AU: Simon is only betraying the clan to protect Raphael. With Camille on the loose, a kill order on his head and no place to go, Simon Lewis finds himself a little less human and rather cold. I'm a monster… Those words have never seemed truer.

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Clary was pulling him to the side, her face an open book to Simon. She was anxious and worried about her mother. The redhead also looked like she was trying to reason with herself, meaning she was about to do something Simon wouldn't like.

And after all this time, Simon could admit it; he was tired. New world, new life- and now there was a new Clary. He often wondered when the last time she picked up a pencil to simply sketch away. Now, she usually picked up a stele or a blade to chase after monsters and demons and- people like him.

Downworlders. Because he was a vampire, and he sucked blood and hadn't been home in a while-

"Simon," Clary said. He stopped the sudden deviation in his head immediately. Old habits were hard to break, even if this rather obsessive crush he used to have was fading- he had other prospects, greener pastures to say. So he encouraged her to continue with a reassuring smile.

"Simon, I need you to help me speak to Camille."

That smile became forced. "Clary, I know that you really need the book. I want Jocelyn awake just as much as you do. But I can't-"

She huffed, "Oh just- talk to Raphael, please? And if he won't… maybe distract him?"

"What the hell Clary? That's betraying the Clan! G-gg damn, I can't just do that, they'll- oh my g- Raphael would kill me!" He backed away, completely done with this. Clary wasn't. She swiftly followed him down the hall. "Simon, you have to! It's for my mom, the only way I can wake her up-"

He spun around. The barest hint of his fangs pressed into his bottom lip and had Simon reel back his temper before speaking again, in a hushed tone.

"I don't have to do anything like this, Clary. Doing something like this- I'll be kicked out of the clan. I won't have someone to show me how to control myself!"

He wouldn't have Lily teasing him as he tried to clean up from feeding, or have Elliot nerd out with him over the old Star Trek movies- he wouldn't even have Raphael and his grumpy face bossing him around as he tried to beat lessons into him.

'Embracing the vampire ways', his own Jedi Knight to his fledgling ways.

The clan had taken him in, had treated him like family. Like hell he was doing anything like this- He tensed further when he saw the look on her face.

Clary Fray may have some small amount of guilt in her wide eyes, but the determination to have her way had always seemed to stamp that guilt into the ground under well-worn boots. "If I have to, I'll tell the Clave about your turning. Not only would we get Camille…"

It would implicate the whole clan, as she had been the leader. She had rules, laws, that the clan had to obey. And they would all go down. Raphael would go down. Because Simon's best friend decided that she would not take no for an answer.

-0

"I'm disappointed in you."

Four words had never felt more devastating. They wrecked his entire being, delved into his soul- did he even have a soul at this point?- and tore at his unbeating heart in ways his beating one had never gone through. Betraying the clan hurt.

After it all had happened- he nearly fucking dropped to his knees and cried when he saw one of the Shadowhunters stab a member through the back as Clary ran past into the room which held Camille in her coffin- Camille had given them the location the book was hidden at, had him sign a contract that absolved her of any crimes against him, and run off.

Clary had forced him to sign a contract freeing his own murderer.

After that- after a lot had happened, stuff he still needed to go over because what the fuck- he had decided to settle on a curb in the rain and wait for the sun. What else was he to do?

His own home wasn't the best choice at the moment, he had a kill order on his head, the Institute was basically a mockery at this point. And his own murderer was out there, thanks to his own best friend…

Simon laughed, looking up and feeling numb as the rain fell over his face and down his cheeks. It was dark enough that the tinge of red that mixed with the raindrops easily went unnoticed. He stayed there, staring up at the dusty gray clouds that turned light and tinged with the orange and pink hues of dawn.

It was only when a thin slice of light had fallen across his bared arm that he started to feel anything. A tingling sensation, the burn, pain, sudden and fierce and there- Simon breathed without needing to. Death was a sweet relief compared to life.

"Sheldon?!" Simon didn't startle. He didn't actually move, even when frantic hands grabbed his head and turned his face. Cat-like orbs gazed into his own, familiar and old and wise and also in pain. Magnus was muttering something- Simon's hearing at the moment was fuzzy at best. He hadn't fed the last few days while staying with Clary.

"Stupid vampires and their damned- Sally, dear, I need you to listen," Simon nodded. Magnus seemed pleased. "Alright, stand up so I can get us home-" While Simon stood his chest burned. Home.

Home was the hotel, with Lily and Elliot and Stan and everyone- with Raphael. And he was scorned and hated and banned.

More tears ran down Simon's face, and at this point the lack of feeding and the rising sun, along with all the recent emotional trauma, finally added up to one solution: Simon passed out.

"Oh for- Really, Shelly."

-0

When Simon woke up, the first thing that happened was a bag of blood being shoved in his mouth and an order of 'Drink' being stated. So he did. He drained the bag, swallowing several times and frowning at the red staining his skin as it dripped down his face and neck-

Once upon a time, he had found the color red the most beautiful color in the world. It flashed in the light, waving through the air like a banner of freedom and untamed wildness-

Now all he could think of was how it was the color of blood and embers, the color of love yet the color of madness and hate as well. And red, shining in the sunlight, suddenly revealed how toxic it truly was and burned-

"-focus on my voice, okay?"

"Huuur," was Simon's intelligible response, and the warlock gave a concerned grin before letting him go. The fledgling sat up, wincing as he saw the time. He had slept well past the day into the next evening.

"Sorry Magnus, I promise I won't be much of a bother for long-" he winced at the ache that shot through his head suddenly. Whimpered when cool hands pressed against his face and Magnus frowned. "I believe, little one, that you are not going to be going anywhere until I'm sure you can take care of yourself."

-0

No matter what, Simon still couldn't escape Magnus. Not even Alec was helping, despite the Shadowhunter obviously loathing the vampire. In fact, the Shadowhunter was part of the reason Simon was still here after three weeks.

"- I just need to go out, honestly I should go!"

"And has Magnus said you could?"

Every. Single. Time. Simon breathed in, holding it before letting it out and stomping towards the door to the guest bedroom. Which Magnus had insisted was now his room, and had made a new room somewhere else in the dimension defying apartment. (Simon sometimes blamed Magnus, and sometimes blamed New York apartments- they could be as small as a water closet or as grande as a house and still be weird like that.)

Closing the door behind him, he scowled as he fell back on the bed. He needed to leave, to get away. Of course, Simon had nowhere to go once he left, but he had plans.

He was going to find a way to learn how to fight- and then he was going to kill Camille. Simon would protect the clan. After that, he figured if stuff with Valentine was still going on he could lend a hand- for Luke, for Magnus, for the clan, for Downworlders being slaughtered.

Simon was pretty much done with Shadowhunters right now.

Especially ones with flaming red hair.

"Steve? I have blood cocoa...can I come in?"

"It's your place, so why not," Simon muttered, not bothering to get up. The door swung open to reveal Magnus with the promised mug of blood cocoa. Along with a regular cup of cocoa for himself. The warlock huffed as he stepped into the room. "I gave you the room for a bit of privacy. It would be rude to intrude on one's own sanctum!"

Brown eyes narrowed. "Yet it's not rude to force someone to stay in your apartment for weeks on end," he whispered. "Only when that someone is a suicidal vampire who has no one to turn to at the moment. All because of Biscuit too, shame."

Simon shot up at that, wide-eyed. Magnus handed him his mug and gave him a pat on the cheek. "Go on little one, drink. You're looking a little peaky."

His mouth had fallen open- mug held clasped in his hands as a tether to reality. "H-how?"

"Alexander overheard...and when I saw you sitting on the curb… and Raphael has always been quite stubborn. It will take time before he starts to listen to anyone about the situation." Magnus' eyes softened. "And you both need each other, little one."

Raphael. His name alone made Simon's breath hitch unnecessarily and his chest grow tight. Simon had betrayed him, especially him, he had to and there was no choice, it was either a dead Raphael or one that hated him and Simon-

Simon would never have been able to bear living with Raphael dead. But living while Raphael hated him was …

It took a moment, for Simon to realize a lot of things. And when he did-

He cried.

"Oh, little one." Magnus was holding him, and Simon noted miserably that the warlock's white shirt was easily collecting the red of his tears. Red to show the pain that they feel, because vampires can not cry-

And Simon cried. He sobbed and whimpered, clinging to Magnus with muffled cries into his shoulder. "-why did I...I didn't want too, didn't want and she- and Rapha-"

-0

Alec watched from the doorway, tense as the vampire managed to cry himself to sleep. "Once the clan is calm enough to listen, they will see this as grounds for an attack." He sighed, walking over to his boyfriend and gazing down at the thin vampire.

