At first, Temari thought absolutely nothing of the blonde stupid looking girl. Well, that wasn't true, she thought that she was an idiot and that she had no sense of still considering how she was wearing a jacket one size too big, and shorts one sizes too small. Then there were her ponytails, they were uneven - drastically so - with one ending at least a foot higher up than it's twin.

And then this colossal moronic idiot decided to talk to Gaara of all people. Konoha might thank them for killing off such an idiot, as to how she made genin Temari would never know.

"Hey!" the shit blonde girl that proclaimed herself as Naruto - Seriously? A fish cake? - marched up to Gaara, practically getting right in his face. Then the idiot, pointed at Gaara, her finger inches away from her brother's face her other hand was on her hip like she had something to be proud of -The girl either had no brains, or was brave to the point of stupidity. Probably both.

The sand was already beginning to swirl.

Gaara in his infinite social graces growled. Yep, looks like today she was going to be spending it trying to explain why her brother murdered a Konoha ninja.

"You're kind of cute!" Naruto dropped her finger and smiled so wide Temari could have sworn she saw all thirty-two teeth and then some. The girl's left incisor was elongated to a ridiculous fang that sometimes stuck out of her mouth.

But wait, did that girl just call Gaara cute? This is what they called survival of the fittest at work. There was no quicker way to die than to try and flirt with Gaara. Probably, not that anybody had ever tried, most people don't get past the whole 'talk to me and I'll kill you' vibe he gave off.

"I am?" Gaara asked, he stopped growling.

Temari felt her mouth drop. She looked to Kankuro, who was trying to dispel a genjutsu. That was probably smart. There was no way this was real. There was no way that Gaara was being flirted with, there was no way that he was talking to somebody that was flirting with him, there was no way that any of this was real.

"Yep," the girl took a step closer to Gaara, eyeballing him closely like she was inspecting a piece of meat. "That settles it, you're my boyfriend now!"

Naruto then grabbed Gaara's hand. Grabbed his hand, as in full on hand to hand touching, like a physical touch. This blond girl from Konoha was the first person to physically touch Gaara in nearly two years.

Even crazier was the fact that Gaara wasn't even trying to kill her! The sand was even going down. "I am?"

"Yep!" Naruto tightened her hand around Gaara's and began to pull him down the street. "Come on Gaara right? Let's go get ramen!"

"Okay," Gaara said as dry as the desert. And then they were gone, Naruto leading a complacent Gaara away from both of their teams.

Temari blinked and rubbed her eyes. Nope, she didn't fall asleep, she pinched herself, No she was very much still awake. "Did that just happen?"

"I think so." Kankuro looked at his hands, as he tried to dispel whatever genjutsu they were under for the umpteenth time. Then his jaw dropped and a look of horror spread across his face. "Wait does that mean that Gaara got a girlfriend before I did?"

"That's what you're concerned about?" Temari slugged her brother in the arm. Hard.

"Umm," The pink haired girl that was the blonde girl's teammate, said walking up to them, she was at least slightly well kept. But far far far too girly to be called a ninja. "Sorry about my friend, I kind of told her a while ago that if she kept acting like a tomboy that she'd never get a boyfriend. Even if she is the Hokage's daughter."

Hokage's… daughter? Temari felt her heart speed up faster and faster. Was this what a heart attack felt like. What if Gaara killed the Hokage's daughter? There was no way that was going to look good! They might go to war early and there goes surprise attack, and not to mention they're entire advantage!

"Are you okay… I'm sorry I didn't get your name, I'm Sakura by the way." Sakura said, in some measurement of concern. "I'm still in training, but if you require medical aid I can provide some."

Temari clutched at her chest. "Temari; and umm no thank you Sakura, I just need to go uhh discuss something in private with my brother."

"You do?" Kankuro asked. She quickly punched him in the exact same spot she did moments okay. "Oh okay, you need to talk to me no need to hit me."

"Nice meeting you Sakura," Temari waved at the girl as she began to drag Kankuro away. Once she was at least fairly certain that no more Konoha ninja was going to eavesdrop she stopped and let out a sigh that aged her by twenty years. "We need to make sure Gaara doesn't kill Naruto!"

"Why?"

Of all the stupid questions! Temari resisted the urge to strangle him and let out a low growl, glaring at her apparently idiotic brother. "Didn't you hear that girl? That blonde girl that just ran off with Gaara, our murderous psychotic little brother whose hobbies include, murder, murder, building sandcastles, and murdering, in case you forgot. Is the daughter of the Hokage!"

