Note:

I'm so sorry about the fact that it had to take this long before I posted this chapter. Things have been busy and I had to think about how I wanted to make Bellarke's relationship develop. I did my best for this chapter and I'm pretty happy with the last part of this chapter (giving you guys some well deserved tension between Clarke and Bellamy). I'm thinking about playing more with the tension that is playing between them, so I hope you guys like that idea.

On top of that I really want to thank all off you for reading my story, liking and following it and reviewing it. It really means a lot to me!

For the ones that would be interested, I've started another story (Beautiful Disaster).

Chapter 21

Clarke opened her eyes slowly as she was woken up by something. It was still dark outside, but it had stopped raining and the air was a lot more pleasant and not as cold. Slowly she sat up, only now noticing the fact that Bellamy wasn't next to her. Her eyes skimmed the cave and she quickly found Bellamy. He was laying just two meters from her. At first, she tough that he was awake because he was moving and making sounds, but as she crawled to him she discovered that he was still sleeping. He was laying on his side, his legs pulled up and small droplets of sweat covered his body. He was moving restlessly. She had seen him before like this. When they had been locked up together in the prisoner's ship she had also woken up because he was having a nightmare. She still remembered very clearly how she had tried to wake him up from the nightmare, only to almost get chocked by Bellamy afterward. She really didn't want that to happen again. With some hesitation, she stretched out her hand and laid it on his upper arm and just as her fingers were about to touch his upper arm his body jerked.

'Clarke!'

She was startled by the fact that he had called out her name. He was clearly still sleeping so Clarke figured that he was having a nightmare about her. She went to the other side of him so that she could see his face. His hair was sticking to his forehead because of the sweat, and she felt the urge to push it away so that she could see his face clearly.

He kept murmuring things, but Clarke couldn't make out any words aside from her name that he called out several more times.

Then she remembered what Emori had said when they had their private conversation after escaping, several days ago.

'It was almost every night that we were woken up by him shouting in his sleep ... It was not Octavia's name that he screamed at night, it was yours.'

Clarke just looked at him while she recalled the conversation and realized that he must have had these nightmares for the last six years. No wonder that he always looked so tired. She felt sorry. Sorry about the fact that she never asked him about why he looked so tired, and she also couldn't believe the fact that he never talked about it with anyone. All these years he had been keeping this to himself, enduring it alone.

She gave in to her urge and with the tips of her fingers, she brushed away the hairs that were hanging in front of his face. Her eyes studied his face as if she saw it for the first time. He had become handsome. Clarke had always found Bellamy an attractive human being. She figured that every girl or woman with a pair of working eyes would agree with that, but right now she had a different feeling about it. Six years ago she would have rolled her eyes when seeing Bellamy's bare chest but last night it had really affected her. She had felt embarrassed and warm at the same time. She had seen Bellamy's face from close up before, and she always just had concluded that he was pretty to look at, but right now, now that she could freely look at it without him looking back she was aware of every freckle on his face. His features looked more strong and defined than she remembered.

She felt the urge to let her hand glide through his thick tousled dark brown hair and to caress his jaw only to feel the stumbles of the unshaven skin. Right at this moment, it felt right to be here with him, to be by his side.

For a long time she had grieved him, thinking he was dead or about the fact that he wasn't on earth with her. Even though she had been glad that she had survived, she had also felt like she had lost something big. From the moment all hundred of them had landed, Bellamy had been a certain thing. Someone she had been able to rely on, someone that was next to her. It was only when she had lost him when she was left alone, that she had realized how much he had meant to her.

Clarke signed as she shook those thoughts away. She had already spent nights thinking about her, about Bellamy and how things would be when he would return. Well, he was here right now and it had only made her thoughts more troubling, more of a chaos. Like always there were more urgent matters than her personal matters or troubles, so she had just pushed them aside. They would be things to resolve once the bunker was safe. Although Clarke knew that after that there would be other problems and her own feelings and thoughts would just stay where they were, in her head and hearth.