"If I could, I would hand Clary over to the clan Magnus. She broke the alliance, she- I thought that she was better than us," he admitted. "She wasn't raised to hate downworlders, to be cold and calculating. Yet she can do this to her best friend.." Alec sighed. He wrapped an arm around Magnus, holding the warlock and vampire close. "He may be… strange, but even I wouldn't do this to him."

"Aww," Magnus cooed, "You don't hate him after all darling!" Magnus frowned. "And he's just a baby right now… I do hope Raphael doesn't hold out for too long. God knows that old grump won't speak about any of this until it's almost too late.."

-0

Simon ran. Months later, months after he finally broke down and cried- it was mortifying experience and Magnus had to throw away his shirt- and he was out on the streets. He would not be a burden on Magnus, not like he once was with-

"Shut up, Simon," he muttered. "No one wants to hear about that…"

"Oi, buddy. You want these or not?" The fledgling looked up to see the annoyed butcher clutching an overstuffed bag of blood packets. He simply nodded, taking the bag and handing over the change before he left. This supply run should last him another two weeks before he had to venture out again…

Dead animal blood left him feeling sick though. Simon closed his eyes, ignoring the pain in his stomach as he turned the corner- and fell into a small attack of rogue vampires on a wolf. A pup, from the look of it. Just his luck.

"Alright, leave the puppy alone and go home like good little vampires," he called out.

"Go fuck off yourself, why don't you!" One of them yelled out. A high pitched yelp came from the pup as another kicked it beneath the ribs. Simon could feel his fangs dip into his lower lip as he scowled. "Oi."

The same one who had told him to 'fuck off' sped forward, grabbing the front of his shirt and sneering. Oh, so it's going to be one of those days, was Simon's thought.

So he got violent. He flipped the first one over a garbage bin, moving on to another with a speed that led to Simon seeing the whites of the rogue vampires eyes before he knocked the two together and flung them to the side. Those still left were now hissing. It sort of reinforced Simon's images of vampires being like cats.

"So, you could take your buddies and leave like good little boys, or I can send you all into a river after this. Former or latter? 'Cause I'm not picky right now." He raised an eyebrow when both moved for their friends, vanishing quickly out of the alley.

He dropped his bag of blood- which, score, he wouldn't have to make up some stupid lie about how he lost it this time- and dashed towards the wolf. The one who was staring at him warily, yet it was curious enough it hadn't run away. Wolves were of course like overgrown growly dogs and Simon adored them all.

"I won't hurt you, I just want to check over your wounds and make sure you can get home yourself," he assured the wolf. Brown eyes peered into his own, and a wet nose butted his hand in what Simon hoped was an 'okay'.

He ran gentle hands over brown fur, occasionally drawing a growl or yip when he poked at the ribs. Nothing was broken, but everything was going to be quite sore the next few days. Simon had been sore for weeks after an attack like this back in high school.

"You should be fine. You're a tough wolf, but try not to stray outside when nasty things are going around at night, alright?"

"Like Valentine? Then why would you be out and about?"

Simon spun around, glimpsing the elderly man who had snuck up on him as he checked over the pup. Which was stupid, Simon was a vampire and should have heard him coming but- you still act like a human.

"S-sorry. I'll just go now-" He dashed over to his bag and scrambled to take off, tensing when a hand grasped his shoulder. "Don't run off so soon, m'boy." The man chuckled. "I would like to thank you for helping my granddaughter."

Granddaughter? Simon froze, glancing back at the pup and suddenly realizing that he had basically felt up a girl wolf. Which, sure she was in full wolfy form and technically not human but still. The fledgling was suddenly very glad for the lack of blood in his system. He wouldn't be able to blush as visibly. "O-oh. No p-problem. I have to- I gotta go-"

He froze under that stern gaze as brown eyes- Hey, they share eye color! Weird shade of brown- and the old man hummed. "Katie. When we get home take down that sign. This young man here is going to help out."

"What!?" "Aroo!?"

-0

Three months later and well into the Christmas holiday, Simon was doing a little better.

Katie was a fourteen-year-old who had lost her parents to a Valentine raid shortly before meeting Simon in that alleyway. The old man was named Kendrick Holff, and ran a boxing gym that many who knew of the Downworld visited. Simon was running the accounting part of the business for him now, as it had previously been run by Katie's parents due to the fact that neither Katie nor her grandfather could do well with math beyond division.

So Simon was tutoring Katie in math as well.

"So this divides here and you find the value of a." Katie blinked, before looking up with a scowl. "How come you get it to make sense and the ol' hag they got us makes it sound like rock't science?"

Simon grinned. "Because old ladies are rotting our heads to distract us from the awesomeness of music." Kendrick snorted, despite an earlier statement made on his part that he wasn't listening in. Simon gasped though, following through with an air of drama he hadn't felt in awhile. "But it's true! My middle school math teacher thought we were brats who should have been able to do calculations that were needed for rocket fuel! Mrs. Bogsod was awful!"

Katie started to giggle. "Was she really called 'Bogsod'?"

Simon gave a nod in mocked solemnity. "She was the Bogsod. Our own personal bog mummy brought to haunt our math grades as they plunged." They all sat around the table, silent for a moment. Kendrick's mouth twitched. They all broke down laughing

"Ah," the old man wheezed deeply, leaning on the table. Katie was on the floor with her face blazing red as she tried to breathe. "It feels good to laugh so hard."

Simon froze at that, mood dipping into territories he had promised to himself -for Magnus- not to allow. Smile frozen on his face, Simon got up and stretched with a groan. He had things to do tonight anyway. "Alright. Katie needs her sleep, you need your sleep, and I need to go out for some errands."

He pointedly looked at Kendrick. "No wolfy night shenanigans are going to happen while I'm gone. None of us are lost in New York, and this will not be a Home Alone scenario." The pointed look grew heavier as the old man avoided his gaze. "Yeah yeah, gah. Whose home is this anyway-"

Home. His throat burned, though the pain wasn't as intense as it had once been. Simon didn't think it was ever going to leave. But…

"I… I'll be home soon." Katie beamed at him, jumping up and giving him a rough tackle that equated a hug in her terms. Frizzy brown hair tickled the bottom of his nose and Simon twitched. "Alright brat, get your dog paws off of me so I can get us all some food." "Eeeewww Simon. Dead animal blood is gross. Why can't you just get some from a blood bank?"

He leveled an amused look as she backed away. No matter how much those words seemed to throb dully in his chest. "Because I don't think I can go, 'Don't worry, I'm just hungry and this stuff will feed me' to a group of mundanes." Another ache, though this one for a different reason. It had been a few months before he settled into his new role in a new world.

Simon wondered if things could have turned out differently.

"Alright, Si. Night! I'll see you tomorrow.."

Her bedroom door closed behind her, the sound of a shower cutting on. It was now loud in his ears. Simon turned, grabbing his jacket and a set of keys off the kitchen counter as he headed for the door. It was Kendrick who stopped him.

"I know you're not comfortable with…" the man started, then stopped with a sigh. See, when one was an old werewolf there was still some conflict with the whole vampire mojo shtick. But Simon could deal with it now. "It's fine Mr. Holff. I don't think… I don't think I'll ever be used to it." The blood drinking. Which was the whole issue at this point. Because dead animal blood was making Simon weaker and half starving him.

(Which, Simon found really funny because this was supposedly the vegan lifestyle. But he didn't have any Cullen superpowers, nope.)

"It's not fine. You have the weirdest sense of control for a vampire. The strongest control of any vampire I've met in my lifetime! But when it's at the cost of yourself.." Kendrick scowled. He handed Simon a card and a couple of twenty dollar bills. "Wha-"

"It's a blood bank owned by a warlock named Betty. She helped out a few vampires in my younger days and makes a mean grilled burger… say my name and she will help." Simon looked up with wide eyes and a quick breath- still so unnecessary Lewis, you're undead now- and shook his head. "I can't Mr. Holff-"

"Oh, would you stop that. You can call me Kendrick," he growled. "You are family, kid. And that means we look out for each other. Now go get yourself some proper nourishment."

He was shoved out the door, the light on despite having no need for it as he stepped out onto the curb of a well lit, loud New York street. "And bring back a box of cinnamon donuts while you're at it!" The door slammed behind him and Simon blinked. Well, that just happened.

-0

Betty was like a stereotyped Betty Crocker sweetheart, at least with the glamours. Underneath, she grinned with violet teeth as her skin flashed between shades of yellow and hues of orange. She was still as sweet as a sugar cookie however.