Realization came over Kankuro, thank god her brother wasn't as empty-headed as his puppets. "And if Gaara even so much as hurts her we'll be kicked out of the exams, which means the whole plan will be ruined."

"Exactly, Now come on it's not too late to find them."

XXXX

They were doomed. Not just any kind of doom by advanced doom the kind of doom that could be felt in her very bones. They had spent more than enough time looking for Gaara and Naruto for him to have killed her, killed all the witnesses and contemplate it long enough for him to consider that hiding the bodies might be smart.

And they couldn't find them at all! It didn't help that they had no idea where someone would go on a date in Konoha. Let alone where the ramen stands were. And asking would just make them look suspicious.

"We are so screwed," Kankuro said finally taking out one of his puppets to tinker with.

Temari grunted from her face down position on the Couch. At Least Konoha had really nice Hotel rooms. Shame they were either going to be killed as retribution for the death of the Hokage's daughter (Seriously why didn't that thing have bodyguards or something? It clearly wasn't smart enough to be out on its own.) "Do you think we should get a head start?"

"I doubt we'd get very far, her dad is called the fastest ninja alive for a reason."

Right… why were they doing this again? Konoha not only had the fastest ninja alive, but they also had the only Kage to successfully retire. That was probably more impressive actually. Great, now she was afraid of a retired ninja. "How about we go into hiding?"

"Oh I have a better idea, if we draw some whisker marks on your face you can act like the girl, you're both blondes. Sure you're taller and you have different color eyes, but your personality is similar enough."

"Please tell me you did not just compare me to someone dumb enough to try and be Gaara's girlfriend." Temari threw the pillow she was resting on and hit Kankuro in the face with it. She regretted it now that her face was resting against the slightly less soft and colder cushion of the couch.

The door slid open. And in walked Gaara, his face the usual mask of emotionless murder he always wore. He walked calmly towards his own room and began to rummage through his meager belongings.

"Gaara?" Temari asked sitting up, once it was apparent that he wasn't going to be killing them. He was more or less safe to talk to. He even grunted in acknowledgment. "Where were you?"

Gaara turned to give her a blank uncaring look before he shrugged and continued to rummage through his clothing. "With my girlfriend."

"I see…." Temari said feeling her heart race. "And she's still alive?"

Gaara looked at her again, he was glaring now. He couldn't be unamused with her because he was never amused with her in the first place. "Yes… I'm not going to kill my girlfriend."

What the fuck? Wait. No what? How… Gaara… He… They… What? Temari felt her mind twitch as her brain tried to push itself out of her skull by ramming it at full speed. No really! What on earth was happening! "Well that's good, you do know that she's the Hokage's daughter right?"

"And I'm the son of the Kazekage." Gaara didn't even look back at her as he continued to dig for something. When at long last he pulled out what looked like a towel and spare change of clothes. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Temari stood, up, and blocked Gaara's path to the door her knees were shaking and she could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. "Where are you going?"

"Naruto wanted me to take a bath, then I'm going to spend more time with my girlfriend," Gaara said. He looked up to his sister, as though contemplating how to remove her from his path.

"But what about the mission?" Temari was in full panic mode. She had no idea what she was doing. Or even what the hell was going on! Next thing she knew she was going to end up dating that pink haired girly-girl! Or Kankuro would end up gay for some flea-bitten bastard! Hell both of those things were a thousand more times likely than Gaara having a girlfriend!

"Oh, I'm not going to attack Konoha," Gaara took a step to the side leaving a stunned Temari in his wake. "It would make Naruto upset."

Yep. They were dead. Very very very dead.

"Fuck," Kankuro swore. "What do we do now?"

Temari slumped and buried her head in the couch once again. "Defect to Konoha? They have The fourth and third Hokage, A bunch of super awesome ninja, and now they have Gaara too… oh, and whatever the hell Naruto is."

Kankuro nodded. "I guess we should make sure Gaara doesn't accidentally kill Naruto then huh?"

Temari ran a hand through her hair. She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so much. Why did she have to be born into this family? Why did her father have to seal a demon inside of her brother? Why couldn't she just be born as some dopey little farm girl?

AN: I've been wanting to do a Fem Naruto x Gaara fic for a while. Then I got this Idea. And I think I'm in love. Welcome to Crazy Stupid Love, where Naruto and Gaara are in love and it's driving everybody else insane.