Starting Over

Hey guys- I'm finally back again after so long! Sorry for the long gap in between this fic and my last fic- real life and also the lack of motivation for writing got in the way. But I really wanted to write something canon, so this came up.

This fic depicts my take on what should have happened on the show during episode 5 of season 14 and after that. Instead of Owen breaking up with Amelia after returning back home and both of them exchanging rings and agreeing to see other people, I feel that what should have happened is the both of them realizing that they make each other happy and agreeing to start anew in their relationship.

This is chapter 1- which is shorter than the length of my usual fic nowadays.

Enjoy!

I sit on the pier lost in my thoughts, after having dropped Megan off at her house in L.A. where Riggs and Farouk were waiting for her. The cool autumn wind is blowing in my face. It is fast approaching winter, and I notice that the wind has been getting colder lately.

Colder. Just like my relationship with Amelia.

I really don't know what happened between us. It hurts so much to think about it. Our marriage is complicated, our current status is complicated, our entire relationship is complicated.

My sister Megan's advice rings in my head. 'I want to see you happy. And that might mean you have to break up with some of your ideals.' she had said. Her beach plan makes her happy. But what about me? What makes me happy? I used to think that having a family and raising my family nearby my parents and Megan would make me happy. But Megan made me question now- what actually makes me happy? Maybe my idea of a big happy family was just to make up for the emptiness I felt at losing my dad at such a young age. Maybe, just maybe, having a family isn't necessarily the thing that makes me happy after all. Maybe I need time and space to find my own happiness, whatever and wherever it is.

Am I really happy? Am I really happy with Amelia?

Our entire relationship has been so rushed, to think of it. We started having sex, agreed to go steady, got engaged and married to each other at such a fast pace. We barely even dated or got to know more about each other before diving into marriage. And now, we are suffering the consequences of our haste actions and decisions.

Now that Amelia had her tumor removed, is she still the same person? Is this really the Amelia Shepherd that I know and love? How much of her personality before the surgery was due to the tumor and how much of it was actually her?

Do we actually know each other? Do I know her favorite color, her favorite song, her favorite artist, her favorite movie, her favorite food? Does she know mine?

Are we really happy together?

I do recall being happy having her wrapped up in my arms and cuddled up next to me. I do recall being overjoyed when she proposed to me, and my heart leaping with joy when she walked down the aisle towards me on our wedding day. Gosh, she looked so beautiful that day!

But now I wonder- was this just a transient euphoric phase? Was it just our hormones racing? Was it just me being so excited to find a woman to settle down and start a family with?

I shake the questions away from my head immediately. Amelia is not just any other woman. She is a woman with the ability to make me furious and mad at her, but at the same time so in love with her. There's something about her which makes me lose control of my emotions. There's something about her which ignites my passion, fills my entire soul and every fiber of my being.

I stare out at the calm water of the sea and feel the cold breeze on my face. The sun is now starting to set, leaving a colorful and picturesque scenery of the sky, which is now filled with shades of orange, red and pink. There is something about sunsets which calms the soul.

I look at the many couples walking past me - obviously in love, holding hands and smiling at each other. One couple stops just a few feet away from me and start kissing passionately, lost in their own world. They seem blissfully unaware of my presence. I shake my head, smiling to myself. My mind involuntarily drifts back to Amelia. We never shared an ice cream together, went for long walks in the park together, or did fun activities together. Now that I think about it- maybe we had done it the wrong way. Maybe the way to be truly happy again together is to go on dates together and to get to know each other better. Who knows, maybe I will love her even more, the more I learn about her. Maybe we can give our relationship a brand new start, a refresh button.

My phone vibrates. It's a text from Amelia.

'Just wondering whether you're coming home tonight. Dinner is ready. xoxo .' the text read.

As I sit there and read the message, I realize one thing- I have been taking her for granted. She's waiting at home for me, while I'm sitting here alone in the pier, envying other couples.

'Ok, I'll be back soon.' I text back my reply as I get up from my spot. At this very moment, I decide that what truly makes me happy is having someone to share my life with, regardless of whether children enter the picture. More specifically, this someone is called Amelia Shepherd.

