IMPORTANT Author Note: This chapter isn't an actual chapter, but rather, a gift I've written for the people reading this story.

Thank you very much for waiting for me. I haven't updated lately... and I don't plan to soon. My life is rough right now (work, housing, money, you name it), and I am waiting for Season 4 of the anime before I truly continue (the anime inspires me better than the manga does). But in the mean time, I wanted to post — to show that I am grateful to you all.

Your reviews and DMs mean so much. They cheer me up during the times I need a hero. Even if the following two shorts aren't what you wanted or aren't as developed/polished, please enjoy them a little! They are not designed to be part of this fic's canon or necessarily consistent with it, but I wrote them aiming to capture similar moods and chemistries as the ones in 'Third One Between.'

The first short is for the readers who've been interested in and/or invested in Midoriya and Bakugo's complex relationship.

The second is for the readers who've been driven nuts by my [painfully] slow burn between Midoriya and Todoroki. It should be a bit of relief, and a promise that more will eventually come.

Both are written from Midoriya's perspective, for something different. Thank you all!

Midoriya Izuku

Hero Analysis Entry #431 — on Bakugo Katsuki.

This entry isn't for supplemental notes on the subject's Quirk, but rather to reflect on an event I'm worried might come to bear later on any interactions I have with him.

Sigh. I just have to write it.

Something happened today and I don't know how else I should process it. I guess I've always been good at analysis of everything, so I'll just write my thoughts down until they make sense? Or I can just make it brief like a regular report, and relate bullet points? I don't know how that would look on paper. I don't know if words or even bullet points would help. How should I start, how should I start?

Today... Today, after All Might put us through the obstacle course race—

Ah, no. This is going to be hard. I don't even want to write it. Maybe I won't just jump straight into it.

I can write about the race. As for my personal performance in it, I have to assess my shortcomings. I think I did well keeping to my 5% power limit, but in the end I lost my footing. I still have a lot to learn. Sero deserved to win though; I can't believe sometimes how fast he moves. I need to update his entry; I think he's gotten even better with his tape.

Anyway. When class was over today, we all collected outside the race course and got ready to head back toward the UA main building, because next it was lunch time. Some people were tired from our exercise, and some seemed much more fired up. I think I was somewhere in the middle.

So far this entry sounds really stiff, huh?

I guess I can't avoid jumping straight to things about Kacchan.

I've had a sort of 'Kacchan sense,' ever since we were little kids. I know people have Quirks like that, but since I was born Quikless, I don't think my 'sense' works as well as people who have 'searching' Quirk abilities. Still, when we were little, I learned to feel when Kacchan was nearby me, by paying discreet attention to things like how Kacchan sometimes mutters under his breath... or the ominous presence he has in general, or the smell of his sweat that's so different from anyone else's. It might be egotistical of me, but I think an ability to sense Kacchan's location is pretty cool. At the very least, it makes for a better defense mechanism against him.

But Kacchan took off really quickly after class ended today. When All Might had us file out, I didn't notice him within our group — but if he broke off and went ahead, I didn't notice that, either. And I already knew he wasn't behind still, on the race course. It made me a little nervous. The rest of the class was already disappearing in front of me, but I was stuck wondering where Kacchan was. I'm sure Iida and Uraraka would have waited up for me, maybe even some of the others... but I was standing still, outside the race course, trying to consider where Kacchan might have gone... and Todoroki glanced back at me.

I only met Todoroki's eyes back for an instant, but...

Ah, I have a note on that as well. I might as well write it down here. Todoroki is getting almost uncannily good at reading me. A lot happened at Hosu with Hero Kill— I shouldn't write that, in case anyone picks this notebook up.

Ah, but if I'm concerned about that, then I shouldn't be writing in here in the first place. Honestly, if anybody were to pick this up and see my thoughts about anything, never mind about Todoroki or Kacchan... Ah, no, definitely I shouldn't be writing any of this — but I am anyway, so the only solution is to guard this notebook with my very life, or copy the delicate information into an even more secret place, and then—

Sorry. Where was I? With Todoroki.

Todoroki has made a lot of progress since the festival. He's gone from a surly person turned inward toward his own family issues to the type of person who could throw himself so easily into helping Iida in Hosu. When we took on Hero Kill— I still don't feel like I should write about that even secretly, because it ended up involving the police... Anyway, note to self to update Todoroki's section of my analysis notebooks; he's been using his left side a lot more now and becoming a fuller person than I would have thought was possible in such a short amount of time. I think Iida was in awe, too.

Is it weird to analyze Todoroki's personality like that, instead of just the way he uses his Quirk and approaches fighting?

Is it weird to pick people apart this way, when I can't even analyze myself?

...I just... spent a few minutes staring into space above my desk at that one All Might poster that I accidentally tore in the corner. Back then I thought the tape job I did on it was excellent, but I just noticed the tape I used was the kind that starts yellowing after time, so I notice it more now than I did before.

My spacing out is no good.

Todoroki glanced back at me as everybody was leaving the race course. I met his eye for only a moment, but I think he could tell I was worried and yet wanted to be left alone. Todoroki hardly ever talks to people, even if after Hosu he's been more friendly with me and Iida... but he asked Uraraka a question to distract her from looking back for me, and drew Iida in, and away they all went. So thanks to Todoroki I had a minute to breathe.

I took off my costume right there by the benches and draped it over one of my shoulders; I was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of tight shorts underneath. I knew I would need to go to the locker rooms and change back into my uniform with everyone else. I think I remember I popped my knuckles and then leaned over to rest my hands on my knees. I was staring at the tarmac and thinking, All Might wants to see me after class, and getting worried about it again, when I heard the noise of something being dropped — from not far around the corner everyone had already disappeared around. Maybe somebody was lagging behind?

All Might wanted to talk to me. It sounded important and I wanted to go, but his voice when he told me to meet him... It had just seemed so foreboding. Gran Torino had told me I should ask All Might about his past, but I might have hesitated because, well. All Might is the greatest Hero. 'Anything that makes the greatest Hero look dark is probably something terrifying.' That's what I thought. And looking back on it right now, All For One is a serious evil that I'm still not sure I'm imagining accurately. He's had whole lifetimes by now to exist and perfect his Villain persona. If even All Might's One For All couldn't completely defeat him back then— I'm scared. I'm really petrified. But if One For All was created in order to defeat All For One, then it can only get stronger every time it's passed down the line.

All Might gave this legacy to me, and I don't have the luxury of cowering. I have to be ready to face All For One's tremendous evil myself, if he really is the mastermind behind the League of Villains. I will be ready. I don't intend to let All Might down... and as long as he's here, I feel like I can handle anything.

But I really can't let anyone pick up this notebook now, ever. I'll devise a great hiding place for this thing. Maybe I won't even look at it again myself.

That's right. These pages will never be found. Which means I can write down whatever I want. In any detail, even if it's a lot, and I shouldn't have to feel awkward about it. Even if it's private things that involve myself and Kacchan.

I can write it.

...Stop procrastinating, Midoriya Izuku! Why did you pick up this notebook if you didn't want to examine what happened between you and Kacchan? This is only words on a page. Words on a page. Words on a page.

If you don't write down your experience, I will Full Cowl you into the wall, until you come to your senses!

Sigh.

I went around the corner to make my way back to the main building and the locker rooms. Kacchan was there, out of sight — and the loud noise I had heard was him removing and dropping the big arm pieces of his costume to the ground. He'd been first to leave, but not first to the locker rooms. Was Kacchan hanging back and waiting for me?

Ah, great. Now I've come to the part where I have to imagine Kacchan's voice and write it here in my notebook. It's like he's in the room with me. Isn't having 'Kacchan sense' and having to picture his expression enough?

So Kacchan had his back to me, but he twitched at my step. He looked over his shoulder, and he growled at me once. "Deku."

"K-Kacchan!" I said, and then I stopped, because most of the time that's what I always do. It gets hard to predict Kacchan sometimes. I don't like to make a move or instigate him before I know what kind of mood he's in. This time though, I thought I could tell. I was getting ready to laugh nervously and just walk around him, leaving lots of distance, while he threw a loud slew of insults at me and started yelling that he would be number one. That's almost always what he does.

But this time, after I said his name, he just let out a little noise, and dropped his eyes to the ground like the pieces of his costume. He looked upset? Maybe I was wrong. It's hard to tell with a face like Kacchan's. If... if I have Full Cowl, then I guess Kacchan has Full Scowl.

In any case, it looked like this time he didn't plan to yell at me. I decided to go straight by, because I knew I needed to change and meet All Might. Or at least, that's what I told myself.

When it comes to Kacchan, I think I've always been a little reckless. I don't think he's the only one to blame for the way he treats me. I need to admit that. Here, now.

I need to explain what I mean.

It's not that when I'm nice to him, or when I rescue him from sludge villains, I'm doing it because I know that it will rub him the wrong way and make him explode. That's not it, that's not the kind of recklessness I'm talking about. I don't try to provoke him childishly for my own entertainment. I really do want to save Kacchan or give him my hand when I can, despite that he never wants to take it. Actions like that aren't what I mean.