'Clarke.'

Again he called her name but this time his eyes were open, and he said her name hastily. Clarke smiled at him as she placed her hands on her legs.

'Hi there. You were having a nightmare,' she explained ', I was worried. Are you okay?'

Bellamy sat up and Clarke tried to keep her eyes on his face and not on the muscles that were working as he moved.

'Yeah. Sorry. I didn't want to worry you. It was just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about.'

Clarke signed. She felt sad for the fact that he clearly didn't trust her enough to tell her about the fact that he clearly wasn't fine.

'Stop lying Bellamy,' she said ', you're not fine. You've been having these kinds of nightmares since the day you left earth, don't you? Why haven't you told anybody? Why did you keep this to yourself?'

Bellamy just kept quiet.

'Look Bellamy. I get it. Since the moment we landed with the drop ship we had to be strong. We couldn't show our weaknesses to the kids because they looked up to us, and they had to think that as long as we kept going they could too. Unfortunately bottling everything up only works for a short time. You're not invincible, and we won't judge you for not being perfect you know. We all have our bad sides, our fears, our troubles.'

It stayed quiet for a little while after Clarke had spoken and Clarke gave him the time to let her words sink in with him. After some time he responded.

'I know that, but it's hard for me ... just give me some time.'

It was not the response she had hoped for, but to be fair she couldn't expect him to just start telling her everything about what he was dealing with. Him asking her to give him some time was a good start, and she just had to take peace with that.

'Sure. Take your time,' she gave him a little smile before standing up and went to grab the blanket from the place where she was sleeping. She gave it to Bellamy.

'Try to sleep some more. We still have a couple of hours until the sun rises. I'll keep guard and get the horses ready for departure.'

Right when she wanted to walk towards the horses, she was stopped by Bellamy, who grabbed her wrist. She looked at him with a questioning look.

'Don't. Please. Just ... stay with me tonight.'

It wasn't a question. He gave her a pleading look and that was enough for Clarke to let herself sink on to the ground next to him.

Bellamy laid himself back down and Clarke followed his example. He draped the blanket over them both, and she felt Bellamy's body against her back as he placed himself close to her. His arm found its way around her middle. Clarke just laid still as she focused on his breathing. She could feel his warm breath against the back of her head. It didn't take long or his breathing slowed down, and she could feel his body relax against her own back. Clarke was glad to know that he was getting the sleep that he needed. For a while she kept listening to his breathing, making sure that he wasn't getting any more nightmares but soon her own eyes began to feel heavy, and she herself fell asleep.

Clarke stretched her body as she woke up. Her muscles felt tensed because of the hard underground where she had been sleeping on. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up straight.

'Morning.'

It was Bellamy's voice that welcomed her. He stood before her and held a plate with food out towards her. It was some bread with dried meat next to it.

'Well if this isn't a first. Bellamy Blake, bringing a girl breakfast in bed.'

He grinned at her. 'You should feel honored. I'm a real gentleman you know.'

Clarke laughed at him. 'You are?' she asked as she took a bite from the bread. 'So you being a gentleman was the reason why all those girls snuck out of your tent before the sun rose?'

She knew that her sarcastic answer had made its effect because Bellamy's grin faded away.

'Clarke ...', his tone was surprisingly serious. It hadn't been Clarke's intention to blame him or something. It had just been a remark to joke around.

'I'm not proud of how I behaved the first weeks, even month after we landed with the drop ship. If I had known what I know now, I wouldn't have slept around like that.'

Clarke just smiled at him. 'Don't worry Bellamy. I don't blame you. We all did things we would like to change.'

With that, he seemed to relax, and he placed himself on the ground next to her to start on his own breakfast.

During their breakfast, they talked about some light subjects just to keep the mood light because today would be the day that they would reach the prisoner's ship. Clarke also briefed Raven over the radio that they had with them, to keep her updated.

