This is Why I Need You

A Bughead Oneshot

A/N: Fanfiction is the righting of wrongs. I am here to fix what happened on S2E5, When A Stranger Calls. I hope you guys like it!

The only way he can describe it is… different.

Not good different. Not necessarily bad just… off.

It wasn't as though Jughead was accustomed to kissing a lot of girls, and he certainly didn't have many to compare it to. But there was just always something about the way he could taste Betty's strawberry chapstick long after he'd kissed her, or the way her soft, pouted lips molded to his. It was as close to perfection as he'd ever know.

As though they were meant for only him.

It just wasn't the same, with Toni.

It was fine. Chaste. Maybe even sweet, even. But devoid of passion he'd become accustomed to.

Different.

"Hmm," he hears her hum contemplatively beside him. He hadn't even realized that their lips had parted, given the fact that his were still numb and swollen from the beating he'd just received. He opens his blackened eyes and she is sitting back in her chair now with a conflicted and bemused look on her face.

He'd be lying if he said he doesn't feel the same right now.

"That was… um..." Toni says, her own words failing to come to her.

"Different," Jughead finishes for her. Toni pauses, and then she softly chuckles. She nods in agreement.

"Right." She isn't offended. In fact, she looks… relieved? Toni groans, leaning back and running her hands down her face. "You know, I should have known better. I'm not even sure what I was thinking. I Just needed to see. And I thought about doing that for a while, so... I thought I'd take a chance."

"I thought about it, too," he admits, but it feels empty. Maybe he hadn't even realized that he'd thought of it until now, but it's undeniable. He let it happen. He didn't push her away. Maybe a little part of him did want it to happen, too.

"But?" Toni adds. She can sense there was more to the end of that sentence. When he still can't seem to find the words, Toni nods knowingly. "But I'm not Betty."

Jughead doesn't have it in him to be comforting right now. His head is throbbing, his whole body aches. He just wants to go to bed and never wake up so he can escape some of the pain - especially the pain in his chest. The pain that reminds him that Toni just kissed him, and Betty will never kiss him again.

"I'm sorry, Toni-" he tried, but it's half-hearted. He feels like his head weighs a hundred pounds. He's fading.

"Don't be," she says, a half smirk on her lips. She shrugs - it's nothing. "We came. We saw... And we agree that there's just… nothing here."

"There's really not," Jughead feels like he might be smiling, but he can't be sure. His face is a mess.

"Like kissing a cousin?" she asks, because she's trying to place it. The oddness.

"I dunno I never kissed my cousin. Did you?"

Her hand snakes out and she rubs his back comfortingly, huffing out an exhausted laugh. She hands him his ice pack and reminds him to put it back to his eye. She cocks an eyebrow at him playfully.

"But… Betty's single, though? Think I have a shot?" she teases. Jughead shoots her a glare, but inwardly appreciates her entirely inappropriate sense of humor, regardless. He and Toni are just too alike. Two darkened souls would drag each other down into the depths of despair, if they could. But Betty… no. She was his light. His life preserver.

And now she was his nothing.

He was nothing. A Serpent.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," Toni says, raising from the table to go raid the cupboards of Jughead's kitchen. She glances over her shoulder, "hungry?"

He's not.

"I'm not really in the mood, Toni. Maybe you should go-"

"That's too bad. You're not allowed to be alone. If you've got a concussion you'll be happy I'm here. So I can make sure you don't slip into a coma and sleep forever." He doesn't tell her that's exactly what he hopes for.

"Yeah, well… your bedside manner leaves much to be desired." He looks at his phone on the table, once again reaching forward to check if he's had any missed calls, any messages.

There's none. Just silence.

No goodnight, I love you Juggie text.

No missed call at 9:30 pm.

No voicemail to tell him about something that happened to her that day or wish him goodnight or just because she wanted to hear his voice. It's almost as though she's a ghost. He wonders if she ever really existed at all.

Maybe it was all been too good to be true. And maybe a part of him always knew that. Maybe he should have just ended it on his birthday, like he'd tried. It would sure hurt a lot less then than it does right now.

"Okay, that's like the millionth time you've checked that thing in the last hour," Toni drones, bringing a bag of chips back with her and munching on one. She winces, "These are stale, by the way."