Amelia greets me with a dimpled smile as I walk through the main door of the house. A quick glance around the house shows me that she had spent the day tidying the entire house, even though she should be resting. A heavenly aroma wafts into the living room from the kitchen. It smells of grilled chicken. I feel another pang of guilt at not having stayed at home with her to help out with the housework. What kind of husband am I? She is still recovering from brain surgery and yet here she is, cleaning up the whole house and cooking for me!

'I cooked some grilled chicken.' she smiles at me as she tiptoes to kiss me tenderly on the lips. I feel a tingling sensation running down my spine at her touch. Surely what we have between us is real, or else I wouldn't feel this way. I gently and passionately reciprocate the kiss.

We reluctantly pull away from the kiss as we look at each other in the eye.

'I'm sorry, Amelia.' I apologize. ' Í'm sorry for just leaving you at home like this. It was so random, Megan moving to L.A. I just wanted to make sure that she arrived safely in L.A., so I offered to accompany her on the drive there. I mean, who knows what might have happened on the way…'

' I get it, Owen.' Amelia says smiling as she leads me to the kitchen where our delicious looking meal is waiting. 'You're being the protective elder brother, looking out for your sister as always. How is she?'

'She says that living by the oceanside makes her happy. She is now reunited with Nathan and Farouk. I would think that she's happy.' I reply as I help her to transfer the newly warmed up dishes from the kitchen counter to the dining table.

'I can help her. My good friend, Charlotte is the Chief of Staff at the St Ambrose's Hospital there. Maybe I can help recommend her for a job in the hospital. 'Amelia offers in an earnest tone. I cannot love her more at this moment.

'Wow, you don't have to do that, Amelia. She'll find a job once she's ready.' I say. 'But thanks so much for offering to help my sister. That's very noble of you.'

'I do it because she's your sister.' she replies, winking.

'Who called our marriage a sham, although we both know it's anything but that.' I think to myself. I just smile in reply instead.

Half an hour later, we are sitting at the dining table, opposite each other. There is now a tense atmosphere in the air, as we both tuck into the delicious chicken. Amelia seldom cooks but when she does, she can whip up a scrumptious meal. As I continue pretending to focus on the food, my mind races as I try to think of what to say to her. This isn't fair to her, I realize. Yes, she did scream in my face that she didn't want a baby shortly after agreeing to not wait and start trying for a baby. Yes, she did run away from me and avoided me for several months, making me blame myself. Finding out that she had a brain tumor explained her behavior, and now that her tumor had been removed, her erratic behavior seems to have gone with it. She initially offered me an out, claiming that she didn't know how much of it was her and how much of it was the tumor, and that she was afraid she would change into an entirely different person now that the tumor had been removed from her. I refused to accept her offer, claiming that I married her, not the tumor and that we were together in sickness and health. I asked her to come home with me instead, an offer which she finally accepted. Now that she's home, I am supposed to step up and take care of her as she recovers from her surgery. Instead, I leave her alone at home as I go on a spontaneous road trip with my sister. Instead of being mad at me, this new tumor free Amelia stayed at home, cleaned the house and made me dinner instead.

'The chicken is delicious.' I finally say, as she blushes. The best I can do for her now is to compliment her cooking and show my appreciation for her efforts. Without the tumor, she seems to be more controlled and inhibited in her actions, but she's still the same old sassy, passionate, smart and kind-hearted person.

'Thank you. 'she says. ' It took a few hours for me to prepare the whole thing.'

' No, thank you.' I say as I take her hands in mine and we link hands across the dining table. 'Thank you for taking the trouble to prepare this for me when you should have been resting.'

She smiles but doesn't say anything, as silence fills the kitchen once more and we continue concentrating on our food.

I try to form the exact sentence in my head to say to her.

' Amelia- I think we should start over again. Start anew and get to know each other better.' or

' Amelia- there are still so many things that I don't know about you. I want to get to know you better.'

Which sentence sounds better?

She breaks the silence instead.

'So- how was the road trip with Megan?' she asks. 'Did you both manage to reconnect with each other?

'Well- it was good at first- we stopped at an abandoned funfair which we used to go to as kids, and reminisced our happy childhood memories there for a while. We even did our own version of carpool karaoke. 'I chuckle. ' Then shortly after, she yelled at me, accusing me of always controlling her life and denying her the position she had always wanted in the army.'

' Derek was always like that too. ' Amelia recalls as she chews on another piece of her chicken.