Half an hour later they were back on their way. The weather was a lot better. The sky was clear and temperatures were comfortable. As they got closer to the prisoner's ship, Clarke got more nervous. She guessed Bellamy was feeling the same because their conversations had grown more silent. At a certain moment, they left their horses behind just to be less noticeable. It took them another half an hour to reach the clearing where the ship was. Clarke had expected that they would be watching the woods, but they hadn't crossed anybody and hadn't found any proof of them keeping an eye on the edge of the wood.

'They are probably putting all of their attention on the bunker,' Bellamy said as they inspected the clearing from the side of the woods. 'We have no reason to come to their ship so that's probably why there is nobody guarding this place.'

There were people walking in and out of the ship, so there were people still here, but except for the two guards that were guarding the entrance, there was no real danger.

'How do we get inside?' Clarke asked. With those two guards and people walking around they had to find another way to get in.

Bellamy moved beside her and started walking to his right, still staying in the coverage of the trees.

'We go inside trough the way we got outside,' he said as he led her towards the side of the ship until the door that gave entrance to the cargo hold came into view.

Clarke didn't get it. They were guarding the front entrance, but the other entrance was unguarded. These people maybe had their guns, strength, and numbers, but they clearly didn't have the experience. Maybe al those terrible things she had gone trough the last couple of years did have their good side.

'Raven,' Clarke started as she pressed on the button to get the message trough to Raven ', we'll be going inside the ship. I'll contact you when we get out or when we need your help to find the repeater.'

'Okay. Good luck.' Raven said and Clarke turned down the volume button so that the radio wouldn't give them away once they entered the ship.

'I'll cover you,' Bellamy said as he took his gun.

Clarke nodded and took her sword that was dangling on her back. Bellamy's eyes glided over the sword as Clarke had always been someone to prefer a gun over a sword. As soon as he recognized the sword he seemed to understand her choice. It was lexa's sword. Clarke had retrieved it during her weeks of trying to get the rubble from the bunker. The first couple of months after retrieving the sword she had just put it aside and hadn't touched it again. The memories were too painful because it reminded her of the fact that people seemed to die around her and that she was all alone. After finding Madi she had found the courage to pick up the sword and after a while, she had trained with it. She wasn't as great with a sword as Octavia was, but she had become pretty good at handling it.
Clarke moved forwards after making sure that nobody was around. She ran while keeping herself low and could hear Bellamy following in her footsteps. Once they made it to the door they pressed their backs against the cold metal.

'Once we go through this door we have to go back towards the door that leads to the hallway we took when we escaped,' Bellamy explained. 'The circuit bay is in the second hallway on the right, the first door on the left. We'll have to pass the security station. There is a possibility that there will be guards passing there.'

Clarke nodded as Bellamy explained the way to get to the circuit bay. She was nervous and could feel her hands getting sweaty, so she clammed her hands harder around the hilt of the sword.

'Clarke.'

Clarke looked to her side, towards Bellamy only to catch his eyes as he was looking at her with a serious look. '

'Don't Bellamy. Don't start talking about how dangerous this is or don't you dare to say goodbye or something like that,' she warned him as she could feel that the atmosphere right now lent it's feeling towards that.

'I ... ,' he seemed to look for his words and was taken aback by Clarke seeming to know what he was going to say.

'Don't you dare Bellamy. We will pull this off. We've done more crazy and stupid things and survived them. So get your mind straight and focus. I've got your back and you got mine? Okay?'

Bellamy just smiled at her after that speech.

'Looks like I'm still using my heart and you're still using your head. I'm always impressed with how you can just put your mind on something and just go for it, forgetting all the rest.'

It wasn't true what he said, Clarke thought. The fact that this was dangerous was very well on her mind. She was scared of getting caught, but she was even more scared that something would happen to Bellamy. She had learned to put up a wall and to make it look like she was in control, but to be honest, she was just as scared as anybody would be in this situation.

