A/N: I upload more often on AO3 but I am uploading a back log of stories I never transferred to . Currently this is chapter 2 of a planned 4.

Patrols were quiet.

Ladybug wasn't ignoring him but everything she said had a purpose and every word was carefully measured. After years of running mad across the rooftops of Paris the change chafed at him like a leash.

I was just trying to do the right thing.

The bitter refrain ran race tracks through his mind. It was the constant, lung-clenching weight that followed him wherever he went. It was the haze that hovered over his classes, his photo shoots, his sleep.

The unspoken but behind every apology he thought to make.

From his father who refused to see him to his friends who refused to fault him, Adrien could have choked on his heavy sense of injustice.

"You're a hero," Chloe cooed, planting a wet, smacking kiss on his cheek.

"What else could you do?" Nino said, punching him in the arm.

"If I were mad at you I'd be kind of a hypocrite," Alya smirked, ruffling his hair. "Relax. Not everything is life and death."

Chloe smoothed back her ponytail with a sniff. "Besides, Ladybug takes care of everything in the end."

Adrien gave a nervous laugh before catching Marinette's eyes, flat and inexplicably knowing. He looked away and never looked back.

x

The akuma appeared during lunch.

The hows and whys didn't matter– not when it was wreaking havoc in the halls of Francois Dupont. Underclassmen ran screaming for cover as teachers and their do-gooder assistants tried to usher them towards safety.

Adrien didn't think– there were so many bodies in such a small space. If the akuma didn't hurt someone then the frenzied students would. He tried to redirect some of the more terrified students as they mobbed towards him and the exit.

"Don't go that way! It's blocked!"

They weren't listening. Adrien realized too late that they were ready to run him down.

"Move!"

He was slammed from behind into the walls, his face pressed painfully up against a safety flyer, head ringing from impact. He struggled against the tight, angry grip he'd been locked into.

"Dammit Adrien, stop struggling."

When the initial threat had passed he whirled around ready to have words only to realize that his attacker was Marinette.

Small, breakable, hadn't spoken to him in weeks Marinette.

"Um."

She was furious.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He flinched.

Pinned by her icy glare, Adrien could hardly stammer out one word let alone an acceptable explanation.

She crossed her arms over her chest, scowling. "You need to leave the heroics to Ladybug and Chat Noir."

He resisted the urge to stomp his foot or something equally undignified. That's what he was doing dammit.

Marinette's eyes flashed as if she could read his mind.

A terrifying thought, really.

"It's not safe, Adrien," She said, gesturing towards the surrounding chaos. "I think we've mourned you enough for this month."

And before he could point out her hypocrisy she was already sprinting further into the collapsing halls. Chastised and more than a little indignant he moved to chase after her when he felt Plagg's claws sink into his chest.

The message was clear as day.

Adrien frowned, running off to find a place to transform, unable to shake the dark itch bubbling beneath his skin.

x

Sometimes he felt so resentful he could choke.

I'm not wrong.

Like a mantra from hell, it chased him down and nearly devoured him whole.

I'm not wrong, he thought, fingers pounding out his frustration on the piano.

I'm not wrong, he laughed, embarrassed as reporters flocked and asked what it was like to save the heroine of Paris.

I'm not wrong, he snapped at his kwami who merely sat there, unblinking, as his charge fell apart in rage.

I'm not wrong, I'm not wrong, I'm not WRONG, he wanted to scream as Ladybug danced a ballet between blows from Hawkmoth's latest akuma.

Like an infection, the words made their home in the back of his throat. Black coils of righteous indignation wound their way around his heart and for moments and hours and days he would wrap himself in the cloak of lashback and martyrdom.

I'm not wrong.

And then he would remember.

He would remember the terror on his partner's grief-ruined face as she cradled him on the bank of the Seine. He would remember Plagg's angry cursing and frantic kneading at his hair. He would remember their voices blending together in a heartbroken, furious chorus of oh god, oh god, Chat, Adrien no and what the hell were you thinking and don't die on me, don't you dare die on me and know that he wasn't right either.

What if I can't save them all, Chat?

And after he had fallen apart, after he proved himself the wielder of the cat miraculous by ripping at his sheets and throwing his remote and tearing apart his books, he would fall to his knees, red-cheeked, tear streaked, and so so sorry, as Plagg looked on, unmoved.

x

"She wants to talk to you."

Ladybug rested her head on her arms on her knees and stared down at the pleasure boats that slowly waded their way through the Seine.

"Who does?" He asked when she didn't continue.

"My kwami."

"Oh."

Chat wasn't quite sure what to think about that. Plagg never said much about his lucky counterpart and Adrien never thought to ask. That didn't stop the stomach lurching swoop in his gut at the idea of a tete-a-tete with the tiny goddess.

And it would just be him and… Tikki? He could tell from the way Ladybug said it.

She wants to talk to you.

"Um," He said, trying and failing to give voice to his sudden anxiety. "S-sure. I mean of course! I mean… why?"

His partner seemed to smile in spite of herself. "She wouldn't tell me."

"When?"

Ladybug shrugged. "Now is fine."

"Now?"

She watched him as the buckle of his tail thrashed against the rooftop. "We can do it another time if that's better."

Chat shook his head.

"Okay." Ladybug stood and gestured to the next roof over and its large chimney stack. "I guess I'll just… be over there."

He didn't watch her go. He just sat and waited, tail lashing, claws tapping. It wasn't until he heard a light cough that he finally turned to look.

Tikki was smaller than he expected.

But there was no doubt that she was Ladybug's.

There was a something about her– something large and simmering beneath her smile.

"Are you going to yell at me too?"

Chat wanted to take the words back as soon as he said them. They were rude and had an edge the creature before him didn't deserve.

She merely blinked, blue eyes slow and patient and knowing.

"Do you want me to yell at you, Chat Noir?"

He wanted to shake his head but he honestly didn't know. It was so much easier when people were yelling.

Chat's miraculous let out a low beep. Tikki smiled.

"I think Plagg has something to say."

Chat shook his head. "He hasn't spoken to me since the accident."

"No, I'd imagine not." She said, frowning thoughtfully at the ring in question.

"I was just trying to do the right thing," He whispered, mortified when his voice hitched as he held back the emotions crawling up his throat.

"I know."

"They hate me now."

Tikki flew into his eyeline. "They don't hate you, Chat Noir."

When he continued to avoid her gaze she sighed floating down to rest on his knee. He could tell she was waiting for him to look at her but he struggled. There was something unsettling about the kwami's eyes. It was almost like he was looking at Ladybug herself.

"They care about you, Adrien," She said, softly.

Chat couldn't help his disbelieving cough. Tikki's chiding look was gentle but earnest.

"Plagg has lost enough Chat Noirs to stupidity," She said and he was ashamed.

He knew that.

"And Ladybug?"

Tikki's smile was uncomfortably knowing.

"She cares about you too," She said, cautious, like she was walking around a promise. "It's not… easy for her. She's under a lot of pressure– it's too much for her to think one wrong step could mean losing you too."

Chat let out a low growl, tugging roughly at his hair.

"What am I supposed to do then?" He snapped. "Not protect her?"

Everything in him recoiled.

Impossible.

His crazed eyes sought out the kwami floating beside him. Her gaze was steady and filled with impossible understanding.

"Ladybug needs a partner, Chat Noir, not a shield." Tikki's words were firm but not unkind. "There is balance in everything. Your duty now is to find your balance with her."