((First: Yes, I had flagged this as complete, but then this happened and apparently I needed to get it out of my system before being able to use my brain again. Because this thing wasn't sappy enough already.

Second: Yes, now it's really complete. If anything else ever should come (which I am not planning and the only reason why I'm saying this is that I have no idea what Infinity War is going to do to me and I have the animal fear that they're going to kill Loki and I don't think I'll be able to handle that), it'll be a separate thing. This is done. Over. Out. For reals. (The linguist in me is threatening violence right now.)

Third: Chapter heading is a song by Deine Lakaien.

Fourth: I went back and edited the dialogue a bit. There was something I missed completely.))

4. Kiss the Future

Loki was trying to get his breathing under control, each exhalation deliberate through slightly open lips. He was sitting in Thor's bed, spine rigid, elbows rammed on his knees, face buried in his hands as if he could hide from the world, or better yet, vanish into the ground.

'Loki. Look at me.' Thor's warm hands were on the back of his neck, their touch infinitely gentle. Even though it helped, Loki shook his head, and Thor sighed. 'I'm not upset. Not at all. You know, if anything, it's a compliment.'

At this, Loki did look at him. 'A compliment,' he echoed. 'It might be a compliment if I couldn't contain my arousal and came all over your hand at the first touch. This … this is a catastrophe. It means that I have no idea how much control I actually have, it means that at any given moment, if my concentration shifts …' He faltered. 'How did he do it? How could the Allfather do this without any incident?'

Thor's answer was quiet and irritatingly patient. 'He was very much older and a lot more powerful than either of us, Loki. And as a matter of fact, we don't know if he never slipped at the start. I was too young to remember, and when you were so little you were hardly around anyone that wasn't family. So maybe he needed time for it to become second nature to him, too.'

'You know that's not true.'

'I haven't the faintest idea if it's true, Loki. Lie back down. Come on.'

Loki remained as he was. 'You laughed at me.'

'I didn't laugh at you. I laughed because … you didn't even notice it at first. Hell, I didn't even notice it, and when I open my eye, I'm making love to a jotun. An oblivious one, at that. It makes no difference to me. I told you that before and it's still true.'

'Thor, we've been lovers for a bit now, and this never happened before. What if it had been earlier, during your coronation?'

'You were a bit less … distracted there.' Thor rubbed a hand over his face. 'I don't really want to talk about the coronation.'

Loki finally lay down again on his side, head propped up. 'Why not? You should be thrilled.'

'I don't know if I'm ready. There is so much to consider.'

Loki dug a thumb into Thor's shoulder. 'You're ready, Thor. Believe me.'

Thor smiled and caressed his cheek. 'Thank you. You'll have to help me with a lot of stuff. I mean, right now we're going to Midgard and take it from there, but in the next, I don't know, couple of centuries … I'll have to do several things that I cannot fathom how. Like how to come by a successor.'

Loki sat bolt upright again. 'I hadn't thought about that.'

'Me neither, until now.'

'Well.' Loki swallowed hard. 'I didn't think that reality would make this bubble of mine burst so quickly.'

'What?'

Fighting for his composure, Loki stood and wrapped himself into a robe. 'Well. What you need, obviously, is a wife. I'm not going to watch you …' He closed his eyes with a pained expression and shuddered. 'I just can't pretend this isn't going to happen. I'm sorry, Thor. I'm done.' He felt his brother's gaze on his back as he left. Only twelve steps until his room. Twelve steps and he could dare to breathe again. Twelve steps and he could allow himself to fall apart without anyone ever seeing him do it.

Ϡ

Thor had watched Loki's departure with hurt bewilderment. He'd had something else to say, but he'd never got the chance to do so. And given Loki's volatile nature, there was a chance that he wasn't going to see him again in the foreseeable future. 'Wrong order,' he muttered to himself.

Torn, Thor dressed slowly and started pacing. Any thought of sleep had been chased away. He tried to communicate directly with Loki's room, but he got no answer. Now he could, of course, barge in there, but that didn't seem right. Aside from that, Loki could stand right in front of him and he wouldn't be able to see him if he didn't want him to.

Feeling an amount of uncertainty, Thor left Loki a message that he needed to talk to him and tried to find sleep. He had no success. He spent the next day going about his business without ever seeing him. It hurt more than he thought. His absence was an open sore in Thor's heart. Valkyrie sparring with the Hulk and destroying an entire room decorated lavishly by the Grandmaster almost cheered him up, and Thor automatically looked over his shoulder. But Loki was not standing beside him with a smirk and rolling his eyes at their antics, and his temporary flash of humour stuttered to an end. At last, he resolved to go to Loki's room, but he found it deserted, and if the God of Mischief was there, he ignored his request to show himself. Thor resisted the temptation to look if the Tesseract was where he'd left it. If he lost his faith in Loki over this, all was lost.