'Let's go,' she said as she knew that standing here long would only increase the possibility of her turning around and not going through with this mission. Clarke pulled the door open just enough to look inside. Nobody. She pulled the door further open so that she could slide inside. The cargo was still filled with crates with food and other things that were needed to survive, like clothes and spare beds and blankets. There were enough spots to hide behind, so Clarke moved forwards by moving through the crates, using them as objects to hide behind if she would see someone. She didn't look back to see if Bellamy was following her, because she knew he was behind her.

Getting out of the cargo hold was easy, maybe even a little bit too easy for Clarke's liking. She found it strange that there was no guard. This cargo hold was the place where they kept al their food so if Clarke had been leading the ship than this would have been her priority to guard. Clarke moved into to hallway, looking around slowly. She was taking her time. Rushing in wasn't the best option. They had to take this slow. Keeping themselves unnoticed was a priority. She walked further. They had the luck that these hallways weren't just straight, but had a lot of corners in them. It made it more easy to hide if somebody would walk their way. They neared the second hallway.

'Be careful about the security station. It will be the first door on the right,' Bellamy warned. She could feel his warm breath against her shoulder as he spoke close to her ear so others wouldn't hear them. Clarke nodded as an answer.

She peeked around the corner. The door of the security station was closed.
Slowly and with some hesitation Clarke stepped forward, turning into the hallway. She could see the door that would give them access to the circuit bay. At that moment Clarke just started running. She just wanted to enter that room. Clarke really hoped that nobody would cross their path now that they were this close. First of all, she wanted to get safely out of here with Bellamy and secondly she didn't want to kill someone to secure the first one. To her own relief, she finally put her hand on the door handle of a door that had 'Circuit bay' on it. She pushed the door open and hurried inside. As soon as Bellamy followed her inside she pushed the door back shut. Clarke let out a breath of relief. It wasn't like they already had succeeded, but them making it this far gave her hope that they would be able to do this. She looked up at Bellamy and could see the same feeling of relief on his face.

'Now let's find this thing we need,' Clarke said with a little smile as she started looking around. The room was full of cabinets filled with wires, boxes and flickering lights.

'The repeater should be next to the door,' Bellamy said, remembering Raven's words.

They both turned towards the door, looking to the right of it. There were several boxes hanging on the wall.
Clarke took her radio in her hand and pressed on the button to make contact with the camp.

'Raven. Clarke here. We're inside the circuit bay. Can you tell us again what that repeater looks like.'
'Sure. It should be a black box with two cables attached to the left and one on the right. It should say RT-FDR1 on the bottom right.'

Both their eyes scanned the wall and it was Clake who spotted it first. She rose to the tips of her toes to get to it, but the box was too high for her to reach. She was surprised by the sudden solid body that pressed itself against her back. On either side of her face arms stretched out and grabbed the repeater. Clarke who had held her breath only breathed out as Bellamy took a step back. Clarke turned around, facing Bellamy.

'How did a small girl like you survived this long,' he said with a grin on his face.

Clarke rolled her eyes. Even in situations like this, he found the time to tease her with remarks.

'I survived by using my posture to my advantage. For example by making big egocentric guys like you think they could play with me, only to kick them in the guts before they can react,' she answered with a grin as big as the one on Bellamy's face. Bellamy let out an amused sound.

Clarke got back to business as she briefed to Raven that they had the repeater and that they were going to try to get back out of the ship. She also told her that they would give a signal once they got out.

'Ready to get back out of this place?' she asked while looking at Bellamy.

He nodded. 'Never been more ready.'

This was her sign to open the door and to peek through it. Still nothing but silence. With her hand, she gave a sign that everything was clear and she pushed herself past the door. Bellamy followed behind her. They both walked past the door of the security room. She passed the corner and then her luck ran out, she collided with a person, sending them both to the ground. As she fell straight on her butt she could hear Bellamy arming his gun and pointing it at the person that fell in front of her. Clarke quickly crawled back up, joining Bellamy's side. The person in front of them was a woman, still very young. This was going to complicate their plan to get out of here,' Clarke thought as she pointed her sword at her.
The woman pushed herself from the ground and when she noticed Clarke and Bellamy her eyes went big. At first, she thought her expression was because of fear, but then she noticed something else in them. Recognition;

'Bellamy. What are you doing here?'