"-and honestly honey, that type of blood could do anything to a fledgling like you! How long has this been going on?! Why hasn't your sire taken care of you?!" At that, Simon turned his head away sheepishly. Betty finally stopped, vivid green eyes flashing with some understanding and sympathy- no pity, which Simon was glad for.

"Oh dear… well, have a glass of blood now while I pack you a few weeks supply. Don't worry-" she scolded sternly. Simon sat down with a meek whimper that he will never admit to. "You are not taking too much, and none of your cold groceries will spoil. I'll just be a few minutes-"

And she was gone. Simon glanced down at the groceries with a sigh. It was only a few bags, easy to handle, but… he had gotten Katie her favorite ice cream since her parent's wedding anniversary was in a week. Girls, feelings, tissues… he got ice cream because ice cream may not make her feel better, but it would taste good.

Years of doing this for Clary and his sister Rebecca had him well conditioned to respond to a girl's needs.

Kendrick had cried tears of joy at this and now Simon also had extra duties once a month. The old man was a coward.

"Alright honey, make sure you eat, and tell Holff to stop being a chicken and ask that nice lady down the street out already." "Oh my g- yes, I will! The UST is out of this world between him and Ms. Doran!"

"Don't I know it," she sighed. "Be safe Simon. Good night."

"Night Betty." He opened the door and stepped out into the cold night air without a shiver. Thankfully the gym and it's apartment was only a few blocks away as it had just started raining.

As he walked, he sunk into that level of thought that was oddly reflective and rather insane.

So Katie's ice cream, old man donuts- fresh food for the week and not just steak, they may be werewolves but steak is not an acceptable diet for any decent being- blood supply for the next month, which is a score but Katie hits the mark with ew. Am I forgetting anything…

And then he ran into something and nearly fell over. Then he looked up and discovered it was someone.

Simon felt his throat dry and his chest burn. "Raphael."

-0

So, while Simon Lewis would like to say he stood like a man and faced his demons- or sexy Latino vampire that he had fallen in love with somehow along the way without noticing- he didn't.

He ran off, back towards the apartment.

Only to run into a different kind of demon.

He dropped the bags, running towards the broken down doors as a fire raged in the gym. Katie was screaming, Kendrick was being dragged beside her by two strangers to a different door that led to the back alley.

Simon saw red and screamed, feral and loud as he tackled the two and turned on another, this one making the mistake of holding Katie by her hair. Wide brown eyes glisten with tears, her PJs singed and a sleeve torn. She was trembling.

Simon tore the man away from her and threw him out into a room filled with fire. He swiftly settled down after he scanned the area and found no other threat at the moment, and got the two out of there. Katie was still sobbing, though now she was doing it in his arms as she clung to him.

"Hey, hey Katie shhhh. I need to check on the old man-"

"No need… gah, that's gonna leave a mark." Kendrick sat up, hand to his head and scowling when he found it dripping blood. There were shouts behind them, and Simon looked back in concern. "Alright, I can lead them away but you two need to leave. Now."

"S- Simon?" Katie whispered. He gave her a reassuring smile, digging through his pocket and finding a pen and a receipt. Scribbling a note on the back of it, he handed it to her. "I need you to take your gramps to the Jade Wolf. Ask for Luke, and tell them Simon Lewis sent you. Can you do that Katie?"

The old man was groaning, not a good sign because otherwise Kendrick would be calling him a stupid sack of shit and insisting that Simon came with them.

Simon would not disagree at this point.

Katie nodded, gave him a peck on the cheek and gave him one last look over her shoulder as she helped the old man limp out of there. The vampire let out a breath and turned to face the fire. "Alright, let's see who decided to mess with Lewis tonight.."

-0

So Valentine had an army, and that army was apparently rather smart and Simon was still weak from months of dead animal blood. Go figure.

He was now strapped to a table with his blood slowly being drained out of him and the world was blurry around the edges. Valentine was smiling this creepy old dude smile that made Simon wonder what Ms. Fray was thinking when she married the guy. "I have often thought about why Clarissa has insisted on you as a friend… but to betray your clan to save them? That kind of loyalty is rare."

Simon's eyes narrowed. How does he know that? Why is he talking to me? Is this that stereotypical spouting of a join me speech a villain does when the character is weak and at their mercy? Or wait, isn't that when the villain is weak and the character has the power?

Simon had lost a lot of blood at this point. "And why should that matter?" he managed to slur. Valentine's grin seemed to grow even more, all sharp and pointy like a shark. Simon didn't like that analogy.

"My daughter will always need to be protected- a vampiric bodyguard would do just fine. And anything that occurs between the two of you… well, I can always turn a blind eye to my children's wants."

"Okay, ewww. Clary is like a sister at this point and we haven't talked in months, she is still in my bad books. Second, vampiric bodyguard is totally Vampire Academy except that I can't walk in the sunlight and life sucks. Figuratively." Simon was rambling.

It was what he was good at, the only thing he was good at. Even after learning to defend himself in lessons his mom paid for, and training with Nephilim, vampires, warlocks, werewolves, even the occasional fae who popped by the gym! He was still oddly disjointed and clumsy and tended to ramble when nervous.

It was comforting, that he hadn't lost that piece of himself yet.

"Hmm. Shame. I suppose I shall have to move along then..you will have your uses though."

And that was when Simon felt himself burning from within. Like the birth of a sun had occurred within his chest and was trying to turn him into ash as slowly as possible with no way of escaping.

His screams echoed down the halls and back to him. Multiplying. And all he could do was continue screaming.

-0

Pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain- sometimes between the screaming all he could feel was how empty he was. He knew no one was coming. He had betrayed his family for one that had used him and no longer needed him.

Sometimes they forced him to feed after they drained him of blood- then he was forced to fight other prisoners and experiments that Valentine no longer had a use for.

Then it was pain pain pain screaming and silence that tore at him and screams that echoed in the night under a red moon and burning. And everything burned why there was no sun unless they were toying with him but this was different it came from inside and turned the world black and faded…

It was one of his more lucid moments. He was repeating his name, holding onto something. Lewis. Simon Lewis. He was someone regular and plain with a best friend who had burned brighter than life. Then his world lost it's light and warmth and the friend who burned brighter than life burned him, like the sun he could no longer feel.

He could hear voices down the hall, outside the door to his cell. A familiar face peered in, eyes wide in what Simon noted was shock. Someone said his name, and then the face vanished.

Then it was pain pain pain pain-

Simon always laughed as he screamed. Because the torture was nothing compared to the knowledge that those he loved were never coming for him, that no one was coming for him.

He deserved this.

No torture was greater than the acknowledgment that he was the one to bring harm to those he cared for.

-0

When Simon woke up, he was on a couch with blankets tucking him in and Jace snoring beside him. It was disconcerting and Simon was sure this was not reality. He made a move to get up and Jace was instantly awake. "Simon!"

"Jace," he croaked out. Then frowned at how dry his mouth felt and screwed up his face at the taste in said dry mouth.

The Shadowhunter seemed to understand something that Simon didn't- it was a running theme in this world, Simon often laughed humorlessly about it. He raised his sleeve and held his forearm out, lifting Simon up and holding his face close to the warmth and the constant beat of his blood in his body.

"Drink," Jace insisted. Simon frowned. "Wha-"

Skin pressed against his lips and his fangs instinctively flashed out and sunk into warm flesh. Distantly, Simon heard Jace curse a thousand different things as he slowly fed. Slowly, because he was weak and still had some part of him that screamed at drinking blood like a monster- you're a monster and now I'm one too, that was something he had once said. But he was wrong, there was only one monster there that night-

The blood was warm. Warm and fresh and Simon winced at how delicious it seemed as he swallowed a few mouthfuls. He withdrew after a few minutes and muttered a quiet 'thank you'.

Jace was just staring at him like he had done something weird. "What?"

Cool, he wasn't croaking like a frog in a science lab anymore. The blonde was still staring at him though. "You… you were starving yet… Simon that level of control is just unheard of." Simon rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm used to being the out of place freakshow amongst the crowd. Thanks for being obvious."

At that Jace frowned, but then the door to the room opened and Simon realized where he was because there stood a rather angry warlock and his stoic boyfriend looming behind him and Simon squeaked.

"Simon Lewis, you do not know how long it has taken to find you! Months!" Magnus was yelling at him and was stomping over and Simon used Jace as a shield. Jace may have tried to run but would never admit it was because Magnus was terrifying.