"Haven't had the time to go to the grocery store in between my hazings," he mumbles, bitterly. She puts her half-eaten chip back in the bag, leaning forward on her elbows on the table. She eyes him, and he can almost see concern on her face.

What does she even care? He wonders. She should be happy Betty's gone- she never seemed to like her in the first place. And she got her wish. Now there was nothing anchoring him to the Northside.

"You're really broken up about this, huh?" she says, shaking her head. Jughead immediately feels defensive.

"Toni. It literally just happened," he snaps, unable to hide the hurt irritation in his voice. He doesn't mean to, but it's like someone poking at a sore spot, over and over and over again.

"I just... I mean, I knew you guys were dating but-"

"But what?" he bites, dropping his ice pack. "You assumed we wouldn't work out because she's from the Northside and I'm a Southside Serpent, now?" Tony rolls her eyes, snorting at the melodrama of it all.

"Uh, no. I thought you wouldn't work out when I saw you lie to her. Or silence her calls?" Jughead's mouth falls agape and he stutters a bit. Still, he knows there's truth in that. And he really doesn't have an excuse. He was guilty of those things. "Yeah, exactly. You know… girls pick up on that stuff. It kind of makes sense that she-"

"No. No, I know what you're trying to get at Toni but Betty isn't like other girls. I-I know her. I can read her like a book. I..." he pauses, and he's overcome with the sick, churning feeling of regret in his stomach. He thinks back to the last time he saw her - Pop's. The heartbroken, faraway look in her eyes. They were trying to tell him something.

But it wasn't goodbye, no. It was something else. And he missed it. Or maybe he just didn't want to see it.

"I knew something was wrong when I last saw her and I don't know why I just… I didn't ask her."

"You still can, you know." Toni makes it sound so simple. Jughead scoffs.

"Archie said she doesn't want to see me."

"Archie?" Toni combats, unable to hide the distaste from her tone. "That fool? Mr. Red Psycho?"

"Hey. Eeeeasy," Jughead glares. He might not be Archie's biggest fan, but still feels an unyielding loyalty to come to his defense.

"Jughead. Do you love her?"

His head falls back in exasperation, "What? Of course I do-"

"No." Toni's voice is stern, her eyes burning into him. She repeats her question, slowly: "Do you love her?"

"Yes," his voice breaks. "More than anything." She huffs out another laugh. It's not patronizing or offensive, just more-so 'what am I gonna do with this guy.'

Like a sister.

"Oy," she sighs again, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. She shrugs. "Alright then. I guess you have to fight for her."

"I don't think that's possible now-"

Toni slams her fist down with a loud, thud on his table. "Well, do something! You got your ass kicked today. You can do anything!" She's far too spirited for his splitting migraine right now. He recoils in his chair from her. For being so small, she sure is loud.

"I'm aware, and can you keep your voice down, my head is throbbing."

She lowers her voice, leans in once more. He can almost see the look of remorse on her face but he can never be quite sure with her.

"Look. I know I haven't been… particularly warm to Little Miss Northside but… You're a Serpent now. We look out for each other. And we help each other get what we want. Even if I personally think it would be better if you let her go. But you can't just take Archie's word for it. If this is over, you should hear it from her."

The tears won't stop -she fears they may never stop. Perhaps she will drown in them.

She's tried everything, but they keep just coming.

She's exhausted. And while she's been able to doze off here and there, she'd rather stay awake. Because at least when she's awake, she's here. In reality.

Dreams can be so cruel when you're heartbroken.

And she's already dreamt of him three times, now. It's always just the two of them, in love and far away from here, without a care in the world, like they'd talked about.

She wishes so badly that she could have taken him up on his offer, climbed on the back of his bike and never looked back. Those dreams are a sweet reprieve from this painful existence… but then she wakes up and has to reface reality: that they aren't together and they should be.

And she hurt him.

And it hurts more and more every time she has to remind herself of that. She can't stop thinking about him, how he took then news. Every time she sees his heartbroken face in her mind, she is reliving the pain over and over again and she can't just get it to stop. And all she wants is for a moment of peace.

