Love Sam and Max, but as usual they're written out of character here. Not recommended for those who don't enjoy out of character shenigans.

Set in TT series and a bit in the cartoon universe.

It was another boring day at the office with Max throwing darts at the picture of Hugh Bliss. Normally he wouldn't mind being bored as long as Sam was around, but the dog wasn't around either. He was never around much anymore. He was always coming in late to work and when he was at work, he'd usually spend majority of it talking his head off with whoever this person was. Everytime Max would try listening in, Sam would just shove him away or take the call somewhere else. Today Sam hadn't shown up at all. Good thing they hadn't been called in to attend to any crimes as Sam had their car and even if Max could get there on foot or had the car, it would feel weird solving mysteries and stopping crime on his own. Everytime he would attempt to confront the man on the subject, whoever it was would call. The rabbit had a sneaking suspicion it was a girl. That's what it usually was on TV. Whoever this chick was is coming in-between he and his best friend's quality time. He didn't care if Sam wanted to date a woman. However considering he was more focused on the lady or whoever it was, he felt abandoned. Every time he attempted to tell him, that stupid phone would ring and off he went to speak to whoever it was. Max had gotten so fed up with this, he ended up chucking the thing out the window with Sam diving right after it. Sam was in the hospital for 3 weeks because of that.

He stared at the clock. It was 3 hours past the time it was time to call it quits for today and Sam wasn't around. Where the hell was he? He suddenly heard the screeching of a car outside the window which made him run towards the sound and saw that Sam was getting out of the car.

"Sorry I'm late little buddy," apologized the dog. "I..."

"Sorry my right ass cheek!" exclaimed the rabbit. "I've been here all day bored out of my damn mind and you've been gone doing whatever it is! You've been doing this for too long Sam and...what's that on your neck?"

"What?" He touched the right side of his neck.

"No, that side." he pointed to the left side right above his tie. Upon tilting his head over to the side, he got a better look at it. It was bright pink lipstick. "Oh so that's what you've been off doing. Fucking some dame instead of being here with your best pal. Who is this chick?"

"It's not really..."

"Sam, we've been friends for years," said Max crossing his arms. "You need to be straight with me here. Do you like her more than me because it sure as shit feels like it!"

"Of course not!" he reassured him. "You're my best friend."

"You flung yourself out of a 3 story window, Sam," he pointed out. "I've never seen you jumping out a window for me. Who is this chick anyways and why haven't I met her? I bet she's constantly in your ear telling lies about me!"

"Well you see the thing is..." Sam began looking nervous. He hated lying to his best friend, but this might be an exception. If Max knew who he was seeing, his little buddy would either do two things: laugh at him, thinking it was a joke, or get upset. Then again Max could be unpreditable at times so it anything was possible.

"Well?"

"You see it isn't a woman."

"Please don't say it's Bosco," said Max. Just picturing the two of them was starting to gross him out.

"No, it's worse."

"The soda dorks?" He felt the stronger urge to throw up, Had he said Bosco at this moment, he'd be more relieved about that than one of those pesky Soda Poppers. They were ugly little bastards and they had crossed their paths too many times to count, each time somehow getting more annoying than the last encounter.

"Uh no."

"Wait, that fruitcake Jurgen!" he smacked his fist into his hand. When Sam nodded, Max screamed in horror. Him!? Oh god! He fainted, unable to deal with the news. He didn't even wake up when Sam poured ice cold water on top of him. Maybe he should have lied and said it waw Sybil instead.