Hey guys!:)

Please note that I'm not a native speaker but I try my best to write grammatical correct sentences in English. Furthermore I had some problems with converting the file. I'm really sorry if the format is not as it's supposed to be!

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't watched seasons 1 to 7, you should not read this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or the wonderful characters Sara Shepard and I. Marlene King created.

Last but not least, I'm happy if you like it and leave me a review! :)

Spencer POV

"Please...", I desperately beg him to recognize me, to choose me. My heart is beating wildly and frantically against my ribcage, as if it wants to break free of my chest. But it is trapped, just like me.

I watch Toby lowering his gun and putting it in the back of his trousers. His ocean blue eyes glisten with tears. He cautiously approaches us, his glance flickers briefly at me and then he goes to her instead.

At that precise moment, my heart shatters in even more pieces than it already did after all those things I've been through. It's like being second choice once again. And I still refuse to get used to the emotion of feeling worthless and simply not enough in comparison to someone else.

Melissa, Yvonne, Hanna, the job and now obviously Alex. It's like a never ending circle and I just can't seem to escape from it.

And yes, I know this situation is slightly different, because he thinks she's me, but my brain can't seem to make a difference. I can't stop those torturing feelings from infecting my brain with those traitorous, poisonous thoughts. They occupy my head and settle down in my brain without my permission. And the fact that he obviously doesn't know me anymore adds to the pain I'm already drowning in.

On the verge of breaking down, my eyes start to water. I can't believe what's happening here, until Toby grabs Alex and fixes her hands behind her back like he probably did a hundred times at the police academy.

"What is your favourite poem of the [French] book you gave me?"

Without even thinking, I start reciting the poem I once read to Toby when we still were together. And I remember those precious moments where the world appeared to be fine, except in reality of course it wasn't.

"Une orange sur la table..."

As I start to speak, my eyes travel from Alex to Toby 's glassy eyes. When they meet mine all the world around us seems to disappear.

So many emotions are residing in the pools of his ocean blue orbs right now, it makes me want to cry. And I silently do, my voice almost cracking as I continue.

"...Ta robe sur le tapis..."

There's so much pain, sorrow, guilt, maybe even pity and something so powerful and strong resembling love swirling in his eyes, as the confirmation sinks in, not only to him but to me too, that he has in fact chosen me, the real Spencer, and not Alex. That despite walking to Alex, he did it because he knew she was the evil twin. Not me.

Then it happens all in a blur. Relief washes over me as an unknown police officer takes Alex into custody. And before I know it, I'm a sobbing mess and I feel his large hands on my cheeks and his warm lips touch mine ever so softly, as if he fears I might disappear otherwise. His blue eyes search mine as we rest our foreheads against each other, the world once again fading away around us. My lips are still tingling. And the familiar sensation of butterflies erupting in my belly, which I thought I had lost forever after our break-up, is back again.

"God, Spence, I love you! I'm so glad you're safe!", he murmurs almost frantically with a tremulous voice.

Right afterwards I'm enveloped in a giant, bone-crushing bear hug. My head is secured in the crook of Toby's neck with his large calloused hand cradling it and I pull him to me as close as humanly possible, gratefully taking in the scent that is so uniquely him.

I'm so overwhelmed with the whole situation that I barely register the words he said a moment ago and I doubt he was actually aware of what he was saying either.

"I promise, I won't ever let you go again. I don't think I could survive without you.", he mumbles against my hair.

It's right then and there that my world comes crashing down and the full realization of what happened with Alex hits me like a ton of bricks.

My heartbeat is accelerating as I start to shake uncontrollably. It's like I'm drowning, unable to breath. And even though I'm surrounded by air, everything feels so damn suffocating.

A panic attack is nothing unfamiliar to me, neither is it to Toby seeing me like this. Though, I was always able to keep this side hidden from my friends. I had to be the strong one all the time. However right now I can't anymore.

Toby takes action immediately and it's consoling that he still knows exactly what I need in those moments.

He strokes my back in a soothing pattern, while cradling my head and whispering comforting words into my ear like "It's okay Spence, I'm here.", "You're safe now. She can't hurt you anymore", "I've got you." or "Just breathe with me, in and out.".

My trembling body is clinging onto him like he is my life line. And in a way he is. My safe place to land, still.

A wave of nausea hits me. As if sensing it, he lowers my shaking frame to the ground and holds my hair back as I relieve myself of the scarce contents which were recently residing in my stomach.

Soon, I'm just dry heaving and if it weren't for Toby, I would probably hyperventilate once again. However he manages to calm me down as I weakly collapse into his arms for the second time that night.

I feel drained, hopeless and lost, after losing control like this. Luckily, before I can dwell on the thoughts of shame for showing my weakness in front of my friends, the well-known numbness kicks in.

Right now, I'm thankful for being void of emotions. Because I feel so damn tired of them. Actually I feel tired of everything. It's like being back in the woods.

Toby looks concerned, while wiping away the tears I was not even aware of falling. But they keep flowing like a never ending river of dolefulness and agony.