She wakes up again to the sound of thunder - the storm has been raging for hours now. But it's not just the sound of thunder that caused her to awaken. It is the chilling sound of her phone ringing. It makes her stomach drop every time, makes her sick with unease. She did what he asked, why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why did he have to choose her?

But it's not the Black Hood calling to commend her on a job well done.

It's Archie.

She doesn't want to answer just as well. There's nothing good that could be coming from the other side of that conversation. But even still, she answers.

"Arch," she breathes into the phone, her heart in her throat. "Is… is he okay?"

"It's done," is his short reply. Her face winces, displaying the pain of her heart breaking in half. "Honestly, Betty… it's for the best. He's gone full Serpent and-"

She doesn't care about that. It's strange, almost. She should care about that. But all she wants to know is if he's okay.

"I mean… you were gentle, right? You didn't hurt him?" she chokes back a sob. He doesn't reply. Betty gets up off her bed, slowly pacing the room as the thunder roars again outside. "Archie. He's okay, right? He knows… he knows that-"

"He's gonna be fine. But…"

"But what?" she hisses. Why did she ever think sending Archie was a good idea? She had thought that hearing it from his best friend would soften the blow, certainly because she couldn't do it herself. She didn't have the will to. He would have saw right through her, he would have convinced her that he could handle the Black Hood.

But Betty would die if something happened to him. She had to protect him. Even if that meant hurting him.

"But… I kind of lost my temper, a bit…"

"What does that mean? Archie, what did you do?"

"I tried to let him down gently, I swear Betty. But when I got there, the Serpents came and I realized he was joining them. For real, Betty. And… I got so mad-" He's rambling. Avoiding the inevitable point of the story.

"Archie, just tell me what you did!" she nearly shouts.

"…I might not have handled it as delicately as you wanted…" Her head falls in her hands. She can't exactly explain the despair she feels inside at the revelation that Jughead was hurt more than he ever needed to be.

"Archie," she whimpers, shaking her head. "Why-?"

"I'm so sorry, Betty. I didn't mean to. But... he's like a brother to me. And I can't believe he's headed down this road. I told him…" His voice fades, lowers. He mumbles the rest, shamefully. "I told him you didn't want to see him anymore. And that… and that you saw what kind of path he was headed down and wanted no part of it…"

"Archie, what were you thinking?" She can only be mad at herself. She never should have sent Archie. She should have figured some way to tell him, some way to tell him- "Jughead already feels like- like he doesn't belong, here! He already feels like we are doomed or that I am too good for him-"

"Maybe you are."

"That wasn't your call to make!"

"Betty-"

"Archie, I have to go. I can't talk to you right now." She hears his protests on the other line, but she doesn't care to wait for any more excuses. She hangs up, and she's so angry she throws her phone across the room.

She never wants it to ring again.

Betty falls on her bed and sobs – weeps. It's a deep cry that she wasn't even sure she still had in her. She realizes that she has been isolated. Completely alienated from her friends and her family.

She is alone.

Maybe this is what she deserves.

She sits up, trying desperately to dry her eyes. She gets up to fetch her phone, noticing the crack down the middle of it. She wants to call him. She needs to call him. Maybe she could just call him for a minute, find a way to meet him out of town and explain everything-

Betty jumps at the sound of someone knocking on her window. She slowly turns and she can see the shadowy outline of someone right outside, waiting. She nears the window cautiously, but not without grabbing ahold of an old trophy from her desk and hiding it behind her back. She slowly draws the curtain back and her eyes well the tears the moment she sees him.

Jughead.

She drops the trophy and cannot get the window open fast enough. She needs to get him inside before anyone sees… if the Black Hood hasn't already seen. She knows she's being watched.

"Jug, what are you doing here?" she asks, grabbing at the back of his slick, wet jacket to help him into her room. He grunts in pain, and his weakened body topples to the floor with a loud crash. She falls to his side, and it's then that she notices his wounds. She takes his battered face in her hands and studies him.

"Oh my God… Juggie… wh-what happened to you? Who did this to you?"

He tries to moan out a response as she grabs a pillow from her windowsill, putting it under his soaked head.

"Shhh… it's okay," she softly comforts him, her words cracking as she stokes the sides of his face, lovingly. He knows now more than ever that there is no one on this earth that is supposed to love him like this. He doesn't want anyone to ever love him like this.

