His eyes were the wrong shade of green.

He was expecting seafoam and jade, instead they're deep forests and bright emeralds. Sometimes, he had trouble reconciling his sense of self with his reflection. He was still small, face round with baby fat, forehead just about as large - yet all the angles were wrong, his hair was wrong, his eyes were larger, the shade of his skin not quite right. That's not even counting everything else.

Izuku had no idea why, but that was how things were.

Kaachan was… no help either. Ever since they met, there was something about the blond boy that made him feel warm and nice, yet sad and miserable at the same time. Whenever Izuku saw him, all he wanted to do was to hold on to him and never let go and cry, because once (?) was enough and he (she) didn't want to go through losing anyone ever again.

Still, he smiled and laughed because he didn't Kaachan to think he's being weird. Kaachan probably thought he was clingy or needy, but Izuku didn't mind if it meant he's absolutely sure Kaachan was safe.

That didn't mean he was okay with everything Kaachan did.

Kaachan was mean a lot of times, and proud. People didn't help and often encouraged his prideful (insubordinate) attitude. That worried Izuku because the higher Kaachan was, he knew without a doubt, the harder the fall. Except, Izuku couldn't find the perfect time to help Kaachan.

Until he did.

"Hey look, it looks like Deku!" the blond boasted, pointing at the character. "Useless Deku!"

"Useless," he whispered, and then darkness.

He (she?) snapped.

Izuku blinked at his hand, staring at his throbbing knuckle. Pain crawled up to his arm. Kaachan sprawled on the dirt, cheek red and throbbing.

"Why the fuck did you punch me? Are you fucking picking a -"

"I'm not useless!" Izuku nearly snarled, tone low and venomous. Green and red eyes widened, and the world spun. Izuku stumbled back, thoughts a mess. His eyes began to sting and brim with tears, but crying won't change what happened. He held them in.

"Can't you take a fucking joke?" Kaachan shouted back, touching his cheek - right where Izuku punched him.

"It's not funny!" Izuku clenched his fists, can feel the stirrings of a half-remembered emotion. His face and head felt hot, electricity buzzing beneath his skin, like he's a bomb ready to explode. He felt anger, but the despair felt strange and had his head reeling. Something like exhaustion and reluctant acceptance swirled in the mess of emotions, that despite everything, he still wasn't enough - that there was no hope of changing things.

Kaachan opened his mouth, but words seemed to fail him. His mouth clicked shut, and there was something unreadable in his red (so, so, red - like blood) eyes. "Tch, whatever. Won't use it if you hate it that much."

For some reason, Izuku wanted to laugh at Kaachan's angrily dismissive noise. It made him feel warm and fond, but the sorrow and grief crashed into him and he had to hold back tears. With a watery smile, he held his hand out towards Katsuki, offering to help him up.

Katsuki looked like he wanted to slap his hand away, but their eyes met and there must be something in Izuku's expression that had the blond thinking twice. Katsuki grasped it reluctantly, and Izuku pulled him up to his feet.

In another world, Izuku would be crying and apologizing profusely, promising never to hit Katsuki again. In another world, the thought of even hitting Katsuki wouldn't cross Izuku's mind - not until ten years had come to pass and then they would end up pitted against one another in a training simulation.

Except, none in those worlds existed a Midoriya Izuku who dreamt of red dresses and bubblegum pink hair, dreamt of a girl tempered by loss and war and grief. In this world, he dreamt of hands that levelled mountains in a single punch yet healed the wounded, of cold stone benches and rabbit goddesses, of green eyes the wrong shade and of a boy with black-red eyes whispering "thanks".

In this world, Izuku wasn't quite as young nor was he as alone. The taste of a lingering promise (determination woven in every syllable) to "never cry, never be weak and useless ever again" just kissed the edges of his consciousness, and that gave steel to his spine and held back the tears. There was something like pride deep down, for standing up for himself and just the hint of an annoyed "seriously? not this again" without any bite that made him want to laugh.

'You can - you have to - make a difference. You have to protect them.' Izuku's grip on Katsuki tightened, and he gave the other boy an apologetic glance for nearly crushing his fingers. The other boy took that as a challenge, narrowing his eyes as his mouth twisted into a determined scowl.

"Just you watch, you fuckmunch, I'm going to be the number one hero! And I'm gonna crush you if I have to!"

Izuku found himself smiling, nostalgic and amused - except old aches and old pains sent pangs against his chest. "I don't doubt you'd be, Kaachan, but I'm not gonna be in the sidelines just to watch your back! I'm going to be as strong as you and I wanna help you!"

'Protect you, keep you, look at me. This is my second chance, I'm not gonna screw it.'

"Fine, but I'm gonna call you Deku -" Nearly crushing Katsuki's finger bones was intentional this time around. "-it means you can do anything - fuck those two sound the same! Seriously, fucking let go!"

It looked like Katsuki thought about the excuse at the last minute, but as long as he didn't call Izuku useless, he was fine with it.

"Okay," Izuku beamed, and let go. "Wanna make it a blood pact so that it's forever?"

"We don't have a knife, dumbass, let's just spit on it."

"Next time, then?" Izuku spat on his right hand and Katsuki did the same.

"Sure, just hope neither of our moms kill us cuz we played with knives."

They both held each other's hand, grips firm and eyes full of resolve. Izuku wondered that if she had come with him, would it made a difference?

The girl who lived as fleetingly as her name had lived a life interspersed with joy and loss and love and hatred had lived long enough to protect the life she made. Her only regret was that she had not lived long enough to know if it was enough. She won't be making the same mistake this time around.

In this life, Midoriya Izuku promised he will grow strong and protect this second chance at life - that he will help Bakugou Katsuki achieve his dream (killmybrother) of becoming the (hokage) Number One Hero. Then after all that, maybe it would be enough to finally put Haruno Sakura to rest.