Since Damian was the most accessible — just a quick trip to the manor and back, and Bruce was away on a business trip, which was an added perk — Jason decided to visit him first. He tried to remind himself that it wouldn't be that bad. It was just an hour, and then he could cross Demon Brat off the list and move on to his next target.

Then he reached the manor, caught sight of a scowling Damian standing in the open doorway, and thought, 'Oh God, why?'

"What are you doing here?"

"Move it, kid," Jason said, shoving past Damian and wandering inside. The place looked empty, and Jason briefly wandered where Alfred was, since Damian had been the one to open the door. He would've thought the snobby little brat thought opening doors was beneath him.

Damian stumbled slightly, before righting himself and storming in after Jason, while Martha and Thomas watched on disapprovingly.

"If you're looking for Father, he isn't here," Damian said, eyes narrowed.

Jason snorted. "I know that. Why would I be looking for him?" Hell, the only reason he'd even agreed to come here was because he knew Bruce was gone for the next few days. He'd take the Dead Stalker's company over Mr. Father of the Year.

"Then why are you here?!"

"For you." Jason reached out and slapped him on the shoulder. "It's your lucky day kid. You're about to spend the day with me." Well, more like an hour, but Demon Brat probably didn't care about the specifics.

Damian stared. "…Get out."

"Nah, don't think I will. What do you do in your free time, kid? Other than trying to kill people of course — I don't have a problem with it, obviously, but Bruce might go a bit apeshit and I really don't want to have to deal with that."

"Todd, I'm warning you…."

"Jason!" Martha said warningly. Jason spared them a glance, and saw that both Martha and Thomas were wearing matching frowns. Well. It's not like they hadn't asked for this.

Still though, as fun as it was to antagonise the bastards, it wasn't really going to help him. The whole reason he'd even agreed to do this was to get rid of them, and unless he went through with this, they wouldn't be going anywhere.

Better just get this over with then.

"I'm kidding," he told Damian, who continued to watch him with an expression that could probably shatter mirrors. "Look, I just thought we could spend some time together, because…" He tried to think of a reason, but found himself drawing a blank. Wow, he really hadn't spent any time with this kid, had he? "Er…I'm thinking of going into childcare, and this'd be really good practice."

Damian's scowl deepened. "Is that a joke?"

Jason shrugged. "Yup. The childcare thing was a joke — I'm going to be a comedian."

"You?" Damian snorted. "You'd be booed off the stage."

"Nah, I wouldn't." Jason grinned. "Get this — for my grand finale, I'm going to — drum roll — reveal Dick's manhood to the audience! Guess what guys, his name might be Dick, but he's barely got one!"

Damian's expression immediately darkened, and he took a threatening step forward. "How dare you?!"

"…Yeah on second thought, Dickhead's gotta be popular with the ladies for some reason. It sure isn't his winning personality."

"Talk about Grayson in such a disgraceful manner again and you'll regret it!"

The kid clearly didn't have a sense of humour. If Jason had been a kid, he'd be howling with laughter right now.

"I'm starting to think this was a very bad idea…" Martha murmured.

Thomas winced. "It's like watching a train wreck, isn't it?"

Jason twitched slightly. He'd forgotten they were still there, watching his every move. Whatever satisfaction he'd gotten from Damian's reaction vanished almost immediately.

He glanced at his watch. "Has it been an hour yet?"

"What on earth are you talking about, Todd?" Damian demanded.

"Not you."

"There's no one else here!"

"Not even close," Martha told him, her eyes narrowed. "Jason, you aren't even trying!"

"Todd!"

Oh for fucks sake. Jason turned back to Damian, and snapped, "If you must know, I'm talking to your dead grandparents."

Probably not his best move, if Damian's dumbstruck expression was anything to go by, but at least the kid hadn't started screaming, or tried to kill him yet.

Then, because he was in a bad mood, currently being ambushed by three Waynes (which was fucking ridiculous because there should have only been two Waynes left), and because, admittedly, he could be a bit of a jackass at times, he kept going. "What they forget to mention is how fucking annoying they are. Seriously, Martha Wayne is a right old — "

"GET OUT!"

Yeah, there was the Demon Brat he knew.

"You come into my home and slander my family! You aren't one of us! Leave now or you will rue the day you chose to insult the Wayne family!"

Jason shrugged. Well, he'd tried. "Okay then. Bye."

He turned around and walked out of the door, making sure to shut it behind him, since Damian didn't look like he was in the mood to do it himself. See, he could be considerate when he wanted to be.