Only her.

He needs to tell her that. His hand reaches up to touch hers.

"You're bleeding," she sniffs, wiping her eyes. He's never seen so much worry on her face and now he is more certain than ever that Archie's story wasn't true. He'd been right. He knew he'd been right. It makes his stomach swirl when he thinks about letting Toni kiss him.

"Wait here," she insists, "I'll be right back."

Before he can reply, Betty jumps to her feet, sprinting down the hallway to the bathroom to collect various first aid supplies. Her hands are shaking, and she's once again holding back sobs, but she can't. She stops, dropping her gripping onto the sides of the sink to cry. She chastises herself for breaking down but seeing him here, like this… after everything… it's become too much to bear.

She calms herself with a staggered breath and steadies her hands. She collects up her supplies and heads back to her room. He's trying to get up when she comes back, and she hurries over to him, helping him lay back down.

"Don't strain yourself," she tells him. She uncaps the hydrogen peroxide and tips it over a cotton ball. She tries to even her voice as she shakes her head, "Let me guess... motorcycle?" He can tell by her tone that she doesn't believe it, and maybe she doesn't believe that the first time was a motorcycle, either. He shakes his head as much as he can without harming himself.

She softly dabs the cotton ball against his busted lip, "I didn't think so," she whispers. She looks like an angel, staring down at him. It hasn't even been long since he'd seen her last, but it feels like a small eternity without her. He wants nothing more than to reach up and hold her and never let her go. He holds back.

"Is it true?" he asks her, solemnly. She sucks in a sharp breath and looks away. She rummages through her supplies for a bandage for the scrape above his eyebrow. She can't bring herself to answer him. He'll know she's lying. "All that stuff that Archie said? You don't... you want me, anymore?"

"Jug..." she sighs, torn between wanting to tell him the truth and wanting to keep him safe. "I just... I need some space to figure things out right now."

She's lying. He knows her. She still won't look at him. He's about to call her out when her cracked phone begins to ring a few feet away. She up and dives for it, silencing it as quickly as she can without even looking at who is calling her.

She already knows who it is.

Jughead eyes her carefully, skeptically. He slowly rises to his elbows, ignoring Betty's protests for him to lay back. She begins to clean the cut above his eyebrow.

"So, that's it then?" he sniffs, shaking his head with teary eyes. "You're not going to tell me the truth?" Her hand drops from his forehead with the bloodied cotton ball and she just stares blankly back at him.

"Are you?" she wonders, simply. His mouth drops to reply, but she's right. They've both been hiding things. She shrugs, shaking her head mournfully, "You're a Serpent now? And you didn't even tell me?" He sits up more, his eyes as wide as he can make them, despite the swelling.

"You said you would support me, whatever I had to explore, Betty-"

"Yes, I did. And I do," she replies quickly. "And if you were being honest with me, then I really could support you. But you're lying Juggie-" He groans, rolling over and pulling himself up from the floor. "Jug, stop! You're going to hurt yourself." But he doesn't care. He can't just sit here and listen to this, he has too much adrenaline pumping through his veins. He turns to her.

"Okay so that whole stunt you pulled, sending Archie to break it off with me, what? That was all real? You're really going to end things this way-?"

"I-" she stammers.

Her phone rings again and Betty wants to scream. She shuts it off this time.

"Who is that?"

She gets up, beginning to usher him toward her window. "It's no one. You have to go-" He stops her and she's unable to get him to move. He plants his feet. He's not going anywhere.

"What are you hiding, Betty? Because you can't leave me for being dishonest when you are keeping things from me, too-"

"Juggie, please. Please just stop-"

"Does this have to do with the Black Hood? Did he... did he threaten you?" She hides her face in her hands to hide the fact that she's unravelling. "God, just tell me Betty!"

"I swear it will all make sense soon but yo- you have to go. And not out the front. Back out the windo-"

"No!" He finally yells. He takes her by the shoulders and shakes her lightly. "Betty, tell me! I deserve to know why-"

She clenches her jaw and her fists, frustratedly. She almost tells him, but she is too scared to take the risk. Her eyes narrow.

