Is it love, obsession, infatuation? I don't know. I think of a strange and beautiful word I read about once, Limerance, a psychological term, meaning an obsessive love, a state that's almost like a drug. Need like a wolf paces the perimeter of my world, back and forth, back and forth, never letting up. ...I am appalled by the new appetites within me, kicking their feet and clawing to get out.

Desire, for me, is not far from hunger.

Ivy

"Are you going to Joey's party, little sister? They got booze and weed galore. You know you wanna goooo. It's your party, Mrs. Captain of the soccer team."

I sighed and continued typing on my phone. All my brother ever wants to do is party and get high. That's all cool and shit but my grades are way more important. Plus, I'm kinda tired from the game last night.

"Any other other time I would be down but I have a test to study for tonight. You know Mrs. Teller is on my ass when it comes to my grades," I quipped. I pushed off my locker and made to walk away.

Zeke wrapped his arm around my shoulder and ruffled my hair roughly as we made our way through the crowded halls. I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes. He was always embarrassing me in front of everyone.

"You're going kiddo. You know Big Titty Teller has the hots for you. Even if you flunked the test she would give you a fucking A. Besides, you won us the game last night. All the girls will be sopping when you step into the party," Zeke said lewdly. I blushed violently.

"Yeah! You know you gotta go now!"

"Godddamnit, Z. If I flunk you're telling mom it was your fault!"

"Guess what? Nope!"

I grunted as someone knocked into my shoulder hard. All I could see was long, brown hair. I stumbled backwards and cursed under my breath. Before I could turn around find the cunt who hit me, Zeke grabbed me again.

"You can't take a hit, Ivy? Wait til I tell coach," he laughed loudly, shoving kids out of our way.

I felt bad for them. My brother is quite overzealous. With him being my twin brother, people always think I'm the same. Being apart of the so called popular kids hasn't phased me but it sorta went to his head. When we were kids, I always had to protect him from the bullies but now, he's inches away from becoming one.

"BT dubbs, I'm driving. When I hop out the whip, the girls will be all over me," he said, winking at me. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever you say, bro."

-o0o-

Later that night

"Come on ladies now let's get in formation! Come on ladies now let's get in formation!"

I could hear the music blaring as Zeke parked in front of Joey's parent's house. We both can't resist Beyoncé, so we decided to take a moment and do a little karaoke. We bounced up bad do n in the car like idiots, screaming the song.

"Prove to me you got some coordination," Zeke boomed, jumping around and banging on the steering wheel.

"Always stay gracious, best revenge is yo paper!"

When the song ended we first bumped, exiting the car laughing like maniacs. Zeke looped our arms and pulled me toward the house. Some of our teammates stood on the porch with drinks in their hands already.

"If it isn't the Odair twins gracing us with their presence," Johnathon laughed. I grinned and snatched his drink from his hand. He exclaimed as I gulped it down.

"Hell yeah! Show em how we do, V," Zeke boomed, yelling chug like a frat boy.

"You better recognize, boys. Your captains are here. That means it's time to get this party started!"

They looked at each other for a second before grinning. We've been through this way too many times for them not to know how we get down.

"What the hell are we waiting for?"

-o0o-

"Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

The beer tasted like piss as I let it slide down my throat. I'm only slightly surprised at how easy it is for me to do a keg stand after only six months in college. It definitely has nothing to do with Zeke and Joey holding my legs.

"I told y'all! My sister is the shit!"

Just when I thought I had it, Zeke has to go and make me laugh. I coughed heavily. The beer burned my throat as it went down the wrong pipe. Zeke and Joey let me down to the sounds of laughter and the cheerleaders asking if I was alright.

Alyson, my ex, was, of course, the main one. I shivered in disgust as she patted my back rather harshly. I cleared my throat repeatedly to try and get the burning to go away. I deliberately ignored her request to go get me a glass water.

"Fuck, I'm fine. I'm not a damn baby," I said harshly, making my way toward the kitchen. She never failed to show up and get on my nerves. "Jesus Christ."

"You heard her bitches. She's fine. Now run along find somebody else to try and fuck," I heard her sneering at the cheerleaders.

I sipped my water, wondering how I managed to snag the biggest bitch in Mississippi. I mean, in high school she was the sweetest girl. She never cussed. She always had my back. Never once did she even make me think she would cheat. But after we got into Ole Miss, she turned into the biggest slut this side of the Mississippi River.

The only thing that I miss is the sex. With my condition, I wasn't comfortable with letting her know. But she was okay with it and, sadly she was my first. After that, the sex just got better and better. After we broke up, I couldn't bring myself to try and get comfortable with another person. Even though I've made my secret front page news and nobody gives a fuck, I just can't.

"You came here to find a whore huh? You've really changed, Ivy."

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the sink. The loud music thumped in my ears as Alyson sidled up next to me. She always made it a point to get a little too close to me. It never failed.

"Nope. You know I haven't fucked anyone since you and you why I can't," I said exasperatedly. "Besides, you never know who these girls have been with."

Alyson scowled minutely. It was an obvious jab. If she didn't like it then maybe she shouldn't have cheated on me with a frat bro.

"Why can't we just be friends? I know you miss me, Ivy."

I cringed as her hand smoothed down my arm. She never did understand the concept of personal space. She also didn't understand that we were never friends. We tried after we broke up. I was too forgiving, I know. It didn't work at all. I couldn't stand her for more than an hour.

After she stalked me for over a month, I blocked her on all of my social media. I don't realize you could block people on Gmail until her.

"No. It didn't work the first time so just give up. I think I've been doing pretty good without you so far. Now please leave me alone."

Suddenly, she was way too close. Her hot breath tickled against my lips. My breath hitches and I looked around to see if anyone was looking at us. Everyone seemed to preoccupied with partying and drinking except for one girl.

She had long brown hair. Her eyes watched me shyly before she walked out of sight. She looked familiar. Maybe she was in one of my classes?

"By taking care of yourself, you mean using your hand? I can fix that," Alyson whispered against my lips. My frustration mounted as she pressed against me. "You know nobody can make me cum like you."

I clenched my jaw and pushed her away from me hard.

"Fuck off!"

My voice boomed above the music and before I knew it, the sounds of laughter and chattering stopped. Alyson turned beet red and she glared death at me. I couldn't care less. It was her fault for harassing me in the first place.

"You think you're so bad just because you're captain of the soccer team. Well guess what? They all just pity you because you're a fucking tra-"

A burly back blocked my view and I knew just who it was. My brother, always coming to my rescue when I don't need it.

"I dare you to say it, bitch! I fucking dare you," he growled. I grabbed his hand gently, careful not to set him off. He squeezed absentmindedly.

Alyson scowled at him. She knew she could get to me but not Z. He never put up with her bullshit like I did. It scared her to have someone stand up to her. She huffed and turned away.

"Fuck both of you!"

Zeke laughed loudly. "I bet you would love that, you cheating cunt."

I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. I know she would have a fit if she ever had the chance to do that. I could hear people laughing at her as she stormed out of the house and relief washed over me.

"You okay, V? I can get the cheerleaders to beat her ass if you want? They're down for you, you know that," Zeke said, holding my shoulders.

"I'm fine. I just drunk too much beer and lost my wits. I should have told her to go fuck herself from the jump," I said, shaking my head. Zeke gave me a crooked smile and ruffled my hair.

"Thats my sister. Now come and have some fun! This is your party. Have some fun kid," he said quietly, patting my cheek. I huffed and pushed him away.

"It's funny how you treat me like a kid. I was born first, jackass."

He laughed as he walked away.

"Only by two minutes, bighead!"

I rolled my eyes. "Cunt."