He glanced up, hoping that Martha and Thomas had decided to stay in the manor, deciding that he was a lost cause after all. Ha. As if it'd ever be that easy.

Instead, the Dead Stalkers stood there watching him, their arms crossed over their chest, and wearing matching disapproving frowns.

"…I did try, okay. It's not my fault Demon Brat is over-sensitive."

"Jason, you were tormenting the poor child!"

Jason snorted. "Uh, no I wasn't. Not my fault the kid doesn't know how to take a joke."

Martha's eyes narrowed. "Jason, I felt like slapping you, and I have a very high tolerance for dealing with assholes!"

Thomas coughed. "Martha, dear — "

"Did you seriously just call me an asshole?" He was genuinely surprised — in all the time he'd been around her, Martha hadn't sworn at him. She was a manipulative bitch, sure, but she was apparently a sophisticated one.

"Of course not, darling," Martha said dryly. "You're just a grown man, trying to get a rise out of a ten year old child."

Jason rolled his eyes. Maybe she did have a bit of a point but…well, you could hold a gun to his head, and he still wouldn't admit that aloud. Besides, it was fun to annoy Demon Brat. It's not like the kid wouldn't do the exact same thing if their roles were reversed.

Martha sighed. "Well, you obviously don't want to do this. We should just go home now."

The 'we' didn't go unnoticed by Jason. "You're a devious bitch."

Thomas frowned slightly, clearly unhappy about the insult to his wife, but Martha seemed unbothered by it, to Jason's annoyance. She simply raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly. "Insult me all you want — you're still going to be spending a lot of time with me." She turned to Thomas. "Oh, Thomas, we should tell him all about our ideas for improving his apartment! Jason, you're alright with that, aren't you dear? Since you don't have any plans for the afternoon anymore — "

"Oh God, FINE!" Because sure, this was painful, but spending the rest of his life being stalked by these bastards? Just the thought made him want to crawl back into his grave.

He turned around and reached for the handle of the door, only to find that it was locked. He banged repeatedly on the door with both hands. "DEMON BRAT! OPEN UP!"

"Is this a good idea?" Thomas murmured, watching Jason with worried eyes. Jason thought he heard Martha say something in response, but didn't listen too closely to hear what it was. It didn't really matter in the end; whether they thought it was a good idea or not, he doubted that they'd be going anywhere. He was obviously their golden fucking goose, and unless he found some other unfortunate bastard who could see dead people, he was stuck with them.

The door swung open a moment later, revealing Alfred standing on the other side. The older man watched Jason with raised eyebrows, clearly confused by his presence. "Master Jason."

"Hey Alfie," Jason said with a brief nod. "Where's Damian?"

"He stormed past me and went to the living room a few minutes earlier," Alfred said, moving to the side to let Jason in. "I suppose you had something to do with that?"

"Yup." Alfred frowned slightly, and Jason bit back a sigh. "Look, I'm here to apologise, okay? No really, you can even watch me if you want. I just want to spend…" He glanced at his watch. "…Forty five minutes with the kid."

"One hour," Thomas corrected. "I don't think any of that counted."

'You're dead, so your opinion shouldn't count,' Jason thought to himself. He didn't say it aloud, because by now he'd realised that his mind was his only sanctuary when it came to dealing with these assholes.

"I mean one hour," he amended.

Alfred frowned. "Master Jason, are you alright?"

"Fine," Jason said, nodding. "Just fine. I'll be even better once I see the little demon."

Thomas coughed. "Maybe hold back on the insults?"

"DEMON!"

"Just take what you can get, dear," Martha said to Thomas.

"He's in the living room," Alfred said. "Try not to antagonise him too much."

Jason shrugged. He wasn't making any promises. It was Demon Brat; the kid's default emotion was anger. He walked towards to the living room, and found Damian curled up on one of the sofas, his dog (something pretentious…oh yeah, Titus) curled up beside him.

Damian glanced up, his expression immediately darkening. "What do you want?!"

Okay, this was going to be hard — Damian had always been so easy annoy, unlike Dickhead, who seemed to eat rainbows and sparkles for breakfast these days, and even Replacement, who mostly just got uncomfortable and made excuses to leave whenever he was around.

A glance at Martha and Thomas reminded him of what was at stake here.

"I just wanted to apologise," he said. "…I guess."

Damian looked suspicious, which, Jason supposed, was fair enough. "Apologise?"

"Yeah. For…" He thought back to what he'd done. "…Calling you a demon."