He turns me reckless in a different way. He makes me want to protect him, but since he refuses protection in so many ways, I've got to get creative and do it by... well, instead of by defending him with a Detroit Smash or something, by preserving his essence, essentially.

That sounds strange. Aaah, how to explain?

Kacchan's moods aren't easy to read, but some of them I'm good at reading now. He has a couple that turn me into someone I don't recognize... One mood is when he challenges me, or goads me and doesn't let up, versus just insulting or dismissing me. At those points, I sink to his level and engage with him, swearing and smack-talking and it gets so gross, because that's not the person I'm trying to be. I just can't help it; I have to speak his language if I want to be acknowledged by him or prove something to him. But the other mood is the one I think is key to the struggle I'm having today.

He has a face that's slightly different from his usual Full Scowls, and when I see it... it makes me reckless, like I said. It makes me want to bother him with any method possible. Because the truth is, when I look at Kacchan and he seems slightly off, I wonder if he hurts inside. I wonder if all his explosive energy takes a toll somewhere that other people can't see. It makes me want to reach out and try to help Kacchan even more — even when he's not in any clear danger — despite knowing my meddling annoys him. When Kacchan looks so broken... I can't leave him alone. I can't. But I know he'd hate it if he ever knew that. So I sometimes I feel driven to try to do things that will get us back to status quo. Like 'accidentally' mention something about how badly I still want to be a great Hero, because I know it will make him exasperated. Or... spill my heart out to him as he's leaving school upset about being outdone by Todoroki, and almost give away All Might's secret, as I reveal that my Quirk didn't manifest, but rather was passed down to me.

I shouldn't have told Kacchan that. I'm still kicking myself.

Idiot, Izuku.

But that's exactly what I mean. Recklessness... and it's dangerous. It's not the smartest way to address our problems. But I can't help it, because I feel like there's no choice if I want to protect Kacchan, protect everything he is. It's make him yell at me like usual with something trivial, or — worse — try to make him feel better first, with something like honesty or... or softness, despite knowing he probably doesn't want it... until he yells at me again then, like usual. I've got to make him yell at me, or he's not being usual. And there's no other way than like this to get it.

It's that I want Kacchan to always be Kacchan. Always be his usual self. That's what I mean when I say I want to preserve his essence. And to do it, I have to be my usual self. The Deku that Kacchan dislikes.

It's really twisted, isn't it. But... but it's always been that way.

In any case, Kacchan isn't Kacchan when he isn't fully confident. It's his confidence that I've always looked up to. So even if my intentions to return him to himself come back at me like whiplash when he yells, I'd rather make Kacchan treat me poorly and insult me like normal than see him stay so sad or so vulnerable.

But today I think I went too far, and that is what I need to write about.

I decided to go past Kacchan, between him and the hedges down the path to the locker rooms. But I didn't leave a few arm lengths between us, like I normally do for safety. If I'm honest, I did it on purpose because I could tell Kacchan felt some kind of turmoil, and again, if I bothered him... then he might go back to normal.

I got what I wanted fast. Since Kacchan could reach me, he shot out his hand and grabbed me by the throat.

Before I could take a breath, he'd backed me against the high, prickly hedge. But his grip didn't have the resolution that it usually does. I put my hand around his wrist, but he was already talking.

"The HELL was that out there, Deku?! What kind of internship did you do that gave you an ability like that? What was all that green lightning?" His grip wasn't the same, but still. That didn't mean I had the air to speak to answer his angry questions. "Suddenly, you're so capable..."

And then Kacchan let me go.

I coughed a moment. Kacchan didn't step away, but he did stop looking at me. Even though my eyes were watering, I glanced up from where I'd bent over to breathe, and I could tell he was... distraught? I don't know if it was that.

But he wasn't entirely Kacchan, and that worried me.

"Taking my moves," Kacchan murmured. The breeze outside stirred his hair.

When Kacchan murmurs, his voice gets low and husky, and I can't keep my composure around that. I know why, now that all of this has happened. Should I write it? No, I don't want to.

I can just justify it by saying... by saying again that he usually yells. Right. So it's weird when he isn't. Not anything else, like alluring somehow or—

A-anyway. Um.

This. This will not go downhill here. This will not go downhill until you properly tell this story, Izuku.

I finally managed to speak. "I-I'm sorry! But not really, because your moves are really useful and amazing, Kacchan." I said it because I knew there was a chance a switch would flip in him, and Kacchan would holler and call me names as soon as he heard me talk to him. Sometimes he tells me even my voice is annoying, besides everything else about me. And I'd always rather have that than him worrying he's become inferior to me now that I have a Quirk, or that I'm closing the gap between us... even if, slowly, I am. That's exactly what I'm doing. "I-In any case, I'm on my way somewhere," I said. Kacchan hated being reminded there were pressing things in the world that weren't him. "I have to meet somebody, and..." But at that point I trailed off.

Kacchan was looking at me with a pinched and flickering expression I'd never seen on him before. And then he scanned me up and down, slowly, so slowly I probably blushed.

He'd never looked at me like that before. If Kacchan considers me, he never does it right where I can see.

But as soon as his once-over finished, Kacchan looked away from me. He just stood very still, blocking my escape by becoming a silent wall. His eyes looked unfocused as he stared at the UA main building in the distance, and I realized that his face was almost relaxed; the wrinkles all around his eyes from glaring weren't there that moment. His arms were loose down by his sides.

Kacchan wasn't going to yell or hit me. I think he was... reflecting.

"Deku."

"Y-yes?"

"Are you messing with me?"

"About what? No, I'm not. Kacchan—"

"What happened to you, Leg Engine, and that Half-and-Half bastard in Hosu?" His voice got a little harder.

"You already know the whole story! The whole class heard it this morning!" My voice was rising higher. For Kacchan to ask questions without snarling still isn't something I'm used to. He looked back at me then, directly, and I pressed myself farther against the hedge.

All Kacchan did was leave me there, and walk off for the locker rooms, carrying his costume arm pieces.

I grabbed and held onto my Hero costume and followed him. I felt confused. But I kept a few meters behind, with my eyes on the ground, only now and then taking glances up to analyze Kacchan as we went.

Was he worried I was catching up to him? Annoyed to be in the dark about Hosu? I couldn't read him at all, and it was making me nervous.

In the locker rooms, Kaminari was talking with Tokoyami about whether Tokoyami could properly slurp noodles through his beak. Lunch Rush was scheduled to serve cold soba. That was probably why Todoroki had already changed and gone very quickly. But everybody still changing stopped to ask Kacchan and I what had taken so long. Kacchan only grunted, so I gave them a nervous smile.

I started to change clothes. Mineta found a hole in the wall leading to the girl's locker room...

I'm glad Iida lectured him. I guess it's okay to write the following in here: I'm not sure I like Mineta that much as a person, even if he has a Quirk that would be useful in certain situations.

Anyway, I changed. I got partway into my white collared shirt when everyone else was leaving. Kacchan was still at his locker; I knew it without even turning around. Finally, when I did glance back, I saw he was already dressed. His jacket was closed and his hands were crammed in his pockets, but he wasn't moving. He seemed to be staring at his closed locker.

I sighed and dawdled with my shirt buttons. If I didn't know better still, I would say Kacchan was waiting — almost as if he wanted to talk to me. But by the time I had the thought, Kacchan was pivoting to stalk toward the door. He reached to hitch his book bag up higher, and that was all, as he passed me. His face had a cloudy look.

I shut my eyes and I stammered. "K-Kacchan—"

I didn't think he was going to stop. He usually ignores me if he doesn't feel like listening. But my voice called his eyes to me, and when he looked, he seemed to stop without control. I knew my shirt buttons were still open at the bottom, because I always began from the top. Kacchan was standing within arm's reach of me because my locker was the one beside the door.

"What in the hell..." Kacchan's eyes travelled down my body. "...are you now?" He was murmuring again. Almost uncertainly, Kacchan's free hand stretched out. Before I could react, his fingers twitched aside the bottom flap of my white shirt. "When did you get like this, Deku?"

He finally sounded more typically angry. I thought if I could just fuel his fire, he would yell and stomp away and we'd be normal like always. I wouldn't have to wonder any more or feel worried that his brow appeared so troubled.

Kacchan was looking at my stomach? I said, "I've been training since before the school year started. And I trained a little more at my internship."

Kacchan seemed to be analyzing my abs. Did the amount of muscle there surprise him? His brow darkened... and then he stepped forward.

I dropped my tie and backed into the lockers.

Kacchan still had my shirt pinched between his fingers. He wasn't looking at my eyes. He was just frowning down at my abs. "Seriously, what the hell, Deku... Who said you could get like this, you shitty nerd?" Then he snorted. His expression returned almost to normal; his eyes filled up with his usual scorn. "Not like they're as solid as mine, asshole. You shit sti—"

But my breath hitched. I probably made a brief sound.