' Then as we stopped by the oceanside, she told me how the ocean makes her happy, and that she had vowed to herself to stay by the ocean if she were to get out of captivity. She then proceeded to ask me what makes me happy, because she wants to see me happy.

'So what makes you happy, Owen? 'she asks me, as our eyes lock. She seems to be searching for an honest answer in my eyes.

I suddenly become tongue-tied as I struggle to find the exact answer. With her staring at me like that, my mind is blank.

'Well, I….' I stutter as I scratch the back of my head. 'You make me happy.' Is what I want to say, but no words come out. Amelia has this special ability to render me speechless.

Amelia places the cutlery a little too forcefully on her almost empty plate.

'I get it.' she says in a calm, monotonous tone. 'I can't make you happy. You need to find someone who makes you happy. A woman who can give you the large happy family you've always hoped for. And that woman isn't me.'

'Amelia- no I didn't mean that. 'I defend. ' You make me happy, you really do. I want to be happy with you, children or not.'

'You hesitated. 'she claims. 'You were thinking about what really makes you happy. I don't think I truly make you happy. You need time and space to think about what truly brings you happiness.'

Her words hit me hard, like a sledgehammer.

Before I can reply, she gets up from her chair and runs up the stairs.

I am left alone on the dining table as I bury my head in my hands. What have I done?

My conscience tells me that I should waste no time in going after her and giving her a proper explanation. I cannot let her go this time, not after she has come home to me.

I quickly get up from the chair and run up the stairs to the bedroom, where I know she is.

As I enter the bedroom, I can hear her sobbing silently, her sobs muffled by her pillow. She is lying on our bed, her head buried in the pillow. She lifts her head a little, but doesn't acknowledge me.

I sit on the bed next to her.

'Amelia.' I call out softly and gently.

' Go away.' she mumbles into the pillow, still not moving from her current position.

' Amelia. 'I repeat, not budging from my position either. 'I'm sorry I hesitated, I was just tongue-tied because the question caught me off guard. You make me happy. I'm the happiest when I am with you. Everything about you brightens up my life. Your smile, your dimples, your laugh, your voice, your snarky comments, your passion for your job, your big and kind heart. You alone make me happy, and I really mean it.' I say earnestly as I pat her gently on the shoulder. ' I'm the happiest when I'm cuddled in bed next to you. discussing a case with you, having a meal in the hospital cafeteria with you, or even paging you to the ER to review a patient. Just spending time with you makes me happy.'

A few long seconds pass before she finally lifts her head and adjusts to a sitting position to look at me. Our eyes meet, I think I have this pleading look in my eyes.

She studies my facial expression and the look in my eyes.

I guess she can see the earnest look in my eyes as she finally sighs and says 'Ok, apology accepted.'

To my pleasant surprise, she reaches out her hand to mine and our hands link. A dimpled smile slowly forms on her face, making my heart melt. Yes, seeing her dimpled smile is one of the things that makes me truly happy.

'Do you know what truly makes me happy? ' she asks.

'What? 'I ask, pretending to be curious, although my heart was hoping for the answer 'you.'

'You. ' she answers, making my heart leap for joy. 'I realize that I'm the happiest with you too. Everything about you- your passion for your job, your loyalty and honesty, your kind heart, the way your eyebrows furrow when you're so focused on something, makes me happy. Just spending time with you makes me happy too. ' she adds as we hold hands. I pull her closer to me as I wrap her in my arms, feeling her warmth. Oh, how I miss holding her in my arms! I think she misses being in my embrace too as she snuggles in closer to me, and we remain in that position for quite some time.

'Just learning more about you makes me happy too.' she says as she gently traces patterns on the palm of my hand.

'Same here.' I admit. 'I want to know more about you, Amelia. 'What is your favorite movie? Your favorite actor and actress? Your guilty pleasure? Your favourite singer? Your favorite color? I love learning new things about you- you never cease to amaze me.'

'I want to know more about you too.' she says as our eyes meet again. ' You never told me your favorite stuff too. Oh my God- We hardly know anything about each other! ' she exclaims, exasperated.

I chuckle. She can be so cute and adorable sometimes when she's frustrated.

'Calm down.' I say, rubbing her back gently. ' We already know a lot about each other, and we have plenty of time to get to know each other better. We have the rest our lives to learn everything about each other.'

