Everything was at least 90% Naruto's fault, with 20% going to both Sasuke and Naruto. Sure bad luck could explain at least some of what happened. But honestly, Naruto getting eaten by a giant snake was their tuesday at this point. It was like the death had a crush on the girl and was trying its hardest to give her every near death experience it could just so see the idiot.

This left Sakura as the girls, body guard, healer, future hokage aid, and reluctant best friend smack dab in the middle of hating life. At least the job paid well, and came with benefits like life insurance that was probably going to be claimed by her parents in about five to ten minutes.

"What the hell?" The noisy sound bitch screeched pointing at Sakura's hair… Seriously that was what she was doing instead of basically killing her? Her name was Kin… more like bin for trash bin! God she was spending way to much time around Kushina. "They let little girls pretend to play ninja now? I bet you spend more time doing your hair than actually training."

Okay, that was just plain rude. She like her hair, it was smooth as silk and didn't look like dog shit. And what the hell was this bitch talking about? She had much long hair than her. "At Least I don't crack the mirror."

In hindsight, she probably shouldn't have said that. But A, she was running off of like three hours and four blinks. And two, she wasn't going to go down like a bitch, okay she was but she wasn't going to go down like an easy bitch.

"What the hell? You wanna die bitch?" The girl pointed sewing needle or something at her. If possible she was even uglier like that.

Sakura yawned, involuntary mostly, but hey might as well roll with it. "Yea sure, I don't got anything better do to."

Well she did, but that stuff could wait until later.

The woman screamed again. "Come on let's teach this weak little bitch a lesson."

That was the pot calling the kettle black, at least she didn't need to fight a pink haired little girl three on one to feel good about herself. Now would be a really good time for Naruto or Sasuke to get off their asses and wake the fuck up. Sakura looked back, nope, Sasuke was still sleeping the sleep of the dead and Naruto looked like she was trying to fight Sasuke. "Guys…"

The noisy ninja charged at her, mummy-face, loud-mouth, and hypocritical cunt. Was she really going to die like this? She was far to smart and pretty to die here of all places. Again she blamed Naruto, honestly who gets eaten by a snake on a tuesday! That was such a wednesday thing.

An entire beach fell from the sky, instantly burying the three sound ninja. "Sand burial, mass grave."

Sakura looked up and saw Gaara naruto's boyfriend. Of like… three days. Or was it four? Not sleeping tends to ruin the passage of time. Gaara was basically a bear, a bear that somebody had woken up with a giant air horn in the middle of same damn good sleep. He was also crazy enough to become Naruto's boyfriend three minutes after meeting.

He might be kind of cute under all that sand and crazy. Still she better thank him. "Thank's for the save Gaara, but Naruto's…"

"Sup Cuddle Catus?" Naruto's overly cheerful voice sounded right next to her. The girl was sitting on the ground, knees up front, heels behind her, hands pressed into the ground. She sat like a dork.

Wait Cuddle Catus?

"Hello Snuggle Britches," Gaara replied, ignoring Sakura as he moved towards Naruto, his resting bitch face taking on a slightly cheerful tint.

"Wait, when did you wake up?" Sakura asked Naruto.

"When my boyfriend showed up," Naruto looked at her like she was the crazy one. "What kind of girlfriend is asleep when her boyfriend shows up… hey are you okay? You don't look to good."

"Oh yea I'm fine, I just spent the last… long time making sure that you and Sasuke had a nice safe coma." And she wasn't even listening to her, now happily chatting with her boyfriend.

They were talking in that weird way that crazy people did. Just staring at each other. An unblinking mile long gaze that left them both smiling… well Naruto was doing that thing where she showed off that she had four more teeth than other humans and Gaara was don't that… not killing you thing.

A match made in that corner of heaven nobody went to!

"Gaara!" Oh look the sane people were showing up. Temari, Gaara's sane sister with more sand in her hair than a cat's litter box, she at least seemed to be slightly smart. Even if she was a loud mouth that basically let it slip that the sand was going to try to invade the leaf with their allies. And Kankuro… he liked puppets.

"There you are!" Temari came to a skidding stop along Gaara's freshly made beach. Her worried expression fell when she saw Naruto. She blinked twice before smacking herself on her forehead. Yep, that was most people's reaction to Naruto. "Of course you came out here to see your girlfriend."

"Temari, give me your bag." Gaara droned, his voice like the noon sun in the middle of the desert, uncompromising and only induced suffering… Except for Naruto who seemed to bask in it like she was a cold blooded lizard.

Temari was quick to surrender her bag, and took an extra step back. Gaara rummaged through it, pulling out two scrolls. An earth scroll and a heaven scroll. "Wait what are you doing Gaara?"