"You insulted Grayson."

"Yeah. Well, that was…a joke. Just some brotherly banter." He inwardly gagged — 'brotherly'. Ugh. Wrong choice of wording.

Martha beamed, and Jason thought he might actually throw up.

Damian crossed his arms in front of himself, still wearing at expression that could make babies cry. Probably had on more than one occasion. "You made vulgar remarks about him."

Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with this kid? "Oh Jesus kid, lighten up a bit. I get that you're the spawn of Bruce and Talia, and that's pretty much doomed you for life in terms of having a sense of humour — "

"And now you're insulting my parents!"

"No I'm just stating a fact!"

Martha sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Just tell him you're sorry for all of it."

Jason twitched. "I'm not — "

"Still an hour."

Dammit. God fucking dammit.

"Look — I'm sorry okay," he forced out. Damian continued to watch him, obviously unmoved. Well, screw him, that had taken him a lot of effort, even if he hadn't meant a word of it. "Let's just watch a movie or something."

Damian sniffed. "No."

"Yes. I'm going to be watching so either you join in or…look kid, just shut up and stop being such a shithead, okay?"

"I don't want to watch a movie!" Damian snapped. "Grayson always makes me watch those horrid Disney films."

God, the kid hated Disney too? Was there anything remotely normal about him? He liked animals, which Jason guessed was a normal, human thing, but he also tortured them with pretentious names like 'Titus'.

"We don't have to watch anything Disney," Jason told him. He thought for a moment. "What about something super violent and bloody?" That'd probably be more Demon Brat's cup of tea.

"Jason!" Martha and Thomas both said, because they obviously hadn't realised just how fucked-up their grandson was.

"Come on." He nudged Damian, who still looked annoyed. "I bet it'll remind you of your mum."

Martha face-palmed. She actually face-palmed. "Oh dear Lord, he has no filter."

His comment seemed to fly straight over Damian's head, which was equal parts relieving and disappointing. "Father disapproves of those type of movies."

Well, fair enough. Damian was kind of a lose cannon, had spent most of his life being turned into a killing machine by his mother, and had probably tried to murder every member of this family at some point or another. Bruce probably didn't want the kid anywhere near anything that reminded him of killing…which was pretty stupid since he chucked him on the street, crossed his fingers, and hoped for the best each night.

Jason spared another glance at the kid. Eh, it'd probably be fine, and if it wasn't…he'd be long gone by the time Bruce got back anyway.

"Come on," he said, "let's go see what Bruce has in his DVD collection."

…

So, this actually hadn't been as bad as he'd thought. Damian was a pretty decent movie-watching partner, in that he stayed silent throughout the entire thing. In fact, he barely even moved, which was actually kind of creepy; but then, there were a lot of things wrong with the kid, so Jason wasn't going to nitpick too much.

Thomas and Martha were also pretty quiet, which was nice for a change. Jason glanced at his watch and grinned slightly — the hour was nearly up.

"Don't know what Bruce was on about," he said, reaching out to pet Titus. The dog had laid his head on Jason's lap sometime throughout the movie, and Jason had to admit, he was pretty damn cute. Probably his favourite occupant of the house, besides Alfred of course. "This stuff is great."

"Why?" Damian asked, glancing towards him briefly, before turning his attention back to the television.

Jason shrugged. "Well, you get secondhand satisfaction from watching people get the crap beaten out of them, or their brains blown out, and you don't even have to go out and do it yourself. Should be a win-win situation in Bruce's books."

Damian hugged Titus closer to him. "I suppose." He pat the dog quietly for a moment. "Grayson made me watch Cinderella."

Jason blinked. "Why?" Bit of a weird movie choice for a ten year old boy. Then again, it was Dick.

Damian scowled. "I don't know. It was a ridiculous movie from start to finish. As if that prince wouldn't recognise her just because she was wearing a fancy gown and sporting a new hairstyle. Furthermore — I refuse to believe that no one else in the entire kingdom shared the same shoe size as her."

Jason stared. Okay then. "I…don't think you're supposed to analyse it this much."

Damian ignored him. Jason bit back a sigh, because this — actual conversation — was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid. "But what really irked me was the treatment of those poor animals. That wench Cinderella kept those mice as slaves, using them to sew ballgowns for her, making them endanger their lives each day simply so they could have food — "

Jason watched, slightly incredulous, as Damian's face steadily changed to an interesting shade of red. He noticed Martha nodding along indulgently, and Thomas looking more than a little resigned.

