Pairing: Kustard
Characters: Sans, Red
Tags: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inappropriate Looking (is that a tag?), Porn Mention, No Editing We Die Like Men, and just generally all around less than stellar behavior (don't be like these two assholes, kids).

Inspired by true events. That happened to me. At a McDonald's. I could not make this up if I tried (though obviously a lot of heavy editing went into this).

Sans was absently sipping his coffee, absorbed in his phone as he was, when he first heard the loudly whispered "hey" from across the aisle. Sans ignored it, they weren't someone he knew so they couldn't possibly be trying to get his attention. He took a bite of his greasy breakfast sandwich (thank god they did breakfast all day now) and continued with his reading.

"hey, that's pretty good?"

Huh, tentacles don't actually work that way.

"hey, i'm talkin' to ya. that good?"

Damn though, Sans really wished they did. Maybe he should take some notes?

"hey you, the skeleton in the blue hoodie!"

"huh?" Sans finally looked up, across the aisle was another skeleton in a lot of red and black, a gold false tooth glittering in the middle of his shark-like grin.

"hey, yeah, there ya are. that good?"

"what?" Sans was absolutely perplexed. Flummoxed even.

"what yer eatin', that good?"

"oh. uh… yeah."

"what is it?"

"a breakfast sandwich on a biscuit." He took a bite, savoring his delicious, greasy, cheap breakfast.

"mind if'n i join ya?"

"sure, i guess?" Sans watched in confused amusement as the other skeleton quickly abandoned his seat to dart across the aisle, nearly bowling over a bored looking cat in a uniform carrying a mop and bucket, and slid into the seat across form him. Sans quickly locked his screen and tucked his phone into his pocket.

The other skeleton grinned at him. "'sup."

"hey."

"i can tell it's really good, yer jus' over here goin' to town on that."

"thanks, i guess." Sans couldn't help chuckling at that.

"hey, do i look high?"

Sans looked the other skeleton over and shrugged, "i dunno. but does it even matter? it's not like it's illegal anymore."

The skeleton nodded along. "you ever try it?"

Sans shrugged, "a few times back in school."

"man, ya should come back to my place, give it the ol' college try."

Sans's smile widened, "maybe."

"hey, do i look high?"

Sans shrugged again, "i dunno, what's a high monster look like?"

The skeleton scoffed, "yer eyes get all squinty."

Sans looked the skeleton over very seriously, "mmmm… a little bit, but not really." It was hard to tell if his sockets were actually squinting or if they were just naturally narrow. His pips were also wide and hazy, a definite sign he was high, but Sans wasn't going to say as much. Besides, even if he didn't look high he clearly was acting like it.

"that's good. oh wow, ya paid fer those pants?"

Sans turned to look at the restaurant's entrance, where a slime girl in a pair of jeans with square holes running up them stood waiting in line. "ugh, who buys pants like that?"

"they don't even look good."

"what a try hard." Sans turned his attention back to his breakfast, unwilling to stop eating before it became cold and gross.

"hey, ya gonna finish that?" He pointed at Sans's half eaten hash brown, left untouched since he moved seats.

"nah, you can have it." Sans waved the potato towards the stranger.

"this too?" He picked up the little cup of ketchup Sans had been dipping his potato in.

"sure."

"sweet!" He dipped the potato in the ketchup and ate the whole thing in one bite, then picked up the cup and tried eating some. Ketchup alone must not have been worth it, even with the munchies. "you can't with an argument with me, i'm always thinking."

"really?" Sans couldn't help asking with a raised brow. "you think you're the only one always thinking?"

A glint entered the other skeleton's hazy pips. "argue with me."

Sans leaned back, "nah." He went back to the real reason he was here: to coffee.

"c'mon, argue with me."

"eh, i don't really like arguing."

"i do. c'moooooooon."

"aren't we arguing about arguing?"

The skeleton didn't seem to know how to answer that, then his attention was drawn to a window. "oh! lookit that hot mama."

Sans did look, too late it seems as the window was empty. "yeah?"

The skeleton nodded to the front. "so pretty she makes ya wanna scream."

Sans looked, there was a rather busty bunny wearing a pair of yoga pants standing in line. "oh yeah, got a nice ass on that one."

"aw, but she's an actual mama."

Sure enough, the bunny was holding the hand of a little bun bouncing in place. "could be her little sib?"

The skeleton snorted and gave Sans a Look.

"yeah, you're right. doesn't stop us from looking."

"true."

Sans glanced back once more, then decided to just finish off his sandwich and coffee. As amusing as this high stranger has been, Sans has a life to get back to. He thinks of his laptop, or more specifically the 5k he's got written so far.

"hey, lemme borrow yer phone to watch porn."

Sans sputtered, completely taken by surprise by this random change in topic. "what?!"

"c'mon, lemme watch porn on yer phone."

"no!" Sans couldn't help laughing at that, thinking of the story still on his phone, then the 5k of his own writing waiting for him at home.

"c'mon, man."

"dude, we're at a place with little kids running around. besides, i don't need a virus on my phone."

"but it's been so long since i last watched any."

"that sounds like a you problem." Sans gathered all his trash onto his tray and got up to head out.

"uh, ya can say excuse me."

"you saw me get up and didn't get out of the way."

The skeleton shrugged. "hey, ya got a instagram?"

"nope," Sans said with a laugh. "got a twitter."

"sweet." The skeleton pulled out his own phone (Sans couldn't help laughing at that) and poked at it a bit. "wha's yer handle? i still gotta get ya high some time."

Sans shrugged, then spelled it out for the other guy. If nothing else he'd be an interesting friend.

Apparently the original conversation was without transitions because while I can remember the individual topics I cannot for the life of me remember how we got from one to the other or even their exact order. That's what I get for writing this half a week after the actual event. Also I don't think the high teen that decided to make friends expected the 35 year old married woman to openly oggle the young woman in yoga pants that walked in. I also could not for the life of me hear half of what she said sometimes, curse my broken ears!

Also that whole ending is made up, I def didn't give her my twitter handle. XD