The warm smile on the OBGYN's face is like Christmas morning on steroids.

I can't remember her name, this bringer of good news. She's not who we were supposed to see, our own doctor was called away on an emergency. I suppose it's not important. Her lips move very fast as she chirpily points to the vital and perfectly functioning organs of our baby boy. From the terrifyingly cutting edge image, the best that money can buy, naturally, there are ten little toes and ten little fingers. There are two arms and two legs, all kicking and waving happily. If happiness were a solid object, I'm pretty sure I'd be choking on it right about now. It's been a whole month since Christian first laid his hand against my stomach and our son and if a day can make all the difference, it doesn't hold a candle to what thirty can do.

Our baby, our Blip, he's been cooking for five months now and I'm finally showing.

For a while there, I thought I never would.

But my Bump and my Blip are making their mark on the world and I'm getting bigger by the day. I watch the energetic pumping of tiny little fists and look across at the father-to-be. If it wasn't so painfully adorable, I'd laugh. Christian's face is a mixture of burning love and burning terror. His eyes are glued to the screen like he's never seen anything like it, which I suppose, he hasn't. The corners of his mouth curl up into the proudest smile I think I've ever seen him wear as Mr Blip somersaults inside me and the sensation is as amazing as ever.

"Ana! Ana, did you see that? Did you see what he did? The flip?"

His eyes are dancing as he drinks in the screen, mouth wordlessly opening and closing.

I laugh and shake my head. This is the playful Christian that I fell so hard for. He's coming back to me, slowly, oh so very slowly but surely nonetheless. I reach over from my own temporary bed and squeeze his hand tight.

"I saw," I chuckle, "and believe it or not, Mr Grey, I felt it, too. These acrobatics are not exactly bladder friendly, to say the least."

The OBGYN smiles softly at this and I realize how much I like her. She's so quiet, so willing to fade into the background so that we can have this moment. Our first sighting of Blip, together. I look to her anxiously for final confirmation as she starts wiping the cold jelly from my belly and she readily answers my unspoken plea.

"The baby is exactly where want him to be right now. His growth is spot on target and there are no obvious issues on the scan to be worried about. We will of course continue to monitor you as your pregnancy progresses, but for now and on the whole, you have a very healthy little baby in that belly of yours, Mrs Grey."

Jesus. Will I ever get tired of being called Mrs Grey?

I doubt it. I open my mouth to ask a few follow on questions, but I get cut off at the pass,

"What monitoring regimen are you prescribing? This is Ana's first pregnancy, how often should she be scanned? Are there any risks to her as the baby grows? Talk to my mother, will you? Dr Grace Trevelyan-Grey. Is there anything else we should be doing to make sure the baby continues to grow? Any supplements or whatever? And-"

The clearly seasoned doctor smiles knowingly at me.

"Daddy likes to be in control, huh?"

Christian scowls as I force down a burning burst of laughter.

If only she knew.

"Knowledge is power, I guess," I reply laughingly, "but maybe it would be good if you could talk to Grace-"

"Don't see why we couldn't have had her as our pediatrician in the first place," Christian interjects sulkily and I roll my eyes, somewhat relishing the fact that my eyes are free to roll wheresoever they may choose right now.

"Christian. We've been through this. I am not having your mother putting her hands where a mother-in-law's hands have no business being put. I have to sit down with her on Thanksgiving, Christmas and all the things in between and I'd rather not do that knowing she has intricate knowledge of my urinal tract."

My voice is firm, but soft.

I'm not budging on this.

"I'll leave you two to talk," says Dr No Name, "You're free to jump down from the trolley whenever you want, Mrs Grey. Your stomach should be dry now too, if you want to pull your shirt down. I'll see you two again in a months time but you have my number should you need me or have any questions whatsoever, don't be afraid to call. It's what I'm here for, okay?"

I smile brightly, reassured, and even Christian manages a polite thank you.

As the door closes, I hop down from the gurney and place myself very carefully on the edge of his bed, reaching for his hand and cupping it mine. He raises a brow and I instantly move his lifeless hand and place it against my stomach, willing Blimp to give daddy a kick. A few seconds trail by and our son duly obliges, sending Christian's lips spreading wide with happiness. We stay this way for a few moments, wrapped up in our bubble, just the three of us. These moments are the happiest in my life and I relish them.

"Doc says there's been no improvement in my spinal condition."

And the bubble bursts.

He looks up at me through dark eyelashes and I correctly identify the glassy look in his eyes with a punch to my gut. Shame. He's ashamed and it's not the first time and it wont be the last time and every time I see that deadened look in his eyes it makes me want to weep. He blames himself, now, for all of it. For not seeing Andrea for what she was and for not being physically any further along then we got here.

Nothing I say will truly cure him of such irrational, poisonous thoughts.

"Dr Moore said this would be the case," I murmur gently. "Yes, there are no guarantees, but if you keep working with your physical therapist like you have been... who knows what could happen and in the meantime, there's no rush. You're alive and you're safe and that's all that matters, isn't it?"

He bites his lip and I ache for his pain.

"I'll never be able to hold my own child, Ana. I'll never be able to bring him to school or to the park. I'll never be anything more than a burden. A burden to an innocent little baby, Ana. I can't..." he trails off in frustration and I wish, not for the first time, that I could take his place and take this pain from him. His sad proclamation is not new. Christian has been leapfrogging from uncontrollable euphoria to unfathomable depression nearly on the hour, every hour, for the past four weeks. During periods of euphoria, he believes that he can overcome hie challenges and maybe even, some day, regain some level of independence. During periods of depression, he wonders would Blip be better off if he never met him, was never introduced to the father he was destined to be ashamed of.