And Simon may have been weak at the time, but instinct and a need for survival outweighed weakness.

"-when we finally find you, it's with Jace on a ship. With Valentine-" The name was spat out with a hiss. Amusing, Simon often wondered what Shadowhunter's did on Valentine's day considering the whole name thing.

Then he started derailing into thinking about the legend behind it, St. Valentine, and then the thought that Valentine was no saint, quite the opposite actually-

"Simon!" He opened his eyes to see cat eyes. A fond grin at the familiar face of the warlock managed to turn the corners of his lips before he spoke. "I missed you too, Magnus."

Simon was too busy after that to think too much. Magnus was a messy crier, and neither of the other two would help relieve the weak vampire of the sobbing warlock.

Bravo, two of the generation's greatest warriors.

-0

"So… you all know what happened with Clary."

Simon had a nice warm mug of blood cocoa- thank god, Magnus made them taste like heaven- and was tucked into the warlock's side. Alec was going through reports on the coffee table and wasn't all there with them. Jace nodded.

"After everything at the hotel happened, Clary was ordered to stay at the Institute until further notice. She only comes out when we're low on hands for demon raids."

Simon frowned, taking a sip of his cocoa and not looking up. "I didn't think… is Jocelyn awake?"

He had been about to say he didn't think Clary would be punished for the blackmail. After all, he wasn't one of the Nephilim. He was a Downworlder- one that was essentially disposable. Magnus seemed to know his train of thought but didn't bring it up. He just tightened his grip around his shoulders and quietly urged him to drink more cocoa.

"Yeah, she is…Luke took her home after she was questioned for information on Valentine. She isn't happy with Clary either." At that Simon looked up sharply. "What? Why?"

Jace sighed. "Probably because she did something like using you to wake her up? You did say Jocelyn was like a second mother...the feeling seems pretty mutual."

Jocelyn Fray truly was a second mother to Simon. And this just made it a little easier to breathe. His betrayal to the clan accounted for more than he had thought at least.

"We can meet with the clan this Saturday, Magnus. If you call Raphael ahead now-" Simon froze.

"You're meeting with Raphael?"

Magnus was probably the only reason Simon was still sitting on the couch. Otherwise, he would have run. "We were going to explain that you were blackmailed, Simon." Alec was frowning, and Simon glanced down to see his hands shaking. "It's not healthy for a fledgling to be without a clan, especially with how you are right now," Magnus explained.

"No… I can't... I betrayed them." Simon leaned away from Magnus, settling the mug- half empty and cooling- onto the coffee table and getting up. "Simon, you did it to protect them!" Jace was up now, hair messy and tanned skin paler than Simon remembered. Oh yeah, he had drunk from the man earlier.

"It doesn't...it's not the...there is still Camille.."

He left, those being his last words as he shut the door to his room.

-0

His hair had grown long. He had no scars, except for a star of David on his shoulder and a cross pressed into his thigh. They had found it funny to press the religious symbols against his skin, one of them doing it for so long that it had left the two marks. Valentine had punished the man and Simon never saw him again.

His skin also seemed paler than before. Simon sat in front of the mirror, feeling small and faded as he observed the waif in front of him. Thin and pale and wild.

He looked like one of those ugly fae from Clary's movie picks when they were fifteen. Clary hadn't wanted the pretty Disney fairies that sparkled and shined and changed seasons, so they watched the gruesome movies that showed kidnapping and blood and the warped reality of fae kind.

While not as ugly, Simon wouldn't be out of place in one of those movies.

Magnus had called Raphael, the clan leader's voice easily heard by Simon who had stilled and ran to the room he was given once the call was over. They were going to bring him to the clan, explain everything and- what? Ask for forgiveness? Simon didn't deserve it. He had still played a part, and the banishment was the least that he deserved.

It was approaching dawn. Simon slowly stood, looking at the small beam of light that had started to cross the room from between the closed curtains.

It wouldn't hurt. Quick and painless after all that he had been through. It was undeserved. He still hadn't killed Camille, but he was out of time and really. What chance did he have against her?

Simon reached out and grasped a curtain. No one else was up, so he would have to make sure not to scream just in case. Steeling himself, Simon ripped the curtains apart and embraced the sunlight with open arms.

The bright light of day burns, the true curse of a vampire is never being warm ever again.

It was Jace who found him of course, the blond was making a skill of Simon Finding. He was kneeling before the open window in the sunlight with silent tears trailing down his face.

"I guess-" Simon smiled, broken. "I guess I truly am a monster now."

-0

Simon ran away again. He was good at that too. Rambling and running away.

He went and got a haircut, though it was still down to his shoulder when he left the shop. He bought some clothes, loose and dark shades that blended with his surroundings at night.

A couple of girls who passed by him giggled as he passed by, and he flashed a self-depreciating smile. A week's worth of blood and a hair cut probably brought him out of the negatives at least. He may be a 1 at least.

Simon only looked up when he heard a growl. He was outside the Jade Wolf. Why, he couldn't figure.

Maybe it had to do with the young teen now wrapped around his middle, the old man limping his way towards him and Luke standing in the doorway with a stunned Jocelyn.

"Hey," was all Simon said with a fond smile. Katie was babbling and crying into his shirt, and Kendrick was pulling them both into a hug. Simon swore he may have seen a tear. "You stupid brat. Making an old man worry like this…"

Jocelyn was the next to hug him after the two Holff's finally released him, and she was whispering assurances in his ear that being a vampire didn't change her opinion of him in the slightest- he had teared up at that, because it was an old worry that she had quickly smoothed over. Luke had him wrapped up and lifted off the ground, and Simon chuckled. Early evening, Simon managed to breathe a bit more.

It was a small part of it, but this was family.

-0

Jocelyn and Luke were both staring at him in shock. "What?"

Simon sighed. "I said I need your help finding Camille. I'm going after her."

"Simon that's suicide," Luke growled, standing up. Simon found it amusing how the man played so well at Alpha. Luke was like a puppy half the time anyway.

"She needs to die. Not only is she a loose cannon in this war-" Jocelyn winced, Simon feeling only a little sympathy. "But she is also a threat to my clan and family. And I'm tired of threats."

"The clan forgave you?"

"No. But I will protect them. Just like Jocelyn would protect Clary right now."

Another flinch, and this time Simon did apologize and look away. Jocelyn shrugged it off.

"Where have you been Simon? Your mom has been calling so you weren't with her… and the last we heard from you was for those two you sent after an attack." Luke had moved onto a topic that immediately flipped his stomach. Voice cold and face closed off, he answered, "With Valentine."

It was a long night after that, which he explained a few things and had some more explained to him.

They were at an impasse in the war. Valentine had the Cup. There weren't enough Shadowhunters with the sudden increase in demon activity. The Downworld was on it's own.

-0

"Well, I guess I need to go find a place to stay now." Simon groaned as he got up, heading towards the door and ignoring the looks of horror that were showing on his parental figures faces. "I'll call you guys when I get a phone-"

"Simon the sun!"

A lot of the wolves stood stock still, watching the vampire that crossed into the light outside of the door and waved goodbye as he quickly ran off.

Luke collapsed on the couch with a whimper. "I thought Clary was going to be the one giving me heart attacks."

-0

It was another year before he finally tracked Camille down. Valentine was still up on the rise and Jace was a somewhat decent guy that Simon would only admit grudgingly was a friend. He kept in contact with Luke, let Magnus and Alec (oh my god he's like a mama bear) visit him in a new apartment. Katie and Kendrick dragged him into poker on Saturday nights with the rest of the pack.

And Simon was becoming a nameless legend in the Downworld. The Daylighter. The vampire that walked in the moon and sun, who aided any in the fight against Valentine and defended those caught in the crossfire.

(Jocelyn liked to tease him about how he had become a hero like the ones in his comics. He smiled and always responded, "With the sad backstories too.")

But here he was, Camille sitting across from him with an offer for a glass of blood as they looked out over New York. It was a fancy restaurant that Camille had completely booked, only her subjugates or baby vampires that she had recently turned could come in. Simon was sort of glad for that fact.

"My little caramel has grown so much," she sighed. Batting her eyes, she smiled coyly. "How is that little redhead of yours? Clarissa?"

"Clary isn't mine. I haven't seen her in a while."

A while being three months. She had stormed into Magnus' loft and started screaming at him. He had stayed still, watching her rant and rage and burn like she always did. Then Magnus had come in and forced her out, not allowing her to scream at him any longer.

Chairman Meow had been a cuddler that day.

"A shame. I know how you feel about her.." she simpered. "Though I have heard some interesting rumors little caramel… you were caught by Valentine."