Before Kacchan had let my shirt fall back down, he'd brushed his fingertips in a line down my abdomen as he spoke, pulling away just before he reached my waistline.

My sound made Kacchan freeze — like Todoroki had iced him. But eventually, when he raised his eyes to me, I covered my mouth to stifle a groan.

You see... there's this... complication I've discovered on my side of everything I share with Kacchan. I've been trying for so long not to admit it to myself, or to anyone. But this is my notebook and I can write what I want.

Because suppressing it clearly does no one any good.

I respect Kacchan. I do. I admire him and I want to preserve him. But I don't like him. I don't want to... and yet, it's hard to deny that his body is just...

His eyes are such an amazing garnet color and his hair looks all stiff but it's actually really soft which I learned that one time his mom made us have a sleepover as kids and he had a nightmare but didn't wake up so I patted his head and, too, his chest is so ripped and I don't think I've ever seen anyone with arms quite like his, and even the way he walks is something appealing so I guess I'm just aesthetically attracted to his physical looks and I think I like men but I've never confirmed except for I asked All Might once if he thought liking guys would complicate my Hero work and he just laughed and told me about his 'friend' named Dave and segued into asking me about Kacchan so I think he knows what track I'm on BUT IT'S NOT WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE I SWEAR and I never wanted to have to address any of these things or make things so much more complicated when Kacchan and I can't even communicate on a basic level, except I just can't help but respond to Kacchan's sex appeal I guess and since puberty hit it's always been like this in the back of my head where I try to ignore it but ignoring it doesn't work!

That was a run-on sentence.

Anyway. Kacchan was so close, and I could smell his unique scent that comes from when his regular sweat mixes with his nitroglycerin. He'd never touched me before. Ever. At least, not in a casual way like that. He's hit me plenty of times. Was what he'd just done an accident, or his light exploration and confirmation that my muscles weren't some kind of joke?

The look Kacchan fixed on me was even worse. It was like he couldn't believe anything had come from my mouth — or at least not anything like the sound I'd suddenly made. His expression seemed to be hesitation. Bafflement? Certainly disbelief... and he looked suddenly vulnerable again as I realized a little of his look held fear, like he didn't like what he suspected my sound meant.

It was a slightly aroused sound. It was.

So what could I do but confess to him? If I didn't, wouldn't he draw his own conclusions? He might just make everything worse than it was.

"I-I'm sorry, Kacchan, but you touched me without warning and your hand was a little warm, and so I just— S-Such a sensation was a little— th-that is, I might be sensitive there. Or at least I am if it's with you. Crap, I mean— not that people touch me all the time and I can really compare to know for sure. But if you get too close and you're not shouting at me or saying you think I should die, there's always been a little tension I think, and I've tried to ignore it, but you're making it potent now; I'm sorry for making you find out like this, and if you want you can just pretend you never noticed it. What would help avoid situations like this is please don't speak so softly and do things to me like that without permission!"

Kacchan makes me do — makes me say — reckless things.

Kacchan's eyes went wide like kites swelling with air, and he swallowed. He looked like he wanted to be sick in a corner. So that meant he would leave, right? Get mad like usual and leave.

But his eyes didn't leave me, and neither did he. And his brow still held a trace of tension behind what I was coming fast to realize was his... his rational digestion of what I had said. His consideration of it.

Kacchan? Consideration?

I still opened my mouth further. I think I was afraid to let him reply to me, in case his answer frightened or otherwise mortified me.

"Wh-what I'm saying is, Kacchan, for as much as you're violent and kind of a pain when you're being yourself, I also... When you aren't scowling, you aren't bad looking, and the fact that you don't seem murderous right now is just making it that much more noticeable. And I don't want you to hate me any more than you already do, but you probably should, because Kacchan, if you don't, if you come to me looking like you are right now, like you're upset and something has hurt you, then I'm going to want to be tender toward you. But we aren't kids anymore, so when I say that, it sounds like I mean something else and I'm not really sure sometimes I don't, and if we walk into that territory..."

Kacchan didn't say a word, which I thought was miraculous. But what he did next cut me off as surely as if he'd raised his voice and ordered me to shut up.

He jerked and looked away from me, down at the locker room floor. His hands fisted at his sides. He wet his lips, but didn't speak.

That was when I knew something was definitely wrong with my Kacchan.

I did up my shirt buttons hastily. I think I did them crookedly. What should I do? What should I—?

And then I tried to speak for him. "I sh-sh-shouldn't speak, right? 'Shut up, Deku, you useless pebble; what the hell kind of twisted thing are you trying to tell me?' Right?" My voice was shaking. But I needed to make words and carry out our conversation because he wasn't.

I didn't bother with my uniform jacket after I buttoned my shirt. Go and see All Might, I reminded myself.

Although I probably was red and needed some time to cool down. I should have been with Todoroki, eating cold soba and asking him to ice it again for me if my ice melted.

I took a step, but Kacchan shot a hand out to my chest to shove me back.

I hit the lockers with a crash. Part of me relaxed at that, because it was very 'Kacchan' of him to do... but part of me got annoyed. Will Kacchan ever learn to address me without pushing me around?

Kacchan opened his mouth to speak again, his eyes boring into me, but he couldn't talk.

Somehow, I'd made Kacchan speechless. That or a Villian no one had noticed had stolen Kacchan's voice with a Quirk.

Still, I assumed what he wanted to ask. And I was unnerved completely by this version of Kacchan. I gave Kacchan a voice again, quoting what I thought he wanted to say. "'Deku, are you really trying to tell me you've been looking at me that way? Whether you're messing with me or not... die.' Th-that's what you'd probably tell me right now... right?"

Kacchan's face twitched. Did he not like that I'd assumed? But come on. I knew I was right.

"What the fucking fuck, you little shit?" His hand stayed plastered to my chest to hold me against the lockers.

Then he did something awful. He squinted and dragged his fingertips down my abdomen and along my waist again, letting his touch slip slightly underneath the waistline of my pants this time.

I yelped at his touch and covered my mouth with both hands. Kacchan backed off as if burned.

And yet, like he was doing an experiment, his face remained carefully blank, and he stayed standing so close I could have counted his pale eyelashes.

Then, "Damn, Deku," he said, voice hoarse. He sounded disbelieving, and like the end of a fraying rope. "Wanton shit stick... Even though I could have just blasted you just now..."

"I'm n-not exaggerating, here!" I squeaked. My face burned, and the breaths that hit my palms as I kept my mouth covered were hot with them. "You thought I was lying, so you tested me? Is that what that was just now? I wasn't lying to you! I'm not trying to play a joke. I really am a little sensitive to you. And now that I'm thinking about it a lot, it's starting to affect me even more." I shifted as much as I could against the lockers, trying not to focus on anything about Kacchan's body. This was too new; this had never happened before, this kind of confrontation between us. I hadn't even ever expected it. Or imagined it. Not at school. Not in daylight. Not anywhere Kacchan could have found out what I felt. Not where we'dhave to assess it between us. "I don't like it either — but if I don't tell the truth, then in this state, when you look so upset, I really don't know what will happen if you keep—"

"Then what do you want me to do? Aah?"

It was an odd question, and it made me stop. Kacchan never cared what I wanted. And right now he looked like he was about to fall apart somehow.

Wh-what...?

Surely Kacchan wasn't asking what I wanted him to do because he didn't know what to do right then himself? He could just barrel away, or punch me in the jaw, couldn't he?

"K-Kacchan, I don't really know."

"You dumbass shitty piece of turd." Kacchan finally grit his teeth. "I'm asking you if you're turned on and what in the fuck you expect thanks to it. What in the hell are you thinking anymore?"

At that point I was fairly certain someone with a Quirk was manipulating the situation. I know Fantasy Girl has an ability to make people hallucinate their daydreams.

This Kacchan was a dream Kacchan, asking me my preferences like he'd actually indulge me.

"I'm n-not turned on yet! Look at where we are! But... but if I were to get there?" I asked what I shouldn't have, high-pitched and feeling feverish. I've always been too curious for my own good.

There was a pause so long I almost ran to find All Might right then. There was no reason for me to be having this conversation. It wasn't normal for us. So why did I start it?

Kacchan paused, with his hands flexing and unflexing beside his legs — almost as if he were restless. Instead of murderous? But why? His body was so close, and I...

I will write it here.

I wanted him. I realized I wanted Kacchan, more than anything else in that moment. If he planned to tease me like this or indulge me even a bit, then I would probably let him.

I must have let out some kind of whimper, because Kacchan squinted at me one more second. I think he felt as uncertain as I did.

I almost wonder if his eyes didn't hold a little contempt or pity, too. That would be just like Kacchan, to confront even something he found distasteful because he thought it might put him farther above me. But right then Kacchan was the one caught most off-guard, by my assessment, and I think he realized the symbolism of being in the less dominant position — because I also saw embarrassment and fury with his hesitation and his uncertainty.

He was looking for me to take the initiative, I realized. Waiting for me to dictate what would happen next. Kacchan never, ever did that.

Had we dived into territory beyond him? Had I shocked him as badly as that?