All in all, Thor thought he'd kept up his façade very well. The next morning, however, he was shown that it wasn't all that good when Heimdall approached him. He leaned close. 'If deep down I wanted to be found but not make it easy, I wouldn't hide in my room,' he said in an undertone. 'As long as I didn't want to run away, I'd be where I'm useful and where the one I avoid isn't going to stray.'

Thor stopped him with his hand on his arm. 'What are you talking about?'

Heimdall gave him a lingering look. 'You know perfectly well what I mean. You have to work the rest out yourself.'

Thor watched him go, and the next moment it hit him and he was on his feet and all but running through the ship. He had to force himself not to crash into the infirmary. The personnel had asked everyone who wasn't a healer of some sort to stay clear, because there were too many people in there anyway, but right now, Thor had no choice. He knew Loki had helped out a lot, that he had saved more lives than anyone else. He had to be here.

The healer in charge looked at Thor pointedly and the God of Thunder raised his hands. 'Sorry. This is important. Do you have any idea where my brother is?'

The woman's lips twitched in a manner he wasn't sure he was comfortable with. They hadn't exactly advertised their relationship because, adopted or not, there was a chance people would frown. Only after his coronation had it occurred to Thor that secrecy wasn't an option, and that there were probably rumours anyway because Korg had figured them out. 'He's with a patient,' the healer said, 'but he should come out in a moment. Ah, there he is.'

Thor spun and turned to look in the direction he'd been pointed. Loki had barely made it out of the room before freezing in mid-step. He looked drawn, indicating that he hadn't had any more sleep than Thor. 'I would speak with you, brother,' Thor said.

Loki sneered at him. Funny how that had never hurt before, but now it was excruciatingly painful. 'What do you require of me, my King?'

'Not here. Four eyes. Well, three.'

'Is this an order from my liege?'

'This is a request from your family, Loki. It doesn't have to be now, but we do need to talk.'

The mask slipped slightly. He had obviously expected Thor to force him into this talk. That, too, hurt. 'Fine. It's not going to take long, anyway.' Loki brushed past him, out of the infirmary and into the privacy of his room. It was almost empty since Loki had brought all his stuff – such as it was – into Thor's quarters, and the unadorned walls seemed stifling.

'Loki, listen.'

'Should I kneel?' The venom in Loki's voice cut more deeply than any actual dagger the other had ever driven into his flesh.

Thor grabbed Loki's shoulders and held him upright before he could actually kneel before him. 'I had two things that I wanted to bounce off you and I clearly picked the wrong one to start with. Now I'm going to tell you the other in a moment, the one I didn't get to, but first … Do you really want it to be like this? Even if this doesn't take the turn I'm hoping for, don't do this.'

Loki squeezed his eyes shut. Thor saw his struggle and released him. He knew him so well. He was fighting not to scream at Thor, not because he didn't want to, but because Loki, in his hurt rage, tended to be tearful. And he didn't want Thor to see that. 'What do you want?' he asked at last through gritted teeth.

'Can I say the other thing I was going to?'

'I can't see a way of stopping you, short of murder.'

Thor walked to the window, arms wrapped around himself. 'I'd pictured this differently.'

'Haven't we all.'

'Loki, you're going to regret it if I say it like this.'

'Like what?'

'With you spitting bile at me. Trust me. You really, really don't want it to be like this. I promise you that you'll like what I have to say, I'm so sure of that, but not if I say it in an fight. That's just wrong.'

For a few more breaths, Loki kept himself in check. Then his shoulders slumped and he sat down on his bed. Thor approached him slowly, and for the first time, their eyes met. A minute smile pulled at Thor's lips. 'Can I sit with you?'

'It's your ship. Sure.'

'Can I please hold you? I'd like to hold you.'

'Fine.'

Thor put an arm around Loki's shoulder and pulled him close. He pressed a kiss to the side of his head. 'I love you. You know that.'

'I do. It isn't helping right now.'

'Do you … Loki, do you love me?'

'Thor, get to the point.'

'That is the whole point.' He changed his position and gently guided Loki's face until he looked at him again. His eyes were large and green and vulnerable. 'The other thing I wanted was … and I get why you reacted the way you did, I really do, so I need to tell you that this is still something I want. I was going to … No. I am asking you to marry me, Loki.'

For a few moments, there was no reaction at all. Then Loki went limp in his arm, collapsing them both on the bed with his head on Thor's chest. 'You're serious?' He vaguely waved an arm. 'Don't answer that. Of course you're serious.' Placing his chin on Thor's breastbone, he looked up into his face. 'How many people, do you think, know I'm not Odin's son?'

'All of Asgard, given your horrible play.'

'You're assuming here that everyone saw that. But let's say that this particular bit of information travelled to most of your people, what do you plan on telling them about whose child I am?'

'I'll tell our people that it is of no consequence and that he found you and took you in as a baby. But that we … don't exactly feel brotherly.'

'Has there ever been an Asgardian King who was married to another man?'

'No idea. And if not, there's got to be a first for everything.'

'So … this isn't borrowed time, then.'