"Yes," he conceded. "I stayed with him for a few months. A bit unwillingly. Entirely unwilling, actually."

She hummed, downing a glass of blood and raising her hand for another. Simon kept his face blank as a tray filled with glasses made it's way to them. He wonders what happened to the staff.

Simon knows he doesn't want to know.

"Well, that is unfortunate. I've kept out of the war myself. Play for the long run, caramel. It's far more enjoyable. Which brings me to this. Join me."

He raised an eyebrow.

"The clan turned against me, obviously. So they must be gotten rid of. And I have my new little ones to care for. As the eldest, you would be my second in command. Help me take back the Dumort."

He tilted his head as if considering it. Camille was grinning.

Everyone not in the know believed that Simon had betrayed the clan for Clary. It honestly worked for him at this point; it had helped him lure Camille into his trap.

"Two mistakes you've made," Simon stated, face devoid of emotion as he brought out a flask. He was not drinking anything she gave him. He was a lot like Alastair Moody from HP at this point. Camille froze.

"First, you keep calling me little caramel. Never my name. Second," at this point screams had started as wolves flowed into the restaurant, a few Shadowhunters amongst them as well as a rather angry warlock.

Camille had tried doing something about Alec a few months ago and any feelings he had for the bitch had quickly turned sour.

"Second, you threatened my clan. The one that I will protect with my life and soul." He grinned. "Bang."

She ran and he tore after her like a hellhound after a damned soul. As a baby vampire still recovering from his own neglect, and then the abuse at the hands of Valentine, he was still weak.

As an angry Daylighter fueled by the pain of his sorrows and burdens, it was by luck that she got as far as the back alley of the building.

One which led into a dead end with the dawn beginning to show behind Simon. Camille turned and flashed a smile. "The little caramel has claws. I'm impressed. But what will you do now?" she asked, head cocked to the side and fangs out with a grin. "If we fight, we both burn here. If you stay there like a pretty doll and let me take you…" she phrased it like that to creep him out, Simon swears she did. It was disgusting and he would never let her touch him.

"...we could both survive. But you have very little time. Choose wisely, fledgling."

"Camille is tricky, but I know that in any last case scenario she will try to take her opponent down with her as a threat. It usually wins out and she survives like the snakey bitch she is-" Magnus scowled. Simon laughed. "Trust me, abba." Magnus' eyes had grown soft at the title, worry and concern forced back by a rush of affection.

He had talked this over with Magnus, had planned this day for the last month. He even considered catching Camille and turning her over to the clan. But this was his. A little piece of selfish want that Simon would take.

Just like she had taken his life.

Just as the sun peeked over the top of the buildings, Simon stepped back into the light and watched her face as a sudden realization occurred. "You're the Daylighter!"

"Sure." He shrugged. "But just to let you know, the name is Lewis. Simon Lewis. See you never, bitch."

She screamed, savage and feral and dying, as the light reached her and she burned. Camille was reduced to ash rather quickly. It was an end to a life lived long enough.

Katie came out on the fire escape from above and called down.

"Do you still want a broom and dustpan, Si?"

"Yeah. Toss them down if you can!"

-0

Her ashes were settled into the ugliest jar Simon could find, with a tag that read 'Camille Belcourt- Bitch Who Lived Long Enough, Scary old to 20xx'. It may have required a little effort that she didn't really deserve. It wasn't for her, it was for him, so he felt just fine.

It was only the next part that left Simon aching.

He stood outside the Dumort, in the sun, a breeze blowing through his tangled hair while blood still lingered under his fingers and stained his clothes. They had to put out quite a few runners once Camille died, and the subjugates were all too far gone.

The jar was tucked under his arm, and the sight of the hotel had stolen his chest and left it burning in a way that Simon compared to the sun before he had become immune. There was a card as well, not a name claiming to have killed Camille or a question for forgiveness.

Simon left the jar in front of the door, with the paper placed under it. He ran, one of two things he was good at.

As I have, and always will, I shall protect my family.

-0

The rumors of Camille's death spiraled from there. The only good thing about this was the fact that no one thought it was Simon.

He was a young, clumsy fledgling who had chased moon-eyed after a Shadowhunter girl, he wasn't capable of such a task. A lot of Simon's friends at the moment were laughing when they heard this in bars and clubs.

It brought Simon some relief. Camille had been haunting his nightmares even before he was turned. Now he had other things to do, to protect the clan. From Valentine, from himself.

-0

"Simon?"

This was the first time he had seen Isabelle since he betrayed the clan. He swallowed, gave a hesitant smile that lacked any cheer, and greeted her. "Hey, Izzy."

"You look like crap." Ouch. Right in the center of his unbeating heart. But his smile felt a little less fake. "God, Izzy, never pulling any punches." He laughed, and she joined in. And then it was just them sobbing into each other's arms. When Alec came in to see what was going on, he ran right back out. That started another round of giggles and tears, which laid them to rest on a couch in one of Magnus' spare rooms with cups of cocoa.

Simon was going to have to attend an addict's club for Magnus' blood cocoa if it kept going.

"Hey, Simon… since when have you been able to say God again?" Ah. If he kept having questions like this occur when he was drinking blood cocoa then he was not going to need the addict's anonymous meetings. He solemnly stared at the swirling liquid in his mug.

"I was having a lucid moment on Valentine's ship…" Izzy gasped, apparently having not been informed of his months in the hospitality of the sociopath that was Morgenstern.

"It was the same as any other time. I kept repeating my name, my age, random stuff about myself and my life. And this guy came in with a woman- they were both masked and if I spoke they would hit me. Anyway, I guess I blacked out after that…" Izzy looked sick. Simon shrugged, he didn't have any memories of what had happened because they actually knocked him out. He felt just fine after the blackout… but his definition of fine was constant aching without twinging.

" I woke up with new clothes in a cleaner cell, only higher ranks were allowed in after that. I started saying Jesus and eventually started saying God...I guess after all of that I came to this sudden realization."

He closed his eyes, taking a sip from his cocoa. Izzy had wrapped an arm around him, dragging herself closer. Simon wondered if she was comforting him or herself.

"We're all on this earth, and we either go up or stay damned. Vampire or not."

-0

It was a meeting of Downworld leaders. Simon had no clue why he was here.

"Because, Sherwood," Magnus exclaimed, teasing the vampire with the name once again. It made Simon feel a little less irritated now than it had before. Maybe because now Simon knew it was just teasing and it was Magnus' way of making sure he was alright.

Magnus continued with a huff, "You're now a major part of the Downworld as a daylighter, as The Daylighter. It will be a huge tipping point in favor of settling this fight against Valentine."

Simon raised an eyebrow, though Magnus wouldn't be able to see as he had his hood up to hide his face. It was oversized, baggy, and made him feel like one of the crowd. Attention could do something he wasn't ready for.

"And the opinion of the warlocks?" he asked. Magnus scoffed.

"They would do something if I acted. However, Catarina is the one standing in as their representative. Then we have Luke, Meliorn from the fae-" Simon's mood soured at the name of the elf-like fae. "-Alexander and Isabelle are here for the Shadowhunters and Raphael is here for the vampires."

Raphael.

"Magnus," Simon growled. The warlock gave him an unimpressed look and glanced down at his nails. They looked perfect, but Magnus still looked over them like he might find some fault in the polish and glitter. "You're going to have to face him eventually, sweetheart. You're lucky I'm letting you do it in that."

He gestured to the hoodie with a disgusted sneer. That sneer may have played a part in why Simon chose it. He would have retorted with something sarcastic, however they were getting close to the doors and Simon didn't want anyone to recognize him. He settled for an eye roll and followed Magnus through the doors.

It was quiet. Catarina was the only one not glaring, with Meliorn, Raphael, and even Luke settling into a three-way that would have sent normal puny human Simon reeling and running. It nearly sent puny vampire Simon running.

Alec was going through more paperwork- Simon felt bad for the guy, always going through paperwork with the lack of extra hands at the Institute- and Izzy was scowling at her red nails, apparently dissatisfied with how the red looked in the lighting.

Simon needed more male friends that didn't know makeup so well. He was starting to understand looks.

Magnus clapped, a grin on his face at the sudden attention as he settled into the empty spot at the table obviously meant for him. Simon settled against a wall close to the warlock, a good view of the room and the table making it perfect. He could doze when it became too dull.

"Magnus, who is that behind you?"

Already dull. Magnus had promised only to reveal that he was a daylighter and fought against Valentine. He chose to doze.

He should put that on a shirt. 'Chose to doze'.

