I want you to do two things for me.

Number One: I want you the read this in Jennifer Paz's voice. You know, the voice actor for Lapis Lazuli and Malachite from Steven Universe? That kids show that everyone can't stop going on about? Got it down?

Good.

Number two: I want you to open your mind. I'd say close your eyes, but then you wouldn't be able to read this, so deal with opening you mind.

I want you to picture yourself on a rooftop overlooking a large, busy city. You feel the wind in your hair. You can smell the slight stench of old garbage and three day old Chinese food. You look down to see-

Whoa. Eugh. Ok, maybe that was a bad idea because you almost puke from the instant vertigo you get.

Almost.

You shake off those nerves and look down again, your head more clear and look down at the streets below. Look at them. Those people. They look so tiny from way up there on the roof of the 54 story building you're currently standing on.

As you stand there, taking in the breathtaking view, a thought pops into your head and you wonder why nobody ever tried to be a superhero before. I mean, all those comic books and movies and TV shows, you think at least one eccentric loner who spends all his time living with his parents in their basement and reading comics and watching all those Marvel and DC films would have stitched himself a costume or something.

And in all seriousness, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so fucking thrilling that only a few people ever fantasized about this? C'mon. Be honest with yourself.

We've all planned to be a superhero or a vigilante at some point in our lives.

I know I did, but let's just say, things didn't start off that way at first. But I'll get to that in a minute. I'm getting a head of myself. Let's just get back to looking down at the tiny people again. Your helmet is secure on you head, all the gear is good, the wind is right, and your ready to make a grand appearance as . . . . The Golden Falcon! With your handmade carbon fiber wings and bullet-proof gear, (that you bought on Amazon), you feel so ready to take on any criminal or rapist or scumbag that dares cross your path!

You're ready. You feel it. You take a few steps back, hoping to get a good running start before flying your way to fame . . . . and jump off the edge of the roof.

And it's fucking. Incredible.

The rush of air.

The wind blowing against your cheeks.

The sound of your wings not snapping into place to help stablize your flight.

Wait, what?

Yep. In your excitement, you forgot to check to make sure the your stupid little wing-suit was property put together, so you basically made a flying metal, kevlar and spandex death trap. Nobody ever hears your last words of "Oh, shit!" before you end up back first on the hood of a taxi cab, your spine snapping in multipule places, paralyizing you to the point where you can't feel your body. But its over pretty quick, and you die with your eyes open, staring up at that bright blue sky, where you hoped you'd be.

And that's not me, by the way. Obviously, that's not me. Look, I think I'm getting ahead of myself again. Lemme start over.

Hi. I'm Lapis Lazuli.

Well, I'm not really Lapis Lazuli, I'm just the girl who the character is based off of. Yep. What, did you think that this would be about the show? The Crystal Gems? With magic and space travel and aliens and lesbian space rocks and all that?

Please. Wake up. That's a kids show based on the events of my life. Well, not really my life but I did play a part. It's really based on Steven's life. Yep. Steven Universe. He's a real dude. Nice guy too. But Universe isn't actually his last name. It's DeMayo. They changed it to make the TV show "more appealing to the public."

I personally like it. It's like, five seasons on or something like that, I think? I don't remember honestly. It's been on a crazy long hiatus right now and I think people are starting to forget about it and those that still keep up woth it are getting kinda restless for new episodes. I like the show, personally. Not to shabby, but there are some things that they go very left field with in terms of what actually happened like the whole "gem corruption" thing, and fusion and Homeworld and the Diamonds and all that stuff. But I think that's all better left for Steven to tell you. Hey, look at that. There he is now.

Hi, Lapis!

Hey, Steven! We were just talking about you!

Nothing bad, I hope.

Nah. You're good there.

So, what's going? And who's that guy you're talking to?

Oh, he's a writer. He was interested in what really happened with the whole "Homeworld story". What happened, how it happened, why, all that stuff. He saw that the show was based on actual events, so he wanted to write about it.

Oooooohhhhhh! Like that book, "World War Z"!

Yep! I was honestly saying how I think you'd be better off taking the story from here.

Really?

Yep. It is your life he'd like to know about, after all.

Ok. Wow. Hmm. Where to start. From the begining, I guess.

Well, My name is Steven. Steven DeMayo. Nope, it's not really Universe like some people think.

I'm 24 and I'm a superhero. As this is being written, a lot of what I'm gonna tell you has already happened, and a lot of people know that, but it's the truth. As near as I can figure it, a gang called the Diamond Authority nearly dragged to my death a few times and Lara here, (we only call her Lapis in privite) had a lot of issuse with her crazy ex girlfriend/rapist along woth a boat load of other things I'll get to.

This is why nobody wanted to me a superhero for real. But in a time when whole cities being wiped out by insane chemical attacks, performance enhancing drugs and rising fascism, somebody had to draw the line. It wasn't always like this. With my mom, it was like an adventure at first. Things were so different back then.

But, I suppose I should start at the begining. It think it all started when I turned 12, back when I first met Centi.