Clarke looked to her side, where Bellamy had lowered his gun. Was he lowering his gun for her? Even if she knew him and the other way around, she was one of the bad ones. Even more to her surprise the woman moved forward and started to hug Bellamy. A sprang of jealousy filled her body.

Bellamy answered the hug and Clarke adverted her glare to the ground as if she was invading in a private moment.

'You guys need to hide.'

Clarke looked back up to the woman whose smile had faded and was now talking to them with a serious tone. The woman was tall and slim. Long brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun.

'Here,' she said as she signaled to a small cabinet in the wall. 'There are people coming. I'll let you guys know when it's safe to come out.'

They both did as she asked. Clarke didn't like the woman as soon as she saw her, but the fact that she had warned them and was trying to hide them maybe was evidence that she was to be trusted.

The cabinet was small, very small. There was just enough space to fit the both of them, but they were both pressed together, facing one another. Right at this moment, Clarke was glad that Bellamy was almost a head taller otherwise they would have been standing nos to nose in this space. She could feel his chest expanding against her own chest.

'Who was she?' Clarke whispered. She wanted to know who the woman was that they were trusting to hide them.

'Cara.' His breath tickled her ear as he spoke into her left ear.

'You looked like you were friends with her. She's one of Adkin's persons.' It wasn't like she was blaming him to be friendly with one of them, but she just found it weird.

'She was the one that treated me when they ...,' he hesitated, 'when I was wounded. She was the only one with who I could have a normal conversation.'

Again that feeling of jealousy. Clarke hated her for feeling that. She was glad that he had a person that had been there for him during the difficult time, but at the same time, she was sad that it had to be her. The woman was gorgeous. Tall, slim, a pretty face. She was Bellamy's type.

'Clarke.'

She looked up as Bellamy said her name. His eyes narrowed as he studied her face. Then the corner of his mouth went upward, forming a crooked grin on his face.

'You're jealous.'

'No ... I ... ,' Clarke was stumbling over her words as she tried to talk herself out of this ', I'm just glad that ... that you had her during your time here.'

'Clarke.' This time he spoke her name with tenderness, making her look at him. His eyes were on her. Like really on her. She almost felt naked under his stare. 'I haven't been with her if that's what you're thinking.'

She averted her eyes and just looked at the black fabric of his shirt. She could feel how her head was heating up as blood rushed to it because of embarrassed. He didn't have to justify himself for his actions. It was none of her business.

He placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look back up to him. She was surprised at how close his face was to hers, making her cheeks turn even redder.

'Nothing happened. I haven't been with anybody for the last six years.'

This confession made her heart jump. She sucked in her breath as she noticed how his eyes went from her eyes to her lips. She swore that his eyes just had turned a shade darker. She could feel how the atmosphere changed. His eyes found its way back to hers and he looked at her as if he was trying to tell her something. Her own eyes searched his as she tried to figure out what he was telling her and then the realization came. He wasn't trying to tell her something through his gaze, he was asking permission. He was asking permission to kiss her.

Her heart started hammering against her chest and she knew that he could feel it too since they were standing against one another. She was conflicted. Her body was aching, wanting to give him the sign to do it, but her brain told her that this wasn't the right moment, that this would only make things more complicated.

Bellamy's face moved closer until their foreheads were touching. She could feel his breath against her lips and her body was reacting on its own because she could feel a knot forming in her stomach.

Right at the moment when she thought he would lean in, even more, closing that last distance, the doors of the cabinet opened and both of them jerked back in surprise. Cara was standing there, looking at them, clearly obvious about the fact that she had just interrupted something.

'It's safe now. You guys can come out,' she said as she gave them a smile.