-0

-0

Raphael and the clan had been on a low in the last two years. Their fledgling had betrayed them, Camille had been released and at the time… they had all been hurt. Simon had been their baby and so easily broke their trust.

They were ready to forgive him by the end of the first month.

A vampires pride was a vain thing however.

When it was finally accepted that they needed- needed, because they were finally following the Accords again and no one was going to bite a human and kill them- the fledgling, they all felt the stabbing pain that meant a clan member had died.

When roll call came and they all gathered, all accounted for, they wept as a clan. The fledgling was gone.

'Not gone, not gone. Just hurt and crying with the realization of love and the feeling of dying as arms lay in strips of sunlight and feet edged towards doors opened on sunny days.'

And Raphael had kept quiet. Until Camille's ashes had shown up with a note.

As I have, and always will, I shall protect my family.

Someone who claimed to be a part of them, one of them, had killed Camille. They left her ashes as a prize in the tackiest container Raphael had ever seen. Yellow and brown with a muddy green that had Lily laughing and cringing because Camille wouldn't be caught dead near it and she was caught dead inside it.

The clan had already been on high alert due to the proclaimed Daylighter- a rarity among vampires, a weapon in wrong hands and an ally in right ones. Now they were scrambling to find the clan member who no one knew of.

Then Magnus had called and set up this stupid meeting that would fall apart. Downworlders did not work well together. They did not work well with Shadowhunters especially.

The pain of their dead fledgling was a heavy reminder of this truth.

He was only here as a favor to Magnus and in honor of the baby fledgling. Simon.

Catarina Loss spoke up when Magnus finally arrived, drama queen that he was. "Magnus, who is that behind you?"

"Pay no mind to him, Cat. That's just the Daylighter."

Now that was another reason to pay attention. "You've known who the Daylighter was Magnus, and didn't tell me?" he growled. Magnus had known he was looking for the day walking vampire. Had known he wasn't looking to use the Daylighter because it was such a Camille move that it would leave Raphael feeling sick.

"I've known the Daylighter for a while now." Magnus was giving this look that Raphael knew meant he should back off. "Whether or not he wants to meet with you is his choice."

So the Daylighter was avoiding him. Avoiding the clan. Raphael nodded, leaning back into his seat despite his interest in the matter. He settled in and the meeting finally started.

The Daylighter was silent and still the entire time, unidentifiable under the hoodie and baggie clothes. He smelled like New York rain and dead animal blood, which made a small part of Raphael cringe.

But there wasn't much he could do if the other didn't want involvement with the clan.

-0

-0

They were all fighting. Simon shoved off the wall and left, eyes grim and lips pressed thin. They had come to an agreement, and this little parly had become a war council in the war against Valentine. They were only taking a break now for some food and space.

While they were in agreement, that did not mean they would get along.

Simon was now in the kitchen, sucking on a packet of blood that tasted like ashes in his mouth. He had gone back to it much to the protests of even a few werewolves because this was essentially half starving himself. Not enough proper nutrients, Magnus had said.

Simon had also disappeared for three weeks when the warlock had slipped some human blood into his dinner one night without telling him. Magnus had gone back to simply asking him to eat it instead of trying to trick him.

"That's not healthy for you, pequeño. Why not have some of mine?"

Simon dropped the packet, slamming his back into the counter edge and hissing angrily at the sharp pain. It was more from the sudden shock than the pain, if he was honest with himself.

Raphael was standing there, an amused look on his face at the blood spilling on the floor- Magnus was going to kill Simon- holding out a thermos of warm blood that made his mouth water and his fangs start to poke out. He still shook his head, and tried not to turn tail and run.

"My apologies for your lost lunch then… may I have your name?"

Simon couldn't get his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth nor his throat to stop feeling like it was clogged up. Because Raphael was here and Simon had betrayed the clan and oh god-

"¿Qué está mal?" Raphael questioned, face concerned.

Simon whimpered, automatically wishing Magnus was there and suddenly the warlock was. He was there and Simon was safe and it was all good. Magnus had lifted him- he had apparently fallen in his panic.

Magnus was clearing something up and then they were back in the warlock's loft and Simon choked-

"Simon, I'm here and you are fine. Breathe. It's not necessary, I know, but just breathe-"

And Simon did. He calmed down, and leaned his whole body into the comfort of Magnus' own and cried.

Magnus' tossed out another white shirt after that.

-0

"Cold, bones. Yeah that's my love.

She, hides away, like a ghost.

Does she know that we bleed the same?

Don't wanna cry but I break that way.."

He had earbuds in this time, to help. Magnus had allowed it, and had even given him something that altered his voice on the condition that he spoke with Raphael.

So the very first break, he hesitantly approached the clan leader and cleared his throat. Raphael had that same amused/concern look he had the other day.

"I… sorry about the thing the other day… I don't talk with strangers a lot.." It came out as a whisper. Which, was more than Simon had expected, but he was still disappointed. Raphael seemed delighted though. "No need, pequeño. I should have let you known I was in the room. You were obviously deep in thought."

Simon was sort of stunned at how nice Raphael was. Which came to show that he had truly hated Simon. His chest grew tight and he couldn't ignore the feeling as his hand reached up to grasp his chest. Clawing at where his heart hung heavy in his chest.

"I… okay then… I should go then.."

"Wait."

He looked up, seeing a frown on the older vampire's face as he glanced over Simon. "You should eat something other than animal blood, pequeño."

Raphael then turned and walked away, leaving Simon clueless as to what just happened.

(When they went home and Alec made dinner for breakfast, Simon quietly asked for a pint of O-. Magnus damn near cried and swore he would figure out what changed the baby vampire's mind. )

(Simon silently cried after, though for the first time in a while he felt the hunger that constantly buzzed in the back of his mind recede.)

-0

-0

Magnus was just sobbing into his Shadowhunter's shoulder at this point.

Raphael realized his mistake far too late when the warlock had suggested an actual break from the war planning and missions, and threw a party.

Lily was laughing in the corner with Stan and Elliot, the trio obviously amused by his pain.

He wondered if Simon would have been with them or by his side if he-

No.

"-and then he was finally drinking it after we all asked him for month-" Magnus had gained a box of tissues sometime during Raphael's inattention. "My little boy is gonna grow all healthy and strooonng-" Magnus wailed. Then he leaned on the archer's shoulder and fell asleep.

"He can't even grow, Magnus…" Alec sighed, only shifting a bit so his boyfriend's head wouldn't fall off. He looked up at Raphael with an unreadable expression. "Thanks, by the way. He would never have started drinking human blood again if you hadn't said it."

Raphael felt something in him relax. The Daylighter was drinking good blood, like a vampire should.

"It is my responsibility as an older vampire to make sure the young are taken care of," he stated. "I would not leave a young one to starve like this."

"What about Simon then?"

Raphael burned. "If he hadn't betrayed us then we wouldn't have had to force the matter! Besides, we were about to take him back-" he hissed, before shutting himself off. It would not do their alliance any good to start a fight over Simon.

"What do you mean you were about to take Simon back?" Alec frowned. If they had been about to take him back, what had stopped them?

"The clan can feel when a member is dying… when everyone was called and accounted for we knew it was Simon." It hurt, it was stated as a blunt fact to avoid the pain.

"Simon was dying, and then he was gone. Se quedó solo sin defensa ni comida ... el pequeño estaba solo y murió. Simon era nuestro bebé, él era mi corazón y nunca lo supo."

Lily was coming over, meaning his distress had leaked through into his voice. He excused himself, deciding that tonight was one he would be spending in the hotel by himself…

-0

Magnus opened an eye, sorrow for his friend showing through as he cuddled his Alexander. "They both love each other and are fools… the tragedy of such a thing Alexander...," he whispered.

Alexander pulled him close, burrowing his face into the spiky and glittery hair. "I love you."

The warlock flashed a tired grin, hearing a thousand words in three. "I love you too, darling."

-0

-0

This was one of the first waves, one of the first attacks and Simon was growing edgy. Clary had shown up, didn't know that he was here- he was here as the Daylighter, not Simon.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the entirety of the New York clan was here. Clan, family, love, home home home-

"Simon?"

He looked up, seeing Alec look down at him with that stoic face and worried eyes, and he held out his arms for a hug and received one. "Stay safe," he asked, quiet and hopeful. It was one of his concerns right now, one of his many problems of who is going to die, live, who will win who will suffer and scream-

Alec simply held him a bit closer, not promising anything. For some reason, it made a difference, it felt better than a promise to come out of this alive. Simon held back a sniffle.

