The Greatest Four
Disclaimer: I don't own "Chinese Folk Music of the 90s: Volume Six".
"Hey guys, I have an idea!" said Godric Gryffindor with much enthusiasm.
"Can't you see I'm reading a very complicated book? I'm smart, that's what smart people do, you know?" said Rovena Ravenclaw, clearly irritated.
"Sorry, I'm planning to destroy the universe at the moment," grumbled Salazar Slytherin, not bothering to look at his companions.
"Wait, why would you do something like that?" asked Godric, visibly shocked by his friends' bold statement.
"Isn't is obvious? I'm evil, I have to plot something like that," responded Salazar, still not looking up from his plans.
"Wait, why do you have to be evil?" asked Godric.
"Cause I'm a Slytherin, you idiot," grumbled Salazar, finally meeting Godric's eyes.
"Umm, guys, why don't we all go camping and make love under the summer sky?" asked Helga Hufflepuff, visible blush on her face.
Everyone stared at her after that, uncomfortable silence falling onto the group. Then, after a few moments, Godric erupted into manic laughter.
"Why the fuck are you laughing, you imbecile?" asked Salazar with a frown.
"Hahaha, you guys didn't understand, IT WAS A PRANK, HELGA PRANKED YOU, IT WAS A PRANK, BRO!"
"Umm, actually, it wasn't..." whispered Helga.
"Can you idiots shut up for a second, I'm trying to read a very advanced book for smart people!" said Rovena loudly, clearly agitated.
"What the fuck is a prank anyway?" muttered Salazar under his breath as he returned to planning genocide.
"Umm, Godric, you said you had an idea..." said Helga shyly, looking at her feet.
"Yes! Guys, let's build a school!" screamed Godric at the top of his lungs.
"Why the fuck would we build a school?" asked Salazar, irritation in his voice.
"That's a great idea! We could all make love there, we and the students too!" chirped Helga happily, lost in her imagination.
"Hmm, I guess I could be a teacher. After all, I am the smartest witch ever," said Rovena, a bit excited at the prospect of showing off her wisdom.
"Well... maybe I could kill all of our students. That would be fairly evil, I think..." muttered Salazar, also lost in thought.
"IT WAS A PRANK, BROS!" screamed Godric, but was quickly silenced by the others.
"What should we call the school? How about... The Magical Castle of Love and Rainbows?" asked Helga.
"Maybe The Smart School for Reading Books and Being Smart?" proposed Rovena.
"How about... The Evil Dark School of Murder and Genocide?" said Salazar.
"I think we should call it Hoggie Boggie Wards!" screamed Godric, and the rest groaned.
"What the fuck is a Hoggie Boggie Ward?" asked Salazar, irritated by his stupid friend.
"IT'S A PRANK, B..."
"Avada Kedavra!" said Salazar, and his old friend died on the spot.
"Thank you, Salazar. Now I can continue to read my very, very advanced book for really, really smart people," said Rovena with a smile on her face.
"That was a bit evil, Salazar..." whispered Helga shyly.
"It was," admitted Salazar as he returned to his very evil plans.
"Umm... you think Godric wouldn't mind if I made love to him now, would he?" asked Helga shyly, blushing like a teenage girl.
"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't," replied Slytherin, clearly amused.
"Then... umm... excuse me for a moment..." said Helga and levitated Godric's body out of view and walked behind it.
"But seriously... what the fuck is a Hoggie Boggie Ward?" muttered Salazar under his breath.