Kacchan only repeated his question again. "If you were turned on... then what would you want me to do about it, Deku?"

"A-are you saying you would do it if I asked?"

His fist slammed into the locker behind me, and it sounded like he dented it. I didn't look. I didn't look at anything but the side of his neck peeking out through his collar, because he refused to wear a tie to school like everybody else, and that was attractive. He leaned to talk into my ear. "Say it. Grow a fucking pair and say it."

I didn't think I should have needed to appease his ego. But if I didn't give Kacchan what he wanted... then he was just going to keep torturing me.

Because that's... that's what it had to be. Kacchan was torturing me, right? Kacchan ultimately decided, after learning my feelings, that he'd use them to make fun of and control me. What else could it possibly be?

Anything else wouldn't be like Kacchan. So it's likely he decided to lord my attraction over me. Use it as more proof I was weak and could never hope to be as impressive as him. Whatever his arrogant logic is.

Anything else... it wouldn't be okay. Anything else kinder that Kacchan might have felt would mean the two of us have been stupid, a long time. It would mean that since childhood, we've both been ignoring feelings, never communicating, becoming slow rivals who can't even team up together without a mess... when we might never have needed to. When, if we'd been more daring or more successful, or maybe both willing to be more vulnerable, we might have been something else entirely. And to think that either of us could have let a mistake of that level happen, could have failed so hard in such a close and important relationship...

Well, who wants to admit that? Even I have some pride to worry about.

So I treated Kacchan the way I always did. I defended myself, defended his essence, kept things at status quo with the next thing I said.

I tried to make him really mad. "I'd probably want a hug or something? Or for... you to touch me... really erotically with your hands. Gently, because I know that deep down, Kacchan, there's a part of you that's the opposite of how aggressive you are on the outside." Kacchan hated hearing me accuse him of being capable of tenderness — even if sometimes I suspected it was true. Tenderness was what only I risked between us, and he'd never, ever appreciated it.

But I must have said something wrong, still. It didn't work like I wanted. He didn't yell, he didn't break away, didn't beat me into a pulp.

I'd failed again.

"If that's what you fucking want," Kacchan scoffed — but he swallowed, too, with his voice thick, and he fisted his hand against the locker hard, so I could smell the nitroglycerin sweat that had collected — "then you're even more idiotic than I thought."

"Um." He sounded like I had betrayed him somehow. Why?

Why, and what should I do?

"Who do you think I am, Deku?" He jerked away and glared at me. And then he grabbed me by the chin and made sure that I looked at him. "HAAH? Who the FUCK do you think I am that I would do that fucking shit?!"

"A-all right, I know," I stammered. This. Much better. I knew how to deal with all this. "You don't like me at all. You would never really want—"

"USE YOUR DAMN HEAD — and not the twitching, shitty one on your clearly undersized dick! Someone like me would fuck your ass into tomorrow and leave you a crying mess! That's the kind of power I am built for — not your princess bullshit, got that?!"

I squirmed. His eyes looked wild. Were they glazed a little, too? No. I had to be wrong about that. "Got it, got it, got it," I said. His grip on my chin was so tight it started to press the inside of my mouth into my teeth in a painful fashion.

"Do you want me to tear you up from the inside out with no damn preface, Deku, aaAAH? Because that's what you'd fucking get!"

"Kacch— what?" Why was he putting words to it as if he could imagine it? "I-is that the way you prefer it?"

"You fucker." And Kacchan looked mad. But this time in a way I'd never seen before. "You little fucking slutty shit."

That was when he grabbed my clothes with both hands and sent me flying into the far bench. To go with the throw, he singed my shirt with a good crackle aimed from his palms. It was completely unnecessary at that point, even if he was trying to prove something or get me to shut up — and that kind of irrationality wasn't like him. He uses force on me a lot, that's for sure, but he never uses more than necessary. He has enough strength to measure out his violence meticulously.

He's so smart and really strong. He knows how much I can handle... and I had thought he always knew how much he should use, so as never to really kill me.

I landed hard and wondered what monster I'd brought out and why, why it had happened. "Ow. K-Kacchan, th-that wasn't..." I tried to get up, but couldn't. I needed a moment to let the bright lights subside from my vision — because I'd hit my head.

Since I couldn't see right for a few good seconds, I couldn't tell, but I think Kacchan hesitated. He looked down at his hands, then up at me again. And then maybe he lifted one hand to his face. By the time I had blinked and my vision had cleared, whatever reaction he'd had was gone.

He looked ready to keep fighting with me... but he didn't.

He just yelled more.

Finally, I'd accomplished that. He sounded like himself again. "GOD DAMN IT, DEKU — STOP FUCKING WITH ME. STOP UNDERESTIMATING ME! I'm capable of breaking you in pieces! You think I wanna get involved with you? Got better shit to do! Don't you?"

"Y-yeah... I really do..." I needed to go meet All Might. I raised a hand up to my head.

If I knew Kacchan, he was through. Great, though. He had left a lump on my head.

Just like I thought, he stormed away after that. It took me about five minutes to get up and find ice for the back of my head.

At least thinking of ice calmed me down a bit, though. It always makes me think about Todoroki, now. It's hard not to smile remembering what his Quirk is capable of. That huge ice wall that went too far... Lethal, sure — but also so beautiful. Kind of like he is, if I think hard about it?

Ah, but I'm losing my train of thought.

I've written the whole story now. I guess, seeing it here... it doesn't look like much. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing? But the matter remains that I broke some new ground... and I'm panicking wondering where it might go.

Kacchan knows that I'm attracted to him, now. What's he going to do with that information? Make my life hell in new, creative ways? Or keep it secret, pretend he never learned anything? Which one do I want him to do? What would I want, if I could have anything?

And why does all of this only bother me?

I just wish... god, it's useless, but. I just wish it wasn't so difficult, always. Every single thing between Kacchan and me is. It's not like I want to be a fairy tale couple with Kacchan or anything. But if Kacchan ever relaxed...

And I keep having this dumb thought. What if Kacchan was acting so out of the ordinary because he actually feels the same conflicted way about me that I do about him, and simply doesn't know what to do about it? What if he never imagined I would confess?

Could that even be possible?

No, you're reading into it, Izuku.

And that would be terrible, anyway, right? If Kacchan feels the same way about me, and if it's been there the whole time... then it's part of who Kacchan is as a person. It's part of the essence that I want to protect. And while I would do anything to make sure Kacchan stays the same... Well, I have to draw lines and make limits, don't I?

I can't destroy myself for him. As much as I am attracted... he said it himself, didn't he? He's not the type to treat me gently, even in that kind of intimate relationship. And I deserve better than that treatment. So I can't let anything happen between us. Isn't that right?

Or do I deserve to get destroyed, for going near Kacchan at all? For not letting sleeping dogs lie?

I think... I think I have to stop giving him so much of myself. In any way, in every way. A Hero can't give so much of his effort and care to one person who only aims to take and take — or he has nothing to give back to the world when he goes out to rescue and fight. I have to be as strong and as aware as All Might always is. It's a high bar I want to meet. All Might... He had good reasons for not pursuing his relationship with Dave, right? Or that other person he talked about, with the glasses — 'sir' something? I still don't know who that is exactly, and I feel like I should... I need to look that up. All Might is so reserved and private about so many things, unless we're talking about One For All... Is there anyone I can go to for advice? Am I going completely crazy to worry there might be something there, causing Kacchan to act so strange? Am... am I only projecting?

Kacchan is no good for me... right?

Come on, are you attracted to 'bad' boys? Leave badness for the Villains; get a grip already, Izuku.

I can't let myself feel things for Kacchan. Even if they're only physical and not a smidgeon romantic. It's about self respect, for one thing.

Sigh.

I think I'm tired of analyzing. I think I'm tired of so many things.

Is this what being a teenager in Hero school is really like?

I'll just wrap up. In conclusion, I'm not sure what to take from this. Maybe I'll understand it some time in the future. At least it's written here for posterity, even if ultimately it has no bearing on a single thing. Kacchan did and said weird things today, I caused it, and it bothers me. I feel like someone is ripping up my chest and scrambling my head and I can't find meanings. But it is what it is — so all I need to do is close this book and let it be.

But I'm sorry, Kacchan. I don't exactly know why, but I'm really so sorry — about everything. Some day, I'm going to find a way that we can just be you and me, without pride getting in the way.

Sounds idealistic, doesn't it? But it has a nice ring to it, still.

You and me.

The feeling that Izuku had been fighting for so long came to him — and hit hard — again. It came the moment class ended and he found himself looking at Todoroki.

"Class was over today in the blink of an eye," Todoroki said casually.

Izuku stood from his desk, where Todoroki had walked to meet him. He hitched his yellow backpack onto one shoulder. "Y-yeah. It seems to just fly by, especially whenever Midnight is teaching."

"She's surprisingly focused despite that she tends to get off topic commenting about people's youth."

"I can still hear you two, so you know," Midnight said. "Look at you, heads together! Ah, youth — it's so cute!"