At first, the A to Z surge of emotion terrified me, but I'm used to it now and I know that in another while, he'll want to talk about baby names and family holidays. I look down at him, his body still so broken and again marvel that he's here with me at all. He's still covered in lots and lots of plaster, but maybe not as much as when we came here. Dr Moore told me that the bones in his arms and legs are showing some slight signs of tentative repair. Nothing to throw a parade about he said, in his usual delightful manner, but still... signs of tentative repair nonetheless. Christian had absorbed this news in both is euphoric and depression riddles states and reacted accordingly.

"We'll be okay. No matter what, we'll be okay. That has to be enough."

He looks at me with cloudy grey orbs, eked in a smog of hopelessness.

"You'll leave me."

This. This is the one statement in his self-destructive arsenal that I find very difficult to remain calm with. Whenever he says it, I want to vigorously shake the stupid out of him. But of course, I can't and so, as usual, I take a deep steadying breath and clutch his hand slightly more tightly than medically advisable.

"I will never leave you, Christian Grey. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever."

He gazes up at me, a tortured soul imprisoned in a broken shell.

"But-"

"In sickness and in health," I remind him quietly. "That was my vow to you. To stand by your side in sickness and in health. We've had the health and now we have the sickness and one day... I truly believe, we'll have the health again. So, quit your whining and get some sleep. Mamma needs a nap and you don't want to mess with her. She's a nightmare when she's sleep deprived."

A small smile tears at his lips and he swallows deeply.

"I love you so much, Ana. You know that, don't you? You're... why I'm still here. You and Blip."

Leaning down and kissing him softly on the head, I whisper in his ear.

"I know. I'll always know. Now, get some sleep. I'll be back soon and you better be resting."

He rolls his eyes, a tear in the balloon of his misery visibly appearing.

"Ma'am, yes Ma'am."

I grin a wolffish grin.

"Bet you thought you'd never see the day when you're the bottom, huh?"

He laughs loudly, a short burst of musical mirth that makes my heart flutter.

"If I could feel my palms, I'm pretty sure they'd be twitching, Mrs Grey."

Jesus. Even at five months gestation, if he were in any condition, I would jump his bones. I may be sleep deprived, but everyone tells you to expect that. No one tells you to expect that after your husband being in a major incident, you should expect to be sex deprived, too. I can't help but let my eyes trail down the blanket to his waist and to the impossible-to-reach treasure that lays beneath. He doesn't miss it and his voice is mask of wry amusement. We haven't touched on this subject since well before the crash.

"You're having impure thoughts, Anastasia. My palms really should be twitching,"

I bite my lip and glance down at him, suddenly yearning for his touch.

"I'm perfectly entitled to revisit memories of kinky fuckery with my own husband, Mr Grey."

His eyes widen, pupils dilating.

"Any memory in particular?"

Grinning, I stoop down to his ear level and let my hot breath tickle his ear. I don't need to be able to see his eyes to know they're bulging in his head as I whisper softly and lengthily to him. By the time I straighten up, I feel a certain lightness about me. A certain hope that I haven't let myself feel prior to this moment. It feels so natural, this teasing. This playfulness. It feels like we are what we are, a young married couple hopelessly in love with each other. I realize how incredible it really is... that his mind, Christian's wonderful mind is as it was... and his heart. Looking down at him I have to giggle at his distress and his rapidly moving lips.

"I'd like to think my dick was harder than my first year in business right now, but I can't tell."

His voice is plaintive but his eyes are dancing. Our laughter fills the room, Reaching down, I kiss him gently on the forehead and warn him to get some sleep before I get back. Carrick, Grace, my mom and Ray have all since had to go back to Seattle and beyond to tend to their various responsibilities. Which means my phone is constantly blowing up with requests for updates. I feel it vibrate in my pocket and know its Grace, even though she'll be back here in a few days to order the doctors into shape.

"I'll see you later, and I'm serious about the sleep. I love you."

He rolls his eyes but closes them obediently as I cross the room, grinning at my farewell.

"Laters, baby."

God, today is a good day. There is a skip in my step as I close the door softly behind me and meander down the pristine hospital corridor. This place feels like home now. I know most of the staff on a first name basis and they couldn't be sweeter. I frown as my phone does caterwauls in my pocket, eating into my bliss. I stop at my favorite vending machine and grab myself a soda and some chips, before nudging outside into the misty New York air, plopping myself down on my now favorite bench and roll my eyes at the insane amount of missed calls and answer the current one without glancing at the screen.

"Grace, I promised you I wouldn't let him terrorize the doctor. Everything's great, he's-"

"Hi, Anastasia."

My universe comes crashing down. A scream curdles in my throat and dies in the damp air. No... no, no, no... It cant be.

"Don't hang up," Andrea warns softly, "I don't have much time and don't bother ringing the cops, this phone will be long gone by then and you won't be able to prove a thing."

Fury bursts inside me like an unvented flame of hell and suddenly, I am screaming.

"You crazy bitch! You insane, delusional little-"

"Temper, temper, Anastasia," she crows. "Control yourself. You need to listen to what I have to say."

"The hell I do, you scheming bitch. I'll be calling the police the minute-"

'"Did you like my friend, Anastasia? She's a peach really, don't you think?"

I die as I stand slowly up, feeling Blip kick in anxiety.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away," she croons maniacally. "Have you been keeping your sweet husband up to date with his five-a-day? Have you made sure to keep him safe from all harm, just like you promised on your special, special day?"

The penny drops.

The doctor,

Doctor No Name.

Her laughter is still ringing in my ears as my cell slips away and I begin the hardest run of my life.