' So we're really starting anew.' she says smiling, her eyes now sparkling. I haven't seen that sparkle in her eyes for such a long time.

'Yes, we are. 'I confirm earnestly. 'A brand new start for us.'

This thought makes me nervous, but excites me more than anything. We are giving our relationship a fresh start. It's like pressing a reset button on our relationship and starting all over again.

Her dimples show yet again, which again melts my heart. I realize that there is so much about this woman that amazes and intrigues me, I want to know more about her and have a brand new start with her.

'So since we're starting anew, why don't I invite you on a date? We have never really dated before, have we? 'I suggest as I wink at her.

I realize that this is true, we never went on a real date before. Our 'dates'consisted mostly of spontaneous sex in the hospital on call rooms or the trailer, or lunch in the hospital cafeteria. Blame it on our busy jobs- we barely had the time to go on proper dates before, due to our conflicting schedules.

She giggles in reply. I really miss this melodious sound.

'So after being married to each other for several months, you finally invite me on a date.' she says incredulously. The wink in her eye though tells me that she's playing with me.

'Yes, we are an unconventional couple. 'I say, winking back at her, earning another giggle from her. 'We do things backwards. We aren't a boring couple, that's for sure!'

' We are an interesting couple indeed. 'she agrees, as she holds her pillow in her hands. 'So where do you wanna go for our first official date?'

I place my fingers on my chin as I pretend to think hard. In fact, I already have the perfect place at the back of my mind.

'How about Canlis? 'I suggest. It is one of the most posh and romantic restaurants in Seattle, and one of our favorites although we don't visit it often.

Her eyes fly wide open in response.

'Canlis? I was thinking of just a simple date in any coffee house down the road.' she says, a genuinely surprised tone in her voice. This shows me what a humble and simple person she is.

' The treat is on me.' I insist. 'The gentleman is supposed to pay for the first date.'

'Of course, you're the traditional man who pays for the first date - I should've known! 'she teases as she nudges me playfully on the elbow.

'I am, my dad raised me up with these set of values.' I say seriously. 'He taught me to be a gentleman and to always respect women.'

'I like that. 'she says nodding her head in approval.

'So deal. This Saturday night. I'm not on call that night, and I believe you aren't either?' I confirm with her as she shakes her head.

'Nope. I'm not. Deal.'

After we have both showered, we spend the rest of the night cuddled in bed chatting away, completely at ease with each other. We start off with small talk, and gradually progress to catching up with each other's lives over the past few months we had been separated. She confesses to me about how afraid and alone she felt when she first discovered about her brain tumor, and how excruciatingly painful her recovery from the brain surgery was. It makes me feel really guilty about almost breaking up with her that moment right before I discovered about the tumor, and feel bad about how I wasn't with her when she first woke up from the surgery. But that was all in the past now, and I vow to myself to be with her through thick and thin from now on. I also confess to her how guilty and horrible I felt upon learning that my sister Megan was being held captive while I was moving on with my life for the past 10 years. I explain to her that that was why I spent a lot of time in Megan's room, I was trying to make up for the lost time and the guilt about my sister. She nods in understanding, rubbing my arm sympathetically as she listens attentively to my confession.

After we have chatted for hours, Amelia finally falls asleep in my arms, the weight of the day and recovery from surgery taking its toll on her. I smile to myself as I watch her sleep. She looks so beautiful and peaceful when she is sleeping, like an angel. I miss waking up in the morning or lying awake at night watching her sleep. It was and still is one of my favorite things to do. I can watch her sleep for hours- this is another thing which gives me happiness. I relish the soft feel of her skin touching mine, and the warmth of her body in my embrace, something which I really miss from the time we were apart. I realize how lucky I am to have this woman in my life- and I vow to never let her go again. I can't wait to get to know her better and unravel more mysteries about her. I am excited to start a brand new relationship with her and to go on my first official date with her. We make each other happy, we are meant for each other, this I'm sure of. We are going to do this together.

This is it guys- chapter 1 of my latest post season 14x5 fic. I really hope you enjoyed it! I'm planning the next chapter to be their first official date and them getting to know each other better and rediscovering each other. Do let me know if you would like that!

As usual- comments, reviews and messages are very much appreciated. I'm actually not so sure what to think of this- so do let me know what you think. I would really love to hear from you, thank you so much for your support! 3 3