"You know, you're like a really cool older brother and Izzy is my badass sister who can flaunt her flaws and still look good…" he started rambling. Alec rolled his eyes, hushing the vampire with an "I know."

Then Simon started going off on a tangent about how Alec Han Solo'd him and the archer decided it was time to start the attack.

("I may not hate him, but the minute he starts going on about these star wars, I'm done." "Oh Alexander dear, we must set aside a weekend for a pop culture lesson.")

When they started it was quiet. Then they were discovered, and their surprise attack was noticed and others alerted. Yet the combination of wolves and vampires, fae and warlocks, Shadowhunters, overpowered Valentine's forces and they took the building. They were getting in calls about successful attacks on other bases as well, all of Valentines known land forces being taken down easily by the combined forces of the Shadow world.

Simon couldn't help smiling, babbling whatever came to mind as the good news continued pouring in.

There were losses, yet no one could believe that the alliance was working so well. Or at all. This was actually a last-ditch effort to corral Valentine after all.

Izzy was beside him, enjoying his entire dialogue with her own sharp grin. Alec was sitting beside Magnus as he filtered through calls and reports on the other groups. It was going so well. Of course, Murphy liked to fuck everyone with a knife to the back.

In Simon's case, literally, as he stumbled forward and Izzy quickly disabled the rogue Valentine soldier and screamed for help.

And the fledgling wanted to laugh because of course this would happen. Then he realized his hood was down, and he had not taken that potion Magnus gave him to change his voice, and as he looked up he could see a stunned Raphael.

All pale and handsome, even when his face was frozen in shock with his mouth slightly opened… Magnus was there, by his right side, with blue sparks flying around him as he moved around Simon. The vampire felt himself being turned over- why did he never remember falling?- and he could feel the back of his hoodie soaked.

He had liked this hoodie. Now he knew how Raphael felt every time he ruined one of the elder's jackets.

Then he heard a curse, someone shouting and everything went black.

-0

When Simon woke up, he saw Raphael.

When he saw Raphael, he cried.

As he cried, he said his name, and suddenly he was surrounded by warm arms with his name on the other's lips and he cried even more. Because this was Raphael, the one who made sure he ate properly and was fine on a daily basis. The vampire who understood the fact that Simon's human family was still there and he still wanted them.

The same Raphael who he had betrayed because if he didn't Raphael would be gone, and so would the clan and Simon couldn't let that happen- they were his clan, his family, his love- love, love, love love love-

"R-rapha…" he sobbed. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry…"

-0

-0

"Simon...why is...Magnus."

"He's been suffering this entire time, Santiago! You never called off the kill order or the banishment, and then Simon wouldn't let us tell you that he had been blackmailed into it!" It was Alec ranting and fuming this time. Magnus was too tired, physically and mentally, even on some spiritual level, to deal with this.

"What do you mean blackmailed?"

"Clary threatened to expose Camille's involvement in Simon's turning, implicating you and the clan. He had to help her release Camille. Then she forced him to sign a waiver stating that he was turned willingly, putting your leadership on the line as well as the fate of the clan."

Alec was practically spitting now, seething as he stalked back and forth. Much like a caged predator.

"He was going to kill himself when Magnus found him! Then he goes and disappears, and next thing we know Jace is at the door with Simon in his arms, yelling about Valentine!"

He was on a roll. Neither of his siblings were going to stop him. Raphael certainly wasn't. He needed to know what had happened to his baby.

"But no, just as we manage to set up a meeting for him with the clan, he goes and tries to kill himself again, and it took months to convince him he was not a monster because he was suddenly able to walk in the sun! The only reason I am letting you near him Santiago is because he loves you and you love him, and he needs this. Now get your ass in that room and stay quiet until he wakes up."

Raphael was starting to see why Bane had been attracted to the Lightwood boy in the first place. He easily ran into Simon's room, closing the door behind him before he turned to face the bed. The bed with a pale Simon Lewis looking stiller than death.

"Mi corazón, mi amor, has sufrido por el pecado de otro. ¿Cómo podrías perdonarme?"

He sat beside him, reaching out and taking the thin hand that rested on the boy's chest. Cold, instead of the warmth Raphael always expected from the little fledgling who had smiled like the sun, even in his undead life.

Lo siento, Simon, mi corazón.

Then Simon woke up, and all he could do was hug him as he cried, calling his name as he sobbed and ruined another jacket- he was amused and indignant at this fact, Simon always ruined his jackets.

"Simon mi corazón."

"R-rapha…"

The elder pulled him closer, burying his face into the tangled locks of hair and sighing. His fledgling was back, and he was safe.

"Estás a salvo ahora, estás en casa."

-0

It had been a while before Simon had calmed down again, enough so that he fell asleep tangled around Raphael. Much to the older vampire's amusement, and slight adoration. Magnus had dropped in to check over Simon once again- cooing over the tangled pair as Raphael stared at him in morbid disdain- and left once he was certain Simon would pull through with a swift recovery.

The sun had risen by the time Simon woke up once again. Raphael soothed away fresh tears and whimpers when they occurred and allowed the fledgling to bury his face into his jacket for the moment.

His jackets were going to suffer once more, Raphael mused with a grimace.

It didn't matter, as long as the fledgling came back home.

"Rapha…" Simon whispered. "W-why… are you here..?"

The clan leader frowned. "Why wouldn't I be here, baby? You were hurt."

"But I… I betrayed the-"

"He knows darling!"

"Magnus!"

Both vampires glanced at the closed door, where muffled thuds occurred for a few moment before it cracked open. Alec ducked in, face stoic. "No sex, I'll be taking him now." The door closed with a click.

If Simon had been feeding properly, he would have stood out like a traffic light. His eyes were wide as they turned towards Raphael. The clan leader cracked a smirk, and the fledgling choked.

"O=oh my god...that was just…." Simon took a deep breath. "I just don't know where to start."

"Hmm. How about the part where you were blackmailed, baby? And then how you've been doing for the past few years."

"Oh...I guess that's a start...so this isn't all of the Shadowhunters… I mean, Alec hated this and Jace is pretty neat once you know him, and Izzy is upset about it too-"

"Lewis."

Simon gulped, shutting his mouth and looking down. He had stopped breathing as well. It wasn't a hazard, but it was strange for the baby vampire. It was strange for any young vampire within the first two decades.

"Cariño?"

"Clary still had the evidence against Camille- it would have implicated you and the clan. You all would have been dead." It was stated dully. Simple sentences, without the intensity of Simon that Raphael could sense in his words usually.

"After that, she went and made me sign something that cleared Camille- and you, but it was too late at that point. Then I tried waiting on a curb for the sun…"

-0

It was a long day after that, with Simon numbly telling his story. The entirety of it, and not just the bits that most knew about. Like the time he went home to his mom and sister…

Rebecca still video chatted him, and expected him to be best man at her wedding. His mom was very much on the same page as him when he considered himself every morning. Monster.

("Fledgling, I thought we discussed this. We are not monsters-" "You're not. But I'm creature of the night who can walk in the sunlight.")

It was only as he was mentioning the Daylighter activities that Raphael cut in, groaning as he facepalmed. "Why didn't I see it? Attracting trouble wherever you go… ¿Cómo podría ser tan estúpido y ciego? Estabas justo en frente de mí. Tal vez fue el dolor."

Simon yawned, glancing at the now open window with the night sky outside. There were glasses of blood on his nightstand, however he didn't feel much like eating. Raphael seemed to notice the time as well, and had seen the look.

"Eat."

"I'm actually not that hungry-"

"Don't starve yourself, neither of us have eaten today, drink."

The glass was pressed to his lips, and the stern look in Raphael's eyes had Simon parting his mouth and swallowing down the blood in gulps. "Slowly, mi cariño," Raphael soothed. Blood leaked from the corner of his mouth, and when the clan leader took the glass away he looked up with sleepy eyes and ruffled hair, eyes red from crying and face messy from eating.

Dios. ¿Por qué has puesto tanta tentación delante de mí?

-0

-0

The clan came an hour later, crowding Magnus' apartment and exasperating the warlock. The warlock being cuddled by his boyfriend, who would not let Simon leave.

Magnus knew Alec had a soft spot for Sarah. ("Simon.")

Lily was the first to drag him into a hug, followed by Elliot and quite a few others. Stan gave him a smile and a nod of his head, eyes twinkling in mirth. They all welcome him back, fuss over him and hug him, pressing kisses to his head and cheeks, call him fledgling- Raphael had glared at the first one to use baby and Simon couldn't help snorting.

He was with the clan. The clan. Home. Family.

