TW for homophobic language

i was born in the arms of imaginary friends
free to roam, made a home out of everywhere i've been
then you come crashing in, like the realest thing
- half of my heart, john mayer

"Those things are gonna kill you, y'know."

Gray flicked his cigarette and watched the ash tumble to the ground before he looked over at the boy leaning against the brick wall next to him.

"The fuck do you care?" Gray took another drag, savoring the burning sensation and the taste behind his teeth. He kicked a rock away from him, toward the boy, and scowled.

"Just seems like a stupid habit," the boy replied. He flashed Gray a grin, catching his lip ring between his teeth. Gray rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off and keep your opinions to yourself," Gray muttered, inhaling once more and then throwing the butt to the ground, grinding it out beneath the toe of his sneakers. He pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time.

"You here for the group too?" The boy, seemingly unperturbed by Gray's rudeness, leaned back against the wall. Gray turned and took a better look at him. Torn jeans, wild pink hair, eyebrow piercing, black hoodie. This guy was ridiculously attractive. Not that it mattered.

"Maybe," Gray replied. He knew he was being difficult, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to go home, take a couple painkillers, then pass out on his couch. His shoulder was already burning and it wasn't even lunchtime.

"I'm Natsu." The boy stuck out his hand and Gray looked at it contemptuously.

"Bless you," he deadpanned, and Natsu actually laughed, withdrawing the hand and running it through his hair.

"Well, I guess I'll see you in there." Natsu grinned, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and tossing Gray a wave as he headed into the building.

Gray sighed, rubbing his face and wishing he had enough time for another cigarette. As loathe as he was to admit it, the boy – Natsu – was right. He really should quit, but it was a coping mechanism, and healthy coping mechanisms were for… well, other people. Which was precisely the reason his sister and his therapist had suggested – rather forcefully – that Gray attend this program. Therapy and enough credits to finally finish high school. Yay.

Gray shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets and caught the door with his foot, stepping into the Youth Center and looking around. It wasn't actually that bad, but Gray was bitter. He should have been long finished with this shit. Fucking Lyon. Gray's hands tensed at the thought of his brother – no, that man had no relation to him anymore. He could rot in prison for all Gray cared.

Here goes, Gray thought, ducking into the common room as quietly as possible. It was a large, sunny area, populated with couches and bean bag chairs. A couple kids were already here – Natsu was sitting next to a blonde girl with dark circles under her eyes. And in the far corner was—

"Gajeel," Gray growled. Gajeel looked up, sneering at Gray. Piercings decorated almost every inch of his face, and he even had microdermals down his arms, which gave Gray the creeps.

"The fuck are you doin' here?" Gajeel snarled. He stood up, towering over Gray by nearly six inches, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "How's your brother doin'?"

"He's not my brother," Gray muttered, ignoring Gajeel's threatening stance and hopping up on the windowsill ledge. "He's just another asshole who screwed up my life." Gray could see that Natsu and the girl were staring at them now, and he forced himself to avoid eye contact.

"What're you lookin' at, fag?" Gajeel rounded on Natsu and sneered at him, and Gray didn't miss the flinch that crossed Natsu's face. The girl looked furious, but she stayed quiet.

"The fuck, man?" The words left Gray's mouth before he could stop them, and Natsu looked at him in surprise. Gajeel's head whipped back to Gray as well, his lip curled in snarl.

"Oh what, you a queer too?" Gajeel growled. Gray rolled his eyes.

"Is that seriously the best you can do?" Gray raised one eyebrow. "Gay jokes? That's pathetic."

"I'll show you path—" Gajeel's snarl was interrupted by a sweet, high voice entering the room.

"Good afternoon, everyone!"

They all turned to see a tall woman with silvery-white hair and a clipboard clutched to her chest walk into the room. She smiled at the four of them, ignoring the obvious tension, then made her way to a beanbag chair near the window.

"We're just going to wait a few minutes for the rest of the group to show up and then we'll get started," she said. "Feel free to sit anywhere you'd like!"