'No. No, Loki.' He carded through the long dark hair in gentle caresses. 'I want you by my side for the rest of my life.'

'Or mine, more likely.'

Suddenly, Thor felt cold all over. 'Loki, what is your life expectancy, exactly? I can't lose you.'

The other man chuckled. 'Just about the same as yours, Thor. I just still think Thanos is going to tear me limb from limb.'

Thor embraced him tightly. 'Not happening.' Lying here like this, with Loki in his arms again, the two nights without sleep threatened to come back to bite him. 'What I was going to say, by the way, was that I hope you'll help me find a suitable heir. Not a wife.'

'You mean someone to adopt? Bad idea. I speak from experience.'

'Better ones?' He closed his eye and settled more comfortably on the mattress.

Loki followed his example, resting his head on his shoulder and throwing an arm over his chest. 'One as old as infertile queens go back. Find a woman to bear your child.'

Thor made a face. 'You'd hate me.'

'No, I'd hate her. But I understand the necessity. Unless …'

When nothing else came, Thor forced his eye to open again. 'Yes?'

'Forget it.'

'Sorry, too late.'

'It's a horrible idea. Just as horrible as putting me on the throne.'

'I would have done just that, if I hadn't thought you'd died, you know.'

'Father would never have allowed it.'

'Not my point. Loki, what else? Any way that doesn't involve betraying you is welcome here.'

Loki took a deep breath. 'I can change my shape.'

'I can call down thunder.'

'Sometimes you're so daft I wonder how you remember your own name. I can change into a woman and bear your child. I will have you know, before you get all excited, that I don't like doing it and I'm not offering doing it for fun. Being in a body that doesn't physically match my gender is … well, calling it uncomfortable would be an understatement.'

'You'd have to spend nine months like that.'

'No, actually. Only long enough for you to impregnate me, and the day I give birth. Maybe a few more just before. I could change back into my normal appearance on the outside, at least, for the rest of the time. I could also hide my pregnancy.'

'Loki, why do I have the feeling this isn't the first time you think about this?'

'Because maybe you're not that daft after all. Remember how you said to me that you thought mother knew we were secretly in love? I think you're right. She made a point to have me know what exactly I can do. And I don't see any other use for this particular bit of information.'

'Sometimes I wonder if she saw the future.'

'Since she wasn't a witch, either, I don't think so. But she knew us so very well, and she was wise.' He continued quietly, his voice almost cracking. 'I wish she'd had that gift. Seeing the future. I think she'd have liked it. Seeing us together.'

Thor nodded and allowed his eye to close again. 'Do you want this, then? The pregnancy thing.'

'What I want is moot. But you don't. Because any child of mine … well, there's an excellent chance that it might inherit my complexion. And I demonstrated how well hiding behind an illusion works on occasion a few days ago.'

'And why would that be a problem for me?'

'Not for you, but for the rest of Asgard.'

'Has it ever occurred to you to tell them the truth? I mean … let's face it, they probably figured it out after the whole baby icicle thing.'

Loki swatted at Thor. 'They figure out what they want to. I even heard them talk about the beauty of the metaphor of a baby abandoned in the cold. Let's face the facts here, Thor, I'm a runt. You've seen frost giants. They're huge, hence the name. I'm me. My touch doesn't burn anyone, in case you failed to notice, and that is only one of the many reasons why they didn't grasp that. Or didn't want to, I guess. Thing is, they learn this, they'll throw me out into the void of space.'

'If anyone dares to breathe a word of disrespect, I'll gladly remind them that not a single soul on this ship would be alive without you. You saved us all. I bet you no-one gives a damn whose child you are.'

'I will never show them.'

'You don't have to. Maybe one day we can let them know who your father was. And by the time we have a child, which isn't going to be before this entire Thanos business is all done and we're safely settled in a place we can call our own, it'll be impossible to imagine me without you.'

'Well. We have time to work this out, then.'

'Yes.' He could feel his thoughts slowing, the only thing that mattered was the warm body pressed against his.

'Thor?'

'Hmm?'

'Can I … When we're alone, maybe I should try and get used to … you know. Myself. At least to the point where I don't lose it completely.'

It took a few moments for Thor to answer. 'I love you in any colour, Loki. It makes absolutely no difference. Try and love yourself, too. You deserve all the love you can get.'

'You think that?'

'Yes. Yes, I think that.' Thor chuckled. 'And you shouldn't hide your pregnancy. Let them watch and marvel at how the hell you managed to pull off that one.'

Loki's answer was a wistful sigh. 'Thor … I do love you, by the way. I didn't think you'd have to ask.' Loki sounded slightly hurt, and Thor refused to let him fall asleep like that.

A slow smile formed on his face. He turned his head so he could bury his nose in the soft hair on top of Loki's skull. He smelled of home and magic and Loki. 'I know you do, don't doubt that for a moment. I just needed you to remember it.' Loki relaxed noticeably, fingertips resting above Thor's collar as if he needed to feel his skin. And finally, Thor let himself drift into a couple of hours of much needed sleep.