" — and those birds! Forcing them to make her bed, to bathe her! And if that isn't bad enough, some of them obviously have some mutation to allow them to share the same brain capacity as humans! They are intelligent creatures who should not be kept as pets!"

"Well…at least she dresses them?"

Damian scoffed. "Please. Dictating the way they behave, what they wear — they are a different species who obviously live very different lifestyles to her."

Shit, what the hell was he supposed to say? He glanced at Martha and Thomas for help.

"Ask him if he's had enough sleep!" Martha said.

'Yeah, thanks for nothing.'

"You've…obviously thought a lot about this," he said.

Damian nodded, smiling proudly. Jason blinked in surprise at that, because wow, the kid was actually smiling. This…was probably the first time Jason had seen anything other than derision or a deep desire to kill someone on the kid's face. Huh. This…didn't feel normal.

(Damian almost looked like an actual kid. Yeah, definitely not normal).

"I've written a letter to Disney, demanding that they create a sequel where Jaq, Gus and the others exact their revenge on Cinderella. A storm is brewing, and Cinderella's reckoning is fast approaching."

"…Right. Well then, I need to go."

Damian blinked, looking slightly startled. "Oh. Yes, of course." He nodded quickly, that familiar scowl reappearing. "You've forced your presence on me for long enough."

"Ask him if he's gotten enough sleep!"

Jason's eye twitched.

"Jason!"

"Did you get enough sleep?" Jason asked Damian, since he doubted they'd shut up until he did.

Damian frowned. "Excuse me?"

"At least eight hours," Martha added, hovering near Damian's shoulder.

Jason ground his teeth together, thinking, 'It's for a good cause'. "At least eight hours."

Damian stared.

"…Right, I'll take that as a yes." Jason stood up quickly, gave Damian a quick nod (the kid continued to stare after him, clearly confused), and walked out of the room. So that was one out of the way. He had to admit, it hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it'd be. Sure, the kid had gotten a bit weird towards the end — was this what Dickhead had to put up with? God, no wonder he regularly shat out rainbows these days; his nauseating happiness probably balanced out Damian's winning personality — but Damian had been focused on the movie for the most part, and hadn't really said much until those last few minutes. Maybe he could do that with all of them. He could get it out of the way in one go, get rid of the Dead Stalkers, and then move on with his life.

"Master Jason?" Jason glanced up to see Alfred standing nearby. "Will you be staying for lunch?"

"Nah, I need to leave," he said. There was no way he was hanging around here longer than he had to. "I've got some…work to do."

He gave Alfred a quick wave and then left. Once the door had been shut behind him, he turned around, and winced when he saw Martha and Thomas watching him with matching grins on their faces.

"Okay, seriously, stop that. It's creepy."

"I have to admit," Thomas said, "I'm not exactly pleased with your choice of movie — "

Seriously, didn't they know how Damian had grown up? He didn't think a bit of fake blood and guts was the worst thing the kid had ever seen.

" — but I'm thrilled that you spent this time with your little brother."

"You even seemed to enjoy yourself," Martha added, looking more than a little smug.

Jason glared. "Okay, first of all — he's not my little brother. He's just an annoying little brat that I can tick off the list of 'shit-heads I need to spend the day with to get rid of the pests.' And secondly, I did not enjoy any of that — I was actually thinking about what to do with all the free time I'll soon have when you two idiots finally leave me alone."

Martha and Thomas continued to smile at him, and Jason decided that it was a bit like talking to a brick wall. He reminded himself that they'd probably had zero interaction with anyone but each other for the past two decades or so, which probably was like talking to a brick wall, considering the amount of time they'd spent discussing his curtains over the last few days.

"Whatever," Jason said. "That's done, thank fuck. Let's knock off a few more."

Martha looked surprised. "What, now?"

Jason shrugged. "Yeah, might as well. It's not like I can actually do anything else with you two hanging around." He thought about his options. The thought of spending the day with Dickhead actually made him wish the Lazarus Pit hadn't worked, and Replacement, while slightly better, was still a pretty shit choice…Babs? He'd actually liked her, before all of this, and she'd always been nice to him…spending an hour with her wouldn't be that bad.

"Barbara," Jason said. "We're going to see Barbara."

He'd just get through the list as soon as possible. Then the Dead Stalkers would relocate back to the manor, and he could go back to being his awesome, ghost-free self.

(Fuck, he really just wanted his life back).

…

AN:

YES this chapter is finally done! So sorry for the long wait (I feel like I say that a lot haha) but hopefully this chapter was worth it :)