Izuku laughed, a little strained — while Todoroki turned to Midnight and apologized for both of them. Izuku really shouldn't let him bow his head like that alone... but the thudding in his chest inhibited him from stepping up and joining in.

Todoroki turned back after a moment. "Ready?"

"Ah— yes." Izuku couldn't look at him. "Are you sure you don't want me to grab some snacks first?"

They began walking side by side for the exit. Todoroki nodded to Tokoyami and Iida along the way, to say goodbye. But nobody interrupted them or asked them where they were going together.

Nobody ever seemed to come in between them when Izuku went anywhere with Todoroki. At first, that had been a blessing. Now Izuku wasn't sure if it was punishment or a curse.

Todoroki opened the door, allowing Izuku through first. "I have some senbei crackers," he said. "If you're hungry, then I don't mind if you eat them."

"But it would probably make more sense to study first, and then just eat at dinner. Right?" Izuku went through the door while making small talk, and they began walking for the dorms. When Todoroki just nodded, Izuku realized he had nothing further to say.

It always ended up like this. And it got worse and worse lately. Whenever he found himself in Todoroki's company, it felt like the whole world dropped off away from him. Izuku got left in a floating space, reeling thanks to Todoroki's impressive, unimposing, comfortable presence. Everyone but Todoroki became utterly inconsequential. Well, All Might was definitely still important. And Izuku's mom still popped into his head from time to time. Izuku wondered especially what his mom would think of all this, if she only knew.

Everything Todoroki did, or said, or every look he gave Izuku... it caused a series of jolts in Izuku's chest and made him forget time and space a moment. It felt like some kind of pressure pressed on him from inside — in his head, his stomach — and only ever abated with Todoroki next to him. Then, presently, it would worsen again, depending on whatever Todoroki did after that. A harsh, vicious cycle of awkward symptoms.

Izuku sighed, examining his symptoms again. He knew he wasn't simply sick. The feelings of dizziness and giddiness had been happening too long for that. The truth was, he suspected what might have caused it... but the reality was one he tried hard to suppress.

He and Todoroki were friends. He was Todoroki's first real friend. There was no benefit to threatening that situation with the fluttering urges that took over his head.

When the elevator opened on the fifth floor, Izuku straightened his shoulders and raised his face. He'd have to study despite this. He had done it before, he could do it again. The elevator ride had gone without incident, if a little more silently than usual. At least Todoroki hadn't stood close enough to him this time that Izuku could catch whiffs of the soft, laundered scent of his uniform, or gauge the temperature in body heat of whatever side he stood on. Those things... those things were details Izuku shouldn't be noticing. Or enjoying. Not like that.

But the problem was, increasingly, he wanted to. He wanted something exactly like that.

Todoroki opened his dorm room door. Immediately, the sight of the well-kept futon and tatami mats made Izuku feel worse. More uncertain and self-conscious. They walked inside. Todoroki shut the door. And Izuku knew exactly how their study session would unfold.

Perfectly. Like it always did.

The atmosphere in Todoroki's room always eventually injected Izuku with a peacefulness that gave him cause to relax. The issue was that once he finally relaxed, he couldn't help but feel overly comfortable with Todoroki doing homework with him. His focus then became all for Todoroki — and the next thing Izuku knew, they were nudging each other playfully, or Todoroki was ruffling Izuku's hair absently as he reached past to snag a book, or pausing an explanation to touch Izuku's hand and remind him he shouldn't chew on his pencil's eraser... all while Izuku reflected on the shape of Todoroki's hands, the way Todoroki shifted kneeling atop his cushions, or Todoroki's knowing smirk when he asked if Izuku wanted a cup of matcha yet. The ease between them only made Izuku feel more unsteady, more nervous.

More like he must be a horrible person.

Why couldn't he just concentrate? Why did his mind stray to wondering what it might be like if it were him with hands in Todoroki's hair? Todoroki's hair looked so soft; his heart thudded, glancing at it. At the edge of Todoroki's ear from behind, too, as Todoroki plunked his book bag in a corner and neatly toed off his shoes.

Izuku took off his shoes, too — slowly, realized he sweated. He wanted to do things that weren't appropriate between friends. He couldn't let himself name them, or the desire would grow to reach a force that he couldn't handle at all.

How terrible, for a Hero. Why couldn't Izuku fight it? He felt snared and helpless and disconnected.

"If we finish before five," Todoroki said, turning to check the digital clock on his desk, "we can get to dinner before Kaminari and the rest make a mess of that table that's by the windows. You like the tree that's out there, right? But since everyone else likes the view that's there too—" Todoroki suddenly stopped.

Izuku didn't register Todoroki's expression; he couldn't look at Todoroki that moment. But he did note the silence that came, even if he hadn't quite been following most of Todoroki's words. He said, without quite thinking, "Mm."

He swallowed. He did not want to talk about food. The talk about snacks and dinner had only been to make easy conversation. Izuku couldn't hope to eat when he felt as churned up with his feelings as this.

What he really wanted to do was crack, tell Todoroki everything. He couldn't handle this alone. But what would Todoroki say or do? He probably wouldn't do the things Izuku's imagination most wanted.

Ah, but Izuku couldn't think of that. His ears would turn red, he would go short of breath, it would be impossible for him to listen to a word—

"Midoriya?"

But he wanted it. Izuku wanted it so much his feet nearly went out from under him when he found Todoroki had walked up to him.

Todoroki inquiringly cleared his throat. Izuku blinked, but found that he didn't have words.

He had urges, that was all. Actions that he wanted to take. Advantage he knew he would take if he were a lesser person. Things he might do — like feign sudden weakness, for an excuse to step in closer and drop his head on Todoroki's chest.

And then what? Then what?

He shouldn't think about this.

Izuku told himself to stop. Wasn't it wrong to fantastize when they were all alone like this? Wrong if it felt like he wanted Todoroki's attention, Todoroki's whole being in such selfish ways, when Todoroki had no idea about it? And yet here, in Todoroki's room where they had enough privacy to—

No. It was true things had recently gotten more familiar between them. That was part of why Izuku suffered so much — but it was no reason to cross lines even in his head, or indulge wishful thinking like this.

"Midoriya?" Todoroki's right hand came up to touch his cheek. It was only a brush of a touch — and faintly cool, despite being a warm and gentle gesture designed to garner Izuku's full attention. Something about it seemed so Todoroki that Izuku couldn't reply.

All he did was glance up and find himself tangled in Todoroki's earnest, mismatched eyes. Again. Why did it always end up with him feeling unsteady, near frightened of himself like this? Unsure if his thoughts, if his emotions were something good or something bad?

Because, Izuku told himself, I'm probably the only one between us feeling like this.

"What's the matter?" Todoroki asked, tilting his head when he asked it.

But the question didn't sound like Todoroki, even if Izuku knew it was certainly his good friend standing there before him. The question wasn't as clueless, wasn't as innocent or sweet as it might normally have been, even if it did express genuine concern. This wasn't like the other sudden times Todoroki checked in on him... and drove Izuku half crazy with that care and interest of his.

This was different. And it made Izuku scared. Scared he'd lose what he had now if he were to let on about what he wanted.

"Nothing's the matter," he said.

"Are you sure?" Todoroki asked.

Izuku swallowed, refraining from offering any more response. He got caught taking in Todoroki instead. Rather than appear curious, Todoroki's expression betrayed hesitance. Something like trepidation, too. But it wasn't that Todoroki seemed worried that Izuku might be terribly hurt, or feeling faint... Izuku couldn't put his finger on the mood Todoroki was in.

It struck him as similar to an incident they'd had a day or so ago. Sero had said to them at lunch, out of the blue, You two have gotten closer, haven't you.

At the time, Izuku had been passing the soy sauce to Todoroki just over the table. Their fingers had brushed, Izuku had spluttered something like, Uh, I g-g-guess we have? and Todoroki, nearly slipping in accepting the pot of soy sauce, had pulled away with it at that — fiercely, quietly flushing into the beef stew Iida loved, but he didn't, because Lunch Rush seared the beef with lots of fire and called his kitchen flames 'Endeavor's Fury.'

It was an incident that had made Izuku hate himself and feel guilty. Obviously Sero had been teasing them, purposely wording his question so the context could be misread — maybe trying to see what he'd get them to say. It wasn't the first time someone had asked if — or why, or when — Izuku and Todoroki had become closer. Like a pair, Uraraka said. They'd grown natural and familiar with each other. After all, Todoroki did things like carry Izuku's books for him, or get the higher ones down for him in the library. Todoroki waited for him after class and walked to homeroom beside Izuku in the mornings, and would gently touch him at the small of his back if he noticed Izuku was tense from an insult that Kacchan tossed out in passing. But both of them had always known the level of intimacy there was between them.

There was none. None but that typically shared between friends. And yet, when Sero had given Izuku an opportunity to make that fact clear... When Izuku should have made it clear, to keep Todoroki from flushing in such discomfort and embarrassment... Izuku hadn't spoken up. He hadn't... because it would have hurt to tell the truth when he preferred his wishful thinking instead.

