Summary: It was the right thing to do. Voltron needed it, and Keith needed it just as much. So why did it hurt so badly? Season 4, Episode 1.

Rating: T

Tags: Keith POV, Canon-Compliant, Angst, Loss, Abandonment, Assumed Rejection

Leave and Get Gone

The full weight of bodies crashing into him was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was shocking. Almost shocked enough to leap aside, to escape, to retaliate with raised fists and slashing knife –

But he didn't. Keith could never do that. Not to them. Certainly not with the outpouring of what was almost grief that buffeted him like a tangible wave of emotion.

"We're really going to miss you," Pidge all but wailed, clutching his waist. Keith felt a weight settle in his throat, like a lump of foot lodged in his oesophagus.

"Yeah," Lance said from his shoulder. "Who am I going to make fun of?" Keith glanced towards him and a vice seemed to wrap around his chest.

"I know you'll make us proud," Allura said from his right, all but hanging off his arm. She squeezed gently, and it was the sort of hug that was supportive and indeed as proud as she claimed herself to be.

Keith couldn't look at her. Her smile was too soft, too warm, too caring. For a brief moment, the only thing he could do was close his eyes. It was a struggle to open them when they released him from their hold.

There were almost tears. There were snuffles, and mostly from Hunk, who always wore his heart on his sleeve, though Coran's eyes were a little watery too. That hurt. It hurt Keith, because he knew what it meant, how it felt, and that it hurt them in turn that he was leaving them.

Even if they didn't need him anymore, they still wanted him to stay.

But he couldn't. Not that. Not when there was the Blade of Marmora to fight for, supply routes to pin down, and Lotor's trail to scent. Not when he could help them – both Voltron and the rising coalition – by taking himself elsewhere. Not when… not when they didn't really need him anymore. Keith could do good elsewhere. He could – he could –

Taking a step backwards from the paladins of Voltron where they stood tall and strong and vibrant in their mismatched colours, Keith attempted a smile. They were a team, those paladins, and a team he was a part of. Just not an integral part anymore. They were that colour, and brightness, and strength, and they could work together in a way that Keith had never been capable of. He was the dark, flat, unremarkable, and solitary fighter to their cohesive light.

Keith was always alone. Always better alone. It would be better if he returned to being that way, where the Blade of Marmora would give him his head. They demanded compliance, but didn't force him into what he couldn't do. Not to lead.

If Keith left… if he chased Lotor himself, and fought in the way he could…

With another step backwards, Keith turned. He almost couldn't meet their gazes; the soft smile Shiro wore, the hint of sadness in Lance's eyes, the understanding scrunching of Pidge's face. His smile slipped before he was able to fully hide it, and Keith couldn't even rightly determine why. Why it hurt. Why it felt so wrong to leave if he wasn't needed anymore and knew it was the right decision because of it.

He strode down the metallic hallway without looking back.

If there's a bright side to any of this, it's that my absence allowed Shiro to re-establish his bond with the black lion. Keith believe that. He did. He regretted that he hadn't been there for his team, but that it would help them in the long run? No, he couldn't regret his actions.

His boots clicked resoundingly and solitarily upon floor.

I'm not meant to pilot the Black Lion. Keith believed that, too. Knew it. Had always known it.

The door hissed closed behind him, cutting off any further sight of the paladins that he might have spared them. Not that he looked. Not that he could bring himself to glance over his shoulder, because his throat still felt tight, and his chest hurt, and his eyes stung like they were burning.

His footsteps resounded louder, faster, even though Keith didn't recall picking up his pace.

Shiro, you are the rightful leader of this team. The Black Lion… it was always meant to be yours.

That was the greatest truth. That much Keith knew, could feel in his bones. He'd bonded with Red, but it had been different with the Black Lion. The Black Lion wasn't his, and now… with Lance and Red…

I need to be on that mission, Keith had said, and he did. For so, so many reason he did. To stem the flow of the supply lines. To search for Lotor. To take himself from Voltron and its paladins, and give them sufficient space to grow without him stunting their attempts with his distracting absence. It was better to be taken out of the equation than relied upon and fall short. Keith was a good fighter, a good flier, and he did the job damn well – but not with them. With Voltron, he knew he was stifling them. Holding them back, even.

Shiro had said they would come for him. If he needed the help, they would come. That they would be 'here' for him 'whenever he needed it'. As if he could ask. As if he could really call upon them to help when… when he was…

"Keith? Where are you?"

Keith raised a hand absently to the earpiece he went without anymore. Kolivan wasn't overly demanding of his time, didn't reign him in when he wasn't actively on a mission, but it was always best to keep in easy contact.

"What?" Keith replied flatly, turning the corner at the end of the corridor and striding with head bowed and fast feet. Away. Away was good.

"We're leaving," Kolivan said. "Are you -?"

"I'm coming," Keith overrode him before he could even suggest otherwise.

"You're sure?"

Keith clenched his jaw. "Of course."

"Because you're on your own if you're going to flake out halfway. We can't shipping you back here. We can't spare the escort."

That was it. No 'you have to stay'. No 'you've an obligation, so remain fast with your team and do your duty'. Kolivan needed the job done, and that was it. That was all. If a fellow Blade died on the mission… well, the mission was of greater importance than a single life.

Keith almost wished he believed that as much as he used to.

"I know," he said shortly, closing his eyes as he picked up his pace further still.

"We have the intel."

"I know."

"It'll take it's time, but –"

"I know," Keith ground out. "I got it. I'm on my way."

And he was. Somehow, at some point, as the squeezing in his chest and his throat and the burning in his eyes welled further, Keith had broken into a run. He left them behind – the paladins, Voltron, the warmth and support of those who needed him but likely needed him simply out of the way even more. Keith was running, and his only company was the tapping thuds of his own footsteps.

I'm coming for you, Lotor, he thought, all but skidding around the corner and ignoring that it almost felt like it was fleeing. If that's all the good I can do – then I'm coming for you.

A/N: So... this is pretty much just because I've binge-watched Season 4 and can't not write something about it. Will it go further? I have no idea. Let me know your thoughts with a review. I'd love to hear what you think, about the episode, season, and oneshot!