the king of Camelot. He chuckles ruefully. "I apologize, sire."

He leans his forehead against Arthur, and finally admits, "I've been having nightmares lately."

"Nightmares?" Arthur looks up concernedly, alert, and Merlin immediately knows what he's thinking of.

"No, no, not like Morgana's visions. Just… nightmares. Of what happened with her and Helios."

Arthur's hand around his wrist tighten.

"They'll disappear after a while, it's just… it's been three nights, and I guess it's starting to tire me out," Merlin sighs, letting Arthur finally see the fatigue wearing him down.

"You should have told me," Arthur murmurs, just slightly chastising. "I would have held you."

Merlin smiles, cheeks coloring at the thought. "It's not proper for a servant to lie on the king's bed," he says in amusement, only half-joking.

"Since when have you cared about proper palace decorum?"

"Someone has to be the sensible one here." This time, it is Merlin that rolls his eyes. He gets off from Arthur's lap and sits back in his chair. "Now eat."

Arthur chases his hand and holds it. "Eat with me."

Merlin knows, having watched Arthur with his trysts with all those princesses and Gwen, that Arthur is very sweet as a lover, but it still surprises and amazes him when that sweetness and charm is directed at him.

Later, when they are done eating and Merlin has removed his boots, socks, jacket, and neckerchief, he is surprised to see Arthur climbing into bed and under the covers.

"I thought you were going to finish reading?" he asks, but slips under the covers as well and into Arthur's arms.

Arthur pulls him close immediately, and Merlin hums in contentment at the warmth and hard flush of his body and the solid comfort of his arms around him.

"I am, but I've finally got you in my bed," Arthur says, chuckling. "Who am I to pass on such a chance?"

"Ah," Merlin says, smirking. "Finally decided to have your wicked way with me?"

"When I finally decide to have my wicked way with you, I would prefer you to be fully awake and fully rested."

"Oh, we're going for a full night the first time then?"

"Merlin."

"Yes, yes, going to sleep now," Merlin laughs, and he admits that he does feel comfortable and warm enough that despite having woken up just two hours ago, he is feeling his eyes droop down on their own.

He moves closer to Arthur, buries his face in his chest, and inhales his scent. "Feels nice," he murmurs, wrapping his arms around Arthur as well.

Arthur hums in agreement and lets all the feelings of love he has for this man wash over him yet again and settle in his chest. He kisses the top of Merlin's head. "Sleep."

Despite what he said, Arthur dozes off as well, lulled to sleep by Merlin's soft breathing.

He is woken by a knock to the door and knows immediately who it is. He deliberately pulls Merlin closer and says, "Enter."

George enters, and while he pauses at the sight of them in bed together, his posture does not waver. He blinks, owlishly, for a few heartbeats, before saying as if nothing was out of the ordinary, "Should I bring your lunch now, sire?"

Arthur makes a mental note to give this man a raise. "Yes, please."

George glances at Merlin, sleeping peacefully against Arthur's chest.

He bows his head. "I shall bring two sets, then."

When the door closes, Arthur lets out the breath he didn't know he had been holding, and smiles against Merlin's hair.

George is definitely getting a raise.