Gaara ignored her sister. And turned back towards Naruto holding one scroll in each hand. "Here, this are for you."

Okay, sakura was now very okay with Naruto's new boyfriend. Actually, Gaara might be her new favorite person! "You're giving us your scrolls?"

"No," Gaara replied barely looking her way. "These are ones I obtained for my girlfriend as a symbol of our love."

"Well I don't want them!" Naruto stood up glaring at Gaara a small pout on her face. "It won't mean anything if you just give me the scrolls!"

She then proceeded to flail at Gaara hitting the redhead on his shoulders.

Temari looked like she was ready to piss herself, and Kankuro was praying.

Gaara just took it in strides. "I don't understand why are you hitting me? Do you want more? I have more?"

"That's not the point you dummy!" Naruto screeched, flailing her arms faster now.

"Naruto!" Sakura growled taking a step forward and taking the scrolls from Gaara. Before Naruto could make things worse, and Gaara take the scrolls back. "Honestly! He's your boyfriend you should be happy that he at least thought to get you something!"

Naruto pouted, fortunately for the good of humanity, Kushina had bestowed upon Sakura the almighty mother's glare of dominance. One glance with this look could make Naruto read a book for at least twenty minutes. "Guh fine, I'm sorry I hit you Snuggle Wumps, you know I didn't mean it."

Snuggle Wump…?

"It's my fault Honey Badger." Okay that one wasn't even cute. Honey badgers were rude crude creatures that literally did not give a fuck and were fearless to the point of stupidity. Okay maybe it was an accurate description of Naruto but that did not mean it was cute. Gaara shifted, slightly and extended a hand out towards Naruto, touching her cheek softly. "I should have thought of a better gift."

"Aww you're the sweetest Teddy Weddy," Naruto took Gaara's hand and pulled him towards the the makeshift camp Sakura had constructed, at least it was technically beach front property now. Just add water! "Come on, let's go sit down while wait for my lazy teammate to wake up."

"Okay," Gaara mumbled, his face actually turning a shade of red. Oh so he wasn't an unfeeling psychopath.

It was actually super adorable the way Naruto pulled him down next to her and placed his head in her lap so that she could run her fingers through his hair. While Gaara laid their motionless, eyes wide, face red, the smallest twinge of a smile pulling at his lips.

"I have no idea how she does it," temari gasped groaning into her hand looking ready to give up on basically everything. "She must be Konoha's secret weapon or something."

"Yep, that pretty much sums up Naruto," Sakura stood next to Temari smiling, hands behind her back in that non threatening way girls had. "She does the opposite of what you think's going to happen, expect her to succeed and she fails in the most amazing way, expect her to fail and she ends up ruining a really badly planned invasion."

"You know?" Temari gasped wide eyed.

"Well I mean… yea… Minato's known for like… three weeks." That was a lie, Minato found out when she told him. But nobody ever believes that a pink haired little girl could go unnoticed. Somethings were easy when the writer doesn't describe the entire scene and who's in the room.

Temari cried and hung her head. "Do you think it's too late to switch sides?"

"I'm sorry, we're not currently hiring right now." Sakura pointed towards Naruto. "But, your brother is has both of the Hokage's weaknesses in his hands. So who knows."

"Both?"

"Miss Kushina adores other redheads." Which unfortunately was why Sakura was picked to be Naruto's… lifelong babysitter. "And well Naruto is obvious."

Laughter broke out from the clearing, as Gaara was now tickling Naruto mercilessly with small men made out of sand.

"They're almost so cute it hurts."

Sakura just nodded, "I kind of wish I could get a boyfriend that I could be cute and adorable with."

"Yea, it's enough to make you jealous." Temari gulped, "Say you wouldn't happen to play the flute do you?"

"Nope," Sakura said with a bit of extra pop. "Why?"

"Well for some reason when ever I feel a sense of dread or jealousy over the whole them deal." Temari gestured towards the perfectly insane couple. "I get the feeling that i'm going to fall in love with a pink haired flute playing women."

"I'll be sure to never learn a wind instrument." There were many things that Sakura Haruno was, attracted to blondes was not one of them, otherwise she'd have a crush on Ino or god forbid Naruto. Oh, and she liked boys… probably, Sasuke might make a pretty girl. "Is everybody from your village this weird?"

"There's nothing to do there but die of thirst, and play in the sand. What makes we're fresh out of sanity."

AN: Sup! So yea, I switched to Sakura P.o.v. for this chapter, mostly because... I just like Sakura. Next chapter might be from Kushina's P.O.V. Or Minato's... or Temari's. Not sure!

If you want more of my weird quirky romance check out By the Books, it's an M-rate Naruto x Fem Sai fic! that i'll likely be updating next (Unless I get a good idea for a NaruTayu or NaruSaku idea.)