Some Hero he was, some defender if he allowed such misunderstandings to happen simply because he was weak and selfish. And now, Todoroki looked uncomfortable again — even if in a slightly different fashion. He wasn't pink at the cheeks, but he looked cautious standing there, still checking in on Izuku.

Had Izuku given away — somehow, on his face, in his posture somewhere — what he had been thinking about? Did Todoroki suspect the truth? Hate it? Wish he could get out of their previous agreement to study together, now?

"Midoriya. If I've done something to bother you, or if anyone else has, I want to know it. It's egotistical of me... but I'd try very hard to make it so it never happens again." Izuku blinked. Todoroki shifted. But Todoroki's expression betrayed little. He just added, "Please say something."

Izuku focused on Todoroki's eyes, trying to find intent in them instead of in the untelling line of Todoroki's lips, or in the other muscles of Todoroki's face. When he did so, Todoroki did flush — just like he had during the first incident.

Todoroki then said, "Sorry. You don't need that kind of meddling from me, do you."

"Wh-what kind?" Why did Todoroki look so flustered?

"This level of someone else being selfish in trying to ensure that you're really okay."

"The... the truth is, I'm not okay." Izuku didn't think it was right to lie to his friend. But there was no way he could say everything.

Todoroki didn't look surprised to hear the confession. "I thought so. I've become sensitive to your moods from being close to you. But if I'm prying..." Todoroki brushed back his bangs, revealing that his flush had darkened in color. He looked away without warning.

A new thought struck Izuku then, about what Todoroki's reactions might mean. He felt a little anxious. And warmer. What if...?

But no. Could it be? Why did Izuku have a sudden hunch? Did Todoroki feel — and stand there suffering — the same uncertainties about whatever was between them that Izuku did? And not because he suspected Izuku, but... because he felt the same yearning and conflict? Mulling it over made every symptom zipping through Izuku heighten. Was that what all Torodoki's flushing, all the concern for Izuku was for? The care Todoroki took in making sure he didn't cross any lines Izuku had?

Could Izuku be so lucky?

He bit down on the inside of his cheek. No, he couldn't assume that. If he did, and he made a mistake in his haste to relate... he might lose everything entirely.

Izuku found his voice again and gave a half-hearted explanation. "I just feel... really weird, and suddenly. S-sorry, Todoroki-kun, I know that isn't very useful or very helpful or even very clear. There's nothing physically the matter, I don't think. It's just..." What were the appropriate words to use that wouldn't give it all away?

"Is it my fault?" Todoroki asked, breathing the question out on a soft exhale... but somehow making it sound as thick and laden with turbulence as a river that churned up mud. He didn't draw away, either.

In fact, Todoroki took a step closer. If it was deliberate, if it had meaning, Izuku found he couldn't analyze it. The motion simply looked... necessary, somehow, like if Todoroki didn't take it, he might lose balance or falter.

But that didn't make any sense, did it? Izuku wasn't sure if anything made sense right now, so he did not try to answer. Not that he ever wanted Todoroki to think he might be responsible for Izuku's unrequited—

"Midoriya." It came out a groan. The sound of that deep voice, as if it carried desperation... It set Izuku's heart beating faster. "I might know the feeling you mean. I don't want it to be my fault if you don't feel right thanks to it. Or if you hate it. But at the same time..." Todoroki raised his right hand now to the middle of his chest, and glanced down at it as if in wonder. "At the same time, I think it would be relieving if I wasn't the only one feeling like this."

Izuku started, shocked out of the panic he'd been about to indulge in. "Y-you feel it, too? The weird, heavy feeling?" He stayed careful enough to keep his description vague, like it might be anything. Just in case, he should stay cautious. And if he got his hopes only for them to crash... "Like an attack of nerves, or a fever that triggered and became the worst when we came in here alone together?"

Todoroki blinked once, glanced aside, found Izuku's gaze again... wet his lips, made a thin line out of them... then nodded. He looked pale now instead of red.

That didn't help Izuku decide what he should make of this.

Todoroki said, "I know it's different to feel it in this case..."

"But if there's two of us, we can probably solve this." He said it before thinking; part of him always jumped forward in an attempt to solve problems before truly assessing risk.

Both of them felt something strange. What could be happening to them? What were the chances they'd both feel like this? On Todoroki's end, if this was caused by something completely innocent... Was there a chance someone had used a Quirk on them to cause this? Maybe Izuku had no reason to have struggled with such difficult desires at all. Or maybe they'd caught something from a classmate.

Izuku raised one hand to his own head, then extended the other toward Todoroki's. "I wonder if we're getting—"

"Please." Todoroki's left hand caught his wrist — to prevent Izuku from touching his forehead. His grip burned with body heat, but not enough to hurt like Quirk heat would have, and the hold was something cradling and gentle. It seemed to plead — like Todoroki's voice. "I don't think I can stand it if you do that."

"A-ah! Okay — then I won't." Izuku paused. Nothing passed but for his confusion. He added, "Could you let go of me, then?"

All Todoroki did was groan again, more softly, more under his breath — like he fought with something inside himself. It was the raw, conflicted, private quality of the sound passing from Todoroki's lips and the way Todoroki squeezed his eyes shut that jolted Izuku back into the moment.

There was definitely something wrong with Izuku, even if not with Todoroki. How did just that sound alone and Todoroki's grip on him untie Izuku like laces — make him feel hot and lightheaded and reckless?

Izuku remarked they hadn't even moved away from the entry. He should remind them both they were supposed to study.

Todoroki uttered, "I don't want you to touch me... but I also don't want to let go. Either one seems like I can't handle it."

Izuku laughed awkwardly... and then swallowed the strange, rising lump in his breast. "Don't joke around. You can handle anything — and much better than I can, right?" He felt giddy, confused, and anchored to Todoroki as if by powerful magnet. "Besides, I'm trying to help."

Words kept escaping Todoroki's lips, although it looked like Todoroki tried his hardest to corral them in. "Sorry, Midoriya. I think I let it get too far before I brought it up to you."

Izuku opened his mouth to ask, Brought up what? but Todoroki's next gesture stopped him.

With a slightly trembling, guiding touch, Todoroki moved Izuku's still-captured hand. He brought it up to brush the side of his neck.

The skin under Izuku's hand there felt clammy, like the temperature inside Todoroki wasn't regulating right; Todoroki seemed burning hot and somehow chilly both at once. Izuku only got to remark it a moment before Todoroki, grip still wavering, drew his hand somewhere else. Lower.

Izuku found his palm pressed flat against Todoroki's chest next. He couldn't help but let out a gasp when he felt the erratic, rapid, struggling drum-pattering against his fingers. "T-Todoroki-kun, you're not well at all! You're even worse off than I am!"

Todoroki's eyes shut again. "Don't say that." It wasn't a reprimand, just another strained-sounding plea. "I don't want to be the only one in this condition. But... if I am... I guess that's my own weight to bear."

Izuku blathered to cover the flush that now rose to his own features. Todoroki still hadn't lifted his own hand from on Izuku's, where it still pressed against his chest... and Todoroki couldn't possible mean what Izuku was starting to think he meant by all this, right? Was Izuku's hunch, was his wishful thinking really turning out to be real? "You don't have to bear anything alone! We can take your temperature. I'll have you sit down and I can bring you a cool glass of water if you don't feel like you're in a position right now to use your Quirk to help yourself, because I mean, that's what friends are for, and I can also run to see Recovery Girl for you if you feel like any activity might be too strenuous at the moment— oh! But I can also stay here if you don't want to be alone, because I'm sure if I texted Iida-kun he would—"

Izuku stopped when Todoroki sighed and began to sink to the ground.

His hand finally slipped from Todoroki's grip as Todoroki took unsteadily to his knees — and then said, "Sitting down is good." His voice came even more breathy.

Izuku started to panic. "I don't— D-do you want me to—"

"Don't leave," came the reply.

"I won't. I won't if that's not what you want, b-but do you want me to call...?"

"No." Todoroki's mouth turned up at one corner, wryly and just for a moment. "This happens worst of all like this, when it's just you and me under normal circumstances. Sorry. It's been escalating. It's better if I tell you about it now."

Izuku dropped to the floor across from Todoroki and peered at him. He didn't know whether to grip Todoroki's shoulders in a show of support and care or not. "If it's worse when I'm here and nothing is out of the ordinary, then I should leave!" He didn't know why uttering it hurt. It was the proper logic, wasn't it? He... didn't want to go either, though.

It was easier to forget himself and his own tense, tortured state if he could focus on taking care of Todoroki. Being with Todoroki was so reassuring, so easy. But that didn't mean Izuku should be selfish if what Todoroki needed the most right now was—

"Sorry." Todoroki met Izuku's gaze again at last, eyebrows drawn together, expression tight and imploring... and perhaps a bit abashed. "I'm not explaining properly."

"That's perfectly okay! You're in a state!" Izuku flailed his hands a bit, not sure what else to do with them.