-0

-0

The war ended quickly after that. Vampire clans were fiercely protective of their own. Vampire clans and their fledgling- Valentine was caught in the middle of a demon circle, with no idea he was dead until his head met the cold floor and Lily stood over him with a bloody grin.

The NY clan had not been happy when they heard what had happened to their fledgling. The only thing keeping them back from attacking Clary was the girl's punishment by her own mother.

Magnus filmed the entire thing. Raphael had it saved, and would one day share it with Simon, when the wounds were not so deep.

"Mom-"

"Clarissa Fray, I can not believe you would do this! This is exactly why I didn't want this life for you!"

Clary had frozen, face pale as her mother ranted. Luke was looking at her from the corner in a disapproving manner that showed his disappointment.

"You were already a stubborn headed child, and I thought sweet Simon would curb that when you realized how your decisions affected not just yourself, but someone you cared for. But you betrayed Simon, after he had his life sacrificed to this world! You will not be using that poor boy again, in any way!"

Clary had remained silent the entire time, and when she had asked to see Simon she had been denied by everyone.

Not that it stopped her.

Simon had been staying with Magnus for a while, as the Dumort was being fixed up- Valentine had lost the war, but the living had to clean up from battles and attacks. The Dumort had suffered, but Raphael saw it as an opportunity to renovate.

So Simon had been on the couch, watching Star Wars with Chairman Meow on his lap, when the redhead burst into the apartment and started rambling. Startling Simon enough that he fell off the couch, with a hissing cat that immediately latched onto him before moving on to attack the intruder.

"Simon I am so, so- ACK!"

Magnus would have been proud, and rather upset as Chairman Meow shredded his couch.

Simon looked up at his former best friend with a blank face and panicked eyes. He didn't know what to do- Clary was his best friend. Was.

"Simon I am so sorry! Come back, I can protect you now and we can-"

"N-no."

She blinked. Simon held back, not allowing her anywhere near him. Clary opened her mouth to say something and-

"Biscuit, out." Magnus had arrived, with Raphael behind him. Simon smiled, though it appeared like a grimace to the warlock and clan leader, and said "Hello."

Raphael sped over to him, pulling him close and checking over him. Chairman Meow's scratches had faded since, yet Simon winced as he heard the upcoming question. "Baby, have you fed today?"

"Er...no?"

Simon inwardly laughed, musing Raphael Mother Hen Mode: Activated.

Magnus hushed him, and Simon truly did chuckle at the realization he had said it aloud. Clary was standing there still, frozen as Raphael came back with a mug and pressed it into Simon's hands with the insistence he drank. Simon did, though he went slowly as Clary's eyes watched his every move.

It made it hard to swallow, however… and both elders seemed to realize this as they then stared at Clary. Glaring on Raphael's part, peering down at in discouragement and anger on Magnus'. "Biscuit, I said 'leave'. It was not a request."

"But I…" Clary started, and Raphael hissed. "Do as he says, Nephilim. You are not needed here. You will be called for soon enough anyway."

"No, Simon needs me! He's my best friend, and I will not let you-" she yelled. And Simon cut her off.

"You won't let him what, Clary? Take care of me? Make sure I eat? Make sure I'm fine and know that I'm not, when it's too dark and too small and even though I don't need to anymore, I don't even need air anymore, that I can't seem to breathe and everything is crumbling!? Because Raphael has been doing that despite the fact that I'm a trouble magnet, and weak, and that I couldn't do anything to betray him because my own best friend did it to me."

He huffed, staring resolutely at the floor. He could smell the tears falling from her face, hear the slow beat of her heart as it fluttered in her chest. And it burned, like the sun once had.

Clary Fray, Fairchild, Morgenstern, like a falling star that burned brightly. It burned, she burned as it once did, when it fell from heaven.

In disgrace or as a dying wish, that star may have fallen, yet it burned all the brighter, brighter than the sun. It hurt to see it, to feel it, a sight not seen in millennia since.

And Clary burned too, like that falling star. She burned so bright that when one came to close, they were burned as well. And left behind to wander blind in the dark.

Raphael held him, and Magnus was leading Clary from the room despite her screams as she tried to run back. Simon hid his face in Raphael's neck, listening to the low muttering Spanish that seemed so reassuring, a gentle comfort that Simon loved.

-0

"¿Y qué está haciendo uno bonito como tú aquí solo?"

"I have no clue what you said, Rapha. I don't speak Angel."

It was enough to cause a small smile that quickly turned to one of disgust, though Raphael's eyes were dark and amused as they gazed down at Simon.

Simon had taken to sitting on the roof after the war, after Camille, Clary, Valentine… It was peaceful, and quiet, and a brief break from all the noise and hugs and excitement from parties. Simon had spent a while alone, after all.

"I said, en español, idiota, what is a pretty one like you doing up here all alone?" Raphael smirked. Simon sighed. "Just… existing. One with the Force, Hakuna Matata-"

"It means no worries." Raphael nodded sagely. Simon gaped, looking up at the clan leader with eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "Oh my god. You watched Lion King."

The clan leader sighed, exasperated. "Si, I watched Lion King. But that is not why I am up here, mi corazón."

He sat beside Simon, who automatically moved closer to cuddle. He sometimes couldn't stand touch, other times allowed it in moderation. It was always Raphael he would press his entire being against.

"Is Elliot drunk again? Oh, is Lily being all fangirl-y and trying to matchmake people? Or are you tired of Stan not making a move and stalking-"

Raphael cut Simon off with a kiss, gentle and firm and there. Simon would have thought that kissing Raphael would be anything else, something fierce and demanding, powerful. Maybe sweet and insistent, like smooth honey. Not this gentle reassurance that warmed him.

Raphael Santiago made him feel warm in ways the sun could never do.

When he finally leaned back, eyes roving over Simon with worry- and this nervous edge that Simon wanted to coo over- Raphael smiled. Soft and kind, and that same reassuring feeling he had given Simon with that kiss.

"I am up here for you, Simon."

-0

(And later, when the clan was out and they were laying down by themselves in the quiet of the night, Raphael showed what Simon had expected besides the reassurance: sweet and slow, hot and demanding, as Raphael Santiago always seemed to be.)

(He was still kind and gentle, in a way that Simon could only attribute to Raphael Santiago, the vampire Simon loved.)

00000000

So honestly? I started this on a bored weekend when I decided to peer back into the fandom- I only read the books and watched the movie, which sucked, and I've heard things about the show… But I kept reading the Simon betrayal part and I read a lot of fics, and it sort of sucked me in. But it didn't hit the spot, you know?

What started as a simple 'Oh he didn't betray them, he was betrayed himself' fic that had 800 words turned into this word monster that gave me a heart attack when I saw how many words there were...over 14,000.

Like, shit. Wow. Okay. I did that?

I have a hard time writing things this long. I've been trying to write stuff this long for years, and natta. But I was bored and bam! Sudden inspiration.

There is some OOC-ness. I screwed Alec and Magnus up, big time. Screwed a lot of characters up actually. But this is a fanfic, this is fiction, I am not the original author, the actor, the director of this fantastic creation we all drool over, or have friends who drool over it and we want to do something for them.

Anyway, explanations for some parts..

-the song lyrics are from 'Where's My Love' by SYML. One of my favorite songs, it's what I listened to the most while writing this.

-I so screwed up on the characterization, my apologies.

-I am not translating the Spanish. Some of it wasn't meant to be translated, and despite my hardcore Spanish 1 teacher I don't have that much of a grasp on the language. It's googled, and if you correct it and send it to me I'll fix it.

-Okay, the rambling bits from Simon- if you can tell- somewhat comes from me because if you can get me from being quiet as a dormouse, then I will not stop. At all. And it's all Geek, from coding to Star Wars and Harry Potter, to literature aspects and math algorithms which I hate but I can somewhat work through.

-The Clary hate? I don't necessarily hate Clary. Just… some people burn bright, and they burn those who come too close. As a person of darkness and starlight, I kind of relate more with vampires than I realize. My friends love to point this out.

-The OC's Katie and Kendrick… no clue where they came from. I generally don't like OCs in fanfics, I kind of just hate them because they seem to intrude on the universe...so I am now a hypocrite, and apologize to fanfic writers whose stories I have ditched because of OCs. I never left a comment, but the negative feelings left behind are bad karma...

Any questions, you can ask, leave a review if you want, it would be appreciated. I actually enjoyed writing this, though it has been a while since I read the books- maybe a year, but I had to pack them away. This was fun, even if it might have been angsty.

Thanks for reading!