"This isn't over," Gajeel whispered fiercely, glaring at Gray.

"You can't touch me, asshole," Gray replied, crossing his arms and leaning back against the window. "You gotta pass this so your probation officer will let you get back to your girl, right?" Gajeel's face twisted in fury, but Gray noticed he didn't step closer.

"Ah, fuck you," Gajeel grumbled finally, moving back to his corner of the room and slumping into a chair.

Gray breathed a silent sigh of relief, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the window. It wasn't that he cared if people knew he occasionally fucked guys. People could think whatever the hell they wanted. Gray just wanted to make it through this stupid program with as little trouble as possible, get his credits, and get his goddamn high school diploma. And Gajeel, as Gray had realized several years ago, liked to complicate things.

Natsu, apparently, was going to be another complication. Gray sighed. He wouldn't necessarily say he had a type of boy that he liked – the handful he'd been with weren't the kind you would bring home to your parents (not that he had those, either). But if he did have a type, Natsu would be it. Plus, Gajeel was an idiot, but he probably wasn't wrong about Natsu being gay. So much for not making any attachments here. Goddamnit.

Gray opened his eyes, realizing that a few other people had entered the room. A tall, blond boy who about Gray's age was scowling at them from near the door, and a thin girl with brown hair and a bored expression was nestled a safe distance away from everyone else. Sitting on the other side of Natsu was a girl with a sleeve tattoo, almost as many piercings as Gajeel, and bright red hair. She looked strangely familiar.

"All right, looks like we're all here." Twisting her silver hair up into a bun, the woman by the window stood up, leaning against the sill. She glanced over her clipboard, then smiled at the room. "Welcome to Creative Expressions. My name is Miss Strauss, but you can call me Mira. Now, I'm not naïve – I know that you aren't all here by choice – but I do expect everyone to behave. If you all show up to each class and follow the rules, you'll all get your credits and we'll all be happy."

"The program will run daily for the next eight weeks, with the exception of Winter Break. I expect you to be here for each class unless you run it by me ahead of time." Mira brushed her hair out of her face and looked around at each of them. "I know we all have things going on in our lives, and I am sympathetic to those issues. I am happy to work out alternative solutions if you are willing to cooperate with me."

Nobody said anything, but Gray noticed that nobody was grumbling or glaring either. Well, except Gajeel, but Gray was pretty sure that was just what his face looked like.

"We're going to be exploring various types of creative methods as a form of therapy," Mira continued. "Some examples might be painting, writing poetry, playing music, and sculpting. Each week we'll be exploring a different theme." Mira shuffled the papers on her clipboard until she found a list of names. "I'm going to ask you to go around and give me your name, and tell us one interesting thing about yourself. If you're not comfortable sharing, feel free to pass." Mira pointed at the brown-haired girl to begin.

"I'm Cana," the girl said, chewing her lip nervously. "I, uh, read tarot cards." Mira nodded, smiling, then turned to the blond boy.

"Laxus," he grunted. "Pass."

And then it was Gray's turn. He felt his stomach twist a bit as everyone turned to look at him. For some reason, he found himself staring directly at Natsu, who gave him a wide grin. Gray's face felt hot, suddenly.

"I'm, uh, Gray," he mumbled. What was something interesting about him? He could just pass, but for some reason he felt the need to say something. "I can, um, play the piano." Natsu's face broke into an enormous smile that made Gray's stomach feel funny in a not-unpleasant way.

"Music is a beautiful form of self-expression," Mira said, smiling at Gray. "And what about yourself?" She gestured to Gajeel.

"Gajeel," he said. "I got thirty-seven piercings." Gray rolled his eyes – as if that was interesting or something to be proud of.

"I'm Erza," the redhead with the sleeve tattoo said. "I have my black belt in karate and I play the drums." She gave Gray a knowing look as she said it, and he frowned at her uncertainly.

The blonde girl went next, and Gray noticed Natsu nudging her encouragingly. Were they an item? That would make life slightly less complicated – then Gray could just stare at Natsu from a distance.

"My name is Lucy," she said softly, playing with the hem of her shirt. "I have a son named Kaden, he's six months old."

Gray blinked – Lucy looked like she couldn't be older than sixteen. Then again, everyone was here for different reasons.

"That's wonderful!" Mira smiled at Lucy. "If you have any pictures of him, I'd love to see them later. I love babies!" Lucy looked encouraged, and nodded.

Natsu was last, and to Gray's surprise, he seemed apprehensive about it. He pulled the sleeves of his sweatshirt down over his hands and looked at the floor as he talked.

"I'm Natsu. My name's Japanese, it means summer. Which is my least favorite season so I guess that's kinda interesting."

Mine too, thought Gray, then told his internal monologue to shut the hell up.

"Well, I'm happy to meet everyone!" Mira placed her clipboard on the counter behind her, then turned to the group and gazed at them seriously. "Now, I know you've all been through things that are difficult, or traumatic, or scary." Nobody moved. "When we write, or paint, or make music about those things, it can bring up a lot of emotions. If you feel overwhelmed by any project we work on, please come and speak to me. Feel free to step into another room and take care of yourself. You need to walk the line between challenging yourself and pushing yourself too hard."

Gray groaned internally. Why did everyone want him to talk about his feelings? He knew what he felt. Angry, betrayed, bitter, and in constant pain. No amount of painting was going to change that. Even Lyon being sentenced to twenty-five years in prison didn't change that. Gray was beginning to think the anger was going to be a permanent fixture in his life.

"We're going to start off today with a personal journaling exercise," Mira continued. "I'm going to give two prompts, and I'd like you to write down your responses. When everyone is finished, we'll share our answers." Laxus snorted, but Mira just smiled in response. "I know that sometimes it's difficult to speak up in these kinds of settings, so you will have the option to pass twice per week. Other than that, participation is expected, unless we discuss it ahead of time."

Mira moved up to a whiteboard at the front of the and began writing.

Gray sighed and pulled his notebook out of his backpack, wincing as the movement aggravated his shoulder. Sitting up here wasn't great for his side either - the pain was starting to radiate down his leg. But the only spot was next to Erza...

"Wait, Scarlet?" he said incredulously. Gray slipped down from the windowsill and dropped into the seat closest to Erza, on the other side of Natsu. She grinned at Gray.

"Finally recognized me, huh?" she said. Gray blinked a few times.

"Well I wasn't expecting to – and your hair, and you changed your name – wait, how do you two know each other?" Gray looked over at Natsu, who seemed puzzled.

"How do you two know each other?" Natsu replied, chewing on the end of his pen. Gray felt his face flush. He had met Erza years ago, when she went by 'Scarlet'. She had been dating Jellal, who had been involved with Lyon's group of friends, which wasn't something Gray wanted to talk about with this uncomfortably attractive guy he barely knew.

"Old friends," Erza interrupted easily, smiling at Gray as the discomfort disappeared from his face. He thanked her silently. "And Natsu and I have a... well, I wouldn't call it a band, but the beginning of a band." Gray noticed the battered guitar case resting on the floor beside Natsu's chair.

"That's why I was stoked when you said you could play the piano!" Natsu said. The enthusiasm in his voice was contagious, and Gray found himself half-smiling. "You could totally come play with us after group! They've got a piano here and everything."

"I... well..." Gray stammered, realizing suddenly that he was doing exactly what he said he wasn't going to do, which was make friends. "I can't stick around today." It wasn't untrue. His meds were at home, and if he was in this much pain now, he wasn't even sure he could handle the rest of the group. Natsu looked disappointed, and before Gray could think, he added, "How about tomorrow?" The smile he got was like looking into the sun.

Fuck.

"All right everyone, journaling time!" Mira clapped her hands to get everyone's attention, and Gray glanced up at the board. Two sentences were written in a neat, cursive font.

What I really want is...
What I really need is...

Gray sighed as everyone shifted uncomfortably, then he leaned over his journal and began to write.