"See?" she says coldly, brushing past him. She leans on her vanity, looking at him only through the mirror because she can't say it to his face. "This is why I sent Archie. I knew you wouldn't let this go." Her own words hurt her. She sent Archie so she wouldn't have to see the pain in his eyes when she rejected him. It was bad enough hurting Veronica to cut off her friendship, this was pure agony.

"No," he shakes his head at her defiantly. "No, I don't believe that. I don't accept that."

"Well, I'm sorry. But it's the truth, Jughead." Her breaths are ragged, her heart is breaking all over again. "Everything Archie said. All of it."

"No, you sent Archie because you know I can see through you. I know you, Betty!" He saunters up behind her, staring at her eyes through the mirror. His gaze seems to permeate down to her soul. He gently rests his hands on her shoulders from behind her, his voice low and circling her ear. "You love me, Betty Cooper. I saw you two days ago. We sat in a booth - out booth - talked about running away together, remember?" She shakes her head, the tears freely falling now. She doesn't want to remember. She doesn't want to remember his hands or his lips or his heart. "Betty please. It's me. You can tell me anything."

"You don't understand," she cries, turning to face him finally. She's frenzied now. Terrified. "It's not safe for you here. It's not safe for you to be around me. H-he said he'd cut you out of my life. His way-"

"I don't care!" he shouts at her. They stare at one another in awed silence for a moment. He reaches up to his face to wipe away the tears that have somehow managed to escape. "I don't care, Betty. I would rather take on some masked psychopath for the rest of my life than go one day without having you. He can't tear us apart, he can't have you. You are mine."

She's sobbing, her forehead rests against his chest as he wraps his arms around her. He rests his cheek on the top of her head, pressing a kiss into her hair, "and I'm yours. And I am so sorry I didn't fight for you. I should have fought for you, Betty."

She wraps her arms around his waist because she can't resist, even if she tried. It's all she's wanted for weeks now. To know he was here. He was going to fight for them as hard as she was fighting for them.

That he wasn't scared.

They could do this.

They could do this, as long as they did this together. They always worked better together

"I'm so scared, Juggie," she admits into his chest. His hand comes up to rest on the back of her head and he kisses her hair again.

"You're not alone. I'm not going to let anything happen to us. Or me."

She looks up at him, "I can't lose you."

"You will never lose me." He presses his lips to her forehead and tries not to think about those awful, horrible, agonizing couple of house when he thought he'd lost her. He suddenly understands that fear so much more than ever.

She loosens her grip on him and takes his hand instead, gently leading him toward her bed. She sits, scooting over so he can sit beside her, but he hesitates.

This conversation isn't done... and now is his turn to potentially lose her all over again. She was honest with him.

He has to tell her the truth.

"Betty, b-before everything can be okay with us I… I just need to tell you something." His tone has softened with fear, and she feels her heart drop in anticipation of what is about to come next.

"Juggie… what's wrong?"

"It's just… I went through a lot tonight. Not just with… with you."

"What do you mean?"

He doesn't know how to tell her at first, so he shows her instead. He strains himself, wincing in pain as he pulls at his jacket. His wet, dirtied tank top clings to his body, and he can't look at her when he shows her his bare shoulder. She stands up nearing him slowly to study his fresh, tender Serpent tattoo on his skin. He turns his head when she says nothing. His eyes search hers and he tries to figure out just what she's thinking. He can usually tell but right now… he can't.

Maybe Archie had been right. But he couldn't hide it from her.

"Archie was right. I... I crossed a line tonight. I did join the Serpents. But I need you to know... I did so that I can help this town. My dad... he was keeping the peace and now he's gone and it's in my blood. It is my burden to bear." He rests his hand against her cheek, "I know this is scary. And hard. But... we protect each other, the Serpents and I. Maybe they can help, with the Black Hood. Maybe this could be the end of this civil war, Betty."

Her eyes roam over his tattoo. She doesn't hate it. And she promised to support him.

"And the bruises? The cuts?" she looks him up and down. "Did they do that to you?" He tilts his head, wincing a bit.

"It was sort of an initiation..."

After a moment of soaking it in, Betty softly nods.

"Okay," she croaks. She can deal with that.