He wanted to be there. Wanted to touch, to hold, to help, whether it was wrong or not. But if Todoroki didn't want it... then what? Izuku raked a hand back through his hair.

Suddenly, Todoroki laughed. A quick, sharp series of exhales through his nose that set both his shoulders quaking. Izuku whimpered, even more confused then — until Todoroki added, "Look at me. Having symptoms enough to startle you this much, as if this is an affliction."

Izuku leaned in, heedless now. "But isn't it, wh-whatever it is? You don't look well." He put only one hand on Todoroki's shoulder, to encourage Todoroki to kneel a little straighter — so he could look Izuku in the eyes better. Izuku hadn't knelt down quite as low. The result was that, for once in their shared life, Izuku felt a few inches taller.

Todoroki just said, "The affliction is you."

Izuku's stomach flipped. He drew his hand away. "T-Todoroki-kun, if that's really the case—"

"But I don't hate it." Todoroki again caught his wrist, but this time with his right hand now.

The hand wasn't cool at all, like Izuku expected it should have been. Todoroki seemed far too warm all over now.

"Maybe it's wrong of me. Or unwise or inconvenient to let my body and my mind react like this, so close to you..." Todoroki didn't appear to think when he drew Izuku's fingers up to his mouth — muttering next against the backs of them, along his knuckles carelessly. "It's been a distraction. Everyone's noticed. But it's an experience I wouldn't change even if the choice were mine."

Izuku tried to follow Todoroki's words. He tried, but logical thoughts flew from him. He should respond. But his body felt frozen — strange considering the heat that crashed over him in one wild, overwhelming wave. And the warmth that radiated from Todoroki, too.

Todoroki's lips. They were satin against the tough, ridged scars up and down Izuku's fingers. He couldn't think. He couldn't really breathe.

"I don't know if it's that I'll never have enough of you, or I've already had too much." Todoroki spoke as if his reservations and cautions fell away from him like blossoms being carried away on a breeze. Or maybe the sweetness was simply the sweep of his breath across Izuku's hand as he kept on. "But you affect me in this way. I've never felt so turbulent near anyone I knew before. That says something, considering certain things I've gone through. This kind of emotion, this kind of uncertain reaction is maddening — but I haven't tried to fight it. It's so much stronger than I am. And what's more, like a rush, it feels too good. It might not be safe." Todoroki turned Izuku's hand around — so instead of the back of Izuku's hand, he had possession of Izuku's palm and fingertips. "And yet I don't want it to stop."

He kissed Izuku's fingers now, deliberately — and now there was no mistaking any of the hot and cold boy's meaning.

A wave of dizziness prompted the sound Izuku made next. Acknowledgement and his gut reaction. "Oh."

Todoroki kissed his fingertips twice more, while exhaling a shaky breath between kisses. Then his eyes darkened, hooded by eyelashes that said he felt weighed down with a burden he didn't think he could control.

Izuku related to those sentiments. Something powerful had taken over both of them. It was terrifying, yet thrilling thanks to how much Izuku had wanted it.

Impossible. His dreams were coming true?

Todoroki added, voice further unsteady, "I feel like I'll die if this stops."

Izuku, too, felt a push from inside himself that told him not to allow this to stop. If this wasn't a good idea, his rational side didn't care any more; it stopped functioning when Todoroki's lips traveled to his wrist instead. Feathery kisses, tiny tastes and explorations of lips and teeth tingled the sensitive skin.

Izuku shuddered. His breaths came more quickly and again he swallowed.

"Do you like this?" Todoroki asked.

"U-um." Why wasn't Izuku's brain functioning? The least he could do was consent properly. If he didn't, surely Todoroki would pull away.

"Do you like me?" Todoroki asked.

Izuku felt unbalanced noticing the way Todoroki's breathing had picked up as well. But Todoroki was cooler about it, more composed. He was better than Izuku at everything.

Izuku got muddled, watching Todoroki move his gray-blue gaze from his eyes, to his lips, then to his throat and his collar bone, looking bewitched and... and parched. Thirsty. Hungry.

"T-Todoroki-kun, you're making me..."

The remaining distance between them shrank more; Todoroki rose higher on his knees and moved in. He let the hand that didn't hold Izuku's drift toward Izuku's face — but he didn't touch. "Midoriya. Tell me I'm crazy," he murmured. "Stop me. Tell me that I'm going too far."

Izuku's voice cracked. "I can't do that."

"Are you going to smash me instead?" Calm. Ready.

"No." Izuku forced his brain to find the words. "You're making me face how much I want this as well. I like this — I just couldn't put decent words to it like you could. I didn't want to risk it." He felt Todoroki's hold on him tighten, then loosen. Was Todoroki mad at him for holding back? "D-don't pull away now. I don't know what I'd have to do if you did that."

The next moment between them took Izuku aback. Todoroki did pull away — but in something like astonishment... as his eyes welled and a tear slipped down the cheek that still showed his childhood scar. "Could I really be lucky enough that you feel this on close to the same level I do?"

Izuku smiled briefly, reaching out just as quickly to brush away the tear. "Maybe it's luck, but it could be fate that we became friends and started to feel this way about each other — right?"

Todoroki stared and didn't say anything.

Izuku's pitched sailed. "D-did I say something too weird? Did you not want me to see you cry?"

"You break my control when you're being this cute."

"C-cute? Ah— control?" Izuku cried, flushing. "How can you say a thing like that when you're sitting there perfectly still, looking r... r-really attractive and cool like you always do, and I can't even compete because I'm over here stammering and I don't even know what to say because I can't even think when you're this nice to me?"

Finally, Todoroki seemed to relax. His posture loosened all over. "You may have to get used to that. I would give you the moon because you deserve it, if it would only come down to UA and fight me."

"T-Todoroki-kun! You can't take the moon away from other people!"

"Then I could freeze some moon rocks into ice crystals, and string them up for you like beads."

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-why would you—"

"Or light some on fire like stars and give them to you in lanterns, to light your way like your existence always seems to do for me."

Izuku reclaimed his hand and dropped his face into it, spluttering. "I-I don't know how you are so—"

"I've been thinking about it this way maybe since right after the festival. I can stop if you want me to." Todoroki reached out toward Izuku again, tucking a hand into Izuku's hair. But all he did was run his fingers lightly over the spot behind Izuku's ear. His expression considered Izuku in something like wonder but also caution. "I might be teasing you now instead of anything else because I'm scared." He frowned downward at the tatami. "I am relieved. And happy, too. But I also know how much it means to me to have you close in any sense... so I'd rather go slowly than push you too hard and risk making you change your mind because I asked you for too much. I couldn't bear—"

"It will never be too much." Izuku's sudden, firm exclamation made Todoroki's eyes widen. "If I'm honest with myself, Todoroki-kun... there might have been something I felt for you that pointed at this from the very beginning. I'm as drawn to you as you are toward me — and it only gets stronger the more time I get to spend with you." It felt embarrassing, but also good to say the words out loud.

Todoroki exhaled. "Midoriya..."

"I'm sorry I didn't say as much sooner. I didn't want it to come between us, either — and I never thought you'd feel the same way about me. I really like you, Todoroki-kun, regardless of what anyone else says these kinds of feelings mean. And I'm not opposed to anything that happens from here on out. So...?"

Todoroki leaned in, voice husky again. "So?"

Izuku said, offering his fingers back to Todoroki's lips boldly, "So keep going. P-plus ultra."

Todoroki groaned and kissed his fingertips another time, considering, evaluating — while Izuku tried not to blush or shiver. But then Todoroki seemed to let go of something — or unleash it entirely.

He leaned in, caught up the small of Izuku's back, and pulled them closer together. He murmured against Izuku's neck, Izuku's ear, Izuku's hair as he held on in an embrace that came with wandering hands, heat, and everything tender. "Every time I think I'm satisfied with what you and I share, you make it so I want to have more and become even closer."

"Me too," Izuku said, clinging to the solidity of Todoroki's shoulders. And what a relief to say it. Todoroki's skin, his clothes smelled so good. Their bodies felt so perfect tucked together. "I keep wanting to become closer to you." He buried his face in Todoroki's shoulder.

"It's a desire beyond anything predictable or rational. I don't do well reining it in..."

At that, Izuku knew what Todoroki must be seeking to confirm. Again? Or maybe Izuku still hadn't been clear enough — about what he was giving the go ahead for.

Really, Todoroki was the one who was cute when it came to the two of them.

Izuku grinned despite the overwhelming welling of relief and gratefulness inside him that made him want to cry instead. "It's been the same for me, and been driving me crazy. I can't think about anything except you." Todoroki made a surprised sound. "I tried to deny it, but it didn't work. My mind has gone to places I can't say out loud, more times than I can really count. That's how I know what I want — and why I'm not scared about what you want, too. I've probably already considered anything you could think up..." He hoped Todoroki wouldn't judge him for it.

Todoroki pulled away enough to slip a hand up between them. His thumb ran the length of Izuku's lower lip. Had Izuku assuaged his fears? He said, raw, "Midoriya..." Was that a plea? A reprimand? "If you say 'anything' like that..." He still looked like he thought he ought to hold back. If not out of fear about Izuku's feelings, then out of chivalry or propriety. But his actions belied his expression and said he wavered on the cusp of physical control.

Was it horrible to encourage that? Izuku wriggled against Todoroki's body, getting closer and more comfortable, and Todoroki's gasp and following groan was audible and indicative of his desire.

"If I'm making you a little insane," Izuku said, eyes narrowing as he proved he had his own way of teasing, "then I think you finally know what I've gone through is equal to what you have, and thus where we stand." He talked even though Todoroki hadn't removed his touch from his lips — returning between sentences the kisses he'd gotten on his own fingers. "Wondering whether it'd be okay to do everything my brain was telling me I wanted to do around you... Feeling like I couldn't stand it, like I could barely hold back, wanting to hold your hand, cuddle up to you, ask you if I could wear your shirts or your sweatshirt..."

Todoroki chuckled once, a relieved sound — then grew twice as serious, stone-faced. "I want those things, too. I understand. But my thoughts extend—"

"Far beyond those things. R-right?" Izuku batted Todoroki's shoulder. He didn't want to hesitate — he couldn't, not with so many truths finally free between them, and so much desire steadily pooling there. "I'm the same. I-I'm a young man with hormones too, you know!"

"Mm." Todoroki's breathing had picked up again; Izuku could feel it when Todoroki dipped to taste the crook of his neck as if he couldn't help himself.

Todoroki's reservations were vanishing, which made Izuku glad he had confessed so much. If he had to confess any more, he couldn't. Not with Todoroki suddenly biting and sucking a spot at the base of his throat.

"Aaah— Todoroki-kun!" Izuku felt his brain go blank, registering the flash of pleasure like a light that whited out everything else.

Todoroki pulled away, flushed — the slightest bit of steam riding out on his exhale. "Acceptable?" he asked, breathless.

"Ah! Y-yes. Do anything." Izuku dug fingertips into Todoroki's back. "Do everything you want to do — if you let me do it to you, then, too."

"I want to do all sorts of this and that..."

Izuku was finished letting Todoroki consider. "Well, you're a little slow to start — so I guess I'll have to move first." He watched Todoroki's eyes blow wide as he buried one hand in Todoroki's hair.

He let his body move before his mind caught up. He had grabbed the red side of Todoroki's hair — and now he raked it back while leaning in. He planted a butterfly kiss first against the still-scarred eyelid there. And then, while Todoroki blinked in surprise, Izuku pulled him down into a different kiss.

He'd been wondering what a kiss with Todoroki would feel like. Half cold, half hot, depending on which corner of Todoroki's mouth he kissed? Chapped lips from the cool, frosty air Todoroki so often breathed? Rough from minor burns thanks to steam? On Izuku's neck a moment ago, the sensation had simply been soft. And now Izuku learned himself while meeting mouths... A kiss with Todoroki was slow, melting bliss.

Todoroki's lips were smooth as unfurling leaves in springtime. They tasted faintly peppermint; the hot and cold boy wore a soothing chapstick. The temperature Izuku felt kissing him was warm, but nothing out of the ordinary. Was Todoroki trying hard to regulate his temperature so as not to harm Izuku? Was a feat like that harder to accomplish in the state of arousal they were coming to?

But the questions Izuku had — about details he might have written in his notebook — left him incredibly quickly, replaced by a reeling sensation when Todoroki tightened his hold and kissed him back.

Izuku didn't know how many moments passed after that. He knew a few sounds escaped him, but Todoroki's music was what invaded him and wiped out conscious thought; Todoroki couldn't seem to help the broken notes, the wavering hums that came from him as he kissed back with hands gripping Izuku's hips. The sounds propelled Izuku on, to quicker, deeper kisses and grasping hands. Todoroki held him as if for dear life, until Izuku's tongue swept out... and Todoroki, shuddering, softly broke their kiss on a moan.

They were already kneeling on the tatami, but Izuku felt weak enough he would collapse. Todoroki looked not much better off. If they took to the floor, Izuku wondered vaguely, which of them would be on top? He decided he wanted Todoroki above him, surrounding him, filling his senses and his vision everywhere.

They exchanged twin gazes of awe. Awe... and insatiable hunger for more.

Todoroki said, struggling with the words, "I... didn't think anything could shake me this hard."

They'd both underestimated the potency of their attraction, then, maybe. Or maybe they were so new to intimacy of this sort they were shocked at how good it could feel.

"I-it's really moving somehow, right? It's almost too much to take in. But so good." Izuku looked at his hands. They quaked, like the world around him shook as well.

Then he looked down in between them. Ah, something else was affected now, too.

Todoroki didn't look down, although Izuku could tell — could feel — by now how Todoroki was reacting, too, thanks to contact with each other. Izuku laughed breathlessly, thrilled and flattered and embarrassed at the same time.

"How do you do this to me?" Todoroki's question cracked. Then he leaned back in. "Strike every chord in me right to the core?"

"You do it to me, too? I guess—"

Todoroki kissed him again. Izuku made a sound, satisfied but startled. How was Todoroki so natural and smooth at something as consuming, as distracting as this? Izuku clung to him and reciprocated, hoping he didn't seem as unsteady as he felt with his head clogged by Todoroki's closeness, or his scent...

Todoroki yet again pulled back, shaking his head. "I don't mean how you make my body react, although that's getting... harder... to ignore. I mean right here." He pointed a forefinger at the center of Izuku's chest.

Izuku covered his face with both hands, overwhelmed again that Todoroki returned his feelings in every single sense. "Aaah, I don't know, I don't know—"

"There's things I want to do to you to make you cry my name aloud, but there's also an urge to write you poetry until nightfall."

Izuku peeked out from his hands. And then he burst into laughter.

Todoroki frowned. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no!" But Izuku still laughed. "I know what you mean, but the wording, it just—" He felt sure his lips formed a wiggly smile.

They had drifted apart to speak more naturally — but now Todoroki swept him closer again. He held Izuku close, one hand pressed to his back, the other settling on the nape of his neck. He murmured with his chin resting atop Izuku's head. "If it's not too much trouble, can we stop here for now?"

Izuku stiffened, a bit astonished. "Of course we can," he said at once, more baffled than disappointed. "But d-didn't you want to do all 'this and that?'"

"Yes," and Todoroki's voice husked, "there's no mistaking that I want to do that. But..." He kissed the top of Izuku's head, squeezing him a little tighter. "This feeling of becoming much closer to you... It's even more precious than I'd imagined. I want to take in every ounce of it in the most meticulous fashion I can. I don't know how to say this, but..."

"S-so you want to savor it?" Izuku spoke right away, helping him. He could well understand Todoroki's wishes.

And it was cute and romantic to have such a thing said to him.

Todoroki nodded. "That. But also, if we do too much more right now... one or both of us would probably come too fast. The experience would be over in a flash if we don't work to hold it back."

Izuku pulled away and stared, his face hot like a stove burner. Todoroki looked back at him matter-of-factly.

His reply came fast and high pitched — while he batted at Todoroki's firm shoulders. "That's not fair at all! Y-y-you don't have to say it so directly like that! Even though it's probably completely true because we've been pent up so long imagining doing things with each other, that's not the kind of thing I want to hear, even though I agree with you—" Todoroki, still straight-faced, caught and held Izuku's hands away from him. Izuku kept trying to flail anyway. "Because the image of one or both of us enjoying things to that level just makes me want to do it right now, and—!"

"But isn't that part of the fun? I don't hate knowing that I can make you lose your focus to this extent..."

Izuku flushed more, mortified. "That— that's not— I won't lose, you know! If you want to make it about torture like that..."

Todoroki's mouth finally twitched. "Ah." He let Izuku reclaim his hands. "Are we rivals too, then, in bed?"

Izuku stood up, walked to the futon, and threw the pillow from atop it so it sailed for Todoroki's head. "If we are, then I want to win — by taking care of you to the utmost!" Were these the kinds of crazy things that now would get said between them?

He tried not to grin at the idea. He wouldn't truly mind it.

Todoroki caught the pillow and stood, too. "I see. Then I'll give everything I've got, too. Try not to take advantage of the fact that you know I'm weak in your presence."

"Come over here," Izuku demanded.

Todoroki walked to meet him. They stood facing each other at the futon's end. "In the situation that we're joking about, the truth is both of us would win..."

Izuku pressed his head against Todoroki's chest, snuggling there to his heart's content. They both did nothing for a long moment.

They just stood quietly, embracing each other again. Izuku closed his eyes and felt happy their feelings lined up to the degree they did. Todoroki's heartbeat, his scent... they all made Izuku smile. Whether he got closer just then or not, or in what way... It didn't matter just then.

The important part was that they both had confessed, and had already come this far. That he knew they would go farther.

That much was good enough for him.

Author Note: I hope people enjoyed these shorts just a little.

I'm not confident writing from Midoriya's point of view... but I don't regret having tried it.