She sighs deeply and goes to sit back down but stops when she sees the hidden hurt glistening in his eyes.

"That's not all... is it?" she asks, shifting nervously on her own feet. He shakes his head, shamefully.

She watches as he swallows nervously. His voice sounds far away as he shakily says, "I just... I need you to know I love you. So much."
"I love you, too, Jughead."
He nods, taking in a shaky breath, "A-and it… I need you to know-" His voice cracks. The weight of his words seems to be choking him.

Suffocating him.

He would rather take a beating all over again than tell her what he has to tell her.

"And I need you to know it meant nothing."

Her heart races in her chest, she feels her hands want to clench into fists, but she doesn't.

"What is it," she asks quietly.

"Betty tonight, after everything happened… After I thought I lost you-"

"What happened?" she repeats. She just wants him to say it. Her cheeks are hot and her chest is tight because for some reason she thinks she knows what's about to come next.

"Toni kissed me."

It feels like a blow to the stomach, and she can feel the blood drain from her face. She tries not to react, tries to stay calm but now and forever, the image is burned in her mind.

"Uh-huh," she mutters, sitting down hard on her bed as though her knees have given out. That fast, Jughead is on his knees, his hands digging into her thighs as he tells her, "Betty, it meant nothing to me. I swear to God I- I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Did you… kiss her back?" she wonders aloud, but immediately shakes her head, her fingers raking through her golden hair. She doesn't know why she asked, she doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to picture it.

"A little bit. I mean… I didn't stop her. And I should have." Her stomach feels sick. She feels the need to pace the room but can't move. Jughead tries to meet her gaze but she stares past him. "Betty, I thought I lost you. I-I thought you never wanted to see me again. I was heartbroken. I have never felt that low in my entire life-"

"What did it feel like?" she asks now, and he's surprised by the question. She stares down at him with glossy eyes, more tears dangerously close to spilling out and damn it, she's tired of crying. He doesn't want to answer her. But he needs to be as honest as possible if he wants to save them.

"My face is completely swollen and numb. It didn't feel like anything. And nothing compared to you, Betty you have to believe me-"

"There was no... spark?" she asks, clarifying. He hates how hurt she looks, hates even more that he's caused it. His hands slip up to her cheeks and he joins her on the bed.

"No," he says, huffing out a humorless laugh. "No, Betty. Nothing. I felt nothing. It was like kissing a relative and she said the same. There's nothing there, I swear." She shakes her head, sadly.

"How do you know she feels the same?"

"Toni is why I am here, Betty." She pauses, her forehead creasing in curiosity. "Toni told me to hear it from you and thank God I did, Betty. Because now I know the truth-"

Jughead's words are stopped by lips.

Her lips. On his lips. The right lips.

The only lips.

He sinks into her, and she melts into him. She pulls him to her tightly, trying to feel whole - to make them both whole again. It only seems to feel that way when they are together. He moves his lips against hers and he's shocked he can feel it at all. He gently parts her lips with his tongue. Tasting her. Savoring her. There is nothing more healing in the world than sitting in her room, being held by her arms, and being kissed by her lips. He swears to himself right then and there that he will never keep anything from her again, will never let anything part them again.

They break, and she rests her forehead to his.

"I can assure you," he tells her breathlessly. "It was nothing like that." Betty chuckles lightly, and she suddenly feels all the exhaustion she'd pushed away for days begin to overtake her.

"It's okay, Juggie. I can't imagine what I would do if I thought I lost you. You were hurting... neither of us have made the best choices lately."

He's so grateful he presses another kiss to her lips, the tip of her nose.

She turns, crawling towards the head of her bed with Jughead watching after her. She leans against the headboard, reaching a hand out towards him, beckoning him.

"Come here," she insists, her voice soft, low. Jughead silently does as she says, crawling up beside her. Betty pulls him close to her, and he relishes in the feeling of being held. He lays his head on her chest and he finally feels like she can close his eyes.

"Are you tired?" she asks him through a yawn. A subtle snore is his response. She gently strokes his hair, her heart so full it might burst.

Her heavy eyelids flutter closed, too. And that is the first time in weeks that Betty has a dreamless sleep. Whatever they have to face tomorrow, they will figure it out